The Book of Lost Things
by electric gurrl
Summary: Three years after vanishing into the Forgetful Valley, Azula reappears in an Earth Kingdom hospital lacking her memories. Placed into the custody of her brother, who sees this as a chance to redeem her, amnesiac Azula tries to piece together the life she once had and realizes that some things are best forgotten. — Azula x Ty Lee. Canon-Compliant. Complete.
1. The Girl Who Lost Her Memories

A/N: **Some Quick Facts About This Fic  
>Chapters: <strong>26.  
><strong>Pairing<strong>: Azula / Ty Lee with some Mai/Zuko on the side.  
><strong>Rated: <strong>T for sexual themes, moderate coarse language, fantasy violence and infrequent/mild implications of sexual violence.  
><strong>Notes: <strong>I couldn't get this out of my head after reading The Search for the first time. I had a bunch of ideas about Azula with amnesia, the Spirit World connection of the Forgetful Valley, the New Ozai Society with a perhaps more threatening role, and, of course _**Tyzula**_. And this was born.

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><p><strong>The Book of Lost Things<br>**

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><p>"<em>But what really is immorality? And what does helping someone really mean? Helping them to be like everyone else, or helping them to be themselves?"<br>-Annie on My Mind, Nancy Garden-_

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><p>Chapter One: The Girl Who Lost Her Memories<p>

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><p>She dreams of ash and a girl with wide, glittering, dark eyes.<p>

In it, she can taste the acrid smoke on her tongue and feel the heat of invisible flames around her. And the girl, elusive, slipping away and melting into the shadows. After her dream, the girl wakes up gasping for breath, sticky with cold sweat.

Cold... why is it so cold? She has loose, threadbare blankets over her and she quickly realizes that there are people talking in the hallway about her just out of her earshot. She can only pick up murmurs of their words like the buzzing of spider-flies.

She tries to figure out how she got here, but only gets a headache in response. She tries to remember basics: where she is from, her name... but she draws a blank. Just a girl. The girl. She touches her raven hair that sticks to her shoulders, blinks several times with golden eyes. Her head has bandages on it that are damp with peppermint scented ointment.

"She's awake," the girl hears and two people garbed in green walk in. She realizes that she is in a thin white dress that is speckled with blood.

One man, one woman. She squints at them and tries to figure them out.

"You should put her in restraints," the woman mutters, but the man shakes his head and walks to the girl.

"Why would you put me in restraints?" the girl asks, her voice sore and raspy. She looks between them. Earth Kingdom, they must be. She is in the Earth Kingdom.

And the girl is Fire Nation. She knows _that_. Which means... she is probably in a good deal of trouble right now. The last thing she recalls is the face of a woman... but not really a woman, an eerie visage clouded by trees and some kind of spirit fabric. Zhu... Zhur...

The man gestures at her as if to tell the woman something.

"She really doesn't remember," the woman remarks with a scoffing sound. And the girl grits her teeth, displeased with the smugness of the woman. "I guess we got lucky."

"Just tell me who I am. I'm Zu something... Zhurong, I think," the girl snaps, trying to push her way out of the bed. The man, with careful hands, pushes her down. She does not resist and she can see the shock on their faces when she does not. So help her, if she is some kind of criminal... or _worse _a prisoner of war...

"What's the last thing you remember?" the doctors ask cautiously.

"Fire... or... that might have been a dream..." the girl murmurs, more to herself than her captors. "I remember doctors... somewhere cold and... they trapped me. And moth wasps. And... an atlas. Mud... falling in the mud and getting blood and dirt all over me. And a girl with big eyes? I remember a forest with lakes and it was cold... spirits... something about spirits and someone named Zhurong helping me escape..."

The door opens before the doctors can make sense of it. The girl looks and sees two more doctors. _Doctors _seem awfully familiar to her but these ones seem as if they do not know her well. Earth Kingdom. Fire Nation... _panic_. She sits up, pulling against the woman who reaches out for her, and tries to run.

_The girl sits on a sofa, reading a guide she finds most interesting. Dusty pages and intricately colored maps, all done by hand. It discusses the culture, history and tactics of the Earth Kingdom's army. They are enemies and she feels disdain against them._

_"Father," the girl says, looking up. It is rare for him to visit her while she has secluded herself._

"Where's my father? Am I a prisoner? You can't keep me here... can you?" She has her back against the wall as she picks up an unlit lamp and holds it as a blunt weapon.

"Calm down," comes a voice that is familiar to the girl but she cannot place a name to.

"What do _you _want?" She points the lamp at the man entering. But she lowers it as she sees his red clothes. "Take me out of here."

"I will just... please put the lamp down," the stranger says and she drops it. The glass smashes on the hard stone floor. "That was surprisingly easy. It's been three years, Azula."

_"Azula... Azula I thought I never wanted to see you again. After you, well... It was partially my fault too. Azula..."_

_"Stop stammering my name like a moron and just─"_

_Lips press against hers. Soft, too warm, tasting vaguely of strawberries. Azula thought that sort of thing was the fabrication of romance novels._

_"It's better if we..."_

And the memory is gone. It flies away like butterflies from the sticky hands of a child. It was pleasant. But also tainted with something darker that she cannot describe.

"Okay, I'm Azula, yes. That sounds right," Azula says cautiously. "And you are...?"

"You said she didn't remember what happened to her, not that she didn't remember nearly two decades," the stranger barks at the doctors. Azula feels her lips twist slightly although she does not find it funny. "We have a long trip home. Several weeks. Right now, I wouldn't worry about who I am. I'm... a friend. That's all. Just a friend. An ally."

"An ally..." Azula mumbles, cocking an eyebrow. He _is _wearing red amongst the ocean of green and brown. "You're going to take me to the Fire Nation?"

"Yes." He sounds relieved, as if she were going to ask for something else. "I brought clothes for you. And, uh, you like these things. If you remember liking them. I'll talk to the doctors and my-_our _friends while you get dressed."

He tosses a stained red bag of gummy candy and a ruby outfit that Azula finds tasteful enough. She gives the doctors a look her face makes on its own accord that sends them scampering from the room. The stranger leaves with them.

As Azula gets dressed and tries to piece together her only two memories, that of a girl with big eyes and braid and her father and a book of military tactics, Zuko sees Aang and Katara sitting in the hospital waiting room and looking anxious.

"Do you need us to subdue her?" Katara asks, meaning it as a joke. Then it hits her that something terrible must have happened, because Zuko looks deeply perturbed. "What is it? What happened to her?"

"She doesn't even remember who I am."

"I thought they just said she couldn't remember the accident," Aang replies, furrowing his brow.

"We must have misinterpreted the letters. At least she's coming willingly."

"Does she seem, erm, _crazy_?" Katara whispers the last word.

"Well, she was cornered, holding a lamp as a weapon when I got in there. She seems to trust me for some reason. I don't know if seeing you, Katara, is going to trigger anything but we should be careful," Zuko says with a futile shrug.

"She hasn't tried to burn the place down?" Katara asks, unsure if she is joking or not.

"I don't think she remembers she's a firebender. Nobody tell her _anything _until we've isolated what exactly is wrong. There are some things I think it may be best to keep her in the dark about," Zuko orders and Katara and Aang have to agree.

"I'm dressed," comes a voice that makes Aang's spine hurt. He feels sore exactly in his scar whenever he hears her, regardless of the situation. "I _do _like these. Evidently you know me. Where's my father?"

"I thought you said she didn't remember anything," Katara says chidingly as Zuko squirms uncomfortably.

"He's in the Fire Nation," Zuko says slowly. _Not a lie_.

"Why are we in the Earth Kingdom?" Azula asks, walking into the light. Aang is put off by how she has blossomed in the three years since she helped them find Ursa. She looks intoxicating, even with her head and neck wrapped in bandages.

"It's a long story," Zuko says after groaning slightly. "Um, what _do _you remember about the Earth Kingdom? Let's start there."

"Their military is broken into a distinct rank system. The Fire Nation has more overreaching discipline but looser personal conduct rules. Their strengths are in brute force, just like their element. Reconnaissance is lacking and there is no mandatory draft so the soldiers─"

"Okay, okay," Zuko says, waving his hands for her to stop. "And your conclusions on that?"

"Well, evidently we're at war. Right?"

"Sort of," Zuko offers after yet another groaning noise.

"Why are you making that sound? Just tell me if I'm wrong," Azula says, walking towards them. "And tell me why you all look ready to knock me out? I'm a criminal aren't I? Tell me what I did."

"She hasn't lost her sense of entitlement," Katara mutters to Aang as Azula stands with her hands behind her back, expecting answers.

Zuko makes the groaning noise again. Katara sighs.

"It's an incredibly long story. You can trust us, Azula," Katara finally says, standing up and taking initiative. She touches the princess's arm and Azula goes with her. Zuko watches, baffled.

"I really hope this isn't an elaborate ruse, Aang," Zuko murmurs as the two girls walk out of the hospital.

"So do I," Aang says, offering a smile. "You know her better than I do. What does it seem like?"

"She seems like herself. But..." Zuko just shrugs for the thousandth time. This is not how he imagined finding Azula.

[X]

_Dust flecks glitter in the afternoon sunlight. Azula watches the ships from an ornate attic. Thick metal dreadnoughts and warships, soldiers like small pinpoints or red dots. Drops of blood on the cold grey docks._

That is all. No names, no places, nothing significant. She just recalls watching ships. It must have been her home; it smelled of age and resentment for some reason.

"Did I run away from home?" Azula asks Katara, who has been making boring small talk as Azula tried to force memories to return. All she is getting in response is fragmented thoughts and a searing headache.

"Kind of," Katara offers and Azula grits her teeth.

"Why will no one tell me what happened? I'm getting frustrated," Azula says sharply as they board the ship. Katara shifts her weight uncomfortably. This kills her morally but she also knows that the less Azula knows at first, the better.

"You coming on Appa, Katara?" Aang calls as Azula steps onto the ship.

"You're not leaving me with _him _are you?" Clawed fingers dig into Katara's arms.

"Actually, I'm just going to go with Zuko and Azula," Katara shouts back, wincing from the pain.

"Glad to see you're making friends!" Aang exclaims brightly as he leaps onto his sky bison. Appa bellows in assent.

_Making friends with Princess Azula_.

"I'm going to try to lay this on you as easily as I can," Katara says minutes later, as she and Azula settle into one of the multitude of cabins. "Zuko is your brother."

Azula nods. Then pauses. And then squints at Katara.

"Alright, I see the resemblance."

Katara blinks a little too fast. She did not expect that calm of an answer.

"So really you have nothing to fear from him. He's just kind of... I mean... his face is scary," Katara offers and she snickers. The waterbender takes a deep breath. This is getting on the creepy side of _weird_.

"I hope I don't have any nasty scars." Azula touches the bandages on her head and neck. They smell strongly of healing ointments.

"What do you think happened to you?" Katara asks, eyeing her closely.

"I think I tripped. On mud. I remember dirt stinging my blood but..."

"But you don't have cuts anywhere else on your body."

"Yes. If I were to examine the wound it looks like blunt force trauma. I got smashed in the head by someone with intent." Silence. "What did I do, Katara? You can tell me. I woke up to doctors arguing about whether they should chain me up or not."

"You really don't know," Katara murmurs, mostly to herself. "I think Zuko might be right about it being a little shocking. How about I promise you that I'll explain as soon as we get back to the Fire Nation and everything is sorted out?"

Azula purses her lips. She watches Katara's posture, the way she seems ready to strike at any second. The way her eyes check the door every so often when Azula is speaking with her. Clearly Azula is powerful, but right now she feels helpless.

"I have two memories. And a few fragmented... images, I suppose," Azula says, standing up and taking initiative. If Katara does not trust her, she will _make _her trust her until she gives answers. She has been picking up weaknesses and points to manipulate since she first woke up and she supposes it is as much as muscle memory as walking or knowledge that she is from the Fire Nation. "The first is of me reading a book and my father walking in to talk to me. It cuts off after that. The images are of doctors ─ not the ones from the hospital you got me from, of these hideous curtains that smell like said doctors. An atlas of the four nations. Moth wasps." That one makes Katara move, although the part about the doctors made her squirm slightly as well. "And, finally, watching dreadnoughts from the attic of what I assume was my childhood home."

"Those all seem... accurate," is Katara's uneasy response but she was hoping for more memories of combat. Those would make easing Azula into reality far easier.

"And then I have one I can't stop thinking about. There's this girl and I don't remember her name. She's apologizing to me for something. She kisses me and starts to tell me something, but I can't force myself to remember after that without feeling my _brain _throb," Azula purrs and Katara's eyes widen. _That _one shocks her.

"What does she look like?" Katara asks softly, startled. Azula engaged in anything _romantic _is shocking.

"Lighter hair, soft but delicate features, big eyes... I wish I had more to go on," Azula says with a small sigh. "That memory is more recent than the one with the ships. Don't ask how I know."

Katara toys with the sheets on her bed, not wanting to say anything. Azula can tell she does not know who the girl is, which is small comfort.

"Tell me about my brother," Azula demands regally, crossing her arms. Katara looks even more uncomfortable. "How'd he get that scar?"

Katara is flushed and flustered. Azula is not amused as she sits down in the chair nailed to the floor of the ship. She sits on it as if it is a throne and Katara wonders if that commandeering attitude is unforgettable for the princess. Or if notorious liar Azula is playing a game Katara does not want to think about the repercussions of.

"Fine. Keep me in the dark. I'd like to be alone now," Azula says and Katara does not bother asking for a _please_. The waterbender leaves Azula's room and locks the door behind her.

[X]

"The people at the hospital said it's probably temporary," Zuko attempts to justify to Katara. "That she probably retained some old memories, or fragmented bits. It's likely she knows general knowledge, remembers how to bend and that sort of thing, but most of her life has just been wiped away."

"Temporary?" Katara asks, hoping for the best. "I wonder if I could make her remember anything if I worked on healing her head injury."

"Maybe," Zuko says with a shrug.

He takes what he can get.

[X]

_"Stop stammering my name like a moron and just─"_

The memory fades before the kiss. Azula stares at the mirror in the bathroom. It is shoddy, military issue and her image is slightly distorted in it. She looks at herself and tries to remember _anything _that could help her. Feeling helpless gives her this twisting sensation in her chest and gut.

"Azula," comes a voice and a knock on her door. She glares at the mirror as Zuko knocks again.

"I'm coming," she says, walking into the small bedroom and opening the door for her brother. A brother she does not remember. Not a moment of their childhood, not if they like each other or not. None of her images or memories involve him and she wonders why.

Zuko is stunned by how easygoing she is with amnesia. _And _he just got back from Katara warning him not to get too comfortable with that, because they have to tell Azula everything eventually.

"How did you get that scar?" Azula asks earnestly and Zuko is taken aback. "If you want me to trust you, you have to tell me something. I feel like I'm walking into a trap."

Zuko sighs. "It's─"

"A long story? We have an awful lot of time. So confess," Azula says sharply, stepping backwards until she sits on the bed. She crosses one leg over the other and he cannot help but be taken aback by the lack of her... psychosis he had gotten used to.

"It was a punishment for a mistake I made. More might be..." Zuko says and Azula senses the _hurt _in his voice.

"Alright, you're not lying. Why are you keeping me in the dark? What happened to me?" Azula demands, having the urge to stand up but freezing herself in place. "I _need _to know."

Zuko feels uncomfortable with this. She does not look like she is going to strike, but Azula is a volatile person. Her memories may have faded, but he imagines them coming back and her coming at him with lightning full force and then making a run for it... She never stops fighting. This pause is... unnerving.

"I don't think you want to. Maybe this is a fresh start."

"What. Did. I. Do?" Azula demands, looking somewhere between wounded and enraged. Zuko feels his stomach twist. He can't do it. "Why are people so terrified of me? I don't understand."

Azula talking about her feelings is the most confusing thing Zuko has ever seen. She does not do that; she never _opens _herself. Therefore, Zuko sighs, glances both ways down the cold metal hall, closes the door behind him and walks to her.

"Your name is Princess Azula of the Fire Nation."

"Princess?" She sounds smug about it. That is a plus.

"Weapon of mass destruction honed by former Fire Lord Ozai."

"Weapon of what exactly?" A glint in her golden eyes.

"Crazy blue firebending and really hard to kill," Zuko offers, realizing his joke at the end would not be that funny to someone who can't remember anything.

"Crazy blue..." She holds out her hands and examines them. Twists them. Frustration. "I hope I can remember how to do this."

"You can walk and breathe; you can firebend," Zuko says and Azula sighs. "You did more firebending than walking and breathing. I mean, not that you have to, of course."

Azula stands up, her body shaking slightly. She closes her eyes and tries to figure it out. Zuko watches the eerie scene as she slips to the side and then is alit. Blazing blue. The room heats and Zuko imagines if he weren't a strong firebender himself, he would be burnt.

"Well, that's good to know," Azula remarks airily, looking genuinely giddy.

"Is that enough for you?" Zuko offers, hoping he does not have to delve any further. He does not want to talk about banishments and Ba Sing Se and lightning bolts and asylums.

"For now, yes," Azula says, pouncing into the bed like a cat.

"I'm glad to see you like this. I mean, ugh, fuck," Zuko says. "Not with amnesia. I mean, you look, like... you."

"Something really bad happened. You're worried if I find out it will upset me," Azula says slowly, crawling towards him. He swallows. "I respect your decision to wait."

"Really?"

"You think I'm excited to find out whatever terrible thing made me run away from home? When I'm a _princess_? I think it can wait," Azula says softly, examining him with an uncomfortably scrutinizing gaze.

Zuko nods, breathing a sigh of relief, and turns to leave.

"Just a moment," Azula says smoothly, kneeling on the bed. "Do I have a girlfriend? Or a romantic interest?"

Her brother makes a strange choking sound. Azula tilts her head to the side.

"I have this memory of a girl who's apologizing to me and we kiss," Azula says and Zuko shrugs.

"You never talked about one. It must've happened after you left home," Zuko replies, carefully phrasing his words. Her idea that she ran away from home is more pleasant than the reality.

"I'm wearing an engagement ring."

"Wait what?" Zuko spins around, his hand flying from the doorknob he was about to twist.

Azula holds out her slender hand to him and he takes it in his rougher ones. She is right; that ring was distinctly not there last he saw her. Three years ago. They both are... different now, in more ways than Azula's amnesia.

"Maybe she'll come looking for you," Zuko says, staring at the stone inset in gold.

Zuko leaves Azula and hesitates before locking the door. Better to be safe, he supposes. Especially since he just informed her that she is a firebending prodigy.

"Azula's wearing an engagement ring," Zuko says to Katara and she studies him.

"A what?" She looks baffled, cobalt eyes narrowed.

"You know that betrothal necklace thing?" Zuko attempts. "Or the glass orbs they make in the Earth Kingdom to give to the person you're marrying? Just imagine that but made of forged metal and precious gems."

"Very Fire Nation," Katara remarks with a small smirk. "This is really wild. She's been gone for three years, got engaged, did who knows what, and then she just shows up totally lacking any memories."

"I hate to say it," Zuko replies, gazing out at the rippling water, "but I really don't want to tell her everything that happened. Have you seen how happy she is? How not..."

"Not crazy she is?" Katara offers, holding up one palm. "Yeah, I'm sure she is happier not knowing all of the things that turned her from your little sister into, well, Azula. But she'll have to know eventually. Anyway, it's temporary."

"I don't know how she'll react," Zuko sighs, digging his fingers into the guardrail on the ship. Katara frowns faintly. "I just wish..."

"You could use this opportunity to right all the wrongs miraculously. It won't happen. Life is too messy to fix everything. It will all be easier to figure out once we sleep on it," Katara says and she and Zuko stand in silence on the bow of the ship.

[X]

Azula wakes gasping for breath. It is the sixth hour she has been trying to sleep, and every hour she wakes from nightmares that she does not understand. They feel like bits of memories but does not recognize any of the faces, places or occurrences. When she wakes, she feels dread all over her body, seeping through her veins. She wakes up as if she has just escaped a fight with a tiger-monkey.

She wraps the blankets around herself and leans against the wall. Perhaps it will be easier if she simply does not sleep.

Her hands shake. She feels queasy. And she cannot help but think that these nightmares are the side-effects of what everyone refuses to tell her.

Heart starts racing. She feels the urge to vomit. Breathing is difficult. Why can't she breathe? Why can't she breathe?

Impending doom. She leaps out of bed, shrieking, "_Fuck_!" and slides down the wall.

No one heard her. No one cares. She supposes she should be grateful for that, although she feels fairly certain she is dying. Her heart goes too fast and she sets one hand over it, trying to breathe and failing. She coughs and coughs and feels herself suffocating.

The sensation that she is going to die that she cannot shake.

And she is alone. So alone.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Katara and Zuko argue.

"You can't be serious," she snaps, throwing up her hands in frustration. "It's morally _disgusting _to just let her live the rest of her life with no memories. You _have _to tell her everything eventually."

"But, Katara, this could be her chance. My chance to redeem her," Zuko says and Katara slumps in her chair.

"No. You don't understand. It just isn't right to force her. You have to tell her everything and let her choose to do what she wants with the information," Katara replies, both of their voices now loud enough to rouse half the crew.

"How do you tell someone that? How can you look someone in the eyes and tell them that... that they met her fate?" Zuko shouts, standing up. Katara's lower jaw juts out. "It could cure her."

"It's not a _cure_ to lose your memories. Even if they're bad ones."

"Don't you wish you could just forget certain things? Imagine if one day you could just forget everything that hurt you. You would be much happier."

"It wouldn't be worth it. Those painful memories are part of me. And you _may _notice that Azula isn't exactly herself right now. We may like this Azula more, but it's _wrong_!" Katara snaps, now standing. She is a full head shorter than Zuko but she stares him down with the vivacity of a hulking earthbender.

"I _will _tell her! I will! I just don't know how!" Zuko exclaims before instantly regretting his words. He sighs and sits back down.

"Of course you don't want to. Nobody would. But it will have to be done," Katara says slowly. She does not sit, but she loosens her stance.

Azula lies in bed and tries to figure out exactly why she feels so shaken.

Not knowing has never been so painful.

[X]

Azula arrives in the Fire Nation and it looks unfamiliar. She knows it to be the right place, of course. Something in her is aware of it, but she has no memories of these crowded docks. The pier looks unfamiliar, the buildings only hunks of metal and decrepit signs declaring what they sell.

Katara meets up with Aang and leaves Azula to her brother. He takes her by the arm, gently, hoping that if he keeps her concealed no one will shout at her. No one will spoil the inevitable surprise of being told she is a murderer, and that she went insane and spent a good deal of time in an asylum, and has been missing for three years.

"I can kind of understand why I ran away. This place is disgusting," Azula remarks and Zuko tries not to smile.

She sounds like _herself_, but not _herself _after he returned from banishment. Not that Azula. The completely terrible, remorseless, cruel perfectionist who had not been warped irrevocably by being left alone with Ozai for years. Herself before she finally caved into the odds that were stacked against her.

"The palace is nicer," Zuko replies and she shrugs.

"I would hope," is her noncommittal and airy reply. He forces himself not to smile again.

They walk into the Fire Nation Royal Palace and Azula feels strange. Her head hurts and she wants to sit down.

"It isn't as dusty as I thought it would be," Azula says slowly as she, Zuko and a gathering of terrified soldiers walk into the main hall. "I thought it would be... dusty."

Zuko's lips move and no sound comes out. "It used to be," he says and she glances around, trying to squeeze more information out of the images.

"Take me to the attic," Azula demands and Zuko examines her.

"I don't think there is an─"

"Now," Azula says and Zuko hesitates. He slowly nods, wondering how to navigate this situation gracefully.

"I'll take you there after I show you around, okay?" He turns to two soldiers who are looking around like children who don't want to be called on in class. "Go open the attic. Wherever that is."

They walk away with briskness that fills Azula with a strange joy.

"That felt good," she murmurs to her brother. He smirks and Azula is hit with the realization that everything she says seems to be an inside joke that everyone is in on but her.

"Let's go to your room first," Zuko says, guiding her through the long hallways. She looks at portraits and pictures expecting them to trigger anything, but they do not. She hides her frustration as they reach a large room with a beautiful vanity and a huge dark red bed.

"It doesn't really have much personality," Azula remarks, looking at maps and portraits of warlords. "There were butterflies or something there but they're gone."

"Those were gone a long time ago," Zuko says, looking at the wall where a large map of the conquered Earth Kingdom has been nailed up in place of the decorations mother put on her wall when she was a baby.

"This is the most ridiculous _fucking_ amnesia," Azula snaps, breaking free of Zuko's arm around her. "I can remember fucking useless bits of things like fragments of a picture but none of them make any sense when I put them together. What happened to the butterflies? Is that why I keep dreaming about moth wasps?"

Zuko feels the urge to vomit but holds it in. "Well, after our mother left our father one day decided to just get rid of her things. He burned those off of your wall and replaced them."

"I don't remember him as ─ well, evidently my memory is useless." She is shaking. Zuko closes his eyes and tries to pretend this isn't happening. "Who are they? I know them."

He hears the ripping of paper and opens his eyes. Azula is holding a small piece of paper he never noticed on her wall. It is a very skilled drawing of she and Mai and Ty Lee when they were about twelve. Zuko swallows when he thinks about Mai.

"Your... friends. Your friends," Zuko responds, mentally kicking himself for not being more honest.

"Well, where the fuck are they?" Azula demands, burning the paper to a crisp. _And _she is back. "I'm so fucked up and confused and they're obviously just out somewhere sipping tea as if─"

"Mai left me and moved away. Ty Lee is on Kyoshi Island. I could send for both of them if you asked," Zuko says, forcing the words out and ending what was about to turn into a tantrum.

"Ty Lee..." Azula looks at her hands again. As if they could give any answers. "The doctors said I kept saying that name. I assumed it was my name when I was overhearing them."

"You two didn't part ways kindly," Zuko explains uncomfortably.

"What did she do?" Pause. Sudden realization. "She apologized to me. And she kissed me."

"She... apologized to you?"

"But the memory just ends before anything useful happens."

"She... kissed you?"

"Yes, but I don't remember any more than that." Azula clenches her fists. "Write to both of them. I want them here because maybe my supposed friends will be more forthcoming than you."

Zuko sighs. He does not have to take orders from her, but he promised he would redeem her, and redeem her he will.

"Alright. Do you still want to see the attic?" Zuko offers and Azula shrugs.

"I suppose," she responds halfheartedly.

He gestures for her to follow him.


	2. The Girl With the Engagement Ring

Chapter Two: The Girl With the Engagement Ring

* * *

><p>Zuko guides Azula to the attic.<p>

"I don't think I've ever been up here. It's weird you..."

"Remember it?" Azula responds sharply and he shrugs. "I have these images in my head and these vague memories but all of them are old and none of them make sense."

"Katara offered to try healing your injury. She thought it might make some memories come back," Zuko says as he seals shut the door behind he and his sister.

He hates to admit that it feels nice to see her this way. She is not quite _herself_, but she isn't _broken_. And withholding the truth from her may be morally repugnant, but she is much _happier _not knowing the entire truth.

Princess Azula makes her way through discarded stacks of archaic papers and objects and forces open a small window. It breaks free more easily than the door did; it has been used. Azula looks and sees the pier. It is altogether different; the warships are all gone.

"The war is over," Azula says as she positions herself to be from the same viewpoint as her hazy memory. "You're Fire Lord, not our father."

"Do you remember anything before then?" Zuko feels as if he has been punched in the gut.

"No. But there aren't any warships there. When I woke up and I saw the Earth Kingdom I felt panic. We were at war with them. Did they win? Are you a traitor?" Her words twist quickly and Zuko is left breathless. "Or did something else happen?"

"The Avatar ended the war," Zuko says and Azula closes her eyes for a moment, her face scrunched up oddly.

"Okay. Well, I'm aware of the concept of the Avatar. But I have no recollection of whichever Avatar ended the war." Pause. "So our father is dead. And you're a traitor."

"It's not that simple. And no, father isn't dead. You can see him but I don't advise it," Zuko says softly, prying open a box and finding archaic family paintings and artifacts he knows nothing about.

"Nothing's simple, huh?" Azula asks with a slight bitter tone. Zuko feels the twisting sensation of guilt but refuses to address it. "Putting together the pieces of what I forgot will be easier if you cooperate. Unless there's something I shouldn't remember. Unless you're holding me captive and this is just awfully convenient for you."

Azula purses her lips. It would justify the sneaking paranoia she feels constantly. She gazes out of the window, studying the pier below. The dead lamps and bustling poor people below sicken her.

"I didn't think you could see the pier from the palace. It doesn't seem possible given the position of the caldera," Zuko says, shutting the box of paintings of a family he does not know but fathered him, and kneels beside his sister.

"There are just... things I _almost _remember," Azula murmurs, sitting down and leaning against the musty wood. Zuko still gazes out of the window, not wanting to look at her for too long. "This life feels wrong. I feel like you're all lying to me."

Zuko tries not to let his expression show anything. But Azula reads it. They _are _lying to her.

The wiser part of her knows not to make a fuss about it. If she is in danger, playing along with her enemies will be for the best. If she could simply unlock the nightmares and flickering images she would be able to help herself out of this.

Fear. Nauseating fear that Azula controls and hides permeates her life. She _knows _that she is in the hands of people who are hiding things from her. And, perhaps, she also knows that she could escape. But her understanding of the world and her own history is minimal.

"Can you imagine just waking up one day without knowing who you are, and just knowing that the people you're trusting are all hiding something from you?" Azula whispers, her tone intentionally chilling. Zuko swallows the lump in his throat. "Or maybe I'm just crazy. I don't know. _I don't fucking know_."

She kicks the wooden floor and it makes a cracking sound. Unsatisfied by her outburst, she starts picking through piles of papers and stacks of trinkets and baubles.

"You're not crazy," Zuko says and Azula looks into his eyes.

"Good," she responds, plucking out a picture of three children, one a preteen and the other two toddlers.

She can tell that he is lying.

[X]

"I'm going to see if I can bring anything back," Katara says, setting a jewel-studded bowl of water beside Azula's chair.

They are in Azula's bedroom and Katara has prepared for a healing session to try to reawaken the memories. Azula trusts her less and less every day, as she starts to come to terms with the fact that these people are inexplicably easy to read. Or _maybe _she is hallucinating, which is equally terrifying.

Hiding her crippling fear and anxiety has become a full time occupation.

The princess sits, carefully unraveling the bandages around her head wound. It has healed nicely, but is still sore. No marks are left on her face except the small remains of an incision on her scalp, as well as several bruises from the blunt force trauma. Katara is relieved the wound is not as bad as she imagined as she lifts the water into her palms and walks towards Azula.

Katara finds it odd to be helping Azula, but the princess does not know the difference. For all she knows, Katara has always been her friend. Katara constantly justifies it to herself by using the fact that Princess Azula is a liar and always has been. So lying to her isn't _that _much of a crime.

"Just close your eyes and try to relax," Katara says as she touches the water to Azula's forehead. Azula jumps slightly at the cold water, but she takes a deep breath and sits still.

The water glows as Katara watches the wound shift. Azula's eyelids flicker, but no memories return. She sighs in frustration and Katara grits her teeth, continuing the healing session.

"It isn't going to be instant," Katara answers before Azula can ask. "Don't try to think too much."

_Blood. The metallic stench and hot liquid against her skin. Princess Azula bites back tears as nameless servants stem the bleeding. It comes from burns, bubbles and blisters on her back. Her fingers dig into the bed as she constrains the agony with her steely thoughts._

_ "I know it hurts, but you brought it on yourself," father says, reaching forward and touching her face._

Azula jumps up, knocking Katara backwards.

"What happened? Did it work?" Katara demands hastily, holding the water as a shield. But Azula stands motionless, her face screwed up as she tries to salvage more of the memory. But it is gone.

"Just a shred of a memory. Nothing important," Azula says, her voice slightly shaken. Katara uneasily lets down her guard and gestures to the chair.

"Then we should keep going," Katara says gently, wondering what could have been so upsetting. The chance that Azula remembered something incriminating towards Katara makes the waterbender nervous, but Azula walks back to the chair and sits down.

Katara returns her hands to Azula's right temple, hovering over the scar. Azula does not react to the cold of the water this time, and seems more intently focused on the task. She closes her eyes as Katara channels herself into the healing.

_"I guess I believe that you believe, and that's enough for me," Ty Lee whispers, her lips close to Azula's._

_ They are in Azula's bed. Azula is on her knees, cocky and brilliant and bold. Ty Lee is slender and seductive and the tension is as heated as an Agni Kai._

_ Azula presses her lips to Ty Lee's and she starts to undo her clothes. Her hands shake. First time. Trying to be bold and perfect and flawless as she bites down on the lips of the beautiful girl in her bed. She is half dressed and straddling the girl who is engaged yet terrified._

_ Nothing can knock them down now._

Azula opens her eyes as the memory is gone. This waterbending stuff is very useful for restoring memories, isn't it?

"Which one was that?" Katara asks and Azula shrugs.

"My girlfriend," Azula says, trying to remember what she is like. Probably intelligent and dark and sweet like sour candy. And Azula can guarantee that they have deep conversations in the dead of the night and each touch feels like lightning. She must be powerful and quiet.

But if she told Katara her suspicions about Ty Lee, Katara would laugh hysterically about how wrong they are. Azula is bound to be disappointed once Ty Lee comes.

"Okay, I'm going to try again. Are you ready?" Katara asks, readying her fingers.

"Yes," Azula says, although she wishes she could stop at the sweet memory of sex and not another one like the blood on her back and the pain of a punishment for a crime she cannot recall.

_Anger. Anger with no meaning that she can recall. Azula throws fire and lightning around without a care. She feels rage swelling inside of her, as if her heart will explode. Her body is covered in some kind of sludge and the two girls behind her are also doused in it. To her left is a chunk of metal and she is punching fire side to side._

_ "She's not taking this so well," Ty Lee murmurs._

_ "I heard that!" Azula snaps and Ty Lee looks genuinely terrified._

Azula opens her eyes.

"I was covered in mud and there was metal beside me," Azula says, cocking an eyebrow at Katara and expecting an answer and Katara nods.

"The drill," Katara responds and Azula focuses on the memory she just experienced. Yes, a drill.

"What was it for?" Azula demands and Katara grits her teeth. Patience would be appreciated.

"One of your missions for the Fire Lord," Katara says, leaving out the part about Ba Sing Se. Zuko told her to go slow and she begrudingly agrees with him.

Katara touches the water to Azula's wound again. It glows and Azula closes her eyes. Deep breaths. She focuses on her breathing and it triggers a memory.

_Azula sits in front of candles. She takes slow breaths, meditating. Tears are rolling from her eyes and she is alone. The candles turn blue and she contorts them into shapes. Eventually, she gives in. They burn low as she stares at the incense._

_ She wipes the salty tears from her face, rubbing her skin raw._

_ The candles surge blue and then turn orange._

_ Azula lies down with her knees touching her chin._

Azula opens her eyes and can still feel the melancholy pain she experienced in the past. Whatever hurt her knocked down hard.

"Want to talk about that one?" Katara asks and Azula shakes her head. Katara nods and starts the water glowing again.

The next memory is too painful. Azula feels broken glass dig into her feet and hears a familiar voice and she opens her eyes before the images become clear. She can feel the pain and she gasps for breath, slowly standing up.

"We're done," Azula says sharply and Katara nods. "How long have we known each other?"

Katara chews on her lip and Azula can tell she is hiding something.

"A while," Katara says and Azula sits down on her bed.

The waterbender leaves and Azula tries not to be afraid. She is _strong _and she knows she is. But she can tell that everyone is lying to her, lying to the amnesiac who has no idea who she is or who they are.

If she is part of some conspiracy or a prisoner, she does not know what she would do.

She plays with fire on her fingertips and tries to remember who she is.

It is futile.

All she gets is a headache.

[X]

Mai arrives two days after Zuko sent the letters to she and Ty Lee. She does not want to admit how much she wants to see Zuko, even though she knows she should be _long _over him by now. Azula's amnesia makes her morbidly curious and she has to admit that being in the palace again will either be a disaster or a welcome change of pace.

When she arrives at the door, Zuko greets her.

"So..." Mai says and the awkward moment begins. Mai rubs her arm and tries not to make eye contact with the Fire Lord. "It's been a long time."

"Yeah..." Zuko manages to respond. She looks incredible. Better than the constant memories of her he is bombarded with behind his eyes. He had a few things planned to win her back or something grandiose, but, instead, she stands with a satchel in one hand and a quizzical expression on her pallid face.

"So, Azula has amnesia?" Mai says, directing the conversation away from where it is about to veer.

"Mhm," Zuko mumbles, nodding towards the living room.

Mai walks past Zuko, dragging her bag beside her and peers inside. Azula is in the midst of a very coherent conversation with Katara and Aang and it is the most unsettling thing Mai has ever seen. The princess is blissfully unaware of her history with the Avatar and his girlfriend, and it distinctly shows. Mai steps back, inhaling sharply.

"Okay, that's scary," she says, grimacing. "And after three years of not talking to me once, you need me to clean up this mess?"

"I don't mean it that way," Zuko replies, shifting his weight uncomfortably. "She asked for you and Ty Lee. You just got here first."

"So she remembers us?" Mai asks, glancing in the room again. Her best friend's posture, facial expressions, all of it, all of it is _her_, but the fact that she is calmly and haughtily conversing with her enemies and not... how she last was... is disturbing.

"She hopes you two remember her," Zuko explains and Mai swallows. This is more than she wants to handle.

"I don't think I can do this, Zuko," Mai says, sighing. "It's nice to see you. But..." She shrugs, her cheeks slightly flushed for a split second.

"You don't have to," Zuko says, but before Mai can change her mind, Azula walks into the middle of their conversation.

"Hi, princess," Mai offers and when Azula looks at her, there is no recognition in her cold golden eyes. "I'm Mai." It feels hollow.

"You look familiar," Azula offers, feeling uncomfortable.

"Well, at least this isn't the worst mental affliction you've faced," Mai says dryly as Zuko cringes. Azula tilts her head to the side, narrowing her golden eyes.

"What?" Her insides twist as she feels that her old forgotten friend is about to confirm a suspicion that nags her. The nightmares, the shaking, the swirling spirals of thoughts that don't correlate with anything tangible... "Am I crazy? Mai, am I crazy?"

"Did you not tell her?" Mai asks loudly, stepping away from Azula without answering her question. Zuko squirms like a worm on a hook. "You haven't told her anything, have you?"

"It's for her own good," Zuko replies forcefully, stepping forward. Mai's stance becomes steely.

"You can't make decisions _for her own good_. She conquered Ba Sing Se and has done far too much in her life for you to just─"

"I conquered Ba Sing Se?" Princess Azula smirks faintly. That is enticing.

"I'm telling her everything. Right now," Mai says, touching Azula's arms. Their eyes lock. "I don't know if I can exactly give you your whole life story right now, but you were the driving force in a century long war. You prevented an invasion of the Fire Nation singlehandedly, and essentially won the war yourself."

"But if the war is won why was I in the Earth Kingdom? Why is Zuko Fire Lord?" Azula's voice is weak. She _wants _to believe Mai but it only makes sense to believe her own brother.

"Because in the end you lost. And it was bad," Mai says and Zuko wants to call her out on conveniently not mentioning the Boiling Rock. "You were in an asylum for a while but Zuko took you out for selfish reasons and, of course, you escaped after that. You've been missing with a bounty the price of a small country on your head for three years."

Azula stands there mutely. Her rosy lips are slightly parted as she blinks very slowly.

"What?" is all she can manage. A thousand feelings rush through her: denial, rage, disbelief and realization. "I don't... Zuko, is this true?"

She turns to her brother but Mai does not let go of her arms.

Zuko sighs. "Yes. But I was going to tell you─"

"No, no I don't think you were." Azula tears herself from Mai. "You were going to try to use my amnesia to exploit me. Well, I will _not _be _used _like that."

Katara and Aang are on the scene instantly as Azula lights two fists. She fizzles out the fire as she glances between the Avatar and his girlfriend. It is not worth it. Her anger makes her throat taste like fire and poison as she looks at the people she trusted despite her state of amnesia.

"I wasn't trying to use you," Zuko says, walking forward. Mai steps between he and Azula and the room heats up several degrees.

"Then what were you going to gain?" Azula demands, the stance of a warrior more familiar to her than anything she has been doing for the past two weeks without a memory. The only two weeks of her life that she can remember.

"I just want you to be happy," Zuko says and Azula crosses her arms. She is not buying it.

"I'm going to my room. Mai, come with me," Azula orders, grabbing Mai's arm and dragging her down the hall. Katara breathes in through her teeth and Aang rubs his neck.

"Well that exploded in our faces," Aang says calmly, studying Zuko's expression of defeat.

Azula and Mai sit in the princess's bedroom. Mai does not know how she got roped back into the insanity of the royal family, but here she is. And Azula looks incredibly panicked as she paces.

"Just imagine waking up with no idea where you are, or any idea _who _you are, and then you're forced to trust people who you can tell are lying every time they talk to you," Azula says and Mai frowns. "That's been the past three weeks of my life. The only three weeks of my life I can remember. You're not lying. You look familiar; you were in two of my memories."

"I'm not like them," Mai says and Azula studies her amber eyes. The princess nods; Mai is honest again.

"Tell me everything," Azula demands, turning and sitting on the windowsill. Her fingers twitch nervously and Mai sees she is far from better. Wiping away her memories only made things worse, which Zuko simply couldn't see.

"It's not a happy story... I'll tell you what I can."

[X]

"I'm sorry, Mai," Zuko says and she looks up at him. Her eyes narrow and she does not respond. "For a lot of things. Especially for calling you here and just expecting you to fix Azula's problem for her."

"It's alright. I've pretty much just been Azula's keeper since we were like seven," she says with a sigh and an apathetic shrug. "She's really fucked up right now. You realize you made it a lot worse than it had to be? She's super confused about what she's supposed to do. Princess Azula is a historical figure with a, well, personality. And I don't think Azula knows how to live up to who she is when she doesn't know who she is."

"Uh, probably," Zuko offers, rubbing his neck. He sits down next to her awkwardly.

"It's good to see you. I'm going to stay until she stabilizes. I can't leave after seeing her like this. It's a thousand times worse than after her nervous breakdown," Mai says and Zuko hates to admit she is right. He was trying to see the bright side of the amnesia, but Azula is clearly trapped in a very bad situation. "How have you been?"

"Good. Pretty good." Silence. "I missed you."

"Yeah," Mai replies softly, not giving him any distinct answer.

"Just yeah?" Silence. Zuko instantly regrets asking any further.

"Just yeah," Mai says quietly, examining her tea. She blows on it and sips from it to avoid speaking any more.

It _is_ nice to see him.

[X]

Ty Lee comes like a bolt of lightning in the middle of a clear, sunny afternoon.

The palace is vaguely placid, even though Azula has locked herself in her room for the third time this week. Every day her memories don't return she gets angrier and more impatient, and Zuko is struggling to juggle it. She has lit a room on fire and lit a servant's skirt ablaze and Zuko has bitten off more than he can chew.

Katara has been attempting to give Azula more healing sessions but the princess adamantly refuses them, even if they will help.

"Where is she?" Ty Lee demands after greeting every single person with increasing enthusiasm. She clings to Mai and does not let go as she asks. "Really, where is she?"

"In her room," Mai says, trying to pry herself out of Ty Lee's grasp. "I'll take you to her."

Zuko follows, feeling the need to supervise.

"Is she dangerous?" Ty Lee asks, cocking an eyebrow.

"No more than usual," Mai replies with a shrug. Pause. "So yes."

They arrive, Ty Lee shivering with anticipation, and Mai knocks on the ornately decorated door.

"Ty Lee is here," Mai calls through the red stained oak. Azula opens the door and is suddenly met with lips against hers and arms around her waist.

She pushes back, stepping away in shock and horror. Ty Lee blushes.

"Sorry. I forgot you, uh, forgot your memories," Ty Lee says, scratching her head. Mai's lips are parted in surprise and Zuko's jaw is slack.

"You just kissed me on the mouth?" Azula snarls, looking aghast. The room is blindingly blue with the glow from her fists. "I just met you and you put your tongue on my mouth!"

"Your head looks better," Ty Lee offers feebly and Zuko's eyes widen. Mai closes her mouth. _Of course. _Of _course_. Mai rolls her eyes; she should have predicted this.

"How do you know what it looked like before?" the princess demands ferociously. Azula advances on Ty Lee and the out-of-uniform Kyoshi Warrior does not move.

Ty Lee looks nothing like Azula remembered her. Perhaps her face has the same features, although aged slightly. Maybe her lips are just as soft as the memory that Azula chases futilely. But her braid is different, the way she holds herself is not as enticing as Azula recalls. She finds, as she looks at the girl who carries herself like she is skipping through a fucking garden repulses her. It is the ultimate disappointment of all of the pains amnesiac Azula has faced.

This is not the girl she wants to be engaged to. She can tell just from reading her face for a flicker of a second. The story her eyes tell is not one Azula wants to be a part of.

Zuko is baffled, given last he saw them together. Mai is honestly not that surprised.

"I'm sorry," Ty Lee squeaks and Azula blinks several times. "Zuko, Mai, Azula... I have some explaining to do."

"I called it," Mai mumbles as Azula stifles her own flames and crosses her arms expectantly. "You two got together, didn't you?"

"I remember no such thing," Azula lies, although Ty Lee is most definitely the girl from her fragmented memory.

Why she is so offended by her presence, however, is mostly because she imagined her as very different. The Ty Lee she fantasized about was sensual and calm, like a cold, glacial flame. Like the tender apologies and strawberry kiss in the memory. But she is loud and sweet to the point of abrasiveness. And clearly not that bright.

"Well, Azula and I _did _get together," Ty Lee says, looking at Zuko and smiling as if that can abet his clear outrage. "I ran into her while away on business and we were really angry and fighting and then we just had sex and it just kind of spiraled from there. I kept saying I was going to visit Mai or my parents but really I was going to visit Azula. I was the one who took her to the hospital after those bounty hunters tried to smash her head in."

"Zuko, deep breaths," Mai says, chuckling to herself. Azula sits down on her bed, her eyebrows knit together in concern.

"I'm engaged to you. I'm engaged to _you_. I'm a war criminal and an insane asylum escapee and I'm engaged to _this_ moron!" Azula exclaims and Mai cannot contain her laughter anymore. Zuko still looks confused. "How did I live with myself?"

Ty Lee looks sad and nervous, while Zuko walks into Azula's room and tries to solve the problem. Mai shakes her head slowly, realizing it is only going to get worse.

"Azula, calm down. Nobody is going to force you to marry Ty Lee or go back to the asylum or stand trial for your war crimes so just _relax_," Zuko says, looking irritated. Azula gives him a look that makes the room sizzle. "You clearly just need time to take this all in."

"Time? I need some time to take in this life I apparently lived? It feels wrong. I mean the images and the memories all fit this story but I don't want to believe it. I want to..." Azula just shakes her head. "Fine. It's fine. Even if I don't feel like it I am Princess Azula and I am going to handle my life."

She does not sound like she even believes herself. Ty Lee walks towards her against better judgment and kneels in front of her, touching her hands.

"You'll remember. I know you will," she says softly and Azula fights the urge to knee her in the face. Instead, she breathes in calmly, the breaths of a trained firebender. She _will _prevail. This is not a battle she will lose. "And even if you don't, Mai and Zuko and I are going to completely help you. I'll write a letter to Suki right away telling her I need some time."

Azula purses her lips. It is an offer she should accept, even if her first instinct upon seeing that the Ty Lee she imagined is incredibly different than the one she is meeting is to run.

"Alright. I appreciate your help," Azula says with the grace she imagines a princess should have. Ty Lee grins and Azula's heart sinks into her stomach.

"You two are engaged?" Mai belatedly asks and Azula glares at her. Ty Lee shrugs and smiles. "I can't believe you didn't tell everybody, Ty Lee. You're terrible with secrets."

"I didn't want Azula to go to prison or something." Hesitation. "Although, being a prison wife is kind of hot..."

Azula grimaces.

"I need some time alone," Azula says harshly and her two best friends and Zuko leave her. Zuko lingers at the door for a moment and she glares at him. He closes it behind him and sighs.

"I can't believe you knew where Azula was for three years and said nothing," Zuko remarks breathlessly and chidingly. Ty Lee shrugs.

"I can't believe she doesn't remember anything we shared." Her tone is light and careless but Mai can see the pain in her protuberant eyes. "She looked repulsed when I kissed her."

"Well, she _does _have amnesia. You can't just kiss strangers on the mouth," Mai says but Ty Lee simply walks away. Mai sighs. "This is not good."

"I know," Zuko replies and they stare at each other for a little too long before quickly averting their eyes.

The discomfort between Zuko and Mai is palpable and the sexual tension could be cut with a knife. He never imagined he would see her again, as much as he wanted to. Zuko knows he missed Mai more than he thought he would, and she has missed Zuko more than she thought she would.

But neither of them is ready to admit it, and the problem of Azula's amnesia seems more pressing than Zuko and Mai's desire to fuck each other.

"I'll talk to Ty Lee," Mai says, shrugging and escaping the situation as quickly as possible. Zuko still makes her heart speed up a little bit and she is having trouble justifying why she is attempting to shut down her feelings for him. Maybe she just does not want to cave in; she thinks she is too strong. Ugh, love is cliché and boring anyway.

Ty Lee is sitting on an overgrown stone bench in the courtyard. She stares at the water of the pond, at the turtle-ducks and lilies, her big eyes glassy. Mai sits down beside her uninvited, and Ty Lee barely moves. She looks genuinely devastated and Mai has never seen her this way before.

"She doesn't remember anything," Ty Lee murmurs, rubbing her temples. Her lip trembles but she does not allow herself to cry. She _has _to be optimistic about this.

"It's probably temporary," Mai offers, touching Ty Lee's arm. The acrobat does not move. "What happened between you guys anyway?"

"I told you all you need to know already. We ran into each other. And then there was yelling and anger and then that turned into sex and, well, it just spiraled out of control from there." Silence. Mai tries not to laugh. "I love her. You _know _that I've always loved her and I _finally _had her. And now she wants nothing to do with me!"

"Help her remember then," Mai says and Ty Lee sighs, staring at her shoes. "I know you've loved her since forever. I always found it kind of funny. But if her feelings were strong enough for you, they'll probably come back. I mean, I'm not an expert on amnesia but─"

Ty Lee bursts into hysterical, histrionic and melodramatic tears. She throws herself into Mai's arms and wraps herself around her best friend. She sobs into Mai's shoulder as Mai awkwardly pats her back with one alabaster hand. Mai thinks there might be snot on her sleeve now, but she tries to be patient with Ty Lee.

When she feels anything, she has to display it tenfold for some reason. Probably all of her attention issues.

"We were going to get married and now we're not even going to be dating anymore!" Ty Lee howls, sniffling between words. Mai continues awkwardly patting her back, made uncomfortable by the tight embrace.

"Why would you ever marry Azula? That sounds like some illegal form of torture," Mai says and Ty Lee laughs, her slender body shaking as she slips away. Mai wipes off her clothes, relieved. "Just think about being married to her for a moment."

Ty Lee smirks faintly. "She's terrible. Really. But I've never loved anybody like I love her. You know what, nobody has _ever _loved anybody as much as we love each other!"

"I think that might be a slight exaggeration," Mai says dryly, but it is hopeless. Ty Lee fancies herself a romantic heroine and Mai supposes she will have to accept it. As ridiculous as romance novel love is when you're talking about _Azula _of all people.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," Ty Lee whispers, gazing at the flowers as if they can give her answers. Mai does not know what to say. "After everything I've done for her. Talking her down from panic attacks and holding her when she wakes up screaming and sacrificing everything to meet her in secret and..."

Mai frowns faintly. She blinks, unsure how to continue.

"The only thing we can do," Mai says, trying to make Ty Lee look less... sad. "We have to help her remember. Maybe you guys will fall in love again, or whatever Azula does with the cold storage shed she has in place of a heart."

Ty Lee chews on her lower lip, her eyes alit with hope. "I guess it's just another obstacle to climb to be with her."

Mai nods. It is a better answer than she could have given.

"When she's ready, I'll talk to her," Ty Lee says brightly, turning her mood around almost instantaneously. She looks content again, that optimistic glint in her eyes and the glow that radiates from her skin.

"Yeah. That'll be good," Mai says, nodding as enthusiastically as she can.

Ty Lee smiles to herself.

She and Azula have been through worse.


	3. The Girl Surrounded by Enemies

Chapter Three: The Girl Surrounded by Enemies

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

Ty Lee sits in a grungy hotel in Republic City. This should be her idea of a vacation, but she has isolated herself to her own room instead of being with the other three girls accompanying Suki. Ty Lee has honestly never felt more alone than she has over the past year. Everything feels strange to her, with a bitter taste in her mouth.

Maybe because she officially cut the ropes and let herself fall from her old best friends and her old life. She has not gone to the Fire Nation since her last... less than ideal visit. She severed any ties to Azula and Mai. She does not open Mai's letters; she tries not to wonder where Azula is and if she is even _alive_.

Because Ty Lee will be independent. She will be her own person now regardless of what happens.

As she puts away her cases of clothes and necessary make-up and oils, she gazes out of the window. This city is incredibly gross. But her stomach growls and she supposes she needs to hunt for a restaurant for food.

She ditches the hotel that is so filthy her feet stick to the floor when she walks, and heads down the seedy streets of Republic City. This is the _worst _vacation ever. Ty Lee would rather be in the middle of the horribly cold winter on Kyoshi Island than this disgusting place.

_Ugh. Optimism, Ty Lee. You are known for your positive attitude. That is what everyone knows you for. You have a reputation to uphold as bubbly and shallow and compassionate._

Ty Lee does not feel that way anymore. She is growing up. Maybe remnants of her youth remain. She does have a more positive attitude than most people. But with maturity comes a certain level of being _jaded_.

She passes a familiar face. But it is not familiar. When you don't see someone for a long time, sometimes you see someone with a similar nose or hair and you have to double take as your heart flutters. Maybe it is them. But it never is.

Or maybe Ty Lee is just letting herself get hung up on the past.

_No_, she does not love her anymore. Azula has hurt her too badly to allow that. _No_, she never is the person Ty Lee sees in crowds. Why would she be?

She eats food that is borderline disgusting and then wanders back towards the hotel. She stops at Yue Bay for a little bit, looking at the water. Water has always captivated her; almost as much as fire. When she was a child she would play with matches, which is the first thing children should not do. And her mother would tell her not to, but that never stopped her.

The fire on the stick would captivate her as she waved her fingers back and forth and eventually blew it out. She tried to condition herself to try to feel the same peace from water lapping against gravel beaches, but she never could. Oh, she liked swimming at Ember Island and she always found the pier in Caldera to be pretty, especially with the lanterns lit up and the dreadnoughts dark grey against indigo water, but it never was the like fire.

She sees the same face. It must be the same person. One of those faces. Pointed features, but also soft. Dark hair that covers enough of her face for the person to easily mistakable as someone else. Thin. She is far away from Ty Lee and Ty Lee sure is not going to walk across the beach and try to get a better look.

It is the same weird phenomenon where a person in a crowd looks like a person you haven't seen in a long time. She can barely remember Azula's face even after only a year. Just her eyes. Her eyes boring into Ty Lee's soul and extracting information.

Golden.

Ty Lee's mother had to tell her more than once not to play with matches. But she was a child as obsessed with fire as she was with cartwheels.

Ty Lee returns to the hotel and attempts to use the shower. It does not work, it just drips slightly yellow water. Ugh. She forces a plastic smile and decides to spend the evening with the other warriors and try to forget the girl she saw twice.

Usually it is once in a blue moon she hallucinates Azula. It tends to be Mai far more often, or Zuko or anyone she ever encountered at home. No, not home. The Fire Nation is not home.

The moon is high in the sky when Ty Lee leaves Hahna's bedroom and walks to her own. She fumbles with the key and then realizes the door is unlocked. Now she probably is robbed, but she forces yet another plastic smile and walks inside.

It is dark and Ty Lee fumbles around in her pockets to find matches to light the lamps. A hand is pressed over her mouth and she tries to scream but it is too muffled for anyone to hear.

She starts to push her elbow back to paralyze the mugger, but they dance out of the way, grabbing her by the arm and pinning her hands behind her back.

"Yeah, you're not chi blocking me any time soon," purrs an overconfident voice with a slight crack on vowels.

Before Ty Lee can try to twist out of the grip that disables her honed skill entirely, Azula lets go of her. Ty Lee turns, gasping for breath, her heart fluttering with panic. It is dark and she cannot see her at all.

Until the lamps turn on by themselves, or, by her hand. A moment of blue that paints the room in an eerie glow, and then a gentle orange.

"Don't try anything. I will _scream_," Ty Lee says hoarsely, her words constricted with the panic in her heart and gut.

"And? Then what?" Azula asks, crossing her arms. "You think I can't take on three girls with fans? Fans do only make flames stronger. No one else in this city is coming to save you. The other day I was in my room here, looking out of the window, and I saw a girl get mugged, beaten, worse. People were looking outside. They didn't help her, even the bounty hunters I've been keeping my eye on."

Ty Lee feels her skin crawl. Azula recites it with such ease, such hollowness.

"Some people watched the whole thing," Azula finishes, sitting down on the bed.

Ty Lee stands with her arms wrapped around herself, feeling vulnerable.

"You didn't help her," Ty Lee says, trying to be angry.

"I didn't have any reason to draw attention to myself," Azula says with a small sigh.

"Why did you follow me here?" Ty Lee asks, her high voice soft and delicate, like a sweet young lady and not a weapon of war.

"I didn't follow you. You just kind of walked into... my lap? My hands? All of those sound too sexual, I don't know which phrasing is better," Azula answers cavalierly, shrugging.

Ty Lee studies her closely. She looks worse than Ty Lee has seen her. Maybe she has lost herself, her mind, her control, but she is far from powerless. But she is thin and her eyes dart around. Her lips are chapped. It's her eyes that disturb Ty Lee the most; when she catches Azula's gaze, they look hollow and empty. Not glittering and confident.

She looks as bad as in a straitjacket but in an entirely different way. A much more threatening way.

"What do you want from me?" Ty Lee asks, stepping forward. Azula makes a face that causes Ty Lee to step back again.

"Would you like me to tell you in list format or more casually?"

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>"Tell me about myself," Azula says, sitting in front of her vanity and combing her hair. The routine motion feels... nice. She can lose herself in her reflection.<p>

Incredibly beautiful. But without any memories to validate it. She is a hollow shell of a person. And a disgrace. A prisoner. A crazy. A lot of things that she does not recall but knows to be true.

Ty Lee sits behind her, on the bed. She squirms rather uncomfortably as she watches Azula.

"We were engaged to be married. Tell me why you fell in love with me," Azula says, setting down the gilded comb. Ty Lee cocks her head to the side, a gentle motion like that of a baby animal.

"You're pretty, and perfect, and you never make mistakes. I'm a lot of good things but I could never be like you, princess. And I always wanted to be," Ty Lee says sweetly and she is not lying. Azula feels both relieved and, admittedly, better about her ego.

"But I'm also crazy and have a thousand enemies and two friends. You make me sound like a goddess, not someone who was locked up in an asylum," Azula replies with a mirthless laugh, standing up and walking to Ty Lee. They sit close together and the Kyoshi Warrior wonders if it will escalate out of her control.

"You might as well be a deity." Pause. "At least to me."

Ty Lee leans forward, expecting Azula's lips to touch hers. But the amnesiac does not move. She touches two fingers to Ty Lee's light pink lips and the Kyoshi Warrior recoils, flushed red with embarrassment. Azula stares into her eyes and tries to figure out why exactly she is so enamored.

"Am I really that perfect?" Azula murmurs and Ty Lee is not sure what she intends. This seemed like an invitation to sex, but it is turning into something that Ty Lee cannot comprehend. And that terrifies her.

"Yes. You're... you," Ty Lee whispers, standing up before she can humiliate herself further. Azula remains sitting, her sleeve slightly loose and exposing her alabaster shoulder. Ty Lee's stomach twists. "You have this fire inside of you that makes people want to follow you. To admire you and fear you. To hate you and love you so much but really just... want to _be _you."

She has a momentary thought of Azula in a straitjacket. She swallows and replaces it with Azula slipping a ring onto her finger. But that brief happy moment is quickly overshadowed by talking Azula down from hallucinations. And she replaces that with a passionate kiss. That one sticks.

"Yet people whisper on the streets when I walk past them," Azula says sharply. Ty Lee shifts her weight between her feet. This is most definitely a trap. "If I'm really so perfect, why did I fail in the end?"

"Because sometimes things just happen," Ty Lee offers, feeling like a moron. Azula shrugs in response. "You were betrayed by everybody in the end. I mean, it was ultimately your choice, I guess. But a lot of people should share some responsibility for what happened to you."

"How did they betray me?" Azula asks, no longer sounding seductive and casual, and instead vicious and hungry.

"People just grow apart. You burned some bridges in your relationships." A lie. She couldn't bear to tell her the truth. Ty Lee flinches as if something was thrown at her when she says that, but Azula is as still as a statue. "Everybody hurt you in the end. But if we really hated you we wouldn't be wasting our time. We would just lock you back up; not try to help you remember. People _want _you in their lives, Azula, regardless of what you did."

Azula shrugs and wraps her arms around herself. She does not know what to say to that because she does not have the memories to help her cope.

"I don't know," Azula says, standing up. She stares at the bed as if it can give her answers. "I don't know why I even try. I'm never going to be able to remember."

"Maybe you don't have to." Ty Lee walks to her and touches her waist. Azula lingers for a moment, contemplating her options as her friend waits patiently. Then she shakes her head.

"You should leave. I'm going to sleep," Azula says and Ty Lee hides her disappointment. It seemed like they were making progress.

"I'm down the hall if you need me," Ty Lee replies lightly, disappearing through the door.

Azula closes her eyes and wakes up every hour with increasingly worse nightmares.

_You might as well be a deity._

_Well, the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall._

[X]

Zuko is staring longingly at the girl across the room. The girl across the room who he has been in love with for years. And the one who seems to be doing perfectly fine without him in her life. He is staring at Mai, who is talking to Azula, recounting memories to her that she has forgotten.

"Ask her out," Katara repeats and Zuko sighs.

"I don't think she wants to be with me anymore," he says and Katara shakes her head.

"It doesn't hurt to ask," Katara says softly, nodding towards the three girls on the other side of the room.

Zuko takes a deep breath and walks forward, sitting beside Mai on the sofa. Azula is on the coffee table as if it were a throne, and Ty Lee has her legs contorted into some weird position on the floor.

"...and then you pushed Ty Lee into a tree," Mai is saying as Zuko looks at her closely. His heart beats far too fast. "Yeah, Zuko?"

"Can I talk to you?" Zuko asks, swallowing his anxiety. Mai nods and stands up, leaving Azula with Ty Lee. The acrobat picks up with another story from their childhood, tales that leave a small smile on Azula's rosy lips.

Zuko and Mai are soon alone, standing in the shadowy hallway. Mai looks at Zuko and tries to forget the feelings she is struggling to fight. They are about to overcome her and she _cannot _let that happen. It is not as if he wants her back, or he would have said something.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date together." Zuko rubs his neck and hopes he did not sound ridiculous. He thinks he might have been speaking too fast.

"I'd like that," Mai says and Zuko's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. She smiles faintly and Zuko is internally cheering. "It'll be nice to get out of this place."

"Yeah," Zuko replies and Mai leans against the wall. She looks so effortless in her motions and Zuko wonders if she thinks he is absolutely ridiculous.

"What kind of date do you want to go on?" Mai asks and Zuko realizes he has not prepared for more. He chews on his lip and tries to think. "Well, I was thinking we could just be boring and cliché and go out to dinner."

"That sounds great," Zuko says, taking a deep breath. Mai nods.

"I'll meet you at sundown." She brushes past him so close that he can smell her perfume. It has changed in the past three years, but it still smells like happiness and home.

Zuko smiles to himself as Mai walks back to sit with Azula and Ty Lee.

He hopes for the best, even though he knows it will probably be dashed.

[X]

"Are you in love with my brother, or something?" Azula asks during the healing session, cocking an eyebrow at Katara.

Katara grits her teeth, already immensely frustrated with the girl she has to help. Azula does not deserve this help, but Zuko seems to think she does. And Katara cannot turn her back on people who need her, even if that person is Princess Azula of the Fire Nation.

Katara hesitates, setting down the bowl of water beside Azula. "I'm doing this for Zuko. Not because I'm in love with him, but because he's my friend and this is really important to him."

"Why am I so important to him?" Azula asks, her tone scathing and regal. As days pass, Azula loses more and more of her naive innocence and forced kindness. She has come to realize that it was getting her nowhere and she would rather be cruel.

"I have no idea. You've tried to kill him _constantly_. But apparently he loves you," Katara says, swirling the water around with her fingertip. "You guy got along when you were kids. Things changed at some point but Zuko never goes into it."

"It's patronizing," Azula says, crossing her arms as Katara sets up.

"You should appreciate that he wants to help you," Katara says sharply, her nostrils flaring. Azula rolls her eyes and shrugs pointedly.

"I think he got lucky that I have amnesia," Azula replies and Katara hates to admit she is right.

She goes directly to the healing without any more interruptions from Azula.

_Azula feels an overwhelming happiness. The memory is incredibly pleasant for some reason. The sensations are of heat in her body and anxiety in her gut, but the good kind of anxiety. She walks through the familiar palace._

_She pushes open the door to the room in which an older man is packing Zuko's things as he lies on his bed. Uncle, she recalls for some reason or some way._

_"Azula," Zuko says, her name never changing on his tongue. Always so bitter and resentful, yet slightly tender. Hard to describe._

_The air smells metallic and sweet and Azula has a disjointed image of a dead squirrel-toad. It pops up in the memory strangely. Zuko has blood soaked bandages on a burn. Another image; she was watching, her eyes glued to a brutally violent scene. Father, as he appears in her other memories. The unhappy ones._

_"You were already pretty ugly, ZuZu. I doubt anyone will notice the difference," are her mocking words of comfort._

_"Can you make her leave, uncle?" Zuko leans over feebly._

_"Good luck," Azula says, not sure if she means it or not. "I mean, the Avatar hasn't been seen in nearly a century. But, I guess nothing's impossible."_

_"You'll see," is all Zuko says before pulling his blankets over himself._

_"Maybe I will. Goodbye, anyway, if that means anything."_

"Keep going," Azula says rather hoarsely. Katara feels strange about doing it. The princess is sweating and shaking slightly.

"Maybe we should stop."

"I'm so close. One more."

_"You lied to me!" Zuko shouts, as if it is so surprising. Azula laughs._

_"Like I've never done that before." She turns on her heel. Mixed emotions. Loathing, passion... remorse. Remorse is felt for the very first time in her memory. Desire. Unstoppable desire that nearly jolts Azula awake._

_Azula stands with her back to Zuko and Iroh, gazing out at the ocean with a small smile. She is waiting for something. She tries to remember but is interrupted by a scream of an old man. _

_"Zuko! Let's go!" screams the man, taking on the incompetent guards with ease. But Azula keeps waiting._

_Zuko finally strikes. Azula blocks his every move without breaking a sweat. His fire is weak in the first place. She is the perfect weapon, those words come to mind in the voice of her half-remembered father. The perfect weapon. Disjointed image of his moderate and dispassionate praise._

_"You know, father blames uncle for the loss at the North Pole. And he considers you a miserable failure for not finding the Avatar. Why would he want you back home, except to lock you up where you can no longer embarrass him?" Pleasure surges through the memory._

_Zuko strikes with more fervor._

Azula opens her eyes. The feelings in these memories have been more vivid than the past memories of pain and sex. Those were images with sensations; she can almost recall her thoughts at the time in these. They are, by far, more helpful.

"That one had an effect on you," Katara says, removing the water from Azula.

"Lying feels natural to me," Azula admits, avoiding explaining her memory, watching Katara carefully for her reaction. But she does not look surprised or revolted.

"You can't say good morning without lying twice," Katara replies, laughing at her own joke as Azula remains silent. "And for some reason people still trust you."

"I have charisma," Azula says, as if just discovering it. Perhaps she _is _just discovering it. "I'm royalty, I should."

Katara lifts the water for a second turn and Azula touches her hand. Her long nails glitter on Katara's dark skin as Azula turns her chin up and stares Katara directly in the eyes.

"There's more to the story, isn't there?"

"Which story?" Katara removes Azula's hand as if it is a nasty piece of seaweed stuck to her while she was swimming.

"I was meant to be Fire Lord, wasn't I?" Azula asks and Katara's heart speeds up. Zuko made her promise not to tell Azula anything about her previous ambitions. If she is to be redeemed, her lust for the throne and desire for power must stay forgotten.

"No. Zuko is older than you. I don't think you were happy about it, but you always accepted that fact," Katara lies and Azula believes her. For a skeptical girl, she did not see through the most blatant lie she has been told yet.

"It _is _his birthright," Azula sighs, tapping the arm of her chair impatiently. Katara takes that as a sign to touch the water once more to Azula's temple.

_"Do I have to ask for a written report or are you going to spit it out? Is he dead or not?" is the first thing Azula hears when she arrives in the throne room, shaking like a leaf. Her first failure. _

_"He's not," Azula says, her words small, her purring tone missing. She wraps her arms around herself, the embrace of a lonely child. The flames grow, momentarily blinding Azula with red. She feels her pallid skin flushed. "I tried, father, I.." He silences her with one glance._

_"I told you not to return until Zuko was dead. Why are you back if he isn't dead? You're a clever girl, Azula. I expect better." The flames are dangerously out of control. He must be livid in ways that Azula has never witnessed. _

_"Ty Lee and─"_

_"If I ever hear that circus freak's name again, I will personally execute her."_

Azula gasps for breath. She can feel the heat of the flames in the throne room. The absolute terror and dread as she knelt before her father. That one was almost as vivid as the one of blood dripping down her painful back.

"We have to stop," Azula says and Katara obeys. "I need a minute."

Katara hesitates, trying to find answers in Azula's eyes. But she finds nothing.

She simply leaves Azula alone.

The princess rises and walks to the window. She stares out, her thoughts on the images of herself she just received. The pleasure of lightning, the hope of her altercation with Zuko and the terror and fear of her father. She shakes her head and tries to forget the dried up feelings that came to life inside of her.

She needs to see her father.

[X]

"That ship that one time?" Zuko asks, his lips twitching with a smile. Then he sees her serious expression. "Our Uncle... most likely. I don't remember ever being protected by any other old man. And I can't take you to father now but I promise I will."

"What's going to happen if you do? He's dead, isn't he? You're a liar just like me."

"Wrong on both counts," Zuko says calmly and Azula's eye twitches.

"You have _no _idea how frustrating this is. Everything is just a memory from a dream; it never feels real. I don't really know who I am no matter how many people tell me or whatever useless memories Katara brings up." Silence. "He can tell me who I am. I'll remember if I meet him."

"There are a lot of things about our father you don't want to remember," Zuko says and Azula purses her lips.

"You coddle me like I'm an expensive teacup."

"I care about you."

"What is it you want from me? I smiled when you were burned, I mocked you when you were bedridden and I lied to you and fought you on a ship. What do you want from me?" Azula asks sharply and Zuko is stunned. She complains about knowing nothing, but she knows so much. More than he wants her to remember.

"I made a promise I would help you get better."

"To who?"

"That's not important."

"I wasn't wrong twice. You're just as much a liar as me."

And she leaves the room, Zuko feeling the twist of guilt in his stomach.

[X]

Azula gasps for breath as she runs to the edge of a cliff, trying desperately to escape something dark chasing her. She feels her heart pounding as she is cornered and has no choice. She flings herself over the side, and then looks up for anyone to help her.

And then she is falling. Falling straight through the floor. She looks up at the four people who claim to help her, Zuko, Katara, Mai and Ty Lee. And they smile as her body breaks.

Azula wakes gasping for breath and feeling the panic set in again. She looks at the dust in her room and is utterly convinced she is choking on it. She throws open the window and breathes in the night, but she feels stifled by the moon.

Inside or outside, she is suffocating.

The dust clogs her throat and she walks to the mirror, looking for perfume to breathe in or something. She sees bruises in the shape of fingers all over her neck.

"Are you okay?" whispers someone at the door. A soft, girlish, fake voice.

Blink. Azula catches herself. There are no motes of dust in the room, no bruises on her neck. She examines herself in the mirror, drenched in cold sweat, and feels incredibly unnerved by what she imagined.

"I'm fine," Azula breathes, walking to the door and opening it.

Her fiancée. The one she half remembers. She knows nothing about her, except for the fact that she cannot trust her, no matter how much she claims they are in love.

Azula does not trust a single one of these people.

And until her memories come back, she doesn't think she ever will.

[X]

Katara looks at her with a small frown. She does not seem to want to be here in the slightest, but feels so _obliged _to Zuko. Ty Lee had friends like that once, but now the three of them have scattered. And Azula does not even recall that they would have done anything for each other.

_"I wish I had something better to say," Ty Lee says, her face playing host to dancing shadows. The fire burns in the middle of nowhere. It is freezing cold and she has a blanket wrapped around herself._

_"I don't see any reason for you to say anything," Azula says coldly and Ty Lee wonders why she is involved in this. Loving Azula is honestly a good deal like punching herself in the face over and over again._

_"I want you to know that I would do it for you too," Ty Lee says and Azula gives her a confused glance. "I know it was... a long time ago, but I didn't choose her over you, I just couldn't, if one of you died _I _would die. You have to understand that."_

_"Stop explaining yourself," Azula says, staring directly into the fire. "You're wasting your breath."_

_Ty Lee's insides twist. _

"If you want, you can come to our healing session," Katara says and Ty Lee's eyebrows shoot up. "Maybe it would help. Obviously you and Mai share more memories with her than I do."

"I would like that," Ty Lee says with a warm smile. It feels slightly plastic to Katara, but everything with Ty Lee does. Suki says her kindness and sweetness is genuine, but Katara finds it very forced.

Katara nods and starts filling a bowl with water for the session.

When the healing session begins, Ty Lee sits close to Azula. Their knees are almost touching and the princess crosses her legs to avoid it. Ty Lee makes a face like a wounded baby animal and Katara swallows. This is something she certainly does not want to be involved in.

"Azula, give me a chance, will you?" Ty Lee says softly and Azula studies her closely. No recognition in her eyes, no meaning behind Ty Lee's words for her. "For three years I held you when you cried, and I was there for highs and lows and talked you down from panic attacks and never once decided it was too hard because I loved you. I put up with hallucinations and you attempting to break if off in fits of rage, because I loved you. Nobody has ever done what I've done for you."

Azula bites on her lower lip. Ty Lee sighs and averts her eyes.

"Am I really that... fragile?" Azula asks and Ty Lee furrows her brow. She looks uncomfortable.

"You're not fragile. You're just sick. But you can be completely fine too, I mean..." Ty Lee trails off when Azula looks away. She clearly does not want to hear it.

Katara lifts the water with her hands and touches it to Azula, on the reddish scars hidden by her raven hair. The water glows as Ty Lee watches, fidgeting with anxiety. Maybe it will work. Just maybe. She is chewing on her nails by the time anything happens from the healing.

_Azula wakes up to find Ty Lee gone. She is naked, and briefly wonders if the sexual encounter was just an erotic dream. She pulls on clothes and splashes her face with water. She stares in the mirror for some time, examining her face. Princess Azula feels... different. Indescribable feelings as she freefalls. The satisfaction in her body is something unimaginable, the echoes of moans and screams and gasps in her mind._

_Maybe she imagined it._

_She walks to the elaborate dining room. Ty Lee is there, eating pastries and drinking a cup of tea. _

_She hopes she didn't imagine it._

_Azula meets eyes with the acrobat and sees that it is true. What happened last night really happened and Azula almost cannot believe it. She sits down beside Ty Lee and finds herself kissed on the mouth. Are they together now? Did one sexual encounter lead to some kind of relationship?_

_"Was last night real?" Ty Lee asks, as if she has the same doubts as Azula._

_"Yes," Azula says, sounding somewhat scathing. But Ty Lee senses a sensitivity in the princess's tone that was not there before._

_"Are we... together?" Ty Lee inquires and Azula shrugs, picking up a piece of fruit. She peels it with her fingertips. A kiss on her neck. She might be... she might be okay with this._

_"I don't see a problem with it," Azula purrs, leaning in and kissing Ty Lee again. She feels the acrobat's hand slip up her thigh and she struggles to keep cold and calculated._

_They almost screw on the dining room table, but Azula pulls away. The princess and her lover finish breakfast breathlessly._

Azula opens her eyes. Katara notices that she does not shudder as she does when the memories must involve violence or pain. This one must be pleasant, but her face still looks chalk white and sallow.

"When did that happen?" Azula asks before realizing that neither of them saw the memory. "You were in the dining room and I was thinking about some night together and it was... I could feel my _sickness _like I thought it was a mistake, but then I─"

"Kissed me," Ty Lee says and Azula nods.

"Don't interrupt again," Azula demands, trying to cover up her confusion. This is all _true_, everything the girl in front of her says. But Azula cannot imagine ever loving someone like her enough to do that. It does not feel right at all, but obviously it happened to her.

"Do you guys want to take a break?" Katara asks, dropping the water into the gilded and jeweled bowl.

"One more," Azula says as Ty Lee tries to make eye contact with her and fails.

The acrobat's eyes blossom with sparkling tears and Azula does not seem to care in the slightest. Katara wants to slap Azula for treating someone who has clearly sacrificed so much for her so poorly. But amnesia and all, mental instability aside, Azula is Azula and cruelty is her first language.

But Katara lifts the water gently once more, and places it on Azula's scars.

_Azula leans over the side of a steel ship. The wind tosses her bangs around as she squints at the water._

_"Hey," comes a high pitched voice behind her. Artificially high pitched, presumably to make herself more attractive. Azula does not turn around. "It's pretty cold out."_

_"It's cold at sea," Azula purrs emotionlessly. Ty Lee forces herself beside the princess. They stand there in silence._

_Suddenly, she is seized by Ty Lee and has her arm wrapped around her curvy body. Significantly curvier than Azula's, the princess notes. She starts to pull away, but remains that way. It doesn't feel terrible._

_"You're always warmer," Ty Lee says and Azula controls her breathing. It is the most invaluable lesson of firebending. _

_"Well, I'm a firebender," Azula says softly, the sensation of cold skin against warm most uncomfortable. Mostly because of how arousing it is._

_"How cold do you think the water is?" Ty Lee asks, leaning over the edge. Azula's arm seems to be the only thing keeping her from falling in. Clearly, so Ty Lee can pretend that Azula cares enough to save her from drowning._

_"Cold enough to give you hypothermia," Azula says, recalling for a moment being tossed into the ocean by her uncle. He is a prisoner on the ship, and that brings her great pleasure. "Teeth chattering, skin numb, dripping wet. If you were in the water too long, you'd probably drown."_

_Ty Lee frowns momentarily, before offering a smile. Azula pulls her away from the edge._

_"Would you rescue me if I fell in?" Ty Lee asks, again out of line. Azula is clearly leading her on._

_"Probably not," Azula says airily, shrugging. Ty Lee's eyes tear up for a moment, but she quickly wipes the look of disappointment from her face. _

_"You confuse me, princess." Ty Lee pauses before realizing what she has said. "Not that there's anything wrong with that! I mean, you're just smart and I'm not, you know?"_

_Azula suppresses a smile. "It's alright. I like to keep people guessing." Shrug._

"When were we on a ship? It was cold and you said it was cold," Azula asks, her eyes suddenly drilling into Ty Lee. The acrobat looks displeased that Azula only looks at her when she needs her, but she supposes any supplement to the memories is helpful.

"We were going back from Ba Sing Se. You know that you conquered it from the inside."

"Mai told me the story. I don't remember any of it, but, it seems like something I could be capable of," Azula says, shrugging softly.

"You messed up in Ba Sing Se," Ty Lee says and Katara's eyes flash. Azula's jaw twitches slightly. "Not with your plans. They worked. But you almost got romantically involved and it threw you off. If you had never gotten your heart all tangled up with mine, you wouldn't be a prisoner here with no memories. You'd be Fire Lord."

Ty Lee stands up, feeling her heart sink into her stomach, and leaves Azula behind. She shuts the door loudly and walks away, not able to handle another second.

She stood beside Azula even after everything she had done. Azula was a fugitive and Ty Lee would meet her and it was vaguely romantic. And whenever Azula went flying and crying and sinking and shattering, Ty Lee would keep her feet on the steady and pull Azula to stable ground. Even if Azula would not admit it, it was one of the reasons they are bound together.

But clearly the ties that bind them have been ripped ─ no ─ shredded. And Ty Lee does not know what to do. Because she's... never been alone. She can't remember her life before Azula crashed into it and took command. And maybe it's messed up and sick, but even when she built a new life and Azula was in the asylum, she still imagined her arms around her at night in her twin bed filled with straw on Kyoshi Island.

She was happy there... but not happy enough to resist Azula and their proposal.

Ty Lee looks at the table in her room, the guest room she has always been given in her stays here.

She tears the ring from her finger and sets it on the wood.

She frowns at it and then covers it up with a discarded pink shirt.

There. Better.


	4. The Girl Who Loved Her Father

Chapter Four: The Girl Who Loved Her Father

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

Azula and Ty Lee sit in a grungy hotel room mere months after Azula ran away. Azula looks like a wreck; Ty Lee is both angry and happy and utterly confused. And Ty Lee has just asked what exactly Azula wants from her. Because Azula sure is not just visiting an old friend without something she can gain from it.

"Would you like me to tell you in list format or more casually?" Azula asks sharply. "Go on. Answer me."

Ty Lee grits her teeth. She does not want to play along with Azula's games. She is not that little girl anymore that was in love with her best friend. That let herself get used. And Azula is not as she once was either.

"List format," Ty Lee spits and Azula's eyebrows flicker upwards in surprise at Ty Lee's bitter anger. She has to admit she expected Ty Lee to fall at her feet.

"I..." Azula trails off and Ty Lee cocks an eyebrow. She does not look impressed as Azula fumbles with her words. She has never seen that before.

"You don't have any reason, do you? Or is it just so nasty you're rethinking saying it?" Ty Lee demands and Azula clears her throat.

"You should give me a chance," Azula says and Ty Lee laughs. And laughs. And laughs. "What is exactly so _hilarious _about that?"

"I'm not that person anymore, Azula. We're not those people," Ty Lee says, gesturing at her friend's disheveled appearance. "It's going to take more than showing up in my room in the dark and holding me captive to get me to be your little slave again."

"You weren't my─"

"Shut up! Shut up!" Ty Lee exclaims and Azula's nostrils flare. The princess is clenching her jaw so fiercely that her temples throb as she tries to play her tiles right. "I don't want to hear your excuses ever again!"

Azula stands up and Ty Lee does not step backwards. The princess walks to her, slipping one hand behind her back. The back of Ty Lee's hand collides with Azula's face, knocking her off of her feet. Her hands light up, glittering with not flame, but lightning. It reverberates through her body as she lunges forward and... stops.

It flickers out, the loud sound and bright light ending. They are left in the extremely dim, orange lamplight. Ty Lee breathes a small sigh of relief that she cannot conceal. If Azula had taken two more steps, Ty Lee would be dead. She wouldn't have been able to land a punch fast enough.

"How many people have you killed to keep from being uncovered?" Ty Lee says breathily, her heart still palpitating at the speed of light. The sensation of two bolts of lightning coming directly at your strangely exposed body is the most terrifying thing Ty Lee has ever experienced.

"I don't keep track of my casualties," Azula says, swallowing. She looks as surprised as Ty Lee is that she did not land the blow and save herself the trouble of having revealed her hiding place. Her hiding place for the moment, that is. "I don't intend to add you to the list."

"I hate you," Ty Lee says softly and Azula rubs her rosy lips together. "I think you're the first person I've ever actually hated."

She advances on Azula and Azula's fingertips turn cerulean. But Ty Lee presses her lips ferociously against Azula's. Azula swallows, overtaken by the motion. She presses her nails into Ty Lee's back as they fumble standing up.

Ty Lee presses Azula against the wall and both wonder if they should move in for the kill or the orgasm.

But Ty Lee answers the question by slipping onto her knees, her lips tracing down Azula's navel through fabric that rubs against her pale skin. Bent in an unusual and awkward position, Azula finds herself confused. But utterly alive and in bliss, in a way she has not felt since before the comet.

Azula does not know what to say when it is over. She kind of fumbles with her clothes, debating putting them back on. Ty Lee is leaning against the window, gazing out at the dirty city and leaving herself entirely vulnerable to attack. But Azula has no desire to attack her.

Not exactly after that.

"I can't read you," Azula says and Ty Lee jumps. Neither of them have spoken for nearly ten minutes after the encounter ended. "You were livid. Your eyes were on fire but now they're... maybe I need to know what you want as much as you need to know what I want."

"I really don't know which of us is crazier," Ty Lee breathes, and that is the only answer she gives. "The insane asylum escapee with the paranoid eyes or the one who gets on her knees for her after being beaten down _so many times_."

Azula swallows. She puts back on her clothes, making the decision, and sits down on the bed. It creaks even under her insubstantial weight. This place is incredibly disgusting; although Azula has heard there are nicer portions of the city that are more developed than these.

"Do you want me to leave?" Azula asks and Ty Lee picks at her lips, still gazing out of the window.

The Kyoshi Warrior has never been more conflicted in her life. Her feelings for Azula still exist, simmering under the surface. But, while she may not be a dreadnought engineer, she is smart enough to know that Azula has always been bad news. The relationship is not healthy, and Azula is not healthy.

"You should go back to Zuko," Ty Lee says softly and Azula laughs mirthlessly. Ty Lee cringes, her stomach twisting. Azula sure knows how to be condescending.

"Yes, so he can lock me away now that he's done with me. I choose freedom over whatever he'll decide to do," Azula says, scoffing loudly. Ty Lee frowns faintly and feels that she cannot remember how to smile. "I'm not an embarrassment he can just cast aside. I conquered Ba Sing Se."

Azula's voice cracks at the end. She does not sound cold and purring and overcompensating for her pain. She sounds wounded and half-broken.

"Will you sleep here tonight?" Ty Lee asks and Azula looks more paranoid than earlier, which is a substantial accomplishment.

"So you can turn me in to your friends?"

"I thought you could take them so easily. That fans make flames stronger," Ty Lee says with a snort of derision.

"Maybe," Azula says hesitantly. Ty Lee walks away from the window and lies down on the bed. She pulls the threadbare blankets over herself as moonlight makes patterns on her neck and face.

Azula finds her beautiful. Not beautiful in the way that makes Azula want to scar her face and steal it from her. Beautiful in the way that Azula wants to possess her and consume her and preserve the beauty in her eyes forever.

Ty Lee tries not to look at Azula. She tries to pretend that this is a dream. It is easier to stomach than the idea that she is going to have to choose. That she is going to have to lie, _of course_. And that her blood still surges with a desire that is most unwelcome.

It is the first stolen night together.

They lie in the dark and Ty Lee sincerely hopes she will not die in her sleep. Azula is difficult to trust when she looks about ready to combust at any moment. As the midnight dims and fizzles out, Ty Lee runs her fingers through Azula's hair. It is knotted in places but Azula does not wince when Ty Lee breaks them apart. She pulls it back into a braided bun that can most likely weather whatever she has been putting herself through.

Azula will not admit that she likes the touch. Ty Lee's fingers trace down her neck after she finishes adjusting Azula's hair. Well, a step towards making her look less crazy. Ty Lee tries to stay awake but she eventually drifts off into her sleep.

And when she wakes, Azula is not there.

Why would she be?

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>Azula remains with Katara after Ty Lee rips the ring from her finger and sobs. The waterbender hesitates and Azula inhales sharply.<p>

"Just keep going," Azula snaps and Katara drops her hands to her sides.

"I'm here out of the kindness of my heart. I could be with Aang or my brother or anybody, but I'm here with _you _and you _cannot _talk to me that way," she says fiercely and Azula blinks twice, looking surprised. "Everybody treats you like you're fragile, but I'm not going to. If you want my help you have to treat me with respect."

Silence. Azula stands up and knocks over the bowl of water like a child. Katara crosses her arms, eyebrow twitching, as Azula storms out of the room, slamming the door three times for effect.

Katara rolls her eyes and bends the water out of the carpet.

[X]

"So... this date," Mai says, studying Zuko closely. They stand awkwardly in the front hall, dwarfed by the giant golden doors. "Don't try anything cute."

"Well, I was going to get you a kitten, but..."

"You learned sarcasm. I would clap but my hands are kind of... dry."

"Let's just go," Zuko interrupts before this escalates. Mai shrugs and follows him into the night. "I was thinking we could walk. And not be... noticed."

"Good, we increase the chance of being mugged in an alley." Pause. Zuko makes a face like he is afraid. "Don't worry, I'm armed to the teeth. I'll protect you from the muggers."

"I'm not afraid of being mugged, I just didn't want to disappoint you if you wanted to take a─" Zuko begins but Mai puts one finger over his lips. He fights the heat within.

"Relax. This isn't a math test. It's a date. We're adults," Mai says, seizing Zuko's hand and walking towards the winding back roads through the caldera.

"I'll be honest; I haven't been on a date in over a year."

"Who did you go on a date with a year ago?"

"It didn't end well," Zuko says earnestly, stepping over a puddle. He moves to help Mai across it but she walks around it, leaving Zuko to pretend he didn't try.

"Alright, if you don't want to talk about it I'll just assume the absolute worst." Mai smirks and Zuko suppresses a smile.

"Do you remember when I kept asking you if I could get you a drink but you just said you had to get your own drink? At that stuffy party when we got back from Ba Sing Se?" Zuko says and Mai raises an eyebrow.

"Is this supposed to be a humorous anecdote? Yeah, I do."

"It's not. I'm explaining the date to you. I asked the girl if she wanted to get her own drink and she was extremely offended. You're not like most women," Zuko says and Mai is impressed with the smoothness of his words. He has certainly gained confidence after acquiring a country.

"You never know who's poisoning you these days," Mai says, concealing the fact that her heart is beating a little faster.

"You have no idea," Zuko says, laughing as Mai realizes he probably legitimately has to worry about being poisoned.

"You're lucky that most of our Nation's assassins are also incredibly incompetent. Actually, I'm pretty sure there were only three competent people in the Fire Nation. There must be some kind of rule that there can only be three at a time or something," Mai says, laughing to herself. "Oh, you're, uh, competent too but you don't really count as Fire Nation."

"I'm Fire Lord. How do I not count as Fire Nation?" Zuko raises an eyebrow and Mai blinks. He panics slightly and barely hides it.

"Just forget I said that," Mai says uncomfortably and Zuko curses internally. He shouldn't have corrected her. Now he ruined his chances and...

"Do you want to eat or drink something?" Zuko asks, gesturing at the cobblestone road towards a block of restaurants. They have cleared the wooded area and are now in the upper class portion of the city.

"It can't hurt," Mai replies with a shrug. Zuko notices that her pallid cheeks are slightly pink once he sees her in the lamplight.

The date is going well so far. Zuko smiles.

[X]

"I don't honestly like doing this," Azula says in her bedroom as Katara sets down the bowl of water.

"You think I do? If you don't want to, you don't have to. Zuko wants you to ─ "

"Zuko seems to want to keep me in the dark about a lot of things," Azula says and Katara purses her lips.

She knows that he does, that healing Azula is some futile task he offers as goodwill. He wants to redeem Azula in the skeeviest and most underhanded way Katara has ever seen. All for a ridiculous promise.

"You two have had a weird past," Katara says. "Do you want to do this or not?"

"I do," Azula says begrudgingly. Any memory is better than no memory.

_An emotionless memory. Nothing seems to be attached to it but vague happiness. She moves through motions and the number seven is blended in with it for some reason._

_Azula moves through the poses fluidly. Two fingers touched together, a light amount of azure flame sputtering from them. She recalls practicing barefoot on broken glass, a vivid memory within a memory. Disorienting, but the memory continues._

_She adds on three more motions at once. A blast of blue flame that upsets a flock of seagulls. Everything goes away as she practices. Her mind is clear. Lightning. Smooth, quick, vibrating through her small body._

_She shoots it out into the ocean. No anxiety, no thoughts, no fears, no memories. Only fire and lightning. Only power. Everything goes away._

_Sharp realization. It's the anniversary. The best day of her life was the day that Zuko was banished. She became crown princess._

_Hmph._

"I seem to bend a lot of lightning?" Azula asks and Katara laughs a hollow laugh. Azula's cheeks flush in frustration. People act as if she should know everything when she could not even recall her own name by herself. "What happened on the anniversary of Zuko's banishment?"

"Well, there's been more than one of those," Katara says faux sweetly and Azula purses her lips. "You'd have to ask him."

"He refuses to tell me anything," Azula says, picking at her nails. "All of you do. I don't trust any of you as far as I could throw you."

"You've kind of earned the right to not trust any of us," Katara says with a small sigh. "I mean, we were enemies for years. You and Zuko's relationship is a mess. Your friends... never mind."

"My friends what? My friends _what_, Katara?" Azula demands, her eyes flashing. She has the look of a ruler, the appearance of one of the most powerful Fire Lords and Katara steps back without intending to. Azula's nails dig into the chair, popping the threads one by one with the pressure.

"You grew apart pretty heavily. After the war your relationship just changed." Katara is lying.

Azula pretends to believe her.

She will have to find out about Mai and Ty Lee on her own.

[X]

"What do you _mean _every social situation I've ever been in?" Azula demands, her eyebrows nearly touching her hair. Katara is sucking in air through her mouth to stifle her laughter.

They are sitting in a dull parlor, and Mai and Ty Lee have been recounting Azula's embarrassing moment. She _did _ask, and it's easier than explaining her _traumatic _moments. Katara is trying to fit in with them and still sticking out like a sore thumb.

"We just mean that sometimes you can be slightly a little bit awkward," Ty Lee says, pinching two fingers together. Mai shakes her head, making as much of a smile as Katara has ever seen on her.

"I think we invented standing in the corner at parties talking only to each other," Mai says, shaking her head. Ty Lee scowls at her.

"You're going to upset her," Ty Lee says and Azula turns her palms up, looking aghast and confused. Katara is enjoying this more than she should.

"I prefer honesty when you're trying to _explain my life _to me," Azula says sharply and Ty Lee squeaks. Katara breaks down and starts laughing. "Stop guffawing, peasant!"

"Oh, that was good," Ty Lee says shrilly and Katara laughs more. "She's getting closer, Mai!"

"Would you like to hear more of your embarrassing moments?" Mai asks and Katara nods. Azula shrugs and sighs. "Well, there was the time you skipped school and half of the army came looking for you."

"I have never seen anyone so mortified," Ty Lee says softly, touching her cheeks with a hint of too much drama.

"That's enough for today," Azula says as Mai opens her mouth for another. "I'm going to try to regain this firebending thing I'm supposedly so good at."

"Katara, will you go with her?" Mai says as Azula walks out of the door. Katara looks at her as if she is crazy.

"Do you know how unbearable she is to spend time with? Even with amnesia she's terrible and selfish and, well, you know her," Katara says with a sigh. She looks immovable and Mai frowns. "Do you not trust her to practice firebending?"

"I've seen her burn down buildings when she doesn't get her foot positions right."

"I'll go if you two come too," Katara says fiercely and neither of them want to argue. Azula may be an unstoppable force, but Katara is an immovable object. Ty Lee and Mai have always bent more easily, maybe to stop from being snapped in half by Azula's raw power.

When they arrive in the courtyard, Azula is studying her hands closely. Mai realizes for certain at this moment that the amnesia is not an elaborate ruse. It kind of hurts her to see Azula staring at blue flames on her hands and not quite knowing what to do with them.

"Why are you three here? Afraid I'm going to try to escape?"

"You're not a prisoner, Azula," Ty Lee says softly and Azula looks like she is concentrating for a moment.

"I've heard that before," she remarks before returning to staring at her hands.

"We're kind of morbidly intrigued by how your firebending fared without your memory," Mai says and Katara is startled. She did not know that the dispassionate companion of Princess Azula was such a good liar. Ty Lee cannot lie to save her life.

"Fair enough," Azula says with a shrug.

"I might as well practice too," Katara states as Mai sits down on an overgrown stone bench. Ty Lee glances between Azula and Mai and sits beside Mai. Azula does not seem to notice anything about it, which relieves both of them. Azula not remembering the Boiling Rock might be the best thing that ever happened to their friendship.

"So how did your date with Zuko go?" Ty Lee asks as Azula punches several flames that lick the air. Katara and Azula are both incredibly impressive. They put any bender to absolute shame. No wonder Zuko used to be so insecure.

"It went surprisingly well. I would do it again," Mai says, sounding very relaxed about the entire thing. Ty Lee claps quietly in response. "I do actually miss him."

"Well, this is your perfect opportunity to become Fire Lady," Ty Lee replies, smiling. Mai makes a strange sighing sound.

"Not in my list of life goals," Mai says calmly.

"What are your life goals?" Ty Lee cocks an eyebrow.

"I... actually don't have any." Mai shrugs.

"Well, maybe you should add being Fire Lady." Ty Lee holds up one palm.

"Yeah... okay," Mai says before Ty Lee pushes her.

"Sorry!" Katara shouts, despite the fact that it was a bolt of lightning that nearly cleaved Mai in half.

"You okay?" Ty Lee asks, cringing. Mai pushes herself up, gravel stinging her hands.

"Yes," she says, as Azula is entirely uninterrupted by nearly killing her best friend. "Well, I think we've figured out if it's nature or nurture."

"What?" Ty Lee asks, baffled. Mai blinks for a little too long. She forgot how grating dealing with Ty Lee can be.

"Without her memories, Azula is still kinda... twisted. So, clearly it wasn't her childhood. She was born like that," Mai says slowly as if talking to a toddler. Ty Lee blinks twice and nods. Clearly, she still doesn't understand. "Unless it's transmitted through genes like some kind of bad seed or something."

"Her ancestors are kinda all like that. Zuko said his uncle was like Ozai and Azula before he lost his kid."

"And Zuko was too, before his uncle got to him," Mai says, realization on her usually expressionless face. "I wonder if the insanity is hereditary too..."

"Probably." Ty Lee shrugs. "Although, she is a lot better than she was last time I saw her. I think without the traumatic memories her trauma response is a lot less... terrifying."

"I forgot that you've spent three years with her."

"Yeah. It was hard sometimes. Really hard." Ty Lee purses her lips for a moment and watches Azula nail a kick and pump her fist. Katara snickers and then nearly douses herself with water. "I was there when she cried or when she woke up and panicked or she screamed at me and threw things at me and I never left. And now she doesn't even remember me. She doesn't even _like _me."

Mai swallows, her mouth dry.

"It might be temporary."

"But maybe she's happier this way. Maybe she's happier without me," Ty Lee says softly and Mai rubs her back awkwardly. But the acrobat takes a deep breath, blinks away her tears and regains a smile.

"For fear of being too optimistic, a volcano chain could always erupt and wipe out all life," Mai says and Ty Lee laughs.

"You're being too optimistic. Stop it." They smirk at each other.

Azula kicks off of a tree and briefly flies, her lips twitching with a small smile. Bending is the happiest she has been since she woke up in that hospital. It feels like utter and absolute bliss.

Ty Lee averts her eyes.

[X]

"Check around the door before you shut it," Mai says to Ty Lee.

"It's not like she's here," Katara replies, sighing and crossing her arms.

Katara, Mai, Ty Lee and Zuko are gathered in a little used parlor. They have come to discuss the matter of Azula as responsible adults. Katara has quite the bone to pick with Zuko, Ty Lee probably has her own demands and they all know that there is no way this conversation will go well.

"Her favorite activity is eavesdropping. Just check," Mai says and Ty Lee rolls her eyes and halfheartedly checks down the hall. She shuts the door and locks it.

Zuko takes a deep breath, wondering why Katara summoned them all here. This top secret meeting feels a little forced and Zuko has more to worry about than this. He has a lot on his mind and Katara's admonishing look makes him think he is just going to get chewed out for trying to save Azula again.

"We're here to discuss all of this _lying _to Azula," Katara says, crossing her arms with her chin pointed slightly upwards. Mai sighs, Ty Lee frowns and Zuko shifts his weight from foot to foot. "It is going to burst at some point. I think we need to tell her more about who she is than a few childhood memories and some basic information. She will _find out _eventually."

"Somebody is going to call her the crazy princess at some point," Mai agrees with another sigh. She sets her chin on the palm of her hand. "We need help from other people. There's only so much I can do."

"There's that summit coming up," Zuko says, snapping a finger with a pop that makes Ty Lee jump. "There will be loads of people from her past."

"Loads of people she tried to kill," Mai corrects and Zuko purses his lips.

"She doesn't have an expansive list of friends," Zuko states and Mai shrugs. It is true; finding any allies of Azula's will be difficult these days.

"This lying is really on you, Zuko," Katara says bitterly and Zuko throws his arms up.

"You, Katara, haven't told her about Sozin's Comet. You two haven't told her about the Boiling Rock. And you accuse me of leaving out information?" Zuko says ferociously and Katara swallows. Mai squirms as they all realize he has a point.

Lying to Azula is much easier than telling the truth, and Zuko hates himself for it. Maybe she would do the same if she were in his place, but that is no real justification and the Fire Lord is well aware.

[X]

"I'm not going to ask you again to take me to our father," Azula says sharply as Zuko invites her to breakfast. She examines the food with a distaste that makes him smirk at the memories. Memories she does not share. "I _need _to see him."

"I guess even amnesia can't keep you two apart," Zuko sighs and Azula examines him closely. His face is too difficult to read.

"My memories of him are all painful. When they end I can feel the pain in my body. But when you people tell me about myself, you always talk about how much I loved my father and how much he loved me. That we were close. That you used me to appeal to him. I need to know why I associate him with unbearable pain but apparently I love him," Azula explains in a chilling monotone, one palm pointed upwards. Zuko swallows.

She has a point.

"I'll take you today," Zuko agrees before inhaling for a little too long. Ozai is going to exploit her amnesia even if he has her for a flicker of a second.

_But you're exploiting her amnesia_, an unwanted voice in Zuko's head croons.

And Zuko is a man of his word. He takes Azula, carefully shielding her from anyone who could shatter the glass bubble he has built around her psyche. Not that Ozai is not about to undo everything Zuko has been trying to do. But Azula will not trust him until she sees their father, and Zuko needs her trust before he can redeem her in the slightest.

They reach the prison and Azula is disgusted by it.

"I don't remember this place," Azula says and her heart skips a beat. He intends to lock her away, doesn't he? They _are _playing her.

"You do have amnesia, you know?" Zuko says and Azula takes a deep breath and steadies herself for a fight. They are _not _locking her up here.

Zuko unlocks the door to one cell himself, gesturing for the guards to step away. They look nervous, but Zuko takes Azula by the waist and walks into the small, dimly lit room. She resents his touch but allows it for fear of what he has planned for her.

"And the little lost girl finds her way home."

The voice is both familiar and unfamiliar to Azula. She can attribute a few sentences or words to it, recovered from healing sessions with Katara. But most words from his gravelly and commanding tone are alien to her.

Azula breaks free of Zuko and walks towards the bars. Her father stands to face her, taller than her by less than he was three years ago. Ozai instantly notices that she looks at him without recognizing him at all. The ability to read faces is hereditary; or perhaps learned from him.

"You don't recognize me," Ozai says and Azula clenches her jaw. She eyes him with caution. "That's probably for the best."

"So people keep saying," Azula replies with a mirthless laugh. "I hit my head and lost twenty years of my life. I thought that seeing you would... I don't know."

"You don't want to remember me, little princess."

Azula blinks for a little too long as the memory hits her.

_She twirls around in circles with lightning on her fingertips. She can feel it in her body, but she watches it because it is beautiful. It is a light show that she creates with her own unadulterated power. A man laughs behind her, genuinely amused._

_"Lightning is very dangerous, you know, little princess," but his tone is goading her to continue. _

_And she keeps spinning. Spinning as she creates blue starlight with her fingers._

"You remembered something," Zuko says, stepping forward.

"Nothing important," Azula says softly, touching the bars. Her memories of him are confusing and jumbled, more so than anything else. Pain, but also happiness and contentedness.

"You don't want to remember the half of what I've done to you," Ozai continues and Zuko tenses. He swallows, his throat constricted. This is careening quickly.

"People keep telling me that my life was one long trauma. I don't care if the memories are bad. I _want _them," Azula says breathlessly, examining the prisoner. The prisoner who once ruled a nation and Azula cannot quite figure out what went wrong for him. She simply cannot remember.

"You do always get what you want," Ozai says with no derision is disapproval in his tone. He is simply stating a fact. "You look nice. Better than I last saw you."

"I've been told that that's not hard," Azula replies sharply and Ozai laughs. His laugh is vaguely familiar, but also not.

"You should be grateful for your amnesia." Pause. Azula grits her teeth as her angry eyes glow like embers. "But if you'd ever like to catch up... I'm here. You _do _look nice."

Azula slowly shakes her head. Ozai nods towards the door; he will not say more and Zuko knows it. So the Fire Lord leads his sister out of the cell and speaks with her in the hallway.

"Well, he was confusing," Azula sighs, pouting. "I thought that he would be a more viable lead."

"He would try to exploit you. He's always liked using people, and he would use your amnesia," Zuko says, trying to offer some consolation. Azula clearly expected more from Ozai like she expected more from Ty Lee.

"Exploit me? You mean like you've been doing?"

The conversation ends.


	5. The Girl Kissing the Wrong Warrior

Chapter Five: The Girl Kissing the Wrong Warrior

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

Ty Lee was never the best at paying attention. Being easily distractible is near the top of the list of flaws she _should _work on but _doesn't_. The only time she focuses is when she is in a fight, whether fake or real, and at other times, her protuberant eyes flicker around and her thoughts wander off to daydreams.

Today, she is more distracted than usual. The meeting seems to _never _end. She can feel herself slowly dying as she is entirely incapable of listening to the negotiations. It is not as if they are going to ask _her _for input. Ty Lee is smarter than she looks but no one values that except for Mai and Azula, who realized it yet still mocked her relentlessly for her intelligence.

Friendship certainly involves mocking others. It absolutely has to. But with the Kyoshi Warriors, everyone is nice to each other at all times. Ty Lee finds it incredibly creepy. She gets along well because she is the komodo-chameleon of situations, but the social dynamics are innately disturbing.

Today, she is more distracted than usual because this morning she woke up with her sheets still warm with a ghost. A ghost who disappeared at the earliest convenience _of course_... kind of like Ty Lee does after one night stands, but she feels the desperate need to track her down. Or just know if she existed, if it happened, if Ty Lee is going crazy too... Maybe it was something in the water?

Finally, it ends. Ty Lee breathes a sigh of relief as she nearly runs out of the door and abandons her friends. They will have endless questions and by the time they ask Ty Lee will have endless lies, but she walks to the front desk of the hotel and clears her throat.

The manager instantly walks to her and Ty Lee smirks. This is going to be even easier than she thought.

"Can I help you, miss?" He leans one elbow on the table and Ty Lee bats her eyes.

"I'm looking for a girl. She's stayed here for more than one night and she's really skinny with dark hair and gold eyes and─"

"Never heard of her. Sounds Fire Nation and, therefore, not welcome here." But his face is slightly red. It does not take a genius to tell that he is lying.

"Whatever she's paying you, I'll double," Ty Lee declares as the manager starts to walk away. He slinks back at her exclamation.

"That's an interesting proposition," the manager says and Ty Lee realizes she has said the right thing. She mentally cheers for herself. "How much do you have?"

And so Ty Lee successfully bribes a hotel manager, which is not that surprising in a filthy place like this. She takes the spare key, swinging it around her finger victoriously and walking to the room at the very top, nestled in an unsuspecting corner.

Brilliant military strategist undone by some shiny gold and a morally questionable hotel manager.

Ty Lee unlocks the door and instantly dodges nothing. She expected at least one lightning bolt. Examining the walls for traps, she carefully steps into the room and shuts the door.

"Well, you look incredibly proud of yourself," yawns a voice on the bed. "I all but told you exactly where I was last night. Which, looking back on it, was not incredibly wise of me."

"I could've burst in here with the Avatar and half the Kyoshi Warriors for all you know."

"I don't see them."

"Yeah, but I could've." Ty Lee scowls, frustrated that Azula was anticipating her. Maybe for revenge for the near heart attack she had when someone grabbed her from behind in the dark. "So where did you get the money to bribe hotel managers?"

"I didn't bribe him. I think you just got screwed out of some money," Azula says, laughing slightly. "If I had enough money to bribe people I wouldn't be in... whatever _this _is."

Ty Lee chews on her lip, ripping off a chunk and swallowing it. Ick.

She steps in further, no longer on guard, and examines Azula.

The princess is leaning against the wall, her legs up with her knees touching each other and ankles facing opposite walls, toes touching each other. Her shaky hands rest on her concave abdomen and she looks like she was attempting to sleep. The dark circles under her eyes tell that story.

"Then you slept with him?" Ty Lee regrets it as she is saying it but Azula laughs again.

"I charm and intimidate my way through most situations. It's my only real talent other than burning and electrocuting things. It serves me far better than gold and silver," Azula says with a shrug.

Ty Lee sits down on the end of the bed. It makes a creaking sound and Ty Lee glances around nervously. The curtains are drawn on the window and the room dark. She can hear the insects like she can in her room. This is not exactly where she dreamed of rekindling her teenage romance.

"You wanted me to find you, didn't you?" Ty Lee asks with a sigh. Azula does not reply. "Or else you would've skipped town last night. You feel it too."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't have feelings?" Azula replies, but her voice cracks. She closes her eyes as if trying to cover for it. "You're imagining whatever this is."

"Do you believe in fate?"

"I try not to these days. If this is my grand finale... I'd rather things just happen by chance. That my luck just ran dry. Not that I was destined to live like this," Azula says, with her eyes still closed. "There's your heart to heart for the day. You can leave satisfied now."

"You don't think it was fateful that we came across each other?" Ty Lee asks, crawling closer to Azula. "That maybe there is something meant to be?"

"Hmm."

"That's it?"

"Hmm."

"So you want me to find you, then you just turn me down? You risk breaking into my room when I'm surrounded by warriors and allies of your brother, who would instantly make you a lot easier to find... and you say _hmm_," Ty Lee says, bristling significantly. And Azula makes a strange expression Ty Lee cannot read. "It seems a little too grandiose for a one night stand."

"You love me. Yes or no?" Azula says and Ty Lee feels her gut twist. It was the last thing Ty Lee said to Azula before they landed at the Boiling Rock.

"I don't know."

"That wasn't an option."

It is incredibly hard to know that Azula still cares. Or maybe she is just trying to make Ty Lee feel uncomfortable. There are a lot of unknowns and Ty Lee feels like she is falling blind into deep, dark water. Fumbling blindly, too fast to scream, wondering when exactly she will hit the waves.

"Yes," Ty Lee says, forcing the words out. Azula's eyes open for a moment, and then she closes them again.

"So help me if you follow that up with 'Zuko loves you too so you should just go ho─"

"Azula... Azula I thought I never wanted to see you again. After you, well... It was partially my fault too. Azula..."

"Stop stammering my name like a moron and just─"

Azula is interrupted by a kiss. It is passionate, as they both lean into it. Her lips taste far nicer than anything Azula has tasted in some time. Lip balm? Strawberry. Ty Lee's tongue is briefly in Azula's mouth before she rips away from Azula like the princess has combusted.

Poor girl is incredibly confused.

"It's better if we..."

And before Ty Lee can explain what exactly is better, they are on each other. Azula feels vibrantly, passionately alive for the first time in a long time. Ty Lee clings to her because she feels like she will slip away and fade into thin air.

The anxiety of someone hearing them gasping and moaning is ignored as they finally pull apart. Azula lies down, her hands clasped over her bare and exposed navel. Ty Lee sits, slumped against the yellowed wall.

They do not speak, at least not yet. Maybe there is no reason to.

Azula's father controlled every aspect of her life when she was a youth. He decided how long she slept, where she was allowed to go, what shade of eye-shadow she wore and constantly had people who made sure that Azula followed a meticulous schedule.

_"Your lessons start in exactly one hour, princess. You do not want to fall behind," and Azula briefly imagines burning the man telling her this alive, but she sucks up her anger and finishes the first training session of the day._

Everything was controlled after him, although Zuko would never admit he imposed the same rules. Or maybe it was just the asylum and not her brother; it is easier to blame Zuko. Maybe Azula needs to be controlled. Maybe she really is a monster.

But now, out on her own in the world, all of that is gone. No father or day-planner or doctor mandating her life.

But now, out on her own in the world, she is incredibly lonely, as free as she may be.

And despite all of her freedom, her shattered psyche will never let her truly be free.

But now, in this grungy hotel, naked with the only girl she would claim to have _loved_, she feels free for an hour or so.

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>Suki and Sokka arrive in the Fire Nation last. Everyone else seems to be there already for the summit, and Zuko has been talking about how he has a party planned for everyone. It should be fun; Suki does like parties, as embarrassing as Sokka is at them.<p>

But she loves him regardless, and kisses him on the lips as they reach their apartment in the Fire Nation.

"So, every time we visit another nation, we have to... leave our mark," Suki laughs, setting her hand on Sokka's shoulder. "It's a tradition."

"It's not a tradition I'm arguing with." Sokka shrugs with a small grin. They walk, legs intertwining, back towards the bed in the apartment, but just as Sokka slips on top of Suki, there is a pounding on the door. Suki swallows and gets up, examining her flushed face and grimacing.

The pounding grows more insistent.

Suki opens the door, Sokka left uncomfortably in the bedroom, and she sees Ty Lee standing there. She said she had to stay in the Fire Nation because Azula had amnesia, which is news that spread quickly through Aang's word of mouth.

There is something that twists inside of Suki when she thinks about Azula's amnesia. The memories from her imprisonment still haunt her. She envies Azula's ability to not remember those days that blended into nights. Pointless. Pointless brutality at the hands of a girl younger than her.

It chilled Suki. And when Zuko talks about redeeming Azula, Suki must admit she wants to contribute to it somehow. It will make it _right_, in Suki's mind. Make it right that a young girl could be that messed up. So even when Sokka groans that they should just return her to the asylum, Suki considers this to be an opportunity.

"I think there are some things I should tell you before this party Zuko has planned," Ty Lee says, inviting herself inside and closing the front door behind her.

"Yeah, of course," Suki replies, nodding and hoisting herself onto the counter. She sits down as Ty Lee seems to be struggling to find words.

"Well, I was... engaged to Azula before this happened," Ty Lee blurts out, supposing it is better just to say it quickly, like ripping off a bandage.

"You were engaged to Azula?" Suki's jaw drops. Sokka makes a choking sound as he walks in, cocking an eyebrow.

"You were engaged to the Fire Nation Princess?" is Sokka's baffled reply, leaning forward as if getting closer to Ty Lee will make it make sense. "You came on to me pretty strong..."

"Not anymore," Ty Lee sighs, pouting slightly to the right. She ignores Sokka, not wanting to tell him that most of her _coming on strong_ was not entirely based on the fact that he is incredibly hot; it is based on the fact that Ty Lee savored the envy in Azula's golden eyes. "She really has been improving. Well, until she got amnesia. I think you should give her a chance."

"Yeah, that's what Aang and Zuko and my sister keep saying, but am I the only one who feels like this is probably just an elaborate ruse?" Sokka says loudly and Ty Lee grits her teeth. Sokka is right to be concerned about trusting Azula, but Ty Lee knows that she is not lying. The look in her eyes, void of any recognition, is enough to prove she cannot remember.

"I want to help her," Suki says with almost as much force as Zuko does. Ty Lee blinks several times too fast.

"Because I love her?" Ty Lee offers, attempting a smile with her brow knit. Suki takes a deep breath.

"I trust you, Ty Lee. But I want to help her for kind of selfish reasons. I think it will make everything right that happened to me," Suki says and Ty Lee frowns.

There were times that she would come back to Kyoshi Island after her time with Azula and feel guilt twisting in her stomach when she heard that Suki had more sleepless nights. Maybe Azula sleepwalks and wakes up screaming and hallucinates terrifying daydreams, but everyone has scars from the war. And Ty Lee subjected Suki to months in prison where she stood by as she was brutalized and tormented.

Sokka rubs his chin with the inside of his palm. His jaw juts out slightly, his chest puffed. Ty Lee shifts her weight between her feet, looking vaguely concerned. Suki gives both of them a look that makes their posture loosen.

"When did you get engaged to Azula?" Suki asks, trying to turn the conversation around.

"Well, all those times I left to visit Mai or my mother or something, I was always visiting Azula. Eventually it just... happened. I asked her and she... agreed." Ty Lee looks pained, not blissfully ignorant as she usually does. Suki frowns faintly.

"We'll help you," Suki says firmly and Sokka does not disagree.

As much as he wants to.

[X]

"She's difficult to trust, I know. But this is our one opportunity to turn her around. Evidently locking her in an asylum might not have been the best route. This is... divine intervention," Zuko says and Suki feels her stomach twist. He clearly is placing too many of his own feelings on the situation. "We all need to help her. You guys are here for the summit, and now you're here for the party. And she could come to this party to scope it out."

Katara crosses her arms. Aang nods feverishly. Suki pauses, thinking carefully. Sokka just clears his throat and decides not to get involved. No way is he going to expend any of his energy to redeem the Fire Nation Princess. Regardless of any of her actions for the past six years, he simply cannot deal with _her _when there are more important issues in the world.

But Suki thinks differently. She dreamt last night about her time in the Boiling Rock. Of Azula's nails against her skin and how she can sometimes feel them pressed against her spine.

Katara and Aang are completely behind the idea. Toph shrugs in response; she honestly does not care what happens to Princess Trustworthy.

"I think helping her is the right thing to do," Suki reiterates for the thousandth time.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Sokka repeats to his wife, this time in front of everyone. But then he sighs. "But if it will help you feel better about the war and everything that happened, you should go ahead. I mean, an Azula on our side and not ready to murder us all in our sleep is a nice thought."

"You're making the right decision," Zuko says as Ty Lee takes Suki gently by the arm and explains her past three years with Azula.

Sokka exhales sharply. "She's not crazy anymore?" He cocks an eyebrow at Zuko.

Zuko makes a strange expression. "Define crazy?"

[X]

Azula is roused from her room by Mai pounding on the door. She drags her feet across the shining wooden floor and opens it, leaning her head against the doorframe groggily.

"You used to be a morning person," Mai remarks, cocking an eyebrow. "It's well past sunrise."

"I don't feel well," Azula replies sharply and Mai takes a deep breath. Dealing with Azula is not her favorite activity. The princess acts like, well, a princess about everything, even in her current state. Even in her far worse mental state of years passed. "Why are you waking me up?"

"I'm getting you dressed. Zuko is trying something new to try to bring back your memories," Mai says, taking Azula by the arm and shutting the door behind her. They walk into Azula's room and Mai starts thumbing through Azula's clothes.

She finds a satisfactory dress and tosses it into Azula's arm. Azula examines it for a moment, deems it appropriate, and strips off her red and gold kimono robe. She pulls on the dress that is tight and reveals too much pallid skin and bone. Mai tries not to be put off by Azula's shoulders; evidently not all was well for a fugitive.

"My tits look terrible in this," Azula sighs and Mai snickers. "Don't laugh; I'm completely serious."

"They're baby handfuls," Mai says and Azula's lips part in surprise. "That was inappropriate; you've known me for two weeks. But they _totally _are. They fit perfectly in someone's hands."

"If you're about to grab my─" but Mai is pulling Azula's hair up into a loose bun. A royal topknot is not exactly something Mai can perform, but a bun with a ribbon, _that _she can do.

"Where's your crown?" Mai demands, pulling open a drawer in the vanity and finding three of them cast inside carelessly. Two red, one gold. Mai debates them. "Which one is right?"

Azula simply glares at her. Mai sucks in air through her teeth.

"Oh yeah, amnesia. We'll go with this red one," Mai says, stabbing it into Azula's hair. Azula flinches and mutters something to herself. "You do your own make-up. I'm not your slave."

Azula sits down at the vanity and applies eye make-up. She debates the red paint momentarily, examining it. Finally, she swipes it on her lips.

"Very terrifying. You intimidate me in a sexy way already," Mai says and Azula smirks. "Find some shoes and let's go."

Azula gets up, not complaining about being ordered around, and searches for shoes.

"Mai," Azula says as she pulls on golden shoes, "you're the only one I trust."

Mai's gut twists. She _has _been honest with Azula, but she also _has _left out a good deal of the story. If Azula remembers it, Mai will regret for the rest of her life. But for now, she is just going to enjoy an Azula who does not remember the incident at the Boiling Rock.

"Let's go," Mai says, gently taking Azula's arm and guiding her towards the party Zuko has set up. It consists of his friends and a variety of people who Azula has completely screwed over and harmed in the past, but he hopes will jog her memory.

It can only go terribly, in Mai's opinion. But she tolerates it. If anything, it will be funny.

Azula walks into the parlor and presses her back against the wall in shock. She looks faint and Mai lunges towards her to have her hand batted away. Swallowing, Azula looks at the room full of people talking and laughing, enjoying themselves.

None of them are familiar to Azula as Zuko walks to her and wonders why she is so distressed.

"I thought this would help," Zuko says, gesturing to the gathering of his friends.

Suki, Sokka, Katara, Aang, Ty Lee, Toph, and a sprinkling of those they brought alongside them. Azula feels like she is suffocating, feels the bruises blossoming on her neck again. Her chest feels tight and Zuko cocks his head to the side in confusion.

"Okay, this did not go well," Mai says, swallowing. She reaches for Azula's hand, but it is too late, Aang has drawn attention to Azula and walks close to her.

Aang smiles at her, having briefed his friends on trying to help her.

_"Her violence comes from pain. It's people who lash out like that who need help most," Aang said and Suki rolled her eyes. Toph looked amused at the prospect. Sokka clenched his jaw but agreed that an Azula on their side is better than an Azula fighting them._

"Welcome to your party," Aang says and Azula blinks several times too fast.

"I thought you said she wasn't crazy anymore," Sokka comments and Katara cringes and slaps him on the arm. He rubs the site of contact and glares at her.

"Don't call her that," Katara snaps. Although she has her incredible differences with Azula, and a healthy amount of resentment for someone who killed Aang, she shows the princess a certain level of compassion of late. It was hard not to realize she was a person in the past two weeks staying in the Fire Nation.

Suki walks forward, although Azula has hurt her the most. The brutality she suffered at Azula's hands is something she can feel in her bones as she walks to the princess.

"Do you want a drink?" Suki holds out a glass full of blood red liquid.

Azula pauses for a moment as Mai's fingernails dig into her arm.

Silence. Heart beats fast. Azula smacks the drink out of Suki's hand and runs from the room, holding in tears. She slips from Mai's grasp, leaving red marks up her arms.

"That went as well as I said it would," Katara declares to her friends as Mai walks inside with her arms crossed.

"I'll talk to her," Suki says and the room is shocked. "Aang is right. The people who lash out like that who need help most."

Sokka opens his mouth to convince her otherwise, but Suki walks down the hall. She glances both ways and wonders where Azula went until she hears hysterical sobbing. It makes Suki's skin crawl; she never imagined Azula as vulnerable. She always saw her as a monster and that was easier.

Suki walks towards Azula and the princess leans back slightly. She has her hands pressed on either side of a window to support herself as tears are pouring from her golden eyes. She chokes on every sob, making her shoulders shudder. Suki walks to Azula, despite her damp, stained sleeve and her past history, and stands beside Azula silently.

"I'm sorry for what happened in there," Suki says calmly. "It probably wasn't the best idea to shock someone like that. Can I touch you?"

"Nothing is stopping you," Azula replies and her words would be sharp if they weren't constricted with emotion.

Suki gently takes Azula's hands down from the window. Azula sits on the windowsill and Suki stands slightly to the side of her. This feels strange. But Suki considers herself patient and level headed, and the anger at the torture disappeared when Azula's sanity was... the asylum... just... Suki didn't hold her accountable anymore.

"I'm sorry," Suki says quietly, rubbing Azula's arm awkwardly. Being in contact with the Fire Nation princess feels _wrong_, even if Suki has the desire to help her.

"It wasn't you. It was my brother. It think I'm starting to dislike him," Azula says softly and Suki laughs quietly. "Everything is an inside joke that everybody is in on but me."

Silence.

_"Don't you know that fans just make flames stronger?"_

"Zuko cares about you. He always has. Even when we all told him not to... he always has," Suki says firmly and Azula shrugs it off.

"How do I know you?" Azula asks, changing the subject.

Suki takes a deep breath. "A lot of ways. Most of them pretty bad. I had no idea you were engaged to Ty Lee. That kind of changed things for me after Zuko invited me to this. I wasn't going to go until he told me that. I was talking to her and─"

"I don't want to be associated with her. I don't know why I would have gotten engaged to her. I just don't," Azula says and Suki blinks, startled. The way Ty Lee talked about it was persuasive to even those Azula had spurned most.

"She loves you a lot."

"You don't think I know that? I'm not exactly pleased with my life... or whatever everybody is telling me my life is. And I don't need any of you interfering. I can deal with it myself," Azula says and Suki grits her teeth.

The princess has not changed as much as Ty Lee raved that she had. Even with amnesia and people who she victimized deciding to put that behind them and help Zuko, she is ungrateful and rude and selfish.

"We're all just here for Zuko."

"I know. Everybody loves him so much. Ugh." Azula rolls her eyes and leans against the window. The cool glass against her back does not alleviate her anger, but makes her feel slightly less livid. "Mai is the only one I trust out of _all _of you."

Suki furrows her brow and Azula's heart sinks into her stomach. This cannot be good news.

"That's funny. We all never got along with you, but Mai betrayed you," Suki says and Azula refuses to believe it. She will lose all of the sanity she is clinging to if Mai is a liar too.

"How? When?" Azula demands, seizing Suki by the arms. Suki fights the urge to attack Azula in response, but she clears her head. This is the _right _thing to do. Her relationship with Azula is one that compels her to try to help Azula change.

"Years ago. At the Boiling Rock ─ that's a prison. You trusted her and she..."

Azula starts crying again and Suki cringes. Oh how she wishes she had kept her mouth shut.

"Well, you tortured me in the same prison," Suki blurts out and Azula slowly shakes her head. Oh, this just got worse. "That made it worse, didn't it?"

"All of you need to leave before I raze this palace to the ground," Azula says, drying her tears with two fingers on each side. "I mean that."

Suki swallows and steps back. Azula slips down from the window gracefully.

"We're trying to help you."

"You're trying to _use _me. All of you want _revenge _and now that I'm finally _vulnerable _you're all just going to use me to make yourselves feel better. None of you want to _change _me. You want me to pay for what I did to you all," Azula says, her eyes reflecting a fire that no one has seen since her descent all those years ago.

Suki purses her lips, rubbing them together. Azula is right. Azula is right and no one is ever going to admit it.

"I know," Suki says and Azula blinks, startled out of her rage.

"You're the first to admit it," Azula says, walking towards her.

Suki wishes her back weren't facing the wall. She clenches her fists and wishes she had not left her weapons in the apartment she and Sokka share while in the Fire Nation for business. Azula is smaller when she is closer, but somehow, a thousand times more intimidating.

Azula puts one hand on either side of Suki and they are pinned against the wall. Suki's eyes flicker towards the room of the party, which seems to be going on regardless of if Azula is there or not.

Suki braces herself for impact and an impact she receives.

Of Azula's lips against hers. They are surprisingly warm and soft, and more shockingly pressing against Suki's in a fierce kiss.

Suki leaps away. When she intended to befriend Azula to make her own nightmares fade, she did not expect _that_. Suki's eyes are wide as she moves into a fighting stance, and then loosens as she sees that Azula is more distressed than she is.

"That was, uh..." Suki cannot begin to explain.

She can't say she didn't experiment as a youth surrounded by girls she spent every day with. But she definitely is in love with Sokka, and her close friend is definitely in love with Azula. This is a bit of a predicament.

"I think I may have read you wrong," Azula says slowly, her pallid cheeks lightly flushed, and Suki tries not to laugh.

Azula was like a mind-reader at times. It was disturbing to Suki as they were alone there, in dim, filthy rooms. It was nonsensical in a multitude of ways. And she looks at a much older Azula, and Azula looks at someone she does not recognize.

"I'm sorry for trying to use you," Suki says softly, although she wants to slap Azula for the stolen kiss.

And, slowly, Suki walks away.

Azula leans against the window, touching her lips.

The amnesiac princess is now facing yet another layer of confusion. It never seems to end, the uncertainty and the pain of having lost her memories. But this newfound confusion comes from the strong attraction she still feels to this woman she has known for a handful of minutes.

And regardless of the cost, Azula will have her.


	6. The Girl Who Hated Her Mother

Chapter Six: The Girl Who Hated Her Mother

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

Ty Lee gazes at the mirror. She feels pained. Her fingertips brush against it, futilely pawing. She is far away from Republic City, and back on Kyoshi Island. Her time with Azula is clearly and crisply over, although she has to admit she misses the touch.

It was like the kiss of a ghost, alone together, alone with someone beside her as the midnight lamps burned down and fizzled out, basking the room in a dying blue glow. The sex was inspired and spontaneous and although Azula was clearly slipping to the point of no return, it was passionate.

She should forget about it. It is likely she will never see Azula again. But she cannot help but think about her when she is not consistently occupied.

And Azula, many miles away, is feeling the same way. She distracted herself perpetually, training or focusing or studying maps. Reading books that have no meaning to her in the slightest as she sweet talks her way into different homes and inns.

But she cannot help but be consumed by what happened in Republic City. The feelings are still there, as much as she wants to crush them and forget about them. She still has her heart tangled in Ty Lee's, and both of their hearts _tormented _by the mere existence of the other.

She finds herself in a small town, the next on her travels. Azula has no clue where she is going, no matter how many maps she annotates in perfect handwriting. She is near Omashu now, which certainly should be called New Ozai City, although Azula is aware she lost all of her power.

The first goal is to find herself a place to stay. She manages to make it to a house on the outskirts of town. The reason Azula is in the Earth Kingdom is because no one would recognize her, but she never spends too long in the center of a town. There is always a chance that someone would know her face. She _is _fairly famous, after all.

"Do you need help, darling?" asks a woman and Azula blinks for a little too long. _Perfect_.

"I'm just travelling. I'm going to meet my family in Omashu. You wouldn't happen to know if there's an inn in this town?" Azula asks sweetly and the woman smiles at her. A slight flush to the maternal cheeks of the woman and Azula feels her gut churn. Her hatred for her mother makes the maternal women she exploits feel bitter in her mouth.

"You can stay with us for the night, if you'd like," the woman says, gesturing through her garden and towards the door to her house.

"That would be wonderful. Thank you," Azula says, batting her eyes ever so slightly. The woman guides her inside and leads her to a guest bedroom.

Azula sits down on the bed and closes her eyes.

"You're clearly tired. Rest here for a while," the woman says, rubbing Azula's back. The motherly gesture is unwelcome, but Azula allows it for the sake of her fugitive lifestyle. It is better to be mothered than to sleep with someone for a place to stay the night.

She lies down, knowing that sleep will not come, and wraps the blankets around herself. It is incredibly cold in the Earth Kingdom, and she finds herself missing the Fire Nation. She hid there briefly before it simply became too dangerous.

Pretty, well spoken, but flies into panic attacks at the drop of a pin. Able to charm and intimidate her way into any situation, but sleepwalks and finds herself in precarious positions when she wakes. Clever enough to outwit any authorities who may think they've caught on, but sometimes hallucinates bruises on her neck or people who might as well be ghosts. Has slipped into a multitude of beds with relative ease, but wakes strangling her own screams.

It is _almost _justice, in Azula's eyes. Prodigious at everything she attempts, but now she is weighted down by the fact that one day she simply snapped. Perhaps she should blame her father; she does not know.

The disgraced princess sleepwalks that night. She moves through the house, trapped in a nightmare about her father, with a little twist of her mother. Her hands slide across counters as she abruptly finds herself woken.

"My niece sleepwalks too."

Azula shrieks, shocked and terrified. But then she realizes it is her host, and she is not in danger. But her heart palpitates and all she can do is tell herself that she is not in danger, as much as her physiology thinks she is.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you," Azula says breathlessly.

"It's a normal affliction. I don't mind at all. Have some tea and go back to sleep," the woman says kindly, and Azula hates her for her kindness.

But the princess drinks the chamomile tea and finds that it suppresses her overarching anxiety quite well. It helps. She hates that it helps, and leaves in the morning as soon as she possibly can.

Azula moves to the next town within a few days. She has decided to make her lie a truth, and to wind up in Omashu. It is on the small side and there runs a risk of being recognized, but she is running out of basic creature comforts that these peasants have _none _of. She thinks she needs a shopping trip.

As Azula grows near to Omashu, Ty Lee is hit in the face by a fan. She rubs her forehead as she is promptly apologized to. But it was her fault; she was distracted. The incident in Republic City has drained her ability to focus on _anything_.

"What happened in the city?" Suki asks as Ty Lee is studying her food intently and not eating it. They sit on the steps of one of the multitude of overly similar buildings. The mud on Ty Lee's ankles is a new level of gross, but she has actually grown used to the cold, gushy feeling.

"Nothing. Why do you ask?" If Ty Lee were not wearing white make-up, her flushed face would belie her response. But Suki nods with a deep breath.

"You've been distracted lately. I'm only asking because I want to make sure nobody hurt you or upset you," Suki says and Ty Lee does not know what to make of it.

"I can't think of anybody who would _want _to hurt me or upset me," Ty Lee says blithely, and, awkwardly, she stands up and finds somewhere else to eat.

Many miles away, Azula reaches Omashu. Her shopping trip goes reasonably well, from behind a hood, and speaking sparingly. She finds a messenger hawk and pauses.

_No, Azula, no do not do this. You are only going to screw yourself do not do this_, her mind repeats over and over, but Azula seizes control of herself and her fate.

She buys the bird, and in the inn where she stays the night, locked in with a dresser pressed against the door, she examines it. Oh, this was a terrible impulse buy. But she knows why she purchased it, and it is to send a letter to the girl she slept with repeatedly in Republic City.

It is ridiculous. Anyone could open it and have clues as to Azula's position. She stares at the bird as it eats seed, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

And finally, she drafts a letter.

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>"That was pretty much the worst party ever," Sokka sighs loudly as he and Suki walk away from the palace. Suki looks shaken and Sokka finds himself concerned. "What did she do to you?"<p>

Suki chews on her lip and debates telling him. It would probably be unwise, on one hand, because starting something during such a volatile time for Zuko and Azula would be problematic. And Sokka is a person who takes pride very seriously, and even though Suki was no fan of being forcibly kissed, it would likely hurt is ego. But honesty is always the best option.

"She... put her mouth on my mouth." Oof. That came out terribly.

"Oh, okay ─ _wait _that's _kissing_!" Sokka exclaims, eyebrows shooting up. "She _kissed you_? That is not okay. We need to tell Zuko."

"He's not her father, even if he's acting like it. We can't just _tell on her _to Zuko. Look, I would've knocked her out if I blamed her for it. She's clearly just confused about the whole Ty Lee thing," Suki says calmly as Sokka is completely panicking.

"Why can't she just accept that they're engaged? She can't just make out with my wife!" Sokka is at a loss for intelligible words but that does not stop him from verbally expressing his outrage. He does not know what to feel about the Fire Nation Princess making out with Suki.

"She didn't _make out _with me, Sokka. She put her mouth on my mouth briefly. Look, if I lost all of my memories, someone introduced me to you and said we were married I would probably punch them and hope they were lying." Suki smirks slightly at how true that sentiment is.

"What?" Sokka cocks an eyebrow, looking mildly hurt.

"It's not an insult. I love you very much. But some people are only desirable romantically when you've grown to love them over time, their outrageous flaws included," Suki attempts to explain but Sokka stopped comprehending anything after _mouth on my mouth_.

"You know what, I think I understand why you were her _favorite prisoner_." He points his chin up and Suki inhales slowly.

Ugh. Suki rolls her eyes. Sokka has calmed over the years since he was spearheading a war and had that tension on his young shoulders. But he is still pretty defensive of his ego, and there is no worse insult to a man's ego than someone getting away with kissing his wife.

"You relax. She's probably just going to pretend it didn't happen. And so will I. There is no attraction there, Sokka, believe me. Zero." As if Suki could be attracted to someone that despicable, regardless of amnesia or the effects of time.

"Fine." But his tone belies his words.

Suki sighs and rubs her temples.

[X]

"Oh, fun, studying," Mai says dryly, sitting down as Zuko pulls out a stack of papers he salvaged from around the palace. "Count me in. Azula, one time you made me go through all of the Avatar's movements and make sense of them in a graph for you."

"Did you do it?" Azula asks curiously and Mai slowly shakes her head.

"You re-did it entirely." Mai slowly shakes her head with a long, soft sigh.

"You made a graph of the Avatar's movements? You didn't just draw them on a map?" Zuko inquires, genuinely baffled.

"That, Zuko, is why we came closer to the Avatar than you ever did. We have smarts and commitment and devastatingly good looks," Mai says, raising her cup of tea to him with a small smile. Zuko smiles back, despite the insult.

"Alright, alright, just what are the papers?" Azula sighs, completely uninterested in the gooey love story going on beside her.

"Family. I'm going to show you our family. Most of them are dead," Zuko says, realizing how ridiculous he sounds only as he speaks. Azula looks about to ask a question, and then she decides against it. "What do you want to know?"

He is being overly nice after the incident with the party. Zuko admits openly that it was a mistake, and he feels guilty for putting Azula through it. Azula's breakdown in her bedroom was not what he intended, and now he feels the need to make up for it.

Azula is also still reeling from the party. Mostly because the one person she thought she could trust, she can't trust. Suki wasn't lying about whatever Mai did to Azula, but the princess desperately needs an ally while surrounded by alien enemies. So she holds her tongue until she has the opportunity to uncover how she was betrayed.

"Do we have a mother?" Azula asks abruptly and Mai chuckles. Zuko gives her a warning glance.

"Yes... I mean... of course... you..." Zuko suddenly looks immensely uncomfortable, his face nearly as red as his scar.

"Oh, I know where babies come from. I have amnesia not ignorance. You all have just evaded mentioning her at all. I'm assuming I must have been close with her and she died and you don't want to upset me?" Azula offers, feeling clever for figuring it out. Mai bursts into hysterical laughter that Azula and Zuko did not think she was capable of. Zuko is forcing his lips to stay straight despite his desire to laugh as well.

"Yes, yes, Azula you were so close to your mother that you were devastated when she died," Mai says, patting Azula's shoulder.

"You're being sarcastic." Azula sighs and crosses her arms. She genuinely thought she was right about that one. "So, is she dead?"

"No. But you two are the opposite of close. You have never hated anyone as much as you hate our mother."

"That's... do people hate their mothers?" Azula's genuine confusion makes Mai's sides hurt as she buries her face in the pillows of the sofa. Zuko bites his lip.

"You do. I haven't told her we found you yet. I kind of don't intend to." Zuko shrugs, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"So, you told your group of cronies and all of their plus ones that I'm here and with amnesia, but you don't tell the woman who gave birth to me?" Azula demands, palm upturned.

"Azula, I don't think you understand the magnitude of your hatred for our mother."

"No, no I don't. Was she a drug addict or something? Did she beat me? Why do I hate my mother?"

"She thought," Mai coughs, her pale face bright red, "you were a monster," she chokes and gasps for breath, "she was right, of course, but it still hurt."

"That sounds familiar. Where did I hear that?" Azula points at Mai and Mai sucks in a deep breath to try to hold it together.

"Can we just look at this family portfolio?" Zuko asks, feeling incredibly frustrated. He does suppose he told all of his friends that Azula was here and has pointedly not informed his mother. But it seems for the best.

"No, I want to know why I hate our mother," Azula says fiercely and Zuko recoils slightly.

Zuko supposes that he cannot pick and choose what Azula wants to know. She has a right to information, as Katara has exclaimed repeatedly and Mai has sarcastically tried to implement.

"I don't actually know," Zuko says quietly and Azula sighs.

"Futile. Completely futile. If you're going to keep lying to me I'm going to leave. I'm just going to vanish in the night..."

"Okay, okay, calm down," Zuko replies, clearing his throat. Azula is still painfully Azula, regardless of her loss of memories. "Our family had complicated politics. Literally. But also not literally, in that you were kind of our father's and I was kind of hers and that was just how it worked."

"Is that why you hate our father? Because he loved me more?"

Mai snickers. This is the best day yet for her.

"No. I hate our father because he burned my face and banished me," Zuko says sharply, bristling. She may not recall why her words are so offensive to him, but they still wound.

"Because he loved me more and wanted me to be Fire Lord." And she just rubbed salt into said wounds.

"Who told you that?"

"It's pretty obvious, actually. I've missed a few marks in my guesses, but..."

"Are we going to look at our family lineage or are you going to keep flaunting how smart you are? You're not smart enough to avoid getting your head smashed in by bounty hunters," Zuko sighs before cringing at his own words. Azula narrows her eyes for a moment, but decides to choose her battles.

"Alright, inform me of our family's rich history." Azula is not having a good day.

Zuko pulls out the first picture. It is a painstaking family portrait featuring Zuko and Azula as small children, Lu Ten as alive, and Azulon as the all powerful Fire Lord. Ilah is even in it. Azula touches it and tries to remember, anything she can bring to mind.

The family is painted with an ornate sofa. Ursa sits on it with Azula on her lap, beside Azulon, with Ilah to his right. It is a strange positioning, in Azula's mind. Ozai, Iroh and Lu Ten stand. Zuko is at Ursa's feet. Strange. It took a long time to be painted and Zuko could barely sit through it.

Azula tries to remember their names. But she struggles and struggles until she gets frustrated.

"Who are they? Just tell me," Azula snaps and Zuko takes a deep breath. He understands her frustration, but she clearly does not know how to cope with it.

"That's our cousin Lu Ten. He died in the war when I was almost thirteen. You were eleven. When I was almost fourteen I was banished. That cut me out of the picture. That's when you became crown princess."

"Our grandfather, I'm assuming?"

"Yes. Former Fire Lord Azulon. And his wife, our grandmother. I don't remember much about her. She died before I could get to know her. Our mother is holding you. And our father is there. And, well, that's obviously me. And there's our Uncle, when he was crown prince," Zuko explains, pointing at each person in the painting.

"They're all dead."

"Except for the four of us." _Us_. It feels odd to refer to his family as _us_. They have always been broken apart somehow. In fact, Zuko thinks they never were whole, even in the good days.

"I remember something," Azula says softly, examining the picture.

"Yeah?" Zuko looks excited as Mai has her eyes glued to Azula.

"I remember why I know where the attic is," Azula says, closing her eyes and screwing up her face to try to remember more clearly. "I would come home from school. And it was lonely. It was just me and him, and I would go there to... to hide from him."

"That's it?" Zuko asks quietly, not knowing what else to say.

"That's it," Azula replies with a shrug. It clearly does not affect her.

Zuko shows Azula a few more paintings and documents from their youth. She pays attention to them, memorizing them now if she cannot remember them from her past. The faces and names and dates have no meaning to her, but she can memorize them with surprising ease. It is something, at least.

She trusts Zuko ever so slightly more.

And she understands the rift between them more as well.

[X]

"Hi, Azula," Suki says and Azula does not know what to say. She is in the palace for some inexplicable reason. She looks beautiful but Azula tries not to focus on it. "I just wanted to talk to you about what happened."

"Nothing happened," Azula replies smoothly and Suki does not know if she should be grateful or offended. She must admit she would have _liked _to leave an imprint on Azula.

"It was just because you're confused about Ty Lee, right?" Suki asks confidently, trying to smile and have open posture. But Azula has her arms crossed in a power position, eyeing Suki and making the Kyoshi Warrior feel incredibly small.

"No. It's because I'm attracted to you," Azula purrs with a small shrug. Suki's eyes briefly bulge. "I would do it again."

"I'm flattered but, she's one of my closest friends..."

Suki does not know what else to say. She actually never has had someone display interest in her like that. Especially such destructive interest. Sokka was really the first person to openly pursue her in her life. And the last. It is morally reprehensible, in Suki's eyes, to feel the ego boost from having Azula so strongly attracted to her. She should be loyal to her friends and her husband. But it is quite nice to be desired.

"I don't want to be with her. I hope you understand that. It isn't cheating when we're not together," Azula says smoothly, walking towards Suki.

Suki takes two involuntary steps backwards.

"She loves you."

"I know. But I don't love her."

"I understand that sometimes you have to get to know someone before you realize why you love them. Maybe you should spend time with her."

"You're not my keeper. I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell me what to do."

"Just... just don't... kiss me again," Suki says, reduced from a confident and proud person to a stammering mess.

"I only will if you want me to." Azula walks away, but stops, without looking back and says, "I think you will want to eventually. How long can you resist?"

Ugh. That is so _Azula_ that Suki wants to throw a fan at her neck as she walks out of the room and Suki groans.

She is both flattered and enraged and does not know how to feel about it.

Sokka and Zuko come down the hallway and Suki pretends that Azula was never there, pointedly kissing Sokka.

There. Better.

[X]

Mai brushes against Zuko in the hallway. They have not spoken since the party, and she has actively been avoiding him. Their date was good; too good. Mai knows she cannot get sucked in again. She simply cannot.

"Hey," Mai offers awkwardly.

"Hey. How has your stay been?"

"Not bad. Not good either. I have to admit I thought amnesia Azula would be more exciting," Mai says with a small smirk. Zuko chuckles and shakes his head. "When I said it was good to see you, I meant it."

"I meant it too."

They stand there together for some time, staring without knowing what words to say. But then Zuko nods and continues walking. Mai lingers behind, knowing it was best to divert anything she was feeling for Zuko away as fast as possible.

But she wishes she had kissed him.

Too late, she supposes.

[X]

"Azula, I was thinking I could take you for a walk around the city," Ty Lee says hesitantly at breakfast. Azula examines her for a moment, and, finally, nods.

"It might be nice to get out of this place," Azula says with a small shrug. "The palace is a little... constricting."

They are sitting at the ornately decorated and overflowing breakfast table. It is just them, alone, and Azula is glad that Zuko's friends are staying in their own accommodations. And Mai, well, Azula has been avoiding her like the plague. She _wants _to confront her about what Suki said, but she also cannot lose an ally as valuable as Mai.

Synapses remain where memories have faded. She is the greatest tactical mind of her generation, and that lingers with her while the rest of her mind has betrayed her.

And after breakfast, Azula dresses herself and makes her body and face presentable. She meets Ty Lee and decides to go for a walk through Caldera. Ty Lee's hands keep twitching towards Azula's, as if she wants their fingers to interlock, sweaty and loving. But Azula will have none of that.

"We should go through the roads this way, and then towards the pier, then on our way back stop for dinner. Not like a date, of course. We're friends, aren't we?" Ty Lee's eyes sparkle, wide with the expression of a hopeful, begging baby animal. Azula purses her lips and examines Ty Lee. She has yet to _truly _lie to Azula, or try to exploit her.

"Yes, I think we're friends," Azula offers in response and Ty Lee beams. It must be interesting to live in such ignorant and glittering bliss. Optimism is a trait of the weak, but Azula finds it slightly endearing.

Ty Lee supposes she simply needs to be patient, and keep her mind as balanced as possible. Azula will come around eventually. She _has to_. She _has to_. Ty Lee throws around the word 'love' more often than she should. But Azula is one person she genuinely _loved_.

They did not love at first. Or at least not in the romantic way. But their teenage dream, their teenage affair, as heated as blue flame but sometimes as cold as a glacier, ended in love. And she _knew _that it did not fade after she met Azula again, by destiny and fate.

But why would destiny lead her here? Why would she have to face Azula forgetting her and forgetting any feelings they ever shared? Azula was hot and cold; Azula was impossible to predict. But Ty Lee could always tell she had more emotions than she would let other people believe.

Or maybe she is overestimating herself.

They arrive at the pier with casual conversation. Azula asks a multitude of questions about the Kyoshi Warriors and Ty Lee is happy to answer them. Her interest does not worry Ty Lee, although she is unnerved by Azula taking interest in something that disgusted her in their past relationship.

If they married, Azula insisted that Ty Lee leave the Kyoshi Warriors forever. They would have been fugitives together, and Ty Lee would, strangely, be okay with it.

But now she seems to be brimming with questions about them.

They reach the pier and Ty Lee remembers their first _un_date here.

"We went here when we came back from the Fire Nation. After the drill but before we infiltrated Ba Sing Se. We walked by the water and it was a date," Ty Lee says, leaving out the part where Azula told her they would have to remain friends, because it would only lead to trouble.

"It's very beautiful here," Azula remarks, trying not to be made uncomfortable by her past relationship with Ty Lee. "I don't know what I saw in you." The words hurt. "Not that you're not _desirable _or anything. I'm sure you have people lining up to fuck you. But obviously we were together for years, since we were basically children. But I... I don't see it. Whatever I saw before I hit my head that made me willing to risk my life to meet up with you."

"I think you would if you looked hard enough," Ty Lee says softly, glancing at the shop where they bought expensive juice drinks and walked around the water. There were warships and dreadnoughts docked, which were more interesting than the handful of merchant ships here now.

"I'm trying. I don't know why, but I'm trying. I don't see it. I don't know if I ever will," Azula says, turning and leaning her back against the railing. Ty Lee bites her lip to keep from crying.

Azula will come back to her. She always does.

_She always does_.

"I don't want to pressure you or anything, princess," Ty Lee says softly and Azula simply shrugs.

"It must be devastating." She says it so casually, as if the emotional obliteration of Ty Lee is the weather. "I'm sure you can find someone."

"I only want you," Ty Lee says earnestly, stepping towards Azula.

She touches Azula's arm and Azula does not move.

"What do you want from me?" Azula demands and Ty Lee recoils slightly. But she looks at the princess directly in her golden eyes.

"I want you to be happy. And if you're happier without me... then I guess it's... over..." Ty Lee struggles with the last part. It has never truly been _over _with Azula. Even after she betrayed her at the Boiling Rock, it was not truly _over_.

But if Azula never remembers. Maybe it will be.

"I just want you to be happy," Ty Lee repeats, her thoughts only on holding Azula as she woke screaming, and assuring her that the nightmare she inhabited was not real.

"Good," Azula replies coldly and Ty Lee blinks back tears.

All she ever wanted was for Azula to heal. And maybe this is how it is. Maybe fate gives you exactly what you want in the way that screws you over the most.

They go to dinner and Ty Lee tries to pretend Azula is Mai. That they are only friends.

It does not work.


	7. The Girl Whose Favorite Color is Silver

Chapter Seven: The Girl Whose Favorite Color is Silver

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

Here are the things insane people are allowed to do. Firstly, cry all day, if you wish. Secondly, scream all day, if you want. Thirdly, throw things across a room in a fit of rage, if it makes you feel better. Fourthly, stare into space and ignore everyone, if it's easier. And finally, claw at your skin hysterically in your sleep; it's normal for you.

Azula learned all of these things relatively quickly as soon as Zuko decided to _pity _her. It was not necessarily an excuse. It was an explanation. An out. The truth instead of the bed of lies Azula slept in for her entire life. And she thought that eventually she would stop relying on those five things, but they still haunt her even when she is out on her own in the real world.

The messenger hawk comes after the first, and during the fifth. Azula has red marks on her skin from her nails when she wakes up to a bird fluttering through the open window. Cold Earth Kingdom air fills her lungs as she stands up and collect the letter and shut the window.

Ty Lee's response startles Azula. She did not expect it. It is short.

_I know a place where we could meet._

Azula overanalyzes the reply, like she overanalyzes everything. Likely a trap. Of _course _a trap. Azula knows she is dealing with someone who flips sides at the drop of a hat and would do anything to further her social standing. The only reason she ever pretended to love Princess Azula was her desire to raise her social standing. But, then again, Ty Lee is not the best at making traps.

But she is not good at keeping secrets either. Azula sighs and stares at the paper for a long time. Her handwriting is awful. She is awful and this is exactly how Azula is going to get caught. No sex is worth being locked up again. No _person _is worth being locked up again.

The bird makes sounds at her as it reveals it is eating a... mouse. In her bedroom. She will catch some kind of disgusting peasant disease. It is an incredibly cheap and ill trained messenger hawk and the blood on its beak is far from glamorous.. Azula purses her lips at it, glares, and chooses to ignore. It does not make eye contact with her while it eats, nor does it care that she is contemplating throttling it.

A week later, Azula arrives at the meeting place. She tried to talk herself out of it time and time again, but simply could not manage. It is a house, of all places. And a nice one. Fire Nation manor, old architecture from the first colonies. Most of them are preserved despite the harsh sentiments towards the Fire Nation. Some sort of historical sentiment, or architectural appreciation; Azula does not care which.

She knows it is probably a trap. Why would it not be a trap?

But then she sees her walking through the woods, across the path. Ty Lee grins blithely as if this is not as dark as it is. She throws herself into Azula's arms as if nothing had come to pass between them. And the hug lasts for far too long.

It feels unreal to Azula for a moment, in fact she has no idea if this is reality for a moment. So easily, it could be a hallucination. But Ty Lee pulls away from her and studies the princess closely, a small smile of satisfaction on her coral pink lips.

"This is so dangerous," Ty Lee says, as if that is incredibly exciting. "I had to lie about where I was going."

"Then we're screwed. You never were a good liar," Azula sighs, sincerely hoping Ty Lee was not followed. Risking all of this to sleep with someone feels completely foolish and reckless, two attributes Azula would never claim.

"Let's just go inside. I don't think I was followed. People trust me for some inexplicable reason," Ty Lee says with a small wink. Azula does not know what to say as Ty Lee walks to the door of the house and fishes around in her purse for a key. She unlocks it and gestures inside.

Azula has to force herself not to ignite her hands as she walks in. Ty Lee follows her, closing the door behind them. Azula looks around and realizes that the house is quite nice, and relatively isolated. It still has Fire Nation decorations in a world where such a thing would disgust most people. And the layer of dust is enough to asphyxiate a komodo rhino.

"It uh, could use some cleaning," Ty Lee sighs, scratching her head uncomfortably.

"I've stayed worse places," Azula offers calmly and Ty Lee is surprised. She expected a snide remark.

Ty Lee locks the door and Azula swallows.

"I can unlock it. I just don't want to be... I mean... I can unlock it," Ty Lee stammers and Azula shakes her head. Ty Lee feels hot and slightly damp with sweat as she watches Azula slowly walk through the front hall into the main room of the house.

Azula examines the living room, the decorations on the mantle. She runs a single fingertip along the stone and lifts a layer of grey dust.

"What is this place?" Azula asks hesitantly, glancing around. She sees cabinets of expensive plates and liquor.

"It was left to me in my aunt's will after she died. I have pretty much no use for it. I guess, unless I'm having illicit visits with war criminals," Ty Lee explains, offering a feeble smile. Azula smirks and Ty Lee's heart slows slightly in relief.

Azula glances around, still taking in what is happening to her. She sits down on the creaky sofa and looks up at Ty Lee closely.

"Why did you agree to meet me?" Azula asks, her golden eyes flickering up and down Ty Lee's form.

Ty Lee looks put together, more so than usual. A green dress with tan rope that looks vaguely like a salvaged net wrapped around it like a belt. Her hair is up in the style of Ba Sing Se, despite being closer to the Water Tribes, the only symbol that it is hers the cautious braids that stand out against the bun. She looks older, and nearly adult if it weren't for her small, hopeful smile and wide eyes.

"Because I believe in fate," Ty Lee says smoothly and Azula shrugs.

"And auras and vibrations," Azula adds with a small smirk. Ty Lee looks at the curl of her lip and sees that she is not completely gone.

Something inside of her still burns beneath the hollow shell.

"Do you want me to fix your shirt?" Ty Lee offers abruptly and Azula blinks twice. "It has a tear in it."

Ty Lee blushes.

"You can if you want to. I didn't know you could... sew. It seems like a useless talent for someone rich and attractive," Azula says, slowly removing her shirt. She tosses it to Ty Lee and it hits the Kyoshi Warrior in the face before she catches.

"My grandmother was a tailor," Ty Lee explains as she plucks up the shirt. She walks towards the kitchen and digs around for a sewing kit. Servants would have had them on hand.

"Really?" Azula sounds genuinely interested. "You never mentioned it."

"You never asked," Ty Lee replies with a shrug, locating a sewing kit and walking back to Azula. The princess notes that Ty Lee does not take her eyes away from Azula; they are both paranoid of each other.

"Tell me about your family," Azula asks and Ty Lee is momentarily startled. Never has the princess shown much interest in anyone but herself. But Ty Lee lays out the shirt and threads the needle with her calloused fingers.

"Well, my mother's family were in the colonies for generations. They were sent over because my great grandfather was a famous poet."

"A what?" Azula snickers.

"A poet. I know. But he was pretty famous in his day and when he asked for a ticket to the colonies, he got it. It was given to him by your grandfather directly. It was a pretty exciting thing in our family before I befriended you," Ty Lee says as she pokes through the fabric with the slender silver needle. "My grandmother was born near Omashu, her brother was in charge of a fleet of raiders, and her sister married some governor. She died before I was born."

Another incision in Azula's shirt. Azula picks at her lips and adjusts her bra in the chilly living room. She contemplates starting the fire, but waits for Ty Lee to continue her story instead.

"My father, on the other hand, was born in a farmhouse in the Fire Nation. He was impoverished, but when my mother moved to the Capitol, she met him when they were both studying for some government work. My grandfather paid for him to get a job at his company because my mother had _terrible _taste in men before my father, apparently. And he got his own wealth too, and they decided to be one of those couples who has way too many kids and way too much money."

"That's kind of cute," Azula says and Ty Lee knits her brow together. This is both concerning and pleasant and Ty Lee does not know what to think. "So you're rich because your grandfather just thought your parents were such a cute couple?"

"Pretty much." Ty Lee shrugs and ties the thread. She smoothes out the shirt is mildly satisfied with it. "My mother always said not to marry someone for their status. Because I was always going to be happier marrying someone I loved."

"That's a strange sentiment. Most parents say the opposite." Azula picks up her shirt and slowly pulls it back on. Ty Lee watches the shifting of her body and her nose turns slightly red.

"But I've yet to find somebody I love enough to marry." Pause. Ty Lee wants to say more but she is afraid.

"So, what do you want to do this evening?" Azula asks as she watches the sun dip lower on the horizon, beneath the mountains, staining the sky vermillion.

"Let's make a night we don't remember," Ty Lee offers with a cocked eyebrow, opening the liquor cabinet.

"I can agree with that," Azula replies, smirking.

And they do.

In the morning, hung over Azula flies into a panic attack without intending to. Of course, without intending to. She feels her breathing constricted, and bubbles of air beneath her tongue. Breathing in slowly, she tries to control it but feels helpless. Her heart is racing and she starts to vomit, much of it getting in her raven hair.

She feels utterly disgusted by herself as she is in abject terror. The fear is overwhelming and the pain even more so. But Ty Lee is there. She is there and she takes Azula gently by the waist. Azula still is swallowing bubbles of breath. She knows that her body is alright. That she is not suffocating because she is actually getting even more oxygen than usual; it _is _her body getting more breath and preparing for a fight. The feeling is simply an illusion.

Ty Lee dries the vomit in Azula's hair without recoiling. She guides the princess to the sofa and they sit together, knee to knee.

"You're going to be okay. It can't last more than twenty minutes. My mother told me that," Ty Lee says softly and Azula does not object to being babied.

"Then keep me busy for twenty minutes," Azula murmurs in desperation, golden eyes studying Ty Lee closely.

And Ty Lee does.

Azula's panic slowly subsides. She feels vaguely relieved, but also exhausted. And she collapses into Ty Lee's arms. Ty Lee lingers there as she realizes that Azula is almost asleep, and that they both smell vaguely of a distillery and salt.

She holds Azula in her arms and everything feels right, even when things are so wrong.

Why she let her go, Ty Lee has no idea.

It was the worst mistake of her life.

Azula's breathing slows as she falls asleep on Ty Lee's shoulders.

Why she let her go, Ty Lee has no idea.

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>Mai is woken by Azula seizing her arm. She panics, reaching for a knife and realizing she opted not to slide a knife under Azula's pillow before bed. Azula is gasping for breath and Mai swallows, both of them sitting up and staring at each other in the shadowy room.<p>

"My mother abandoned me. Zuko said _nothing _about _that_," Azula spits and Mai is both relieved and anxious, if such a combination is possible.

"He probably should've mentioned it," Mai murmurs, feeling wide awake. She does not think she will sleep again after being woken by claws driven into her wrist.

"You were there. You didn't say anything about it," Azula says and Mai chews on her lower lip. The accusatory tone makes it sound worse than Mai thinks it truly is.

"It was on Zuko. He's the one lying to you all the time," Mai offers, twisting her fingers in the blankets. She feels as if Azula is about to do something incredibly drastic, and she does not know what her response should be.

"You're lying to me too," Azula breathes, sitting up on her knees. Mai feels her heart skip a beat; she should have opted for the knife. "What happened at the Boiling Rock?"

Mai's eyes flash and Azula knows Suki was not lying. The recognition and fear in Mai's eyes is vivid.

"Nothing."

"Don't say nothing. You're the _only _person here I trusted and you lied to me too," Azula says softly, her voice shaking ever so slightly. Mai is sweating despite her goosebumps.

"Azula, you don't want to remember it. I know you think you do. But you don't," Mai says earnestly, wishing the lights were on and wishing she were armed.

"Just tell me. Tell me," Azula insists and Mai swallows. She supposes she has no choice, and she knows the ignorant bliss could only last so long.

"Okay," Mai agrees, although her heart is screaming for her not to.

[X]

Azula feels burnt. Charred. Like paper under a low, barely hot flame.

Mai left after trying to console Azula and failing. And now she has been awake for the entire night, trying to remember, trying to spark just a little something that could bring back the world she lost. The person she was. Unless she does not want to be the person she was.

Evidently something was wrong, clearly something went south in her story. Her life spiraled out of control because of one little thing, but it could not have just been that. Maybe it hurt to be betrayed, but clearly there was more at the root of it.

Things build up, slowly, over time, gradually, until one makes the entire stack crumble and crack.

"Are you awake?" Ty Lee is knocking on the door and Azula wants to scream at her but she does not know why.

Azula does not want to be the person she was. That is _not _the life she wants and she does not think it is the life she deserves.

What could she have done to deserve her fate? What? It does not make sense to her, because she can only think highly of herself, but the person she was is a mess. The person she was is a dead end that is going to land her behind bars or dead.

"Yeah," Azula says, slowly standing up and opening the door. Ty Lee can see something is wrong, but she does not ask.

"I'm bored. Let's do something today." Ty Lee expects Azula to deny her.

"I don't see why not," Azula says, the confidence in her voice clearly faked.

Ty Lee frowns faintly as Azula gets dressed.

Sometimes she wishes she had fallen in love with someone who was not just going to burn her again and again and again...

[X]

Two hours after waking Azula, Ty Lee is trying on a variety of dresses and asking for Azula's opinion. She acts offended by the snide remarks, but it means so much to hear them. They mean that she is still there, because that kind of cruelty and humor only can be pulled off by Princess Azula of the Fire Nation.

"That's such a terrible color," Azula says with a smirk. "It looks like the color old women paint their kitchens."

Ty Lee frowns for a flicker of a second. "It's my favorite of all the dresses."

This time she is genuinely upset by Azula's comment. Because it was the one she wore on their first _not-_date. It feels like an eternity ago but it disappeared so fast. It was right after the drill.

Azula does not apologize and Ty Lee does not expect her to. Why would Azula remember?

"What's my favorite color?" Azula asks and it is genuine.

"Silver," Ty Lee says earnestly and Azula looks confused.

"Not Fire Nation Princess red or fire blue? Regal gold? Sunrise vermillion?" She looks amused by the self she has forgotten instead of disgusted by it.

"Silver." Ty Lee sounds very certain. Azula believes her.

"When did I tell you?" Azula asks, studying her closely.

Ty Lee screws up her face like she is trying to remember. But unlike Azula, she does.

"Mai invited us both to Ember Island with her family. They bought you gifts and this red and gold necklace. But you didn't like it. You liked the silver one, not that you said anything about it. I was pretty surprised and you said your favorite color was silver. Well, when we were young your favorite color changed like the seasons. It was blue last I checked, mostly because of the recent developments with your bending. But you said it was silver, and... well, that's what you last told me it was. It might've changed," Ty Lee says and Azula swallows. To be known so intimately by a stranger feels strange and wrong.

"Why did you choose Mai?" Azula asks casually and Ty Lee blinks several times quickly and makes herself dizzy. It was not something she expected to come out of Azula's mouth in the slightest.

"You're talking about the Boiling Rock," Ty Lee says, her face flushed and nearly the color of the dress Azula finds hideous.

"Yes," Azula answers, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"If you two were reversed I would've done the same thing," Ty Lee insists, having said the words so many times they taste like poison or bile.

"So we're equals in your eyes?" Azula scoffs at the thought even though she does not even remember a second of her relationship with Mai and Ty Lee. Just shreds and scraps that Katara healed into her mind.

Hesitation. Ty Lee does not know. "I love you two in different ways but I love you both."

"Well, that's a feeble answer. You were willing to sacrifice your life for her, but when I got smashed in the head by bounty hunters, you dropped me at the nearest hospital and ran. What would you get for sleeping with me? A slap on the wrist? You all are horrible people. If I knew where to go, I would leave right now."

Ty Lee's eyes blossom with tears. Azula does not care.

"I was going to leave my life for you, Azula. Give up everything I built over the years. To marry you." Pause. Azula clenches her jaw. "Your name is Azula. You were born to replace a child who was still alive, you conquered Ba Sing Se and thwarted an invasion of the Fire Nation before your fifteenth birthday, you can bend lightning and break people, you hate citrus and you loved me."

Azula hesitates, unsure what to say. The conviction in Ty Lee's voice is startling and unnerving. The tears in Ty Lee's eyes are new and Azula wishes she had not caused them. But she also knows that it is not on her, what all of these people are doing to her.

"I don't understand why you don't understand that it's over," Azula retorts feebly, but Ty Lee has clearly wounded something inside of her. Seared a burn mark in her core that does not fade.

"Because it's not," Ty Lee replies and Azula swallows. Her throat hurts.

Azula stands up, pushing herself off of the window seat. Ty Lee does not move as Azula approaches her and moves towards the door. But the princess does not leave, she simply lingers. Ty Lee watches her with a sense of futility as she realizes that Azula may not ever remember.

"You would've given up your life for me?" Azula asks, running her finger across the doorknob but not twisting.

"I was ready to. Our relationship was never perfect, but you never stopped loving me. Even if it was just going to burn us both," Ty Lee says softly, as if such a sick relationship is glamorous. "I just tried to stitch you back together and it put me back together too. It takes a day... it takes a day like that one for people to fall apart but..."

"It takes a lifetime to put it back together," Azula says and Ty Lee nods with a concerned expression. Pause. Slight memory. "Your grandmother was a tailor, wasn't she?"

Ty Lee's eyes flicker. "Who told you?"

"I just remembered," Azula murmurs earnestly and Ty Lee wishes it did not make her hope.

Because as Azula walks out of the room, her hopes are dashed.

Yet, inside of her, a little fire of hope burns and flickers and flares and thinks _if she can remember that, she can remember us._

But Ty Lee is probably kidding herself.

[X]

That evening, Azula stares at the ceiling trying to remember. It has become a hobby of hers that is futile. But now she is focused on one thing, to remember a single shred of what happened to her that day. That made Mai's voice shake slightly as she explained it.

Why is she engaged to someone who did that to her? And why...?

She does not know how she should feel right now. But everything is up in the air about what happened to her after the Boiling Rock, and Azula decides to find out. She sneaks out of the palace while everyone is distracted with the constant coming and going of dignitaries and Zuko's friends.

The streets mean nothing to her. None of the signs bear familiar names, but she remembers the path through which Zuko took her to the prison.

When she arrives at the prison, they look ready to question her, but also hesitant. She _is _their princess, regardless of her past imprisonment and her war crimes.

"My brother sent me," Azula lies and everyone believes her. She wonders, with all she has heard about herself, why anyone trusts her at all. Or why she expects them to. "I need to talk to our father."

"Of course, princess," one guard respectfully says after glancing at his superior. "Right this way."

This is incredibly easy. Azula is not surprised that no one was competent enough to find her until she wound up in a hospital with no memories.

"I'll speak to him alone," Azula says to the guard and instead of protesting, he simply backs away and waits outside of the door. Princess Azula finds herself gloriously confused at how she can feel so small and weak but everyone is intimidated by her.

"You came without Zuko?" her father asks and she tries to search his face for a memory. She finds none.

"I figured that you weren't talking because he was with me," Azula says earnestly and Ozai cocks an eyebrow for a heartbeat.

"That would be correct. How did you get amnesia?"

Azula looks for a chair and does not find one, so she walks to the bars and sits down on the floor across from her father. He examines her closely as she sits.

"Some bounty hunters smashed my head in," Azula replies softly and Ozai continues studying her in silence. It makes her skin crawl; he is looking for a way to exploit her. "I'm done being lied to and I'm done being used to make people feel better about themselves. Tell me what happened after I came home from the Boiling Rock."

"Are you sure you want to know?" He looks amused and Azula wants to burn his smirk off of his face.

"I'm more than sure. I don't care if it hurts me to remember things. I'm done being kept in the dark by _Zuko _and his _cronies_," Azula snarls and Ozai hides his pleasure. "If they want to lie to me they can go ahead. They tell me I'm not a prisoner because my door opens from the inside. And that they want to help me remember because they care about me. They want revenge."

"Very astute." A compliment. Azula does not know what to make of it. "You were devastated after what your friends did to you. I sent you to kill Zuko and you came back empty handed. I did things I regret to you."

"You regret them?" Azula raises an eyebrow and Ozai nods earnestly.

"I contributed to your descent; I'm not blind to that. But I also was the only person who ever cared about you. I loved you, I _love _you and these people want to use you."

"You want to use me too. I'm a tool," Azula murmurs, not taking her eyes off of Ozai. But he does not break out into a sweat like most she stares down.

"Well, I propose you use them, then," Ozai offers calmly and Azula likes the sound of it. She feels glad to speaking to him despite Zuko's warnings. Azula trusts Zuko less and less every day.

_"Your name is Azula. You were born to replace a child who was still alive, you conquered Ba Sing Se and thwarted an invasion of the Fire Nation before your fifteenth birthday, you can bend lightning and break people_..."

"That isn't a bad idea," Azula admits, picking at her nails. "After the Boiling Rock...?"

"You came home half in tears about your girlfriend. I wasn't that surprised; she wasn't good for you."

"Why wasn't she good for me?"

"You two weren't remotely compatible."

"So I've noticed," Azula sighs, rubbing her temples. She thinks she may like her father, regardless of what Zuko tries to tell her.

"You cried about her for days, what she did to you. I'm surprised to hear that you were going to marry her after all she did. But, she's a bit of a ball and chain for you."

"What do you mean?" And Azula is hanging on his every word. This could not have worked out better for Ozai.

"I mean you're trapped by your feelings for her. You're lucky that they're gone," Ozai says slowly, with a hint of sympathy in his voice that Azula thinks may be fake. "Now what else do you want to know?"

"This may take a while."

Ozai only nods, trying to hide the excitement pounding in his chest.

[X]

"Where were you?" Zuko's tone is not accusatory, but he sounds livid.

"Out. Why does it matter?" And Azula sounds as painful to be around as ever. Zuko does not know why he ever expected her to change, amnesia or not.

"Because I was panicking, that's why."

"Afraid I was going to escape? I have no place to go."

"Tell people when you're going places."

"Don't worry; I haven't forgotten that I'm a prisoner."

"You're _not _a prisoner. None of these doors are locked. You can leave today and go move to the Earth Kingdom; it doesn't matter," Zuko snaps, looking frustrated.

"Then why do you care so much where I am? If I can just get up and leave any time I want. I _am _a prisoner, and I know it. The doors don't have to be locked." Silence. "They weren't locked when I was a child. And I was a prisoner then too."

And with that vague comment, Azula slams her shoulder against her brother's as she brushes past him into the house.

Zuko rubs his temples.

Azula smirks to herself; she has the upper hand now.


	8. The Girl In Lust

Chapter Eight: The Girl In Lust

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

"Aren't you afraid I'm going to try to kill you tonight?" Azula asks as Ty Lee is making a bed. There is a certain anxiety around this shared night. The previous one they were both completely _smashed _and simply collapsed.

Tonight is more pointed, more crisp and clear. They spent the day trying to put things back together and not making very much progress. But the sun dipped low and the moon is reaching its apex and they realized they would have to go to sleep.

Ty Lee pauses, thinking about her response. She _should _be afraid of Azula, but... "Like I couldn't take you. I give you five seconds before I chi block you to oblivion."

A breathless pause. Azula smirks; Ty Lee breathes a sigh of relief.

"I think I could make it at _least _ten. You greatly underestimate me." Azula slips onto the bed and Ty Lee feels strange. Moments like these it feels like it was years ago, when they were friends and together and Azula was okay and Ty Lee was not so confused and muddled. But she knows the bubble of bliss will burst somehow. It always does. "I certainly got you in that hotel room."

Ty Lee shrugs. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Mhm. Keep telling yourself that," Azula purrs with a small smirk. She looks... content. Ty Lee feels such a wave of relief as she slides into the bed beside Azula. They lie there silently for a moment, unsure if they want to fuck each other or whisper secrets or something else.

Azula lies beside her as the lamp turns out and the room becomes dark. She feels anxiety as she feels the tide of Ty Lee's breathing. It was a sweet night, a sweet day of catching up while being as elusive as possible and fucking with a relentless passion Azula thought she had lost. But still, beneath the surface, she cannot trust Ty Lee. And she cannot trust that this rekindling of their relationship is real in the slightest.

It will be any moment, Azula is sure, that this is revealed to be a trap. But amongst sweet, ruby lipped kisses and champagne fizz, they burn like alcohol on a fire and tonight settle like dying embers.

Ty Lee reaches for Azula's hand and Azula falls silent. She feels weak for a moment, her head spinning and light. Azula has _always _slipped her fingers away when Ty Lee tried to hold her hand. That is how it always has been and always will be until the end.

But, gradually, as Azula tries to fall asleep and wonders how painful her nightmares will be tonight, she takes Ty Lee's hand and holds it. She might as well win over the acrobat before she loses everything.

Ty Lee's fingers clasp around Azula's hand and they hold onto each other in the darkness. Neither moves, lying there submerged in darkness and submerged in each other.

The next day, Ty Lee wakes to Azula gone. _No_, is her only thought as she realizes Azula got what she came for and skipped town. Ty Lee supposes she should have expected it; there was nothing keeping Azula here. But she can still feel Azula's fingers interwoven with hers and the intermingling of their breath.

She gets up, trying to control her feelings, and decides to find breakfast. It angers her that Azula abandoned her, but, then again, Azula _is _a fugitive and probably felt she could not stay in place for long.

"I made tea," and Ty Lee jumps with a gasp, clenching her fists. _Azula_. Azula's voice.

"You're still here," Ty Lee breathes, clutching her chest. Her already protuberant eyes are even wider.

"Yes," Azula says slowly, cocking a dark, chiseled eyebrow. "Do you want me to leave?"

"I thought you did," Ty Lee remarks softly, studying Azula closely. The princess simply gestures at the teapot on the table and takes a sip from her small, perfectly white cup.

Ty Lee steps forward and presses her lips against Azula's. The tea almost sloshes over Azula's hand but she clings onto it. She returns as Ty Lee pulls away for a brief moment, enjoying the vague taste, the slight warmth, the fire that Azula cannot quite describe. Ty Lee threads her fingers in Azula's loose black hair, clinging to her as if she will fade away at any moment.

Azula breaks free of her first, stepping away and setting down her tea on the table. Ty Lee chews on her lip and finds herself incapable of doing anything but stare. She blinks for a little too long and pretends that nothing has changed at all.

"I'm already bored," Azula remarks casually and Ty Lee opens her eyes.

The acrobat pours herself a cup of tea and sits down across from Azula, sipping it. Azula has this look in her gilded eyes, studying Ty Lee closely, picking her apart in a way that makes Ty Lee want to shiver.

Ty Lee thinks she is falling in love. Again. In two days... it feels like mere minutes but she thinks she is falling in love with Azula again and it terrifies her. Or perhaps she never fell out of love with Azula, which might be considerably worse.

"I love you. I missed you," Ty Lee stammers, hoping she does not regret her words. Azula kisses her again in response. It is passionate and makes her heart roar like a beast.

"I don't blame you," Azula purrs, stroking Ty Lee's neck, caressing her skin and brushing her fingernails against her hair.

Longing. Unbearable, unquenchable longing.

"But this will have to end. You have to go home eventually," Azula says, stepping back from Ty Lee. She wonders why she has to be the one to be told that and not Azula.

"Then let's make the best of what's left," Ty Lee whispers.

Azula smirks.

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>The problem with Suki is becoming more pressing.<p>

Azula dreamt about her last night. Her usual nightmares are of vague memories that are just out of her grasp, combined with strange and terrifying elements. She wakes with her heart racing and her head hurting from the confusion. But she dreamt of things that should not be dreamt of, and wakes feeling very heated where she should not be very heated thinking about someone uninterested in her.

But why would Suki be uninterested in her? Azula's past may be spotty and dark, but she is beautiful, clever and powerful. And as she starts over, not as an enemy to these people but as a friend, she does not know why Suki would deny her.

The questions she asked Ty Lee have serve her well in better understanding both Suki and her strangely dressed friends. The Kyoshi Warriors is a romantic prospect; Azula can understand why it would appeal to Ty Lee. Brave female warriors fighting with honor. If Azula were not already bound to her solo act of a weapon of mass destruction, she would be enamored as well.

She wonders if she would have ever felt this way before the amnesia.

"You beat us up and took our clothes, then threw us into prison," Suki says as Azula asks her.

Suki feels most uncomfortable as the princess is leaning towards her, her chin resting on her palm as she studies Suki with those seductive gilded eyes. Suki rubs her lips together as she looks at her breakfast and wonders when anyone is going to show up to cut this conversation short. But for now, they are alone together.

"I'm sorry for that," Azula says and Suki, shockingly, believes her. Things have changed about Azula since she hit her head, or maybe before then. But that does not mean Suki likes her, especially not in a way that reciprocates Azula's feelings for her. "I'm trying to move past who I was before. Maybe I need someone on my side for that."

"You have Zuko. And Mai. And even Katara." Pause. Suki waits to jab this one into Azula with hopes of it working. "And Ty Lee."

Azula taps her fingernail on the side of her teacup. It makes a sound that turns Suki's blood into ice water.

"They're all liars. And they're all working an _angle_. You're the only person so far who hasn't tried to exploit me," Azula says and Suki inhales sharply. This is not going well remotely.

Suki came here to try to set things straight with Azula, but it is careening downhill quickly. Yes, she will admit that Azula's desire flatters her in a way she enjoys, and as a bisexual woman it does not put her off as much as it should. Honestly, if she ever fell for another woman, she imagined it would be Katara, or, upon occasion, Ty Lee. Azula still does not make the list of women Suki would sleep with if she were not deeply involved with Sokka.

"So who came before Sokka?" Azula asks, cocking a dark eyebrow. Suki rubs her lips together; she does not want to disclose this information to Azula. "Unless he was your first, your last and your everything." Her mocking tone deserves a fan between the eyes, but Suki resists her violent urges.

"Another warrior named Meiyo. We were very serious before she met a man from the Earth Kingdom and ran off to marry him," Suki says and Azula smirks faintly. "Just because I like girls upon occasion _does not _mean I would ever like you. I'm never going to forget what you did to me in prison, and amnesia isn't an excuse."

"I'm not claiming it's an excuse. I just think you've glanced at my cleavage three times in the past fifteen minutes," Azula says and now she _really _needs a fan hilt between the eyes.

"You're attractive. Everybody knows it. But I _love _Sokka deeply. And I think you still love Ty Lee, somewhere underneath your unbearable surface," Suki says sharply, her words barbed and severe. Azula knows she is not lying, but as she picks at her lips, she thinks that Suki cannot _truly _resist for long.

"So I arouse you?" Azula offers and Suki jabs her fork into her plate, creating a loud, annoying scraping sound.

"No. Not honestly. I admit that you're sexy; that doesn't mean I want to have sex with you. I'm trying to help you love _Ty Lee _not _me_," Suki moans and Azula simply studies her.

"Hmph." The princess leaves before Suki can further set her straight.

Ugh.

[X]

"What do you know about Suki?" Azula asks before she and Katara's healing session. Katara lifts the water and hesitates before putting it to Azula's head.

"She's one of my closest friends. And you happen to have tortured her in prison," Katara says before realizing this is going to turn into a longer conversation. The waterbender sets the water back into the bejeweled bowl.

"Do you think she's interested in me?" Azula inquires and Katara blinks twice.

She once shared a kiss with Suki. It was a regrettable affair and Katara and Suki both agreed never to speak of it, as they were both a bit tipsy at the time and involved with Aang and Sokka. It was back when Aang was too afraid to have sex and Katara patiently waited, as much as she wanted to be sexually desired. And when Suki showed interest, they both thought about sleeping together. But they cut it off before it happened.

"I comfortably respond _no_ to that," Katara says and Azula frowns faintly.

"How do I make her interested in me?" Azula asks airily and Katara snorts, startled. Azula rolls her golden eyes as if it is such an inconvenience.

Katara chokes on her words when she tries to voice them. Of course Azula would make this far more difficult than it needed to be. _Of course _she would. But Katara clears her throat and knows she needs to face it head on.

"Why don't you try to rekindle things with Ty Lee? Suki isn't... what you want," Katara says, examining the water in the bowl to avoid making eye contact with Azula.

"Suki is exactly what I want. Ty Lee is not," Azula says airily in a tone familiar to Katara. It sounds just like how she once spoke when she was Katara's enemy. Maybe they are acquaintances now, and Katara has forgiven her for most of her wrongs over the time after the war, but she does not like that voice. It still gives her chills.

"You should forget about Suki. I mean that," Katara says and Azula frowns.

"I think I will ignore that advice. Now, let's get on with this healing session," Azula replies with a haughty sigh and Katara chews on her lower lip. Well isn't this messy?

Katara touches the water to Azula's temple.

_"I can't believe you're teaching me how to sew," Azula laughs, looking at the fabric in front of her. "It's an incredibly useless talent for a princess."_

_Ty Lee shrugs and grins. She has such a ridiculous smile but when Azula looks at it she feels a warmth within her. Maybe that is love, maybe it is sexual desire. Azula cannot remember what it was she was genuinely feeling. Or perhaps she never knew._

_"It's a useful talent for a fugitive," Ty Lee replies and Azula works on threading a needle._

_Their eyes meet for a moment and Azula feels a deep satisfaction in her core._

The memory ends quickly and Azula is grateful. Memories of Ty Lee are the most difficult, because they complicate things. They complicate things _far_, far too much.

"If you concentrate on a particular memory, maybe I can bring it back," Katara offers and Azula hopes she is right. She does not want to remember Ty Lee anymore.

Azula makes her choice; she will remember her father.

_"I'm lonely," Azula admits, her heart racing in her chest. She sits with her father in a room in the palace, both of them together. It feels like a rare occasion._

_"Your friends did leave, didn't they?" Ozai replies, looking mildly uncomfortable. But he owes her this conversation._

_"I'm lonely and I know I shouldn't be. But I am," Azula murmurs, tracing the cracks in the wooden table with her long, sharp fingernails. Ozai watches her hands and purses his lips._

_"There's no reason for you _not _to be lonely," Ozai says and Azula looks up at him. "Maybe we could... spend time together. You are my last family member left."_

_"That would be nice," Azula says softly, offering him a smile. It is weak, as if she worries about double meanings. Things are more complicated than the words their family says on the surface._

_Azula knows, even with amnesia, that in her family, things are not always exactly what they seem._

Azula comes to from the memory and finds it less than helpful. It paints her father in a good light, but she also feels the uncomfortable and negative emotions that exist in the memory.

He is an enigma to her.

"You look a little shaken. Is that enough for the day?" Katara offers and Azula nods. Katara blinks once and returns the water to the bowl.

"I think I need to talk to my brother," Azula says, standing up and going off in search of Zuko.

Katara gazes after her, wondering how much more convoluted everything can get.

Azula walks in on Zuko as he is working. She knocks on the door once and he looks up at her, grateful she did not just slip in and start talking. He hates to admit that she still fills him with a lingering fear, despite his best efforts to overcome it.

"I need to talk to you about father," Azula says, shutting the door behind her with a click. Zuko clears his throat and prepares to divert as many of her questions as he can.

"Yes?" Zuko says, nodding.

Azula sits down in his chair and he is left awkwardly standing. She examines his closely, like a tiger-monkey prepared to strike and his muscles tense. But she simply studies him further, looking for a sign that he could lie to her. And, Azula knows, it is likely he _will _lie to her.

"How did he lie to us? Why can't we trust him?" Azula inquires and it is not what Zuko was expecting. He parts his lips for a moment wordlessly before trying to fathom a decent response.

"He lies more than you. More... he tricks us. He once sent you to get me, to bring me back to prison, and it was all an elaborate ruse." Pause. "You said _father regrets_. He didn't. And I should have known that he didn't."

Azula wrings her hands, clearly hiding something. But Zuko does not want to pry too much for fear of losing more of Azula's trust. Her trust is a valuable commodity.

"Uncle is coming tomorrow; maybe you can talk to him," Zuko offers and Azula scoffs. The Fire Lord cringes slightly.

"Of course, of course. I was afraid of him, but I loved him. I remember reading into his words when he spoke to me. I remember that he wanted to spend time with me but that filled me with a sick dread. But I don't remember why," Azula says and Zuko is surprised at her openness.

He tries to listen and tries to work out her words, but they do not come easily.

"Whatever he did to you, there is no way father regrets," Zuko growls, his eyes suddenly burning like embers.

_That is not what Ozai said_, echoes in Azula's thoughts.

Azula nods and changes the subject to more basic questions.

[X]

"You like to sleep with the windows open," Ty Lee says, a fact she simply blurts out. Azula nods, knowing it to be true.

They are in Sozin Memorial Meadow, walking towards Sozin Memorial Plaza. Azula was suffocating in the palace, and not just on the dust. Therefore, Ty Lee decided to take her out on an excursion into the beautiful gardens and park of the other side of the caldera that contains the Capitol.

Azula has not said much as they walk together, and it concerns Ty Lee slightly, but she does not comment.

"That's correct," Azula replies coldly and Ty Lee was hoping for more. But she does not know _why _she hopes for more when she knows she will not get it.

Ty Lee wants to feel Azula's flame but she does not want to get burnt. It is a strange state of floating through life with her hand locked on Azula's, yet Azula is slowly slipping away. Ty Lee can feel her bones cracking as she walks to the garden and examines the beautiful flowers. Heliotrope and the first buds of fire-lilies. They only bloom a few weeks a year, but they are Ty Lee's absolute favorite flowers.

"Those flowers are nice. Do I like them? Or, _did _I like them?" Azula asks, examining Ty Lee closely. Ty Lee plucks one of the flowers and hesitantly sets it between Azula's hair and ear. The princess tries to ignore the rush of heat that comes with Ty Lee's fingertips.

As terrible as Azula may be, she does not want to lead Ty Lee on any more than she already has. Especially when she is falling deeply in love with Suki, or at least in lust. There are brief moments of fantasy that come with the erotic memories she salvages of Ty Lee, but most of the content of her sexual desire revolve entirely around a different Kyoshi Warrior.

"I'm not trying to pressure you," Ty Lee says, running her fingertips through the flowers. Azula watches her and knows she looks beautiful in the sunlight, but also knows that she does not reciprocate the feelings. "If you don't want me, you don't want me."

"I think we're both used to being universally desired," Azula says and Ty Lee squints at her. She wishes Azula would reveal how much she has begun to remember; it would make Ty Lee's life much easier. "Tell me more about me."

"You always woke up at sunrise to practice. And your fire captivated me because it's so beautiful. It's never just one shade of blue; it's always a lot of different shades. I would watch you _forever_ and it didn't bother you as long as I didn't talk," Ty Lee says, laughing to herself. "Watching you was one of my favorite things about being with you."

"That sounds like me," Azula says, although she still is not entirely sure who _me _is.

"And you were _jealous_. Oh, so jealous. Whenever a boy so much as looked at me you seemed to want to carve his eyes out or something. One time I tried to teach you to pick up boys but all that wound up happening was us sleeping together that night," Ty Lee says, laughing hysterically as Azula offers a feebly smile.

"You tried to teach me to pick up boys?" Azula murmurs, shaking her head slowly.

"It didn't go so well."

"I have to be honest about something," Azula says, breathing in the aroma of flowers and studying the girl who tries and tries despite knowing she will always lose.

"Mhm." Ty Lee looks pleased that Azula wants to be honest.

"I can feel chemistry between us, yes," Azula says and Ty Lee's eyes brighten. The princess does not take pleasure in the fact that she is about to crush Ty Lee. "But I've fallen for someone else. There's another woman I want to get through my amnesia with. I think about her all of the time."

"Katara," Ty Lee says sharply, as if she were expecting it. Azula slowly shakes her head, cocking an eyebrow.

"Suki," Azula breathes and Ty Lee blinks several times quickly. The acrobat feels dizzy, as if she is about to pass out.

She liked Suki for a while. Crushed on her relentlessly before she fell fast and hard for Azula again. Before Ty Lee would sneak off to her hideaway with Azula and spend the days making love and finding activities to do with her, she would fantasize about Suki.

But when Azula does it, it feels like a virulent act of betrayal. Azula simply shrugs, playing with a flower she plucked. Ty Lee's lip trembles, but she composes herself.

"If you like her, you like her," Ty Lee says softly, trying to hide her emotion.

"I like you a little," Azula offers and it is no consolation. It seems to make things worse. "Clearly there's a sexual attraction with us but I can't... I can't be with you and... maybe if my memories came back. My memories of you are pleasant but my thoughts of her in the here and now. They're more pleasant."

"Every time I try with you, things just get worse." Ty Lee's voice is constricted with emotion.

Wracked with feeling, Azula leans forward and kisses Ty Lee on the lips. But Ty Lee violently pushes her away. Her chest swells with anger at Azula for thinking she can just _play _with her like a cat plays with a elephant-rat. Ty Lee has grown far too much to let Azula just do as she pleases.

And _that _enrages the princess.

"What's that?" Azula snaps, her rosy lips curled into a vicious snarl.

"Don't mess with me like this, Azula. Just don't. You're making it worse," Ty Lee says sharply, wrapping her arms around herself. She wants someone else to be hugging her, but her own arms will have to do for now. "Never kiss me again unless you want to be with me like we used to be."

Azula gazes at her, unsure what to do.

They continue their walk to the plaza, and Azula tries to figure out what was there before.

But she cannot remember.


	9. The Girl Who Kicked the Mothwasp's Nest

A/N: This flashback is a little differently formatted. I had a flashback in italics that was like over a thousand words in the body of the chapter, but I moved it to the beginning flashback and tried to use transitions to signify it. It's just, the Zuko and Azula flashback was more important than the Ty Lee and Azula flashback in this case. Hope it works. Also warnings for some infidelity later in the chapter.

* * *

><p>Chapter Nine: The Girl Who Kicked the Mothwasp's Nest<p>

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

It is nearly four years before Ty Lee and Azula are intertwined in a hidden house in the Earth Kingdom, and four days before the Day of Black Sun. Azula is antsy; Zuko is unnerved and unpredictable. Azula always preferred him predictable. In all honesty, he could say the same thing about her, but Azula was never predictable.

"You've killed people?" Zuko asks, shocked. The conversation took a particularly dark turn just by an offhand comment Azula thought nothing of. In any other company, it would have been ignored or accepted as normal. Azula is slightly confused, but she simply studies him for a moment instead of speaking.

They are alone together. Their conversations tend to end and begin with one of them startled by how much the other has changed. But it has been years. Zuko left her. It has been years and she does not care what he thinks of her because he is no longer a brother; he is an obstacle. And Azula surmounts all obstacles.

"I was a soldier in a war. That's what war is. You think all the Earth Kingdom soldiers just went to live in a farm out west? It's just people killing each other. And I was good at it." Her words are pointed but void of any life. Zuko wonders what she means most of the time. She is gone.

"I've never killed anyone." He does not sound righteous, just confused. A little lost and Azula is amused by it in a sick way.

"You were never a soldier." Pause. "Neither was our father. Sometimes I think he doesn't have a grasp of the frailty of his power because they've all just been little stone pieces on a table like some kind of board game. I'm always more worried that he'll be ruined than I'll be."

Zuko scoffs and Azula cocks an eyebrow.

"Why would you worry? If he's ruined you get the throne. I'm not going to pretend for a second he intends to give it to me, even if he trusts me now. If he says he's proud of me. I'm not a soldier. I don't have a kill count to brag about."

"Nobody is bragging." Silence. Zuko is baffled by her words. It felt like something Azula would be proud of, and her tone leads him to have more questions than answers. "It's... interesting."

"Interesting?"

"You feel very powerful, but very weak. Because if you can do it to someone, someone can do it to you."

More silence. Azula watches the sweat on her brother's neck and knows it is not from the early summer heat wave. This is why she does not tell people things. Lying is fun, yes, but also easier. She lies about petty, insignificant things. Her shoe size, what she had for breakfast... everything. But it's all because honesty has gotten quite hard.

"But, there's a kind of deterioration of it at some point," Azula continues, finding opening to _Zuko _of all people to be easier than she thought. "The first time you kill someone is the hardest. I did it by accident, which I'm sure made it easier than some kid fresh out of school handed a sword and told to _slash_. But it doesn't matter if you're some Earth Kingdom little boy or Fire Lord Sozin himself; it's hard. To grasp mentally, I guess or something. I never faced a moral struggle about it, because I was applauded for the accident."

She is quiet for a moment and Zuko takes a deep breath. When she looks at him she sees that he _wants _to listen and it intrigues her. It is almost as if he cares.

And so she continues, "The second one is a little easier, definitely. My second was cathartic. It was the man who exposed my plot to you. I told them I wouldn't hesitate to strike them down and I did. The third one is just neutral, almost. And after that you get to the point where you just do it to watch the expression change."

Zuko sits very silently, unsure how he can respond to that. She realizes he is uncomfortable and it does not please her as it should, mostly because she was not intending to make him uncomfortable. She picks at her chapped lips and Zuko watches her peel the skin off with her fingers and not flinch.

He has to help her, not that she would ever want to be helped.

"Just to watch the expression change?" Zuko asks without meaning to. He wanted to change the subject but found himself fixated on her glassy gold eyes.

"Yes. But, I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to, I guess," Azula continues with a brief flicker of her eyes that shows she is looking for anyone listening. "It's not an honorable thing. It just isn't. You think there's a lot of honor in little kids killing each other while the Earth King throws parties with a bear and father has never seen a battlefield?"

"You're getting treasonous." And she just smirks.

"I'm very far from treasonous. There's nothing I love more than this country." Pause. She takes a deep breath that causes a motion of her entire small body. "But you're looking for honor in the wrong place."

"I'm not lining up to kill somebody," Zuko says sharply and Azula slowly shakes her head.

"There is no honor in the Fire Nation."

Four years later, Azula is walking away. One foot is on the porch, the other on the gravel. She hesitates there for a moment, waiting to be called back. Last night she lay awake after they slept together and intently studied the war medals just cast aside and gathering dust.

"It's been nice seeing you," Azula says, trying to make this less uncomfortable and more cordial.

"Let's do this again."

"I'd..." It's reckless. It's stupid. Azula knows better. "I'd like that."

Ty Lee grins. She skips two steps forward and kisses Azula's lips. Azula's hand slips to her neck, knotted in her hair, and they are in absolute bliss for a few moments.

"I think now you're _required _to invite me here again," Azula murmurs as the kiss breaks.

Ty Lee's heart leaps. "I'll keep that in mind."

Another kiss. One was not enough.

**_- End Flashback -_**

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><p>Uncle comes to the Fire Nation by sea. Azula does not know what to expect from his presence, as she has no memories of him, save for a few glimpses in her memories of Zuko. They did not get along; Zuko explained that when he explained her relationships with her family members. But she wonders if he will help her with her plight.<p>

Azula is tired of being lied to, and so help her, she will learn what they are all trying to keep secret from her. It would only make sense that somehow her uncle could help her, as he is removed from the nonsense happening with Zuko, Katara, Suki and the rest of their friends.

She stands uncomfortably between Mai and Ty Lee, Zuko looking genuinely thrilled to see their uncle. Azula does not know what to make of him; everything has been slanted towards Zuko.

He arrives and as soon as he greets Zuko, he walks towards Azula with concern in his eyes. She tenses slightly, watching how he seems nervous of her. Everyone does, but he has a way about him that makes her uneasy. His words and smile are warm, but his gaze at Azula makes her feel like she is exposed and suspected of.

"You lost your memories?" he asks, standing in front of her directly. They are almost the same height, and Azula sees the have the same eyes, the same as Zuko. _Golden_. The eyes of the dragons the royal family is rumored to be descended from.

"That's what amnesia is," Azula replies sharply and Zuko looks visibly uncomfortable. "I'm going to be up front with you. What is it you'll try to get out of this for yourself? Everybody wants something from this fortunate event of me losing my memories."

Her uncle looks briefly stunned, startled. But he is even more surprised to see no pleasure in her eyes at his discomfort. She is genuine and not mocking. Azula clearly has been screwed over, and Iroh can see it, as much as he wants nothing to do with it.

"I don't want anything," Iroh says slowly, although he has not quite made his mind up. Azula scoffs.

She wants to use the information from him she got from her father to start something, but she holds her tongue. There will be a better time, and she will have to plan ahead if she is going to outsmart her captors. Right now it is best if Zuko thinks he has a firm hold over her and his group of friends, but slowly Azula will deteriorate his alliance like an acid he cannot wipe away with burning his hands to a crisp.

"I see," is all Azula replies before studying Iroh's every feature in hopes of conjuring a memory of him, and when it fails, she walks away.

Mai follows her as Zuko sighs and rubs his temples.

[X]

"I want to talk to you," Azula says to Suki, eyeing her closely. Azula watches Sokka walk out of the palace with Suki, and how Suki shoots him a forlorn glance as she sees Azula. But the princess is entirely undeterred by Suki's lack of interest.

The stars tonight are quite pretty, Azula notices as they shine through the large front windows. They bask things in a red, dark, enticing glow. Azula walks to Suki and the Kyoshi Warrior forgets how to walk, she just sees the princess advancing on her and is glued in her place.

Maybe she should pull out a fan or something. Or punch Azula straight in the mouth for trying to steal her away from the man she loves and breaking the heart of Suki's closest friend. But she simply stands there, swaying ever so slightly, moderately breathless.

"I don't know what to say anymore," Suki says finally as Azula is far too close to her for comfort. She wraps her arms around herself and realizes she may be partially to blame for Azula's interest. She _has _glanced at her before in ways that could be misleading. What can Suki say? If you ignore her personality, she is attractive.

"Say yes," Azula replies without missing a beat and Suki feels some alien beast inside of her roar. Whether it's rage or lust.

"You haven't given me any reason to say yes to you." Ugh. Suki is not doing very well at this. She genuinely is not.

"Alright," is Azula's response and Suki thinks for a moment she should run away as fast as she possibly can. But she does not.

Azula leans in and presses her lips against Suki's. Suki wants to pull away at first, but she leans into it. Azula's crimson lips feel good against hers and she does not mind the touch, the kiss. It is sick and wrong but that may be why Suki likes it.

"Oh," interrupts them. Suki jolts up to see Ty Lee as Azula slowly breaks away and sits with her hands clasped on her lap. Ty Lee's eyes swell with tears as she simply repeats, "Oh," and runs away sobbing.

Suki dashes after her, glaring at Azula on her way out. Azula simply sighs; it is not her fault that she is so irresistible.

"It's not at all what it looks like, Ty Lee," Suki says, grabbing her by the arm and hoping she does not get punched. Ty Lee purses her lips together, looking on the verge of tears but barely holding back. "It really isn't. I _wouldn't_. You know that I _wouldn't_."

"You seemed pretty into it," Ty Lee says sharply and Suki feels her knees become weak and her stomach tremble. This is a mess and a mess that Suki is well aware that she got herself into.

"I liked it. I admit it; I liked it. But I would never steal her from you... Ty Lee," Suki attempts, feeling flustered. Her calm demeanor is gone, her cheeks flushed and Ty Lee does not care that she is clearly hurt by it.

"I can't take this anymore. I can't," is all Ty Lee says before she walks to the guest room where she has been saying.

Suki sighs, rubbing her face. She has certainly gotten herself entangled in something very dark that she wants no part of. And now it is likely Ty Lee will leave and everyone will be twice as screwed.

When Suki saw Ty Lee talk about Azula, her face would light up. Suki did not think someone so terrible could bring so much _joy _to a person. Even a person as perpetually gleeful as Ty Lee. And now Azula is crushing it relentlessly and heartlessly.

And Suki just plays along.

She feels nauseous.

As she walks back to her apartment, she tries to sort out her feelings. It is all far too complicated. _Far _too complicated. It is not as if she could ever be attracted to Azula after everything she has done to her. It is not as if Azula could _ever _be Suki's type in a million years. But she finds herself drawn to it.

When she was a little girl she would intentionally put herself in dangerous situations. It was some weird psychosis that told her she needed to _prove _herself, or her worth or her strength by outsmarting the danger. But quickly, she just became an adrenaline junkie. She loved to mess with Unagi or to climb trees and statues. To sneak out at night and scare her parents to death.

But when she joined the warriors, she found ways to follow danger that were less... risky. But being near Azula gives her that rush that she has long forgotten. It must be the shift of power in the relationship, or the thought that with Azula desiring her, she had control over what had happened to her.

This all is _ludicrous _though. Suki is not helping Azula and therefore helping herself. Redeeming Azula is not an eraser of scars. All she is getting is tangled into a web that the princess is carefully spinning despite her incapacitation of memory loss.

Maybe Suki should just leave. But part of her, part of her wants to stay.

And that kills her internally.

[X]

"I'm leaving," Ty Lee says, hoisting her bag over her shoulder. The only person present is Iroh, and she figures she has to inform someone that she is on her way out.

"Why?" Iroh asks, stepping forward. He has no clue of Ty Lee's sadness and anger that she is riddled with, and no one has informed him of anything useful. They all seem to be ignoring the clear issue of Azula's amnesia.

"Because..." Hesitation. Ty Lee takes a deep breath and straightens her shoulders. "I was involved with Azula. We've been together for three years. I've been through so much with her since she ran away. We were engaged to be married when she got amnesia. And now she doesn't want me anymore. I just got her kissing Suki."

It takes Iroh a moment to take in what he has just been told. It is certainly overwhelming as he studies her, concerned.

"You were with her?" he asks and Ty Lee grits her teeth.

"_Yes_. It was supposed to be perfect. But I got screwed over." Pause. "_Again_. I'm done with her and I'm done getting my heart broken. And then... she acts like she wants me but she doesn't. She was always hot and cold but this is infuriating."

"Where are you going?" Iroh asks, fairly certain she is not returning to Kyoshi Island if Suki is the one who kissed Azula.

"Right now? A hotel. Then I'm going to get in contact with my grandparents and go stay with them until I can sort this bullshit out," Ty Lee says loudly and forcefully, her bright, girlish tone completely gone. Iroh is unsettled by her pain and anger. It is not like her. But Azula has a way of changing people.

Iroh takes a deep breath. "That may be best for you." It is looking like Ty Lee may assault Azula or Suki if she does not cool off somewhere. Then hopefully he can settle this issue.

Ty Lee nods at him and is out the door, juggling her luggage in her arms to read the name of the hotel she is heading towards. She brushes past anxious guards who watch her with anxious eyes. Iroh hesitates for a moment, collects himself, and goes to find Zuko.

"Ty Lee left," Iroh says as soon as he finds his nephew.

Zuko groans. "This keeps getting better and better. She is the only one other than Mai who stands a chance keeping Azula in check."

Iroh's stomach twists. Part of him _knows _that Azula needs to be monitored, but the other part of him knows that she will see that and exploit it. Although she has not traded a single word with him since he arrived, he can tell that while her memories were stolen, her personality and intelligence were not.

"Is she a prisoner?" Iroh asks hesitantly, although he did not want to.

"Yes. Of _course_, Uncle," Zuko snaps and Iroh is surprised at his frustration. He has been calming with age and Iroh has been very happy with that fact. But clearly the mess with Azula has been undoing him.

"Well... why not imprison her somewhere with... bars?" Iroh offers and Zuko looks at him as if he just murdered his pet. Iroh has never received such a look from Zuko before. He has never received such a look from _anyone _since he was a violent and wicked youth.

"She doesn't deserve that. She deserves my _help_," Zuko says sharply and Iroh feels slightly sore internally. Zuko has grown up to be a righteous man, but it may be his undoing. Especially if Azula does ─ if she has not already ─ figure out she is imprisoned here.

"We all want to help her."

"No. You don't. You never cared about her for an instant. It's no wonder she hated you. She was an extension of my father to you and so you hated her," Zuko says and Iroh's lips open and close, but no sound comes out. "I'm trying to _undo_ what I've been doing for my life. She's my sister and sometimes I think about her and realize that we were close once and we could be again. This is my _chance_."

"I don't know what to say. I'm happy for you, but I don't think she views it the same way. She's probably scared and I don't think you're acknowledging that," Iroh replies and Zuko must admit his advice is sound. A scared Azula as like a scared moose-lion. Not something to fuck with.

"When we were younger, before the solar eclipse, we used to have conversations. They were about how much we had changed, I guess." Hesitation. "She's been through a lot in her life. I've been thinking that I could give her something better if her memories manage to stay... away."

Iroh looks even more aghast than Katara. Zuko has never received that look from his Uncle before and it almost makes him want to cry, but he holds himself together.

"That's not a good thing to wish on someone," Iroh says softly and Zuko clenches his fists. He _knows_. He _knows_.

"She told me about how she killed people in the war. She wasn't lying."

"I am sure she was not. She was raised to kill in a war, just like you would have been. But people move on from that." Iroh's voice falters slightly. He still has not entirely moved on from it. Children, he had to fight against.

"And so many other things. She's been through more than any human should have to. Would you like me to find the paperwork from psychologists?" Zuko shouts in exasperation, not caring who hears him anymore. "I _want _to help her."

"I know you do. I just do not think you know how."

And from outside of the door, there is a small sound that both Iroh and Zuko do not hear over their own raging thoughts.

Azula slips away, chewing on her lower lip.

No wonder eavesdropping was once her favorite hobby.

[X]

Suki finds herself alone with Azula again. It makes her heart skips a beat as she feels a surge of panic. Azula examines her closely from afar before sitting down close to her. Suki can feel Azula's breath near her as they linger in the living room.

The Kyoshi Warrior's thoughts are on Sokka and how much she loves him. He always been there, a constant in her sometimes overcomplicated life. Letting Azula ruin their perfect relationship is a cost that Suki cannot afford.

"Have you rethought my proposition at all?" Azula asks, as unstoppable as ever. Suki knows Azula deserves a punch in the face, but being the object of desire is making Suki lean towards _wanting _Azula to be chasing after her. And it makes Suki feel slightly sick.

"It's not going to happen," Suki says calmly and Azula pouts slightly. "You should know that."

Azula studies Suki with her piercing golden eyes. Suki feels stripped naked by the lascivious gaze and she knows she should walk away. She should not give Azula any hope that something could be born of this infatuation. That Azula should turn to Ty Lee instead.

"You look at me like you want me, but your words say something different," Azula remarks and Suki knows that she is right. It is painful to admit, but she looks at Azula and thinks about her body and what it would be like to completely dominate her sexually. To fulfill herself after the pain she suffered in the Boiling Rock.

Azula leans forward and Suki knows she should get up and walk away. But Azula's lips make contact with hers and Suki takes a deep breath. She breathes in Azula and realizes that she smells intoxicating, despite the anger Suki feels. Suki's tongue slides into Azula's mouth, tasting her and closing her eyes.

The sensation of victory Azula is drunk on. She slips her hand behind Suki's back and pulls her body against hers. Their hips press against each other and Suki tries to think of Sokka. She tries her best to only think of him, and his kisses and their sex, but Azula has knotted her fingers in Suki's hair and drawn her towards the sofa.

And Suki gives in to temptation.

When it is over, Suki resents herself. It was a mistake beyond any mistake she has ever made. To _sleep _with Azula, to let her body be given away from the mere excuse of what she went through at the Boiling Rock. It makes Suki sick.

She escapes before Azula can say anything, locking herself in her room and biting back tears. She is strong, she is the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors, she cannot let this get to her.

"What's wrong, Suki?" Sokka pounds on the door of her room as soon as he gets to the apartment. She wipes away any tears that managed to escape her blockade and hesitates. "Please tell me. I'm worried about you."

Suki gets up. Takes a deep breath. And then walks to the door.

She opens it and flatly says, "I slept with her."

[X]

Ty Lee arrives at the hotel with great pleasure. Being removed from the royal palace and all of its madness is absolute bliss. She sits down at the bar as soon as she checks in and receives the brass key to her room. It feels nice in her hand as she orders a very strong drink.

Someone walks in before she can invite anyone to sit with her. And who in this room _would not_.

"Hey, Sokka!" Ty Lee calls from across the room and he looks briefly uncomfortable. She wonders why as he walks over and sits beside her. "Did you follow me or are you here by coincidence?" Two blithe blinks from her protuberant eyes lead Sokka to believe she has no idea about Suki.

"Just stopping by," he lies feebly but she believes him. He wonders how she could when she has been sleeping with the Queen of the Liars for so many years.

_And now Suki has slept with the Queen of the Liars._

Ty Lee examines Sokka. He stares back at her, occasionally glancing around the room, however. She looks at him and thinks about her loathing for Suki at this point, about how Azula has fallen in love with the wrong Kyoshi Warrior. Ty Lee loves Suki as her best friend, but Azula's romantic desires make Ty Lee want to chi-block Suki and push her down a hill.

"You know that your wife is playing along with Azula's games," Ty Lee finally blurts out, batting her eyelashes. Sokka looks at her and his eyebrows shoot up.

"What do you mean?" Sokka demands, his eyes flickering up and down Ty Lee's body.

"I'm sure they've probably slept with each other. I walked in on them kissing today. And Suki seemed to be enjoying it," Ty Lee says casually, enjoying the pain in Sokka's eyes and then feeling guilty about it. He blinks once, unsure what to say.

"Suki... and... Azula..." is all he manages to force out of his lips. "Suki told me they slept together. Then she kicked me out and said she couldn't look me in the eyes. I've been trying hotels all evening."

"Mhm. I'm devastated," Ty Lee says lightly and Sokka is unsure why her tone is so calm and pleasant. How could she be _calm _and _pleasant _when Azula is sleeping with Suki? They're both staying in a _hotel _as his wife and her fiancée are probably _screwing_.

"Devastated, huh?" he says in a low tone and Ty Lee finally frowns.

"I'm moving in with my grandparents this weekend. Unless she tries to win me back with some romantic gesture. In which case I will laugh, accept, and still move in with my grandparents."

Sokka attempts a laugh and fails.

She touches his arm and he thinks he realizes what she is doing.

But he does not stop her.

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><p>AN: Please don't eat me alive for Azula and Ty Lee ruining a marriage and their relationship in like two days. I do promise Tyzula (and I promise Sukka, as well), and I don't condone adultery, but this is an experiment in basically turning Azula and Ty Lee's feelings into shrapnel, then having them pick the pieces out of each other and realize they're perfect for each other. Right now we're at the shrapnel part.

Also some amnesia. Because, uh, this is really a soap opera, guys, it really genuinely is. Amnesia, adultery, stolen kisses, love polygons, complex family relationships. This is soap opera territory.


	10. The Girl About to Combust

Chapter Ten: The Girl About to Combust

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><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

"What would you do if I died?" Azula murmurs, running her fingertips up Ty Lee's arm. It sends shivers through her slender form.

Ty Lee hesitates. She does not know the proper answer to that question. In fact, she tries her best to never think about it if she has the choice. The idea of anybody she cares about dying is hard for her to fathom. It is so much easier not to think.

When you die, all that's left are your possessions. Or something like that. Maybe the memories of people who might forget you, ten, twenty years from now.

"I would die too." It's melodramatic. But it is the only way Ty Lee can reply.

"Hm." Azula was half expecting a joke. "I'm fairly certain you're the only one who would notice. If only because I'm no longer sleeping with you."

Ty Lee wants to scream that she is wrong. But she simply gazes at Azula, and how the stars seem to shine just for her, to accentuate her skin and the way her eyes sparkle in the darkness. It should be perfect, should be, should be. And it is at this moment that Ty Lee realizes that there is no turning back; she is in love with Azula.

"Let's do something," Ty Lee says softly, rolling onto her side. Azula examines her for a moment and offers a nod. "This house is choking me."

"If you're about to lure me into a trap..." It has become something usual for Azula to say. But she has realized by now that Ty Lee has only romantic intentions, and has no desire to turn Azula in to Zuko. That is almost admirable. Azula is grateful for it, regardless of how complicated it makes things emotionally.

"I'm not luring you into a trap. Relax," Ty Lee says, touching her lips to Azula's cheek. It feels right, and warm and necessary.

This is their fourth visit to Ty Lee's house in the Earth Kingdom. The visits have been blissful, difficult at times, and something that Ty Lee waits for with great anticipation. She has received a great many comments on Kyoshi Island about having a _glow_. And it is definitely, entirely because of Princess Azula.

There are times when she thinks about the implications of having a love affair with a fugitive. And times she worries about Azula's instability and sleepwalking and complete lack of trust in Ty Lee. But each kiss feels like regaining things lost to time. And Ty Lee absolutely cannot resist delving deeper and deeper into her forbidden romance.

They walk from the house towards the small town, Azula glancing around nervously. Ty Lee grabs her hand and holds it tightly. There is no way she is letting go. Azula seems to ease slightly at Ty Lee's touch and it admittedly makes Ty Lee fill with a certain joy. She likes being needed, and Azula needs her.

"You need new clothes," Ty Lee declares as soon as they reach the village. It is quaint and carefully rebuilt. Azula can see green paint over red and burn marks hastily covered, but altogether, the town is in better shape than many Azula has encountered in her travels.

"Of course you're taking me clothes shopping," Azula says smoothly with a small smirk.

It _would _be like Ty Lee to do that. After all, they cannot simply lounge around the house fucking all day and talking about nonsense. And then it hits Azula that this is possibly a date. _A date. _It gives her a sensation of anxiety in her stomach and that concerns her. Going on a date with Ty Lee is not good news. That would mean that they are delving into an attempt at a relationship again, and Azula knows how poorly it worked out last time.

"Alright, clothes, clothes, clothes," Azula says slowly as they walk into a boutique. This certainly is a classy town; no wonder Ty Lee's wealthy family lived nearby. But the red clothes amongst the green make Azula slightly nervous. Earth Kingdom peasants may not recognize her; but Fire Nation loyalists would.

"Oh, look at this!" And she instantly finds something that she shoves into Azula's arms. It is a green dress that looks very uncomfortable. "And this!" Another dress on Azula's arms. "This shirt is nice!" Now Azula's knees are buckling.

"I think you need to slow down," Azula murmurs with a small smirk. She is quite beautiful when she is excited; yet she is also pretty when she cries.

"Right, right, yes," Ty Lee says with a sharp nod as quick as a sparrowkeet. "Let's try them on."

"Together...?" Azula is not sure what to make of sharing the dressing room in the boutique with Ty Lee. And she is not entirely sure why.

"I'll wait outside," Ty Lee offers, studying Azula closely. She is a very strange thing these days, not that she ever was quite normal.

Azula tries on her clothes. Ty Lee thinks she looks wonderful; Azula thinks she looks ridiculous. They wind up purchasing what Azula is certain is going to turn into buyer's remorse, and walk out into the square.

"So how are you going to explain your new belongings to your friends?" Azula asks, studying Ty Lee closely.

Ty Lee smiles deviously. "Well, I'm supposedly meeting Mai in the Earth Kingdom."

Azula laughs. "They seriously believed that?"

"They don't know Mai well."

"I miss her," Azula says without thinking and instantly regrets it.

Ty Lee stops walking, still holding Azula's hand, and looks at her closely. "You forgive her?"

"I didn't say I forgave her. I said I missed her," Azula explains slowly, her nose turning slightly red. Ty Lee stares at her a moment longer, examining every feature of her face. She is so beautiful, but part of her seems permanently lost.

"I want you to know that I love you," Ty Lee says and Azula feels slightly less ridiculous for blurting something intimate out.

Azula hesitates. She is not sure what to say. "I... I know."

Ty Lee frowns and continues walking. Azula feels a twinge of regret that she did not think of something better to say. Lying to Ty Lee is not as easy as lying to people she exploits to get her way. And that revolts and terrifies Azula.

But a more revolting and terrifying thing happens as she and Ty Lee reach the edge of town, heading towards a restaurant Ty Lee half remembers. The attack happens more quickly than Azula can register it. Her reflexes are numbed despite her paranoia, and she only has the forethought to dodge a rock and push Ty Lee out of the way of another, as she has grown far too trusting as a citizen of the Earth Kingdom.

And right after Azula fucked up the whole _I love you _thing. Perfect, just perfect.

"Who are ─ _yikes _─ they?" Ty Lee dances out of the way of a collision that likely could kill her.

Azula runs up a wall, grabs the roof and pulls herself up. The building shakes with the force of rocks hitting it, but she maintains a wall of fire as she tries to screw her head on straight. She has thought about this so many times, but never imagined it would happen. The surge of panic is no longer unwelcome and coming in the calm night; it is about to help her win this fight.

She takes out a few of the bounty hunters as Ty Lee is disabling them with ease. Azula hates to admit that she is not going to fare as well in this fight as someone who can practice without the fear of being recognized and murdered or handed over to Zuko.

Her shield dissipates at her command as the stone roof rips out from under her and she hears her ankle snap. Not good, not good. She slides across the edge of the roof, leaping to the next one and cursing as she lands on her broken ankle.

Glancing to make sure Ty Lee is alright, of which she is, laughing as she takes down men three times her size. When Azula pauses to examine the sight she missed over the years, a rock hits her in the side. And there goes a rib.

With a fast bolt of lightning, Azula kills the earthbender who hit her. She coughs and runs to the next roof, hating how she is getting further from the only person who trusts her and cares about her, but desperate to get the advantage in this fight.

Lightning, lightning, block, bend, up, lightning, lightning. She loses herself in the motions.

And when the fight is finished, she slinks down from the roof, limping. Someone grabs her and she screams, but Ty Lee murmurs in her ear, "We should probably start running now."

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>Zuko looks at his uncle and wonders what went wrong. At what point things spiraled downward and Zuko became so different. Uncle says he has become mature and knowledgeable, but Zuko feels like he is walking in the dark without a torch every day of his life.<p>

It is late night, and Azula is trying to sleep with her body still warm with Suki, and Ty Lee is in a hotel room trying to get drunk enough to not think the Sokka thing through thoroughly. And Zuko sits with his uncle, who is brewing tea as if there is nothing wrong.

"There _is _nothing wrong," Iroh protests as Zuko inquires exasperatedly. "She hasn't posed a threat yet. Maybe she won't."

"You're not usually that trusting in Azula," Zuko says, cocking an eyebrow. His uncle sighs.

"She wouldn't make a move unless she had someone's support. And with Ty Lee leaving, as she told me, and Mai certainly more loyal to you, Azula won't move. It would be too risky."

"Yes, too risky until she's approached by the New Ozai Society and probably, I don't know, maybe she visits father or something and..." Zuko rambles, rubbing his eyes before Iroh clears his throat to silence his nephew.

"Do you trust her?"

"Is that a trick question?"

Iroh laughs, losing his serious demeanor for a moment. "Good answer. I think we'll just have to wait and see."

"Yes, we'll wait and see the moment I wake up in the night, see a flash of lightning and die. That's when we'll see, Uncle."

"Then lock her up."

"I _can't_." Zuko groans and sets his head on the table. His duties as Fire Lord are difficult enough without dealing with his amnesiac sister who might or might not be craving vengeance. "I feel guilty about that. I feel guilty about _everything _and I thought when they said she was in the hospital and I went to get her... I thought maybe I could make it right."

Iroh purses his lips and sets down a teacup in front of Zuko.

"It sounds like your mind is already made up, for better or for worse. If I were you, I'd make her trust you. You're not doing a very good job by lying to her constantly. This _is _a fresh start for you and your sister. Don't squander it."

Zuko closes his eyes.

[X]

"Ty Lee left," Zuko says as Azula has only just woken up. It is a bright, sunny morning and Azula is not in any mood to deal with her brother or her splitting headaches. "And Suki didn't show up to the meeting this morning. You have something to do with this, don't you?"

Azula pours herself a cup of tea, trying to sort out her response. It _is _likely she had something to do with it, giving the fact that she slept with Suki. Which was incredible, and Azula would absolutely do it again. If only Ty Lee would realize that they are broken up, and broken up permanently. Azula has no desire to marry her, or any desire to progress their relationship.

Suki, on the other hand, Azula finds completely intoxicating. And slowly, the Kyoshi Warrior is ceasing to resist. Because, after all, resistance is futile. Azula thinks she may visit Suki today, she decides as she sips her tea and studies Zuko. She thinks he is still waiting for an answer, tapping his finger on the table patiently.

"I slept with Suki," Azula says calmly and Zuko's jaw drops. She takes a sweet satisfaction in his shock and horror; he has been causing her enough pain with his attempts to exploit her amnesia.

"You can't just ─ you can't just _do that_," Zuko says, his eyes bulging. She watches the stretch of his scar and confusion in his eyes and sips from her tea again. It sears her throat as she swallows.

"Well, I did," Azula says with a small shrug. "I think I might ask her out."

"_Azula_. Azula, don't do this," Zuko snaps, setting down his fork with a loud smash of metal against wood. Azula pouts her lips and shrugs. "You're getting more like yourself every day."

At that, Azula cocks an eyebrow. "Well, I thought that was the _point_. Or were you really hoping my amnesia would wipe away my personality and leave you with someone more savory? I'm sorry that I'm such a disappointment, brother."

"Look, I want you to get back to normal. But you could... I just..." Zuko does not know what to say. He looks at his breakfast but he has lost his appetite.

This is too much. Far too much. Zuko simply cannot handle Azula's amnesia, her love life and her desire for destruction. Whatever vengeance she thinks she deserves, he cannot let happen. Whether that means getting her on his side or whatever he has to do, he will do it.

Azula on the loose with a desire for carnage is too much. And she has already started making ripples that will easily transform into a tsunami.

Before Zuko can protest further, Azula rises from the table, seizing an orange, and walks away with a small smirk. Zuko realizes he has bitten off far more than he can chew as his sister disappears, prepared to locate her new flame.

Suki has no idea how Azula got to her Fire Nation apartment. The princess seems to know far too much for someone who has amnesia. Suki hears a rapping on the door and assumes it is Sokka, but instead, she finds Azula looking at her with a smug expression. She always manages to look haughty, even when she does not have the power.

"I regret what we did," Suki says, not stepping backwards to allow Azula in, but not slamming the door in her face either. "It was wrong. And I never want to do it again. I should have never tried to forgive you for what you did to me."

"I'm sorry for what I did to you," Azula says softly, tilting her head to the side. "It isn't as if I remember it anyway."

"Well aren't you lucky," Suki snarls and Azula blinks in surprise. She was not expecting that response. "I think I might wind up with a divorce because of you. So I suggest you leave before I'm forced to harm you."

But Azula simply crosses her arms. "I think you know you want me."

"I think you want what you can't have and what you don't deserve." Suki stands as still as a statue.

"Hmph," is Azula's only response. And Suki has that sensation that makes her skin crawl, as if Azula is looking directly into her and vivisecting her with her eyes. It is uncanny, how she can do that.

Suki feels exposed. More exposed than when she was naked in front of the princess and she wants nothing more than to escape her. But her legs move with a mind of their own, stepping aside and allowing her in. It is a sensation of defeat, which Suki is altogether unfamiliar with. She never stops until she succeeds, no matter what odds are stacked against her.

"So, this warrior training sounds fairly difficult," Azula says as Suki closes the door. "I asked my ex-fiancée all about it. She really likes to talk."

"She's my friend," Suki says sharply, as if it means anything. Azula invites herself onto the sofa and crosses her legs. She sits on the secondhand furniture as if it is a throne, and Suki finds it both attractive and repulsive, and she is incredibly confused.

"It takes a lot to be one of you," Azula remarks, thinking of the many challenges Ty Lee described.

Needless to say, Suki recalls them as well, and how she struggled with them despite her youthful strength. But she pulled herself out of the mud and filthy snow and she _overcame_. And she needs to overcome this mess with Azula as well.

"You're not welcome to join," Suki says and Azula scoffs, looking amused. Her concave stomach shakes with laughter and Suki fights the urge to slap her to the floor. _Be the better person, be the better person, be the better person..._

"How did you two meet? Ty Lee and you," Azula asks and Suki wonders why Ty Lee never told her. Perhaps they all keep their secrets.

"Well, I met her through my friends, who met her in prison, where you put them," Suki says, cocking an eyebrow. Azula examines her a moment and Suki could swear she sees _pain _in her eyes. "Did they not tell you about the Boiling Rock?"

"I only know what they told me. Mai was forthcoming but not entirely honest. I wouldn't be if I were her, so I don't blame her," Azula says with a shrug. "I'm perfectly content with my past decisions, but I'm ready to move on with my life. I'm thinking about the future and... you're in it."

Suki has heard this before. From multiple people. It feels a little cliché; usually Azula is much more inventive.

"I don't want that," Suki says bitterly. "You've ruined my marriage, broken my friend's heart, given my other friends more trouble than you're worth and tortured me in prison. I really, I honestly can't fathom how you could be so egotistical that you think anyone could want to sleep with you after you do all of that to them."

Azula pauses for a moment before saying calmly, "But you did."

"Fight me," Suki snaps, startled at her own vehemence. Azula can only blink. "Fight me right now."

"I'll fight you at sunset, as is traditional in my nation, where you are now," Azula says and Suki is surprised that she agreed. "I honestly think this apartment is decrepit enough without us smashing half of the furniture and burning the curtains."

Suki chews on the inside of her cheek. "Fine. If I win, you leave me alone."

"If I win, you go on a date with me," Azula says, standing up. She looks self satisfied and Suki has to suppress a groan of frustration. "I mean, that isn't so harsh. You might like it."

"Don't sound so sure that you'll win," Suki says through her teeth. Infuriating, infuriating. Why the _fuck _would Ty Lee want to marry this woman? Honestly, it's a wonder Azula doesn't latch onto Ty Lee, because she is likely the _only _person Azula will ever get in her life.

"Well, I beat you once, didn't I?" Azula walks to the door, pauses at the arch and adds, "Fans only make flames stronger."

And she leaves.

Suki forcibly unclenches her jaw.

How did she sleep with this woman? How?

[X]

"I can't believe I did this," Sokka says, his eyebrows knit together.

Ty Lee only shrugs. Shallow and heartless is exactly what she is and always has been. Feigning compassion as a social butterfly, feeding on the nectar of attention and optimism. But she has always lacked as much empathy as her Kyoshi counterparts. It is why, Sokka decides after their tryst, she is perfect for Azula. They are both manipulative, jealous and selfish. And he played right into it. He always thought he had honor, but apparently not, and it kills him.

It was reasonable good, in Ty Lee's opinion. Given, she was livid the entire time but perhaps that just made it better. And Sokka hates to admit that he liked it.

In his defense, Suki did this with Azula. Why is it so wrong for Sokka to cheat when Suki has already cheated? But he rubs his face with his hands and tries to think of reasons why he is not a terrible person.

"You wanted to," Ty Lee finally replies. She is pulling on her clothes; he is already dressed. "You could've said no."

"I know," Sokka admits, staring at his shoes. This is so sick and wrong, and he cannot believe he did it.

Is there an attraction between he and Ty Lee? Yes. She flirted with him _constantly _on Kyoshi Island, but it was always joking and teasing. It was playful and not to be construed as a genuine romantic interest. Particularly if she was secretly dating Azula the whole time.

"Look, clearly you and Suki are done if she _had sex with my fiancée_," Ty Lee says sharply and Sokka recoils slightly. She seems defensive, and now Sokka feels like he completely took advantage of her. Given, she was the one pushing him towards beds and straddling him as he had a panicked expression.

"I'm pretty sure Azula broke up with you," Sokka says and Ty Lee's eyes flash. He flinches as if something were thrown at him, and then clears his throat. A warrior is braver than this, and more honorable. "I'm not great at talking, but maybe you and Azula should─"

"Don't tell me how to fix my relationship! I know her! I know her like none of you ever tried to know her!" Ty Lee shrieks and Sokka inhales so quickly he coughs. He did not expect to strike a nerve with a simple suggestion. But Ty Lee hesitates and slumps her shoulders slightly. "I'm sorry for screaming at you. I'm just a little on edge."

"Look, I have to go," Sokka says, rubbing his neck. He does not know how he is going to undo this mess. Maybe he should just start running, but that would not be very brave of him.

Ty Lee sits down on the bed as he walks away. And she thinks about how she watched Azula walking away so many more times than she watched Azula coming to her. Then her thoughts shift to how she has never been alone, how she could not make it on her own, and wondering why Azula would not want her anymore.

Betrayal stings. The worst thing you can do to someone is make them believe that they are loved and wanted and then reveal that it is all a sham. Maybe it wasn't; maybe it was. Azula could have been pretending. But Ty Lee _cannot _believe that even if she tries.

She goes to find something to eat. It seems as if she will have to go to her grandparents, but she has to work up the courage to give Azula a second chance. Or a third. Or a fourth. Ty Lee lost count of how many times she has given Azula a second chance. The girl is built of second chances and waking nightmares.

Right now feels like a nightmare. Maybe it is. Maybe Ty Lee finally lost it too.

She pops fire flakes in her mouth and enjoys the burn of the spice. Birds fly, a variety of different hybrids. And she walks through the street, every person just looking like a blur. She remembers how she used to imagine faces in crowds that she had not seen in a long time.

Confronting Azula. Confronting Azula. She has to do it.

Azula chewed her up, spit her out and brushed her teeth. But Ty Lee keeps running back and she loathes herself for it. Putting a positive spin on this is impossible. Impossible. Completely impossible.

But she walks to the palace, dragging her feet. This is the hardest thing she has ever done; harder than the Boiling Rock, harder than deciding to marry Azula, harder than forgiving Azula. But she... she can't be alone. She can't do it and maybe it is her greatest flaw.

Or maybe not... or...

Ty Lee walks through the front doors, nodding at the royal guard. And she wonders if Azula even will want to talk to her at all. The palace feels vaguely empty as she wanders through the halls.

Most everyone has left, save for Aang, Katara, Sokka and Suki. Ty Lee hopes they leave soon, and maybe she will leave with them.

Too many maybes.

Ty Lee walks directly to the courtyard and finds Azula practicing. She does not stop to admire the motion of her bending, or the vivid blue of her flames. She pushes Azula's back, making the princess shriek and turn around.

"I'm leaving," Ty Lee says and Azula rubs her arm where Ty Lee made contact.

"It's your choice," Azula says with a small shrug. Ty Lee is infuriated that she does not react. She wanted to _hurt _her. "You go ahead and leave; I'm practicing for my fight with Suki at sunset."

"Your what?" Ty Lee's eyes flash. As if this day could get any more confusing, now Azula is fighting Suki. "First you fuck her, not you're fighting her. Azula, just slow down! You need to work on regaining your life, not destroying the lives of everyone around you!"

"You're not my keeper. You do not _decide _what I choose," Azula snaps and Ty Lee clenches her fists.

"I know you. You're doing this because you feel powerless, so you're trying to overpower all of these people. They're not worth it. Zuko is giving you a chance! He could've locked you up again but he's not, and instead you're destroying marriages and engagements and visiting your father in secret and... Azula..." Ty Lee runs out of breath and simply stands there, panting.

"I'm not going to change my life to please Zuko. Helping people isn't about making them like everybody else; it's about helping them be themselves," Azula says and Ty Lee's eyes flicker for a moment. Recognition, but Azula does not understand why.

"I said that to you," Ty Lee murmurs.

"I don't remember," Azula replies, although the thought of retained memories excites her briefly. The amnesia has been frustrating, more so then her imprisonment. "I heard my brother talking to my uncle. He said I was a prisoner. He's been lying to me."

Ty Lee has caught her breath, and she simply says, "Your name is Princess Azula of the Fire Nation. You can bend lightning and break people. And you are so much better than this."

Azula swallows and averts her eyes.


	11. The Girl You Can't Understand

Chapter Eleven: The Girl You Can't Understand

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

"Your ribs are really bad," Ty Lee breathes, helping Azula into the house. Her heart is beating out of control as she lays Azula down on the sofa and tries to figure out what to do. "You need _help_, but, Azula..."

"I'm not going to some _hospital_. I'm not being handed over to my brother. It's a broken ankle and one broken rib. I'll manage," Azula says sharply, her eyes flashing with passion. Ty Lee swallows the lump in her throat and tries to keep from crying.

Ty Lee does not know what to do. She feels like she wants to vomit as she wraps her arms around herself and bites back tears. Azula winces as she tries to turn over and Ty Lee feels panic surging through her veins. There has to be something she can do; there has to be.

"I know a little, a little about what to do," Ty Lee says, hoping _a little_ will be enough. She disappears into the house, looking for anything she can use. By the end she is running through the rooms and looking for anything she can possibly bandage Azula with.

She does find strips of cloth in the end, alcohol for the wounds and a bottle of painkilling herbs. They won't last long but Ty Lee is only thinking about this very moment and what she can do in it. She strips Azula's clothes off of her, looking at the blood soaked into them and the singe marks from her shield of powerful flame with a small grimace.

Ty Lee wraps the bandages around Azula, not finding arousal in the touch of her skin as she usually would as she tries not to displace her rib.

"It's not fractured," Ty Lee says, touching it and making Azula scream and claw at Ty Lee's face. It is a motion Ty Lee only narrowly dodges. "But you sure hurt it. I think your ankle is just twisted. We got lucky. I'll stay with you until it heals."

"That probably triples our chance of being caught." Azula squeezes her eyes shut.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Ty Lee demands breathlessly and Azula realizes how much she has upset her.

Azula rubs her eyes and tries to figure this out. "Your friends are going to notice you're missing. Best case scenario, you write them a letter and they believe you. Worst case scenario, they check on you and find out that Mai is comfortably in the Fire Nation and has no idea what you're talking about. You don't think that will lead them directly to me?"

Ty Lee makes an irritated noise in her throat and sits down on the coffee table in front of Azula.

"Well, I'm not leaving you here so injured you can't even walk. That is a terrible thing to do. Especially when people are going to be looking for the firebender who destroyed an entire city street," Ty Lee says shrilly, waving her hands frantically as she speaks. Azula studies her for a moment; she does not have a plan.

"I don't know what to do," Azula breathes, closing her eyes. The painkiller is setting in and now she feels fuzzy and weak. "We have to leave, though, before they find us."

Ty Lee wrings her hands. "Where do we go?"

"I have no idea," Azula whispers and Ty Lee swallows.

"Go to sleep. I'll figure something out," Ty Lee breathes before standing up and trying to figure it out.

Ty Lee has never been a girl with a plan. She prefers following orders. It has always been easier for her; it is what made her the perfect soldier. But now Azula is unable to tell her what to do, and she has to figure out how to save the both of them.

But she can't let Azula get hurt, she simply can't. But both of them getting caught sounds almost equally terrible. She just needs time. _Time_, that's all.

She drafts a letter saying that she is going on an adventure in the Earth Kingdom, and she'd spare the details until later. She neglects to mention anything that could incriminate her if investigated, but they trust her. Everyone trusts her and here she is, betraying them.

Ty Lee sends the letter and walks to Azula, who is still looking very fuzzy.

"I really hope I didn't give you too much of that," Ty Lee mumbles and one of Azula's eyebrows nearly touches her hair.

"What? You didn't check the dosage?" Azula demands, her words slurred.

"I kind of guessed." Ty Lee shrugs as Azula sighs and rolls her golden eyes. "I'm going to stay here until you're in better shape. Once you are, I want you to go find help yourself. I mean, you've been making it on your own for a long time."

"Sounds reasonably good," Azula remarks and Ty Lee's eyes light up in surprise. She expected a much more scathing response. Probably the painkiller.

Azula dreams of walking through a blurry reality. Her head hurts, her bones hurt, and she cannot find her way. The voices calling at her are familiar: Zuko, Mai, father... And they all echo around in her head, clawing at her with invisible hands.

She just keeps walking, pushing her way through the palace with walls made of fire. The shadows gradually consume her as she slowly disappears and fades.

Then she is suddenly in the town where she was attacked. The bounty hunters grab Ty Lee, tearing at her. Pulling her away. Azula tries to conjure lightning but cannot as she runs after them, running, running and running until she loses them and loses her.

She wakes with a start, but at least not screaming. Her bandages are soaked with sweat and her lips are gnawed to pieces. She tries to sit up and simply winces in pain. That is certainly not happening, and it terrifies her.

Looking across the room, she sees Ty Lee curled up in a plush chair like a cat, sleeping peacefully. Azula would have expected her to go up to her bedroom to sleep, and it wounds Azula slightly. Having somebody care about her that much just makes her angry.

After everything she did to Ty Lee, she still cares. She still loves Azula. And it kills her.

It kills her like how much she loved her father regardless of his actions. Or how every time somebody _did _love her they betrayed her: mother, then father, then Zuko, then Mai and Ty Lee... and the list continues.

But here Ty Lee is, sacrificing herself to stay with Azula while she is hurt.

And it simply fills Azula with a metallic and bitter rage. And she does not know who her anger is directed at.

Ty Lee wakes in the morning as Azula has fallen back to sleep. She taps the princess gently and hopes she responds, and Azula's eyes flutter open.

"I love you," Azula murmurs, still mostly asleep. And Ty Lee steps back slightly, wishing she had not heard that.

"You're hurt and drugged," Ty Lee whispers, hoping that will amend what she just heard.

"No, I do. I'm serious," Azula says, sounding more awake now. And Ty Lee was hoping it was just in her sleep.

"I think you can guess how I feel about that." Ty Lee gestures to the bandages she is about to wrap around the princess.

At that, they can only stare at each other.

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>"You're right, Zuko, I don't understand Azula," Suki says sharply, looking annoyed.<p>

They are in the palace, and the sun is still high in the sky. But it will start dipping soon, and once it begins to set, Suki is going to beat Azula senseless. But, of course, Zuko is protesting.

"She's hard to understand," Zuko says calmly and Suki chews on the inside of her cheek. She _wants _to snap at him, but he is not the one who cheated on his spouse and is now getting into an arranged battle with the woman she had an affair with. "She... can't be understood, almost. I've been trying for a really long time."

"But it has nothing to do with understanding her. I'm going to fight her," Suki says, unsure why Zuko is so adamantly against this. It is not as if Azula or Suki are going to get genuinely hurt; they are equally matched in Suki's mind.

"I mean, after you fight her, or before, it doesn't matter," Zuko replies, still trying to voice an abstract concept he struggles to explain. The abstract concept that is loving Azula, and how that is so different from loving other people. "She's not doing this to upset you. She's terrified, Suki. You have to see that."

"Terrified or not, I'm slamming her against a tree. Or the ground," Suki responds with a shrug and Zuko grits his teeth. He wishes he were making more progress. "You can't excuse her actions just because she's so _fragile _right now."

"I think you have a lot more invested in this thing with Azula than you think you do," Zuko says and Suki purses her lips. It pains her to know that he is right. This is the culmination of years of resentment, rumination and dreams that make her wake up screaming. All poured into it. First she wanted to fuck Azula, now she wants to break a few of her bones; it is all confusing, but all traces back to the resentment inside of her.

It then hits her how disgusted she was when she saw that everyone was just using Azula's amnesia for their own ends. That people considered something so terrible such a blessing. Azula is a commodity, not a person, to most people.

But not to Zuko, Suki realizes. She thought he was the most guilty, but he is not.

It doesn't change her mind, though. Azula asked for a fight, and she will get one. Even if Suki does realize what she has done wrong, Azula certainly does not, and it is about time she faces real repercussions for her actions. Suki tried to help her at first. She tried to be kind and compassionate, to gain peace by healing the person who hurt her. And then she wanted the sex as if it would bring her peace. And now... a fight. A fight. Suki feels ridiculous but she is in too far now to back out.

"Make me understand," Suki says, sitting down. "She's not here yet. Make me understand. You're my friend. I..."

Zuko watches her soften after her eyes turned like cogs in a tank, coming to some unseen conclusion. But Zuko supposes it may be good to help her, since he is not making progress with Azula in the slightest.

"I've known her for her entire life," Zuko says, wringing his hands as he speaks. He looks deep in concentration and Suki, in all of her time knowing Zuko, laughing with him, caring for him, she has never seen him look this way. "And there isn't hatred between us. There never was. Just a lot of politics and a man who knew if we were fighting each other, we couldn't fight him."

"You blame your father?" Suki offers, concerned by Zuko's furrowed brow as he carefully thinks through his words.

"I don't know. Maybe. Look, what I'm trying to say, is right now, a lot of people are trying to use her. And maybe she does deserve that because she has spent her whole life using people. Since she was a little kid. Manipulation. It's, I don't know, maybe this is supposed to be justice but it shouldn't be," Zuko says and Suki purses her lips. "While she was gone, sometimes I would read the psychological analyses. Or I would look through her things and try to find answers or something but there are no answers."

"What do you mean?" Suki is completely confused at this point.

"I mean that, in my family, people look for answers where there are none. I spent way too much time trying to understand before I realized that."

"That doesn't really help my predicament," Suki sighs and his eyes flash.

"I'm not trying to solve your little spat with my sister. You two can do whatever you want. I'm just telling you that you're dealing with somebody who just _can't _be understood, and when you try to look for something to cure everything that hurt you over five years ago... you're looking for answers where there are no answers," Zuko says, feeling like he sounds too much like his uncle.

But there are only three things he knows.

With closets as spacious as those in this palace, there are room for more skeletons than most families. Father said that when Zuko tried to confront him, tried to look for answers about he and Azula and three years of absence, and how she had changed.

In his family, things are not always exactly as they seem. Uncle said that more than once. He meant it about traps, but it makes sense no matter where Zuko applies it.

And, finally, he was looking for answers where there are no answers. Azula said that. She said that after the comet. Only insults, only ravings that made no sense, and that crystalline clear words that haunted Zuko for four years.

"I'm here for our fight," Azula interrupts coldly. Suki stands up, glancing at Zuko and wondering what he was trying to explain, and follows Azula into the courtyard.

The preparations begin.

[X]

The sky is vermillion when the fight is ready. A gathering of spectators are in the crowd, and Suki looks at her kindly and Ty Lee can tell she does not yet know about Sokka. Ty Lee averts her eyes in shame, and in her mind, decides she is rooting for Azula, regardless of how much Azula hurt her. But she is certain Suki and Sokka will not stay apart for long, and Ty Lee will apologize profusely and everybody will be friends again once Suki finds out.

And once Suki and Azula get this madness out of their systems.

"Is that a real sword?" Azula asks cautiously as Suki draws it.

"Well, fans only make flames stronger," Suki replies and Azula lights two fingers on each hand. Her heart skips a beat as she realizes how serious this fight actually is.

Suki slips off her shoes. Azula does the same. It does not make sense to the princess, but it might as well be a fair fight.

"Start," declares Mai, who has been deemed the referee of this very strange bastardization of an Agni Kai.

Azula steps back twice as the sword comes at her. Suki holds the sheath in one hand as a secondary weapon and Azula puts out her preemptive flames. Suki's motions are smooth and well trained, her body nimble. But Azula is fast and she floats out of the way of each flawless slice that by far outdo her husband's.

The blade nearly collides with Azula and she flips over it. Her first strike is a blow of blue that melts the sheath in Suki's hand. She curses from the heat, drops it, and raises the hilt of the sword to block Azula's oncoming grab for the weapon.

Azula bounces back from it, again to the dance and slash, dance and slash.

"I can't watch," Ty Lee whispers to Zuko, burying her face in his shoulder. He awkwardly pats her back, finding this just as nail biting as she is, but not showing it.

Suki stops as soon as she realizes she is not going to land a blow. Azula stands there, watching, waiting for a move to be displayed before it happens. She has no memory of her training, but it comes naturally to her.

It is then when Azula begins to bend. She creates a ball of flame that Suki blocks with the blade of the sword, although the heat brushes against her face. Suki takes one lunge forward and Azula vaults over her shoulder.

Suki neglects the sword, turning around as Azula's back is to her for a flicker of a second and grabs the princess's arm, flipping her to the ground. It is just as satisfying as she imagined it to be. Azula jumps back up, pushing off of the grass and lighting both fists ablaze in blue.

Azula throws flames, a barrage of them that Suki blocks one by one. Zuko is beyond impressed at this point; he has trained with swords for his entire life and can't imagine blocking attacks from Azula with only blades.

Suki runs forward in the smoke and then falls out of the other side, Azula's foot colliding with her jaw. Ty Lee cringes and returns her face to Zuko's chest.

The blade nearly pierces Azula as she leaves the smoke and runs at one of the white, peeling trees. She runs up it, balancing on one of the branches. Suki pauses, examining the princess, waiting for a way to turn her attack against her. But Azula has the same strategy.

It almost funny how balanced the fight is.

Azula remains in the tree as she tries to figure out Suki's strategy. And something twists inside of her as she realizes the absolute absurdity of this. How ridiculous it is; how ridiculous her forcing herself on an unwilling and unworthy lover was. But she clears her mind of those doubts and waits for Suki to run at her.

"You're just going to hide in a tree?" Suki asks as Azula remains there for a moment, out of Suki's reach. And Suki is not playing into her hands by losing patience and going straight to the tree; that is exactly what Azula wants.

But Azula takes matters into her own hands and sets the entire courtyard behind Suki ablaze with one flick of her wrist. Suki stumbles forward, dodging the sudden flames and Azula kicks off of the tree, a motion of propulsion by her fire, and then she slips over Suki's shoulder.

Azula hits the ground and gasps loudly. Suki regains her senses quickly and touches the tip of the sword to Azula's throat.

"Looks like you won," Azula says softly, clenching her fist and putting out the burning courtyard.

Suki stares at her sword, shocked that the fight ended so quickly. That Azula threw herself at Suki like an undisciplined opponent. But she steps backwards slowly and nods.

"She threw that fight. Did you see her move at the end? She flung herself at the ground and waited. Her legs moved like she was going to get up, but then she decided against it," Mai says to Zuko after the fires settle and Azula walks away.

Suki stands for a moment, breathless, puzzled. And then she is gone with a few of her friends who are congratulating her loudly, and Zuko can see in her face that there were no answers in beating Azula to the ground, like Suki thought there would be.

"What do you mean?" Zuko asks. "Azula wouldn't throw a fight."

"I've seen her in a lot of fights. She threw that one. She wanted to lose. For what reason, I have no clue. But she definitely threw it," Mai replies with a careless shrug.

"How do you know?" Zuko asks, baffled.

"I'll see you on our date tomorrow." And Mai is gone before he can try to understand.

[X]

Azula wakes up every night with her sheets soaked in sweat. But despite the heat of the Fire Nation, it is always ice cold. It sticks to her skin and makes her shiver. She likes to sleep with the window open and the gusts of scorched wind do not help.

The nightmares are nonsensical to her. They feel like disjointed images that make no sense, that she has never seen before. And she entirely attributes it to the amnesia. She would trade her soul for a handful of memories. Melt her crown in her hand for one, just _one _face that genuinely looked familiar.

Her desperation is getting painful. And tonight she wakes up again drenched in sweat, rising from a dream about the same shadowy people she barely recognizes.

It is agonizing how the body she lives in is so distorted and warped. She has panic attacks, nightmares, the occasional hallucination of bruises on her neck or blood on her lips when she looks in a mirror, only for it to go away. But without her memories, she will never understand the girl she was or why she is so... ill. Zuko says ill because it sounds more polite. Azula knows that she's just fucked up on monumental levels and does not have a single clue. She does everything to try to regain her memories, but none of it is good enough. So she surrenders to the madness she is trapped in with no way out.

Azula gets out of her soaking bed and changes her clothes, examining the bath for a moment before deciding it would be too much of a chore to draw it. She looks in the mirror for a moment, trying to figure out just what is staring back at her. None of it makes sense.

She leaves her room, almost _hoping _for Zuko to run into her and assume she is up to something. The urge to destroy all of these people who refuse to cure her is strong, even if she knows they have no power to make her better. And Suki was not going to change anything.

"You lost on purpose, didn't you?" asks a high pitched voice from a sofa in the small living room of the west wing.

"No. I must have lost my firebending touch along with my memories," Azula lies to Ty Lee, turning to face her. She feels bare and exposed in her nightgown, and still sticky with cold sweat. It makes her hair stick to her face and clavicle and curve around her cleavage.

Ty Lee offers a small smile. "Maybe. Are you unhappy you won't get that date?"

"Not at all. So you're evidently not going to live with your grandparents?" Azula says, studying Ty Lee and the teacup in her hands. It has swirls of red paint on the white glass in the shape of dragons.

"Not yet. I... I want to see how things play out." Silence. "Are you having nightmares?"

"Possibly," Azula says coldly. But she feels a certain tenderness towards the girl sitting in front of her that she does not want to admit or deal with.

"I was talking to Zuko and he said we could come with he and Mai out to dinner tomorrow. Something about making it less awkward."

"You want me to go on a double date with you and my brother?" Azula asks incredulously and Ty Lee picks at her lips.

"It's not really a date. It would be like old times. You want to live your old life again, don't you?" Ty Lee says and Azula supposes she cannot argue with that, as much as she likes to. "I'm going to stay for he and Mai, and then after their date, I might leave. Not back to Kyoshi Island... I'm pretty sure I'm not welcome there anymore."

Azula walks, unsure of her movements, and sits down beside Ty Lee. Ty Lee leans forward and reaches for the metal teapot, tipping it slightly so the spigot poured a cup into one of the four glasses she had surrounding it. It smelled good; it was well-brewed and Azula is yet again reminded of how little she knows about her fiancée.

"It might be nice to go out with them. I'm still trying to figure out Zuko," Azula says and Ty Lee is startled by how forthcoming she is right now. Azula sips her tea and leans back, closing her eyes for a moment. Ty Lee watches her, wanting desperately to kiss her, but not wanting to tip the delicate balance.

Maybe things are not going downhill so quickly.

"I think Zuko wants to start over with you," Ty Lee comments, hoping she is not disturbing the princess. The balance is cautious, like trying to stay fifty feet off the ground holding yourself upside down on one hand.

"How nice for him," Azula replies coldly and Ty Lee realizes that some things truly never change, and she should not expect them to. "I'll give him a chance. Not that I have a choice, seeing as I'm a prisoner here."

Ty Lee says no more. She slowly falls asleep beside Azula, and can pretend that everything is all right.

At least until it gets better. Things can't get any worse, can they?

Ty Lee hopes not.

[X]

The date comes more quickly than Azula would like. Ty Lee stands in the doorway, waiting for Azula. And the princess does not know how to react, except for the fact that she looks intoxicating tonight.

"Did you dress like that just for me?" Azula asks with a small, creeping smirk on her face. Ty Lee shrugs with this devious little smile Azula has not seen yet.

"I think I look incredibly hot."

"I would have to agree with you," Azula says, not realizing her words. She does not intend to lead Ty Lee on like this; she genuinely does not. "Were you rooting for your friend in the fight?"

"I was hoping you would win, actually," Ty Lee says and Azula is surprised. Her loyalty to Suki was unbending, even after Suki betrayed Ty Lee and Ty Lee betrayed Suki.

"I'm sorry to disappoint," Azula purrs and Ty Lee looks at her for a moment. She knows Azula could have won, and that she had opportunity to, and Ty Lee is only hoping that Azula did not throw the fight because she is in love with Suki. That would kill Ty Lee.

It is easier to not try to understand Azula. Ty Lee used to analyze every word Azula would say, searching for answers and trying to figure her out. That is how most people are with their first crush or their first lover. But as Ty Lee grew older, she realized that Azula was not to be understood, and Ty Lee simply took a leap of faith.

Not that it worked out in the end.

Azula studies Ty Lee for a moment. She is incredibly attractive, at least physically. But Azula is still trying to comprehend why she was engaged to _marry _her. Ty Lee is, at this point in the carnage of Azula's rage, wondering the same thing.

Maybe they would be better off without each other. Maybe.

[X]

"Watch this," Mai says, picking up her knife and spreading her fingers on the table.

Zuko breathes in through his teeth and Ty Lee's eyes light up with excitement. Azula simply watches, unsure about how she feels about this. They forced her to leave her room and come on this date, and it has already been way over her head; every conversation makes no sense to her because she does not remember a thing.

They feel like strangers who know her far too intimately.

Mai touches the blade of the knife to the space between her thumb and forefinger, and then, at a frightening speed that makes Ty Lee cover her eyes with her hands, she stabs the table, narrowly missing her fingers each time as she exercises perfect control. She speeds up and speeds up, and Zuko makes a scared gasping sound. And then she stops, landing the knife directly in front of her middle finger, almost cleaving her fingernail in half.

"That was impressive," Azula says, the only person who is still watching.

"You haven't changed too much, have you?" Mai asks, smirking.

"Well, that's up to you to decide. I have no memories of my former self. But if my former self was secretly rooting for you to hack of a bit of your finger, then, no, I don't think I have changed too much," Azula says and Ty Lee suppresses laughter.

"You're not secretly rooting for me to chop off my finger if you tell me you are," Mai says with a shrug and a smile creeping onto her usually expressionless lips. She stands up, abandoning her wine and bringing her dinner knife with her.

They have been waiting for service for an obscene amount of time. Not-amnesia Azula probably would have caused a hilarious and delightful scene by this point, but amnesia Azula simply waits for whatever is holding up the kitchen in the crowded restaurant. They are alone in the upstairs section, the Fire Lord of course not dining amongst the populace.

Mai nods at Ty Lee and Azula tries to figure it out. And she _does _figure it out when Zuko yelps in surprise and Mai is pressed against his back and Ty Lee is pinning down Zuko's left hand.

"You can't do this," Zuko says sharply, but Mai simply shakes her head with a small, chiding noise in the back of her throat.

"Azula, little help?" Mai asks and Azula pounces across the room, grabbing Zuko's other arm and pulling it to her chest. "You just saw me do it, Zuko. You're going to be fine as long as you _don't move_."

Zuko looks too afraid to even blink or breathe.

"I'll go slow," Mai says gently in his ear. He flinches with her breath on his neck and is only grateful that his hand pinned under Ty Lee's doesn't move. "Ready?"

"No."

But she does not listen. Zuko screams. Zuko screams and Ty Lee can barely keep him pinned down because she is laughing so hard. And Azula is trying to fight the grin on her face and finally, Mai finishes her party trick and Zuko stares at the knife for several breathless moments.

"I told you I wouldn't hurt you," Mai says, ripping the knife from the broken table and sitting back in her seat.

"That's why you're single, isn't it?" Azula asks, freeing her brother and sitting back down. "Do you always break that out on the second date?"

"No. I've never been this bored," Mai sighs as Zuko is checking his hands for abrasions. "Zuko, tell them you're going to banish them forever if they don't bring me my food."

"I can't do that," Zuko sighs and Azula leans forward.

"Why are you so afraid of your own citizens? I'm genuinely curious right now," Azula says, resting her chin on her palms and her elbows on the table. "Honestly, you don't even shout at people _at all_. I have _amnesia_ and I know that it's appropriate for the Fire Lord to shout at people."

"People don't... like me very much as Fire Lord," Zuko offers and Azula tilts her head to the side like a baffled poodle-monkey. "I'm trying to build a reputation as someone who is laid back and one of the people, so that they feel like they can trust me. I want to change the fact that Fire Lords past claimed they were deities descended from _dragons_. It's my thing."

"It's a _stupid_ thing," Azula replies. "So, this _deity_ legend...?"

"All rulers of everything claim to be deities," Ty Lee says, as if annoyed at Azula's ignorance. That certainly is a role reversal, Mai notices. "It's not just the Fire Nation. The Earth King didn't even know there was a _war _going on. Instead of asking us to help him plan an invasion, he told us to go have fun in the charming city. If we didn't overthrow him, I mean. Ugh."

"The Water Tribe actually had spirits in it," Zuko says. "The Moon and Ocean. And Sokka says the princess was _actually _the Moon Spirit. Or is... or something. Something happened that made her into a spirit. I wasn't really paying much attention."

"So, Zuko, you're telling me that we _could _be deities?" Azula asks, cocking an eyebrow.

"No, but the Fire Nation probably has some spirits somewhere. I don't advise talking to dragons, though."

"Why not?" Azula genuinely does not know.

"Because our great grandfather had them all killed."

"Wait... so our family is descended from dragons, but the most famous Fire Lord had them all killed? This is a confusing country. I want to live somewhere else," Azula sighs, leaning back in her chair. "Also my soup was flat, I had to put my own sauce into it and stir it. If this is how they treat royalty, I mean, fuck this nation. My soup was _flat_. No depth of flavor."

"Go yell at them for me," Mai pleads and Azula examines her for a moment.

"I think I will." Azula sets down the menu she has been folding into a little square.

[X]

"This is why we don't take you into public," Zuko sighs at Azula as he leaves the restaurant, pulling on his coat.

People on the street turn their necks and stare before quickly looking away. The three girls could go unnoticed in their ordinary clothes, but Zuko's scar is telltale, even with his hair down and no fancy robes. He probably will have this night capped off by an assassination attempt, and honestly, it may be preferable.

"Maybe you should fashion me a leash," Azula replies, latching her arm onto Mai.

"Shut up," Zuko murmurs, not having the patience for this nonsense.

"They gave us food, Zuko. I think they made the new soup from their tears of horror," Mai says, linking her elbow with Azula's. "This is _why _I take Azula in public. You know, I think I'm going to date Azula now. I mean, people's boyfriends who _aren't _the Fire Lord will yell at wait staff when their date has been going hungry for an hour and started stabbing the table from boredom."

"I thought we could go into public without making a scene," Zuko explains through clenched teeth. "Evidently not."

"Are you glad you brought us?" Ty Lee drapes an arm over Zuko, grinning at his face.

"I regret it deeply," Zuko sighs, but he does not break free of Ty Lee.

"I think it was a fun date, Zuko," Mai says and he cannot suppress his smile.

But the grin is wiped from his face when Ty Lee shoves him to the ground. At first he thinks she and Azula have conspired to kill him, but then he sees the fire that narrowly missed his neck. He gets back up as there is a panic in the dark streets.

"Why are they trying to kill us?" Azula shrieks, not jumping into a fighting stance.

"Firebend, you bitch!" Ty Lee screams at her as she punches one of the four assailants in the face. She feels his nose shatter under the impact and the blood splashes onto her face.

Azula remembers her bending as she and Mai are brushed past on the way to Zuko. She makes a whip of fire that hits one of the men in the back, burning his neck. He stumbles backwards.

Masks of assassins. This is getting almost predictable to Zuko as he finally makes it to his feet and starts punching and kicking smoke and flame.

It does not take long for the assassins to be taken down. The quartet stands, breathless, glancing around the empty street.

"So much for being well liked by the civilians, Fire Lord Zuko. Exactly none of them decided to help us," Azula says, coughing.

"Are you hurt? Do you have another head injury?" Ty Lee asks, abandoning Zuko and running to Azula.

"No one even attacked me." Azula looks completely stunned, a face none of them have seen since the Boiling Rock.

"Do you have another head injury?" Mai chuckles as Zuko brushes off his clothes. "Maybe she'll get _double amnesia_."

"Shut up about my amnesia," Azula snarls like a frightened animal defending itself. "What just happened?"

"A run of the mill assassination attempt?" Zuko offers with a shrug.

"Why are you all so calm?" Azula demands, looking about to faint. It is strange and unnerving to her brother, ex-fiancée and best friend.

"They weren't even good assassins," Mai remarks as Azula glances between all of them. "This is normal for Zuko. Let's just get back to the palace before there's another attempt on our lives."

She tugs on Azula, who is still in utter shock, and they make their way back to the palace.

[X]

When they arrive at their home, they walk to the living quarters, Azula still incapable of speech and Mai and Zuko talking and laughing as if nothing happened. Ty Lee sees movement behind one of the guest room doors, and she opens it. Mai and Zuko brush right by, living in their own little bubble.

It is Suki, packing her bags. Last Ty Lee checked Suki had no idea about Sokka, and Ty Lee had no intention of telling her about it. Even if Azula and Ty Lee are entangled, it is not Ty Lee's secret to divulge. Suki may be one of her closest friends, but Sokka is her husband. And Ty Lee honestly hopes she does not find out until she is several hundred miles away.

"Hi, Suki," Ty Lee breathes and Azula cringes. This is not where she wants to be right now while her heart is still beating out of control.

"Don't talk to me," Suki snaps and Ty Lee's eyes flash in surprise. "I'm more angry at you than _her_ and that's a significant thing."

"It was an accident," Ty Lee murmurs, although she barely even believes it.

"An accident? You slept with my husband by _accident_? I mean, she's crazy at least. You were my best friend," Suki says, clamping her suitcase shut. "You know what, I was pretty doubtful about you and Azula. I was trying to talk you out of re-engaging yourself to her, but I've decided that you two are perfect together. You're both shallow, self-centered, amoral and don't give a fuck about anyone around you."

Ty Lee blinks back tears and Azula's lip curls in a snarl. Her fingers twitch to strike, but Suki brushes past her and leaves before anything can happen.

"Well, she's evidently horrible," Azula says, looking at Ty Lee and feeling a confusing, twisting sensation in her stomach. "You look upset. It's... I probably shouldn't have..."

It is Azula's fault and she knows it. All of this carnage is because of her and her vindictive nature. The only person who hasn't tried to use her is the girl right in front of her, and now she looks on the verge of an emotional breakdown because of Azula's careless actions.

Azula cannot name the feeling in her stomach, but she does not like it, and has not experienced it.

"It's okay. I don't... I don't really need that many friends anyway." Ty Lee shrugs, the more she talks the more likely it is that she'll cry.

"I wish we could start over," Azula says earnestly and Ty Lee is startled. She never expected Azula to be so open, even before she got amnesia.

Ty Lee gazes at the door, and then looks at Azula. Azula never comes into her life gently. She hits it like a collision of planets, exploding and burning at an unfathomable magnitude. It is never going to be easy, and Azula is... she can be harmful than beneficial. But Ty Lee looks at the guilt in Azula's eyes that she is trying so hard to conceal, and Ty Lee touches her hand. Azula does not pull away; she can only stare.

"Azula," Ty Lee says softly, her voice constricted with tears.

"Yeah?"

"Let's start over," Ty Lee whispers. Silence. Ty Lee purses her coral pink lips and hopes for the best.

"I'd like that," Azula replies breathlessly.

Ty Lee tries to smile, but her lip trembles too hard.

Azula thinks about kissing her, but decides against it.

They linger for a moment before parting ways, prepared to try again.


	12. The Girl With Blue Fire

Chapter Twelve: The Girl With Blue Fire

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

"Fire Lord Zuko," says General Hoang. Zuko looks up at him. He just thought his day was over, but the work never seems to be done these days.

"Yes?" Zuko asks, knowing it will not be good. General Hoang has been appointed to keep an eye on reports of rogue firebenders in the Earth Kingdom, seeing as they are all extradited here after their crimes, and Zuko needs to keep tabs before he gets accused of anything devastating.

"I think this report may... interest you." He looks nervous ─ almost as nervous as men looked when talking to Fire Lord Ozai.

"What happened?" If a war starts, so help him...

"In the town of Sondai, there was a fight in the streets between a gang of lowlife thugs and a firebender," General Hoang says, and it sounds like a normal, run of the mill clash. "The thugs were killed. The firebender vanished without a trace."

"Do you have any identification from the witnesses?" Zuko asks, not liking the idea of a rogue being able to disappear like that. It implies extensive military training, and not just a colony outcast with desire to vengeance and minimal experience.

"Female," General Hoang says, looking as if he is trying to draw this out. "They said she was thin, traditional firebender features, struck mostly with lightning, and... uh, they said her firebending was blue."

"That's my sister!" Zuko exclaims and General Hoang flinches. "She just _vanished_? People don't just _vanish_!"

Zuko calms himself when he sees how afraid the man is. Fire Lord Zuko tries not to reign by fear and intimidation. But his passion can sometime betray him.

"We've been looking for days. Not even a trace of her. Except for the scorched buildings and bodies dead by lightning, that is..." General Hoang says, wiping sweat from his brow.

Zuko feels nauseated. People don't just vanish.

Meanwhile, Azula finally makes it to a city. A large one many, many miles away from Sondai. She can blend into the crowds despite her injuries, and she ducks into a bookshop in search of some kind of medical text. If she has to heal her own wounds, so be it. There is no way she can get into a hospital without being asked too many questions. She is too evidently Fire Nation.

"What are you looking for, miss?" asks the shopkeeper, and Azula is glad to see she has children. She can tell from the eyes, and she instantly knows that she will be able to play her.

"I got wounded. I'm travelling to see my uncle in Ba Sing Se," Azula lies, setting down the useless book about animals of the Si Wong Desert.

"I could help you, if you want. But if you'd rather do it yourself, there are medical scrolls on that wall," the woman says and her eyes glitter and widen with sympathy. "My name is Emi."

"You could help me? I've been traveling alone and it's been a little frightening for me. I've never left my home before, you know. But I was so desperate to get out of the nest... and then I kind of, uh..." Azula rubs her neck and pulls off her best young and embarrassed face yet. "I fell off a shortcut through the mountains I was taking. I got these bandages from a little hospital but they didn't have that much of a stock."

"Well, the hospital here is even more useless. I have training as a healer. Why don't you come over after my work hours?" Emi kindly asks and Azula would almost think it was _too perfect_.

But perhaps her luck has finally returned.

Ty Lee is back on Kyoshi Island when she sees how concerned Suki looks. She walks to her and forgoes the tight hug she usually greets people with.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" Ty Lee asks anxiously.

"Zuko just sent word that Azula was sighted."

Ty Lee's heart drops into her stomach. "Do they know where she is?"

Suki shakes her head. "I'm thinking it's another dead end for him. I feel bad. He just wants her to come home so much, even though it isn't his fault."

"I'm sure it'll be okay," Ty Lee says, rubbing her eye. "I can't say I miss her, but I do think she'll come to her senses and come home eventually."

"I admire your optimism," Suki says with a small smile.

As soon as Ty Lee is alone, she goes into an absolute panic. Azula being sighted is _not good_. Keeping up their secret relationship has just become significantly more risky, and Ty Lee does not know if she is prepared for that.

She tries to write a letter but finds there to be too many people around her at all times. Azula has to know but Ty Lee does not know how to get the word to her. Her waking nightmare is noticed and she lies about feeling ill, punctuated with false coughs. She skipped school enough times to fake sick like an expert.

But at night, she lies awake with only Azula on her mind. And how much they will both suffer if Azula is caught. Ty Lee cannot help but feel that it is her fault. If she hadn't taken Azula into town that day, they would have never been attacked by bounty hunters.

Azula was doing so well alone. But now she is weighted by her love affair. And, despite that, Ty Lee does not want to give her up.

Many miles away, Azula lies in bed with her wounds mostly healed. She thanks Emi profusely, working up her charm like she has not in a long time. It is impossible to sleep, and she tosses and turns as her love does so far away.

They are bound together. Inextricably and inexplicably tied and shackled. Azula never got attached to anyone, not even her own brother and father. But now she is, and she fears it will be her undoing. But, she is loath to admit, it is almost worth the pain.

If they dive, they dive together.

If they drown, they drown together.

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>Azula stares up at the lonely moon. She feels out of place and vaguely cold. A robe is draped around her shoulders but it barely remains on her body. It is falling apart like she feels that she is falling apart.<p>

She wonders what her life would be like if she had not lost her memories. There is a certain painful isolation in barely knowing who she is, much less the people around her.

Morning is approaching and Azula waits patiently for the sun to rise. Nights are always the hardest; she supposes that is due to her firebending. And the nightmares make her wake up and just walk to the window, staring outside with her eyes sore and her body sticky with sweat.

Her dream was half memory, half nightmare. She dreamt about fighting Suki again, but Suki transformed into her father. And as she fought him, he slowly faded, and the world around her burnt to a crisp with the courtyard until she was in a dark, dark room with only the acrid scent of smoke.

And then she dreamt of waking up. Despite the dream about fighting Ozai, he touched her arm and told her she had a nightmare. She could feel the sweat on her skin and the racing of her heart. Her father pulled her into his arms and told her she would be okay.

She walks through the palace, a blanket wrapped around her body. And she settles in the living quarters parlor, where an album from earlier is still resting. She was flipping through it and trying to remember who she is. But it is entirely futile.

"Hey," murmurs Ty Lee, leaning in the doorway.

"Do you just wait around all night for me to wake up?" Azula asks with a small laugh.

"I don't sleep so well," Ty Lee admits with a soft shrug. "Want to go for a walk?"

"Outside?"

"Through the halls?" Ty Lee offers. "We can discuss starting over. Or, uh, _start over_. Or something."

Ty Lee's cheeks are as pink as her clothes and a small smile creeps onto Azula's rosy lips. Azula simply nods, realizing she will not sleep tonight if she tries. And so she walks with Ty Lee through the shadowy halls, not recognizing anything.

The pale moonlight pours through the windows and the halls are sweltering hot, yet cooler than during the daytime. Azula is just waiting for the sunrise, waiting for the dawn when the nightmares slow. Or at least her head is less fuzzy.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without the Kyoshi Warriors," Ty Lee says and Azula has no response. "It's not as if there was something great about it or anything. I mean, I'm happy wherever I go, but... it's the _warrior _part that matters."

"Hm?" is all Azula can summon.

"I don't know what to do with myself without fighting. It was, I mean, my father didn't want to be a soldier like his father and grandfather. His grandfather worked for Sozin directly, actually. He was instrumental in wiping out the airbenders." Hesitation. Azula is intrigued, more so than by most Ty Lee talks about. Usually she speaks a lot but says nothing. "My father wanted to be a businessman. And so my grandfather, he trained me to be a soldier because I... I didn't like my family much. I liked him better."

"So your whole life you were meant to fight in a war that just disappeared," Azula says, not knowing why she did not think about it before. Ty Lee nods sharply. "And so you joined warriors."

"It worked for me." Ty Lee shrugs again. "But I honestly don't think that's an option anymore."

"So you slept with her husband?" Azula asks and Ty Lee breathes in sharply. "He could've said no."

Ty Lee just shrugs. "She could've said no to you."

They stop in a little used hall. Azula runs her fingers around a ring in a table, and murmurs, "There should be a vase here."

Ty Lee squints at it. "Zuko remodeled a lot."

And then she grabs Azula as the princess's eyes close and her expression becomes pained.

_Azula picks glass out of her feet._

_"I'll have a servant do it. You're making it worse," father says as she bites her lip to hold back tear._

_"I want it out of me now," Azula snaps, her voice shaking as she passionately wiggles out a piece that makes hot, crimson blood drip onto the already growing puddle beneath her feet._

_A broken vase lies at Ozai's side, and the glass from it is dotted with blood as well._

"What is it?" Ty Lee breathes as Azula opens her eyes. The princess just shakes her head. "You should lie down. I'll get you some water."

Azula lies on the sofa, not bothering to argue with Ty Lee. The sun is starting to rise and she stares at the pink and orange light of dawn. Ty Lee returns with a teacup filled with water and sits down at Azula's feet.

"Do you know how I got those scars?" Azula asks, gesturing to her feet.

"Your father had you practice firebending on broken glass," Ty Lee replies. "They've faded a lot with time."

Azula contemplates revealing her fragmented memory, but she does not want to give Ty Lee that false hope. So she closes her eyes in silence.

"So... are you busy today?" Ty Lee asks, hoping Azula is not asleep.

"Yes, I'm having tea with the Earth King and then I'm going ice skating at the Northern─"

"I don't like your sass," Ty Lee interrupts and Azula frowns faintly. She supposes she has few allies at the moment, and she might as well keep Ty Lee on her side. "We are going to have an _amazing_ day. I've been planning it for three years."

"Three years?" Azula cocks an eyebrow.

"I always imagined we'd go back to the Fire Nation," Ty Lee says with a small smile. "So I've been plotting an absolutely magical day. You're good at everything but relaxing, Azula. And I plan to change that."

"Mmm." Azula looks terrified and Ty Lee is giddy.

"So, first we're going to force servants to ready us. Yay. Then we're going shopping. And then we're going to the spa. And then I'm going to teach you how to make origami animals," Ty Lee says, clapping her hands together.

"Mmm." Abject terror in golden eyes.

"And, I have an idea to help job some of your memories once we get home," Ty Lee adds, hoping to sweeten the deal. And Azula bites; or at least does not want to resist.

"Alright, date it is," Azula offers, picking at her lips. She is still not open to dating Ty Lee, but she has nothing better to do_._

[X]

Mai and Zuko are together in the living quarters. They have been talking and it has not been as awkward as usual. The entire time, Mai is in the middle of an internal deliberation. And finally, she makes her choice as Zuko finishes a story.

"I hate a lot of things," Mai says to Zuko and he looks expectant. She quickly changes her mind and says, "That's it."

"That's old news," Zuko replies with a small chuckle. She looks as if she were about to lead into something, but she cut it off.

Pause. "I hate a lot of things but sometimes I don't hate you." This is more difficult than she imagined it would be. But she also knows that she has to do it.

"Good to know," Zuko says slowly and Mai rolls her eyes and leans back on the sofa.

"I hate a lot of things but sometimes I don't hate you, and so I would like to ask you to be my tentative boyfriend." It is like pulling teeth, but Mai manages.

Zuko's eyes flash and Mai's heart skips a beat. She does not know what he will respond with, but she can only hope that he wants to date her too.

"I would _love _to be your tentative boyfriend," Zuko says warmly and Mai smiles. A faint little grin that Zuko missed. And then, quickly, it is gone.

"Alright." Mai leans forward and kisses him on the lips. Zuko closes his eyes.

It is perfection.

[X]

"Well, you look fantastic," Ty Lee says, touching Azula's perfect hair. It is tied in gentle waves, a glamorous updo vastly different from a practical topknot. Her hair sparkles almost as much as the crown, and Ty Lee's braid is in the pattern of a rose. It took hours, but they are the hottest not-couple ever, in Ty Lee's opinion.

"You watched me get... groomed," Azula replies and Ty Lee just smiles and bats her eyelashes.

Again, Azula is wondering how she engaged herself to this moron. But the only person who has not lied to her yet is Ty Lee, perhaps because she is not intelligent enough to exploit the situation, but Azula supposes that it is best to mate with someone _you _manipulate instead of mating with someone who manipulates _you_.

"You used to love making subordinates decorate you. I didn't even get to see _one _of your servants cry," Ty Lee says sweetly and Azula just shrugs. "Alright, shopping. And then spa! And then animals!"

"And _then _getting my memories back?" Azula whispers to no response. Ty Lee seizes her arm and drags her towards the door.

Four hours later, Azula gazes at shopping bags and her lacquered nails. Today was... fun. Hm. Fun.

"You liked that," Ty Lee teases, clipping charms onto the bracelet she bought. "Will you weld these on for me with your bending?"

"Sure," Azula breathes, holding out her palm. Ty Lee sets the charm on it and feels a charge from Azula's skin brushing against hers, but Azula does not.

To be honest, Ty Lee thought that her perfect date day would rekindle her relationship with Azula. But everything is as ice cold as the Unagi's lair, even though Azula looks far less tense and about to snap. And even though her lipstick is the most perfect, kissable shade. No relationship progress.

"Origami animals?" Ty Lee asks as Azula hands her the searing hot bracelet. It bounces on Ty Lee's hand as she winces a few times, and finally, she sets it on the dark red table.

"I guess," Azula replies with a careless shrug.

But they are interrupted by the door swinging open and heavy footsteps scraping across the cold stone floor.

"Where were you?" screams Zuko, ruining the relaxed vibe Azula is feeling.

"On a date," Azula replies calmly in a tone Zuko has never heard before. Ty Lee shrugs and grins with her eyes wide and sparkling. "We went to this lovely volcanic spa. You should go there, I feel so much less like murdering all of you. And you look like you are about to die prematurely of stress, brother."

Zuko tears at his hair, nearly ripping the ponytail from his skull. "I was _so _worried!"

"Because I'm a prisoner, hm? _Oh, _Azula, look, your door opens from both sides. You're not a prisoner," she says in an eerily good imitation of Zuko's gravely tone. "But I leave for a few hours and everybody loses their minds. Just admit I'm being held prisoner."

Fire Lord Zuko groans, his jaw clenched so tightly that he now has a migraine. "Yes! Yes, you're a prisoner, Azula! Of course you are! You're a _war criminal_! And you're mentally unstable and ill and you can't just be let out!"

"The world didn't end while I was a fugitive for three years," Azula says with a shrug. The joy in her golden eyes, Ty Lee missed. She has been hollow for so long.

"You don't know, Azula! You have amnesia," Zuko snaps before realizing she is not listening to him.

Azula purses her lips and decides to say no more. Zuko grits his teeth and slams the door on his way out.

"Skip the paper animals, Ty Lee. Get me your memory cure," Azula demands regally, as she has not since Ty Lee served her as a soldier.

And Ty Lee cannot argue. She jumps up and heads to her bedroom, abandoning her bags of new belongings and nearly breaking her manicured nails.

Azula waits, thinking about how she wanted to try with Zuko. How she wanted to develop a relationship with him, and to try to trust him. But he... he is the last person Azula trusts in this world, because he has done nothing but lie to her since he came to pick her up from the hospital.

Ty Lee returns and Azula forces the grim look off of her face. She will _not _let these people win. She will _not _show her pain.

"I was thinking these might help," Ty Lee says, setting a box in front of Azula. "I asked Suki to bring it, uh, before she now hates me forever."

Azula nods, examining the wooden box. It is expensive and clearly of Fire Nation make, and probably looked out of place in the Earth Kingdom. Azula has apparently never been to Kyoshi Island, so she is relieved she does not have to worry about remembering it. Apparently Zuko tried to burn it down, to which she laughed and said, _"You have finesse," _and he gave her that look that people give her when she reminds them of how she used to be.

"What are they?" Azula inquires, reaching to the box. Ty Lee unlocks it and opens it, revealing countless letters. It simply brims with torn envelopes and papers. "Are those from when we would meet up?"

"No. These are the letters I wrote to you while you were in the asylum that I never sent," Ty Lee says and Azula's gilded eyes flicker in surprise.

Azula picks up the first one and opens it. "Today, I woke up and for breakfast I ─ are you sure this isn't a diary?"

"Keep reading," Ty Lee says with a tiny smirk.

"Boring stuff about your breakfast. You broke two fans and, hm, buried them in fear someone would notice, but, 'don't tell anyone, Azula, not that you could since you're in an asylum in the Fire Nation'," Azula says and she can't suppress a laugh. "You feel so comfortable sharing your feelings with me when I can't mock you for having feelings. And then the rest is crossed out but when I hold it up to the light... it's sexually explicit."

Azula genuinely laughs now. Ty Lee tries to hide her giggles and winds up hiccupping and gasping for breath.

"Oh, this one is sad," Azula says with a sigh. She folds it up and sets it aside. "This one I like. 'Azula, I bet you would really like elephant koi. Actually no you would hate them but I'm running out of interesting things to tell you about. Today I asked Suki if Zuko talked about you at all and she said he was busy with other things. But I think she was lying. You would lie way better. Do you remember when we promised we would teach Zuko how to lie? I guess you can't answer that. I wonder if you can write back to me if I send this or if they would be worried you would kill someone with a pen.'"

Azula sets it down, laughing. Ty Lee smiles and draws her knees to her chest.

Ty Lee picks up a letter, "Dear Azula, I don't know why I'm still writing these. I hated writing for my whole life. But every night I wind up thinking about you. And I think about how Zuko told me what happened to you. And I feel like it's my fault. So I really just think if I can find the right words to say that maybe it will make it better."

Azula averts her eyes as Ty Lee picks up another and reads, "Dear Azula, I'm coming to the Fire Nation tomorrow to help Zuko with finding your mom. I'm going to bring all of these letters and I swear I'm going to give them to you."

"You didn't, did you?" Azula asks and Ty Lee just shrugs.

"No," Ty Lee says softly, running her fingernails along cracks in the glossy table. "I wanted to but I didn't."

"You're not as shallow and dumb as I thought," Azula says softly. And that is all she says.

Ty Lee opens another letter. This one she does not read. She just folds it into the shape of a fish. This one is the one she does not want Azula to see.

"Wanna know how to do that?" Ty Lee offers, smoothing out a letter about how she would take Azula to the beach on Kyoshi Island.

"I have nothing better to do. I could use some indoor activity skills given my status as a prisoner," Azula replies with a smirk.

"You're offering this out of pity, aren't you?" Ty Lee asks as she starts folding a letter about how much Ty Lee missed fire flakes.

"Yes," Azula replies and Ty Lee shrugs.

"Let's get started then," she announces blithely.

Azula might like her. Or at least hate her less.

[X]

Zuko has revealed that Azula is a prisoner. And although she vowed to try again with him, his outburst after her date with Ty Lee has led Azula to need another family member to rely on. And given her lack of any information about her mother, she must turn to Fire Lord Ozai. She has a few questions for him, and she can only hope he will be more open than Zuko.

"Hello, father," Azula declares, entering the prison. He studies her closely, frustrated that he cannot find answers in her eyes now that her memories are gone.

"I've heard about your exploits. A fight with a girl you slept with? And I thought you were really going to try with the circus freak," Ozai says coolly and Azula has no response. She does not _want _to give him a response.

"I want you to talk to me about my firebending training," Azula says and Ozai looks her up and down. "My blue fire. Ty Lee says the scars on my feet are from practicing on broken glass. I also would like to know the origins of the burn streaks on my right shoulder blade. And I want to know why I had a memory of you consoling me from a nightmare."

"I can't recall consoling you from a nightmare since you were a toddler," Ozai says and Azula pauses. She does not want to divulge further information.

"You consoled me from a nightmare when I woke up in bed beside you," Azula replies slowly and pointedly and Ozai inhales. He was hoping she would never remember that. But he supposes that was too much to ask of the Universe. "But I want to talk about my bending."

Ozai pauses. He supposes it cannot hurt. He supposes he _does _care about her when it comes down to it.

"Your training was unconventional. You started with trainers and textbooks but you surpassed it and started to do the impossible. It was difficult to control, but I saw promise in it. You killed one of your trainers by accident when you were twelve," Ozai says, his tone not shifting when it comes to murder.

"Did it upset me?" Azula asks, although hearing the words does not perturb her at all.

"No," Ozai replies earnestly and Azula only nods. "I taught you how to bend lightning when you were eleven."

His lips twitch with a small smile and Azula slips off of the chair the guards gave her and is on her knees, her fingers wrapped around the bars. Ozai tries to hide his smug expression.

"What?" Azula asks. It is the first genuine _look _on her father's face. A small smile.

"You used to spin around with lightning on your fingers, at night or if the lights were out. Like it was some kind of show," he says and Azula tilts her head to the side.

She does not know what the truth is anymore or what to believe anymore. Her trust in her father is slowly growing, but Zuko tells her it is different. He is imprisoned for a reason... but Azula was imprisoned as well, and is captive now. It is difficult to discern trust. _Trust _is absurd and impossible. But Ozai is starting to gain hers, and he can sense it.

"Twirling," Azula breathes, the word fitting on her lips. Ozai nods. "And the broken glass?"

"It made you light on your feet. You could dance as if the ground didn't exist when you fought."

Azula closes her eyes and Ozai's hand twitches towards her wrist.

_Azula runs after the Avatar, she slips when she reaches a square where the wood of the decrepit house has rotted away. But she catches herself, floating almost as he does._

"What?" brings her out of her reverie.

"Nothing," Azula lies and Ozai does not believe her. "Fine, a memory of fighting the Avatar. A lot of... dust. Not palace dust, orange, Earth Kingdom dust."

"Hm." Ozai wonders what she already knows about her quest for Zuko. And so he keeps his mouth shut for now. "It hurt you. I knew that. I didn't honestly care, because it made you very strong."

"Not strong enough to win in the end," Azula breathes and Ozai studies her closely. His golden eyes glow in the dark like a wolf bat.

"That is far more complex than you think, or as your brother has probably explained." Silence. Azula does not question, although she wants to ask.

"And the blue?" Azula inquires, crossing her legs. She sits, focused intently on Ozai. Even his loyal spies and followers who visit him regularly even after all of this time do not have those eyes. He likes it. Perhaps Azula's amnesia can work in his favor as much as Zuko's.

"It showed up. You just kind of combusted in blue. No one had heard of it. You were the first," Ozai says and Azula's lips twitch. She has not changed so much, and... her memories of his abuse are wiped clean. This is an ideal and opportune moment.

"The burn marks?" Azula inquires and Ozai breathes in slowly.

"I had never hurt you badly. Never brought myself to. I hit you maybe twice in your life. I never burnt you. Until then," Ozai says, feigning remorse he does not feel. Azula analyzes his face and he hopes it will work. They both have always been able to mislead each other to a certain extent, but sometimes manipulation is not enough.

"So what did I do?" Azula asks, unsure about her father's intentions. She struggles to read him in the shadows, and she bounces between trust and mistrust every heartbeat.

"You told me the Avatar was dead. But he wasn't. I found out when he tried to invade the Fire Nation and kill me," Ozai says and Azula swallows.

_Zuko feeds turtleducks. Azula watches him from the arch of the wide doors to the courtyard. It looks different than it does now; the flowers are different breeds and the vines have changed. _

_He looks sad. She feels a twisting nausea in herself. Behind her eyes she focuses on a body risen above the ground, struck by lightning. He couldn't have survived._

_He couldn't have._

"I thought he was dead," Azula says as she opens her eyes and Ozai freezes. It is the first time Azula has referenced anything from her past with such certainty. But this is an educated guess she is sure of from the emotions of her brief memory. "I killed him."

"You said that Zuko did." Pause. "That's why I burned you. You bled terribly, all over. It doesn't matter what was right or real, it's what happened and that's what you asked."

"Hm. Yes, I suppose." Silence. "And my nightmare?"

"Just a nightmare," Ozai says with a genuineness in his voice Azula has not heard yet. And she has deemed most of his words true. "I wouldn't have consoled you because you wouldn't have told me. And do you really think I would be in bed with my fourteen year old daughter?"

Pause. "No. I don't."

Azula thinks she trusts him.


	13. The Girl Gazing at the Stars

Chapter Thirteen: The Girl Gazing at the Stars

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback - <em>**

Ty Lee knows it is bad news when a Fire Nation ship arrives in the Kyoshi Island harbor. They found Azula, is her first thought. Her heart is in her throat and she feels the insatiable urge to vomit, but she has not eaten in two days from sheer stress.

"Is that Zuko?" Ty Lee whispers feebly to Suki. She does not know what to say. If he found Azula... if Azula _told _him. Ty Lee does not know what the penalty is for hiding a fugitive, but she does not think she _wants _to know what will happen to her.

"Yeah, he said he was coming," Suki says warmly, completely oblivious to Ty Lee's borderline panic attack.

She has to escape. That is the only option. But how? How is she supposed to get out of a harbor that a huge Fire Nation ship is currently occupying? If Zuko questions her... worse, if he _knows_. And why would he be here if he didn't know?

Meanwhile, Azula has just left Emi's house after thanking her profusely and covering her tracks carefully. She slips past a gathering of soldiers, trying not to be seen. It is funny how a girl who drew so much attention to herself once can become invisible so easily.

And then she hears 'Sondai'. That is the town beside Ty Lee's house in the Earth Kingdom. Azula's stomach twists into knots and she pretends to be deeply focused on produce on a stand while she eavesdrops on the conversation.

"Sondai isn't far from here," one says as Azula examines a melon. She slows her breathing as she hopes they are discussing boutiques and not the massacre.

"I think we should take our chances and look for her." And Azula's heart leaps into her throat and seizes her breathing. "How hard can a princess be to find?" More panic.

Azula ducks away, getting lost in a crowd. Her eyes are focused intently on the road in front of her as her mind swirls with panicked thoughts. She drew too much attention to herself. She has been insanely reckless and now she is going to pay for it.

Zuko knows she is alive, which is the most unpleasant thought Azula can imagine. Her life would be much easier if everyone believed she was dead.

Pause. Azula stops walking for a moment and someone bumps into her. If everyone believed she was dead...

She writes a letter to Ty Lee that she needs help. Princess Azula is going to fake her own death. It is the only way.

The reply comes more quickly than Azula thought it would.

_'Zuko was here. He's looking for you everywhere. I'll meet you in two weeks at the house.'_

Azula questions it for some time. Would Ty Lee betray her to Zuko? Could she? Would that happen? Azula has feared a trap since day one of her relationship with Ty Lee. Trust is hard to come by. Times are gone for trust and honesty, but Azula wants to believe in Ty Lee for reasons she cannot explain or understand.

She debates the costs and benefits of going so near to Sondai, where they are looking for her, night and day. And in the end, she decides she has everything and nothing to lose. It is worth the risk, Azula supposes. It is not like she cannot take anyone Ty Lee could throw at her.

Azula does not know if a life completely alone is as worth living as she thought it would be. It gets lonely at night, waking up, clawing her skin with no one there beside her. And so she goes to the house and waits, pacing and toying with baubles that line the walls and shelves.

The door opens and Azula hesitantly walks towards the entrance hall. She is pulled into a kiss before she can check for anyone set to attack her.

"I was so afraid he caught you," Ty Lee says and Azula finds she still is feeling paranoid. But she holds Ty Lee's wrists and studies her closely, looking for a lie but pretending to be gazing into her eyes romantically.

"He couldn't if he tried. I brought you here to get your help," Azula says and Ty Lee nods sharply. "I want you to help me fake my death."

"Azula..." Ty Lee replies and Azula realizes she does not want to help.

"You're so afraid about Zuko finding me. If he thinks I'm dead he won't bother to try," Azula says, releasing Ty Lee and crossing her arms.

"I don't know," Ty Lee says before chewing on her lip and staring at her feet. "I... I kind of thought... that maybe one day... you would... turn yourself in."

Azula scoffs and Ty Lee frowns.

"That's never happening. He'll lock me up again."

"You don't know that," Ty Lee says fiercely and Azula just shakes her head slowly.

"I do." Silence.

"If... if you won't ever go back to the Fire Nation or... Azula, I can't be a fugitive. It's not my strong suit."

"I'm not asking you to be a fugitive. I'm just asking you not to tell anybody I'm alive," Azula snarls, her cheeks flushed bright red. She feels anger she does not fully understand.

"Azula, I love you. I want to be with you forever. Can we keep this up until the end of time?" Ty Lee says quietly, hopefully. Azula swallows her next reply, unsure how to proceed. Ty Lee pauses before asking, "Azula, will you marry me?"

"I'm about to fake my death," Azula exclaims as Ty Lee shoves something into her hand. It is a sparkling Fire Nation ring. "This is a bribe to stop me from pretending to die."

"I didn't know you were going to fake your death when I bought the ring. I want to marry you."

Azula hesitates. "I will."

Ty Lee smiles.

But Azula continues, "But I'm faking my death and if you're not okay with that, I can't marry you."

Ty Lee's smile fades.

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>"You can see the stars much better on Kyoshi Island," Ty Lee says as she opens the window at Azula's command. She has insisted on doing something resembling tucking the princess in, which Azula finds odd but she does not protest to.<p>

Azula is currently contemplating telling Ty Lee about her conversation with her father. But she does not know if it will be worth the effort.

"It's polluted here," Azula replies with a careless shrug.

"There was this hill on the island, and at night, after everyone was asleep, I would climb up it and just watch the sky. It was really incredible. Not even in the Earth Kingdom was there really that kind of light. I could see little shreds of stardust in the sky," Ty Lee says wistfully and Azula realizes how much it must hurt to have lost her life.

Azula lost her memories, lost the world she had and maintained. But Ty Lee had built a world for herself on Kyoshi Island, and then she destroyed it with her anger towards Azula. Part of Azula hates that she is just Ty Lee's only option, part of her hates that it is her fault, and all of her feels negatively about the mess she caused with Suki.

"Maybe you'll show me someday," Azula says with a small yawn. Ty Lee sits down on the end of the bed and does not move. Azula contemplates dismissing her but decides against it. "Why do you find it necessary to tuck me in like a child?"

"I don't. I just want to see you before I go to sleep." Pause. "Also, you kind of need to be cared for. You're too much of a princess. When you were on the run you barely could brush your own hair. It was kind of adorable."

"I am not _adorable_. I am... formidable," Azula says haughtily and Ty Lee slowly shakes her head. Her eyes sparkle in the pale moonlight, a small, damp glimmer of smiling tears reflected in them.

"You're still you, under the amnesia," Ty Lee says and Azula shrugs.

"It would be kind of hard to lose my personality. I've heard it's very strong and incredibly unpleasant," Azula purrs and Ty Lee laughs gently. "But while I may not have a winning personality, I am incredibly hot, talented and smart."

"Anybody would be lucky to have you. And at the same time super unfortunate," Ty Lee says with a smile. A dark, wistful smile, Azula notices. Because Ty Lee wants to be the only one to have Azula, but Azula is likely to fall in love again like she did with Suki.

The relationship is over, Ty Lee knows. But in her heart of hearts, she believes that she and Azula still have a chance.

Ty Lee says softly, "I only wish I could apologize to Suki. And not in a letter. That's just rude."

"Some things just don't work out," Azula says airily with a shrug. Ty Lee frowns and Azula feels a twisting sensation of nausea in her stomach. It is strange and unknown to her.

She wishes she could help Ty Lee apologize to Suki. It would certainly abet the constant creeping thoughts of the fact that she ruined Ty Lee's friendship.

That she has ruined many things for Ty Lee, and that is only counting what has happened after the onset of amnesia.

"Goodnight, princess," Ty Lee says, excusing herself.

Azula watches the door shut behind Ty Lee and sighs.

Something must be done.

[X]

Zuko is working when someone knocks on the door. Before he can answer, Azula invites herself in. Zuko looks up at her and wonders what she has come to speak to him about.

Azula studies Zuko closely, hating the words she needs to say. She is still angry with him about the entire prisoner thing. And she still wants to think more about her father's help than her relationship with Zuko.

But she also knows she needs to cure the feeling in her gut about Suki and Sokka.

"Zuko, will you do me a favor?" Azula asks and Zuko is startled.

"Uh, I guess," Zuko says and Azula nods.

"I want you to take me and Ty Lee to Kyoshi Island."

"That is probably not a good idea," Zuko admits and Azula just shrugs. "Okay, I can do that. But I don't think she'll come willingly."

"Well, then we can trick her," Azula says, a small smile creeping onto her lips. Zuko sighs and shrugs; if it helps Azula, he will do it. "Kidnap us when you're ready."

"Why do you want to take her?" Zuko asks and Azula shrugs. She looks incredibly uncomfortable. "You feel guilty, don't you?" He tries his best not to smile.

"No. I just feel this twisting feeling in my stomach that I want to go away," Azula says sharply, crossing her arms. They press against the curve of her chest as she steels her expression.

"That's guilt, Azula," Zuko says with laughter in his tone.

She turns on her heel and leaves him before she can argue and ruin her chances of going to Kyoshi Island with Ty Lee.

"Fire Lord Zuko," says a male voice shortly after Azula leaves. "I have a letter for you."

"Who's it from?" Zuko asks and the man shrugs.

"It's anonymous," he says as Zuko hopes it does not have poison ink or something. That would be ridiculous, he supposes, and so he takes it.

His eyes flash wide. It claims to be from a guard at Capitol Prison. Azula was with his father and Zuko did not even know. It makes him nervous. Incredibly nervous.

There is no way that Ozai could have intentions even nearing good with Azula. Everybody has tried to use her, but Ozai knows nothing but exploitation of others. He can do nothing but manipulate and destroy. Azula learned from her father.

Zuko decides he _will _go to Kyoshi Island.

But leaving so shortly after Ozai was in contact with Azula.

... it is concerning.

[X]

In the morning, Zuko and Azula seize Ty Lee and tell her to pack a bag. They refuse to tell her where she is going at all costs and it fills her with anxiety. But... good anxiety. Happy anxiety.

"Where are you taking me?" Ty Lee demands as she is ushered onto the ship. "Azula, are you kidnapping me? That's kind of sexy. I mean, uh, never mind."

"It's a surprise. So shush and go get settled," Azula says, looking slightly smug. Ty Lee narrows her eyes at her ex-fiancée for a moment, and then nods.

Ty Lee goes below deck and puts her fate into Azula and Zuko's hands.

"This is shockingly kind of you," Zuko says, studying Azula skeptically.

"Shut up," is Azula's response before she follows Ty Lee.

He inhales slowly and shakes his head. Zuko has to confront Azula about Ozai eventually, but he certainly does not want to. So he simply goes to the front of the ship to give directions to the captain. This will hopefully be worth it. It mostly is a strategic move to gain Azula's trust. Maybe he can make her abandon Ozai without having to openly state that he knows.

And if helping her with this Ty Lee thing gains him her trust... Zuko feels like a conniving monster. But this is what he has to do to protect Azula.

Zuko would do anything to protect Azula. Even if she is so convinced she does not need to protect Azula. Zuko would do anything to help her. Even if she is convinced she does not need help.

And if he winds up making her hate her by helping her, he is willing to be despised.

He thinks Azula would do the same, despite how she talks.

[X]

Once they arrive on Kyoshi Island, Ty Lee walks towards Suki. People whisper about her and stare from the sidelines of the small dirt paved streets. Zuko looks massively uncomfortable, and Ty Lee is filled with a twisting and nauseating dread in the pit of her stomach.

Suki is in her office, occupied. She did not even notice that the Fire Lord had shown up on her island. Her life has been much better now that she tries to forget about Azula. Tries and fails, but still better than when her thoughts obsessed over what had happened.

Sokka looks up through the window and then hides, pressing his back against the wall so no one can see him.

"What's out there?" Suki asks, and she is answered by the door opening. "Oh."

Sokka bolts out of the room and Suki throws her hands up in frustration. Of course he runs from the problem he needs to confront. Apparently his shame about sleeping with Ty Lee is worse than Suki's anger at herself for fucking Azula, who is standing beside her brother and Ty Lee.

"We'll, uh, leave you to it," Zuko says, smiling at Suki, grabbing Azula by the waist and slipping out of the room.

"Hi, Suki," Ty Lee begins, unsure what she could say. She does not know what could possibly remedy what she has done. Silence.

"Why did you come here?" Suki asks, trying not to be angry. It is unlike her to hate, but she has not gotten over the near destruction of her marriage.

"So you and Sokka are back together?" Ty Lee asks and Suki slowly nods.

"No thanks to you," Suki says sweetly and Ty Lee shifts her weight from foot to foot uncomfortably. "He apologized, I apologized, we both realized we'd been played by you and Azula. Real relationships withstand adversity."

Ty Lee opens her mouth to protest that she and Azula have just as valid a relationship as she and Sokka, buts she closes it. Arguing Suki is not going to help her apology go over any better.

"I just came to say I was sorry. I'm not coming back; I'm staying in the Fire Nation. But, uh, well this wasn't really my idea. Zuko and Azula just kind of kidnapped me." Ty Lee rubs her neck, then twists her fingers in her braid. All the little nervous ticks Suki has come to know so well.

Suki hesitates. She knows she should forgive Ty Lee. Honestly, Ty Lee is just another victim of Princess Azula. And Suki should understand that. Except Ty Lee has taken the torture willingly, seeking out the pain that Azula inflicts intentionally and unintentionally both.

"So you were seeing her while she was a fugitive?" Suki asks and Ty Lee wishes they were only talking about Suki and Sokka.

"Yes," Ty Lee says softly. "I met her in Republic City. And I kept going to see her after that. I love her Suki, more than anybody has ever loved anybody."

"That may be a bit of an exaggeration," Suki replies with a slight twist of her lips. "You three can stay overnight. I'm sorry too, I guess. I should've... I shouldn't have let my desire for revenge on Azula hurt you so much. The reason I forgave Sokka was because I also was in the wrong. And the same applies to you."

Ty Lee smiles weakly. This is the most awkward situation of her entire life. To have slept with her best friend's husband is the most uncomfortable thing she has ever done. And probably the stupidest thing she has ever done at that. Even dumber than getting involved with Princess Azula of the Fire Nation, the Bane of her Existence.

"But I want Azula to apologize too," Suki says and Ty Lee breathes in sharply through her teeth. It makes them ache but she does not care.

"I don't know if she's capable of doing that," Ty Lee says quietly and Suki shrugs.

"Well I expect her to." And Ty Lee fights the urge to punch one of her best friends in the face.

Meanwhile, Sokka is outside with Zuko and Azula.

"I'm sorry about what happened with you and Suki," Zuko says and Sokka chews on the inside of his cheek. He has a lot he could say to Azula, but he has no desire to waste his breath. "So you guys got back together?"

"Yeah. No thanks to her," Sokka says, gesturing at Azula. Azula crosses her arms. "I don't know why she isn't locked up."

"Because it's my decision, Sokka," Zuko says sharply and Azula is surprised. He always seems so wimpy towards his friends, particularly Sokka and Aang, who Zuko _almost _seems to fear.

"Well your psycho little sister is a lot more trouble than she's worth," Sokka says and Azula grits her teeth. He is well aware she is standing right there.

"My what?" Zuko asks, stepping towards Sokka. Sokka is stunned for a moment and looks slightly nervous. "My _what_, Sokka?"

"Your..." Sokka rethinks his words. "Your little sister."

"Yes. My little sister." Pause. "Do you have anything else to say about Azula?"

Sokka's jaw juts out for a moment. He was slightly scared by Zuko's sudden authoritative tone; Azula was shocked by it silently. But Sokka does not fear _anybody_ and he will say what he thinks.

"Yeah, yeah I do. I don't know why you're wasting your time on her. I think it's just going to screw up your life," Sokka says earnestly, words he wanted to tell Zuko before but wound up being distracted by his wife cheating on him... and cheating on his wife.

"It's not a waste of time," Zuko says, his tone on fire. Azula takes two steps backwards as Sokka steps towards Zuko. "I'm going to do whatever it takes to help her."

"You're going to do whatever it takes to bend her into the shape you want. Not that I actually care about Azula, but you can't really think what you're doing is so _good for her_," Sokka snarls and Azula's eyes are wide as saucers. She wonders if she should interfere. "I think you should just lock her away like we all agree is best."

"Aang doesn't agree with that."

"Aang is my friend, but we both know he can't make hard decisions. We're different. We know that sometimes you have to make decisions that make you seem cold and ruthless. Speaking of cold and ruthless, if Azula was in your situation, she would probably have you beheaded or something." Sokka is shouting now and Zuko's face is as red as his scar.

"I don't want to be that kind of person," Zuko says honestly and Sokka just shrugs.

"Good luck leading a nation then." Sokka walks away before it escalates. Zuko looked about to punch him to the floor.

Azula walks towards Zuko and he brushes her away, taking off in the opposite direction of Sokka. Ty Lee walks out of Suki's office just as the fight breaks out.

"Azula, uh, will you come talk to Suki?" Ty Lee asks softly and Azula studies her for a moment.

"I'm not apologizing," Azula says sharply and Ty Lee cocks an eyebrow.

"How did you know that was what I was going to ask?" The acrobat is never unsurprised by Azula's levels of perception.

"Lucky guess. I didn't do anything wrong," Azula says bitterly and Ty Lee just stares at her. "Ugh, so I seduced a married woman. Big deal."

"Why did you take me here, then?" Ty Lee asks and Azula looks frustrated for a moment.

"I don't know, okay? I thought it would make you happy," Azula snaps and Ty Lee tilts her head to the side. Finally, Azula sighs and shakes her head. "Fine, so that this trip isn't a waste of time, I'll apologize. But I'll have you know that I don't mean a word of it."

Azula begrudgingly follows Ty Lee into the office.

[X]

Zuko, Azula and Ty Lee are situated into the guest room of the house of one of Ty Lee's old friends. It is cramped and uncomfortable and the windows are sealed shut, which makes Azula feel like she is suffocating. She winds up pacing as Ty Lee and Zuko are trying to sleep.

Ty Lee finally groans and sits up. "You need to stop pacing."

"So, how about you show me those stars?" Azula offers softly, desperate for any excuse to get away from this place. She remembers Ty Lee telling her about the hill where she used to go stargazing, and Ty Lee nods happily.

"I'd like that," Ty Lee says, extending a hand. Azula seizes it forcefully and Ty Lee leads her out of the small guest room and takes her towards the rolling hills away from the village on the island.

They climb up, Azula laughing at Ty Lee's story about her first night staying on Kyoshi Island. It _is _pretty funny, Ty Lee supposes. And the acrobat is on fire; she feels this strange and alien warmth all over her body.

The cold air billows through her braided hair as Azula reaches the top of the hill first. Ty Lee watches as the princess looks up at the sky.

"It's really nice," Azula admits, squinting at the sky. "I've never seen them so clear before. But given, my memory only goes back about two months."

"This is the prettiest place on the island."

"It's not a very attractive island," Azula says and Ty Lee just shrugs. The princess has a pretty good point about that. "Are you staying here now that Suki has forgiven you?"

"No. I'm going back to the Fire Nation with you and Zuko," Ty Lee says and Azula's eyes flash wide for a brief moment. Azula cannot hide the slight, pleased twitch of her rosy lips. The warmth burns inside of Ty Lee even further.

If she dies, she will go happily tonight. Because, even if it is only for a little while, she has Azula. And maybe the princess will slip away like she always does. But right now, they are alone together, which is the only good kind of alone.

"I really love you, Azula," Ty Lee says quietly.

"I'm well aware," is Azula's response. But Azula licks her lower lip with a small flick of her tongue and Ty Lee waits with bated breath for her words. "You're the only person who hasn't tried to use me. And you have the most to gain from manipulating me."

Ty Lee smiles faintly. "I really don't think I'm smart enough to exploit you."

"Well, you're smart enough to realize how desirable I am," Azula purrs and Ty Lee rolls her protuberant eyes. "This starting over... I... well..." Azula is speechless, which surprises Ty Lee. "I like you. A lot. Mostly just because you took me to that spa."

"Of course." A grin spreads wide across Ty Lee's face. Azula stares at her feet, which are bathed in mud and snowmelt.

Ty Lee leans forward and kisses Azula's lips. Azula allows it, even though she still is not sure. She just does not know what she wants or what she wants out of her relationship with Ty Lee. But the kiss is perfect in this night.

Azula is not afraid to take this jump.

Maybe. Or something. She does not know, but they are basked in starlight as Azula gently sets her hand on Ty Lee's waist.

The kiss could last a thousand years and not be long enough for either of them.


	14. The Girl Who Everybody Wants to Own

Chapter Fourteen: The Girl Who Everybody Wants to Own

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

Azula wakes up to sunlight pouring through the window of she and Ty Lee's bedroom. Some mornings are beautiful, Azula has to admit. And this one is. She slips out of bed and examines the window for a moment, looking out at the endless forest. In the distance, some of the land is still scarred from industry and war.

But it is a nice morning. Azula's nightmares did not wake her, drenched in sweat, gasping for breath. They still happened, playing out in her mind, trapping her in a world she would rather die than inhabit. But it was an easier night.

She gets dressed and rubs her eyes before washing her face and creeping down the stairs. Ty Lee must already be awake, constantly _doing _things. This house seems to be an ambitious project to her, while Azula finds the endless remodeling incredibly boring. From time to time, however, she has caved in and helped with the projects Ty Lee seems to be coming up with, pulling them out of thin air.

Eventually, she finds Ty Lee outside as she is warring with a ribbon in her hand to try to make it a satisfactory tie for her hair.

"Look at these," Ty Lee says, grinning. She is trying to delay Azula's fantasy of faking her own death, because, deep down, she holds onto hope that they will return to the Fire Nation together. But Azula seems dead set on her plans.

"Look at what?" Azula asks, halfway through tying her hair into a bastardized topknot.

"The garden. It grew without us even doing anything," Ty Lee says softly, examining the flowers.

"They're all weeds," Azula remarks, yawning. Ty Lee frowns for a flicker of a second. "Come on, we have work to do. If I'm going to fake my death successfully, we should get to planning. We haven't done an ounce of preparation."

"You know, life moves pretty fast, princess," Ty Lee says, her eyes fixated on her fiancée. "If you don't slow down and appreciate it sometimes, you might miss it."

Azula scoffs and Ty Lee's stomach squirms. Ty Lee wishes often that Azula were easier, that she were more agreeable or maybe that she would give life a chance. But Ty Lee loves her, and they have built this life together for almost three years now. Ty Lee would not give it up for the world, which is one of the reasons she fears Azula making such a drastic decision.

Three years is so much to toss away because there is a chance of Zuko catching her.

"My life is a joke. The faster it goes the better." Azula kisses Ty Lee's neck and they pretend the conversation never happened.

But Ty Lee realizes she will have to find some way to talk sense into Azula. Some way that does not involve Ty Lee losing her forever. Because she cannot do that again. Never again will she allow Azula to slip through her fingers.

And so, at breakfast, Ty Lee narrows her eyes at Azula in deep thought. Azula can tell that she is going to try to talk Azula out of faking her death. And Azula thinks it will be an enjoyable show, if ineffective.

"Azula, I want to talk to you about this whole... death faking thing," Ty Lee says and Azula rubs her lips together. She does not want to go into this, because she has made up her mind. "I want to do it with you."

_That _Azula did not expect.

"I can't let you. You have a life and I know I'm pretty selfish and possessive, but I'm not going to let you throw that away. Mine is... spent. I have nothing left, but you have a lot," Azula says and Ty Lee narrows her eyes. She did not expect Azula to be... compassionate, or to care about anything other than her own individual desires.

Maybe. Just maybe things can work out.

"I'd rather have you and not them," Ty Lee says quietly.

Azula stands up and leaves. Ty Lee breathes in slowly.

Although Azula has made her mind up, Ty Lee has made her mind up as well.

If Azula dies, Ty Lee does too.

And the princess will have to deal with the fact that Ty Lee is not her slave anymore, and can make her own vehement decisions.

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>"My nightmares are getting much worse," Azula murmurs to Ty Lee.<p>

They are cramped into a small and uncomfortable bed on Kyoshi Island. Ty Lee is trying to hide how happy she is that Azula is in here with her, that when they returned from looking at the stars, Azula joined her in bed. Regardless of how uncomfortably close they are, Ty Lee is grateful to have Azula with her.

It means that Azula is starting to love her again, Ty Lee thinks. Or at least that she is giving the relationship a fair chance to grow and blossom. And Ty Lee can only hope that Azula loves her still, somewhere beneath her pain.

"What are they about?" Ty Lee asks softly and Azula tries to ignore the sensation of hot breath on her neck in the cold night.

"I don't understand them. I think I'd understand them if I had my memories but amnesia seems pretty interested in screwing me over." Silence. Ty Lee reaches towards Azula's hand but changes her mind at the last second.

"It's going to be okay," is all Ty Lee says. Azula does not know how to respond to that.

"I don't understand my life," Azula remarks and Ty Lee does not know what to do. She cannot remember the last time the princess was open about her feelings or problems. "It's pretty fucked up. You know, I would trade _anything _for my memories back."

Ty Lee reaches for Azula's hand and takes it in hers. She expects the princess to pull away, but she intertwines her fingers with Ty Lee's. There is momentary bliss as Azula waits an answer.

"I think that, wherever you're supposed to be, you end up," Ty Lee says honestly and Azula makes a sour expression.

"That's ridiculous. There's no such thing as fate or destiny," Azula replies sharply and Ty Lee stares at the ceiling. "I really don't want to think about _why _I was supposed to end up _here _with _amnesia_. Is that where I'm supposed to be?"

Ty Lee pauses. She examines Azula silently before replying, "No. I think you're just not there yet."

"Well, it's certainly an eventful journey," Azula comments with a small sneer of distaste. Ty Lee purses her lips and contemplates what to do.

"If I had a way to get your memories back, I would do it," Ty Lee says and Azula just shrugs.

"Of course you would. But you're the only one who really wants that, because you're the only one who has something to gain from it," Azula says and Ty Lee chews on her lip.

"I know everybody's been using you." Ty Lee has no more to say than that. She does not have many conclusions on the exploitation of Azula's amnesia, save for that she knows it is happening, that it is real.

"It's a bit unpleasant," Azula replies before closing her eyes.

Ty Lee lies awake for a long time before she finally falls asleep. Her arms are wrapped around Azula in the night, and all feels well, even if it is a lie.

In the morning, they prepare to leave Kyoshi Island. Ty Lee never thought she would be so grateful to get away from this place. The whispers are unpleasant, and while she is here she feels strongly like a traitor. A traitor because she snuck out to be with Azula and now everyone knows, and a traitor because she slept with Suki's husband.

Azula burns bridges, but not her own. Azula burns the bridges of the people she wants, because then they will never leave her. Or so, Ty Lee supposes, she had once believed. And old habits die hard.

Ty Lee used to be fine with that, because it meant Azula wanted her. But sometimes it is difficult to be a possession. Occasionally Ty Lee wants Azula to be wiped away like her memories or like footprints in the sand. But then she feels guilt, because she loves Azula.

She does not love her because of what she does right, like she used to. Ty Lee wanted Azula because she was perfect, beautiful, talented, clever, _desirable_. But gradually, Ty Lee grew to love her in spite of what she does wrong. Maybe that is bad, or maybe it is good. But it means that Ty Lee has grown up and Azula still has her beating heart in her claws.

And that kind of lack of control is utterly terrifying.

They make it onto the ship and Ty Lee breathes a small sigh of relief. She went through about twenty seven hugs and murmurings of friendship, but she could tell she was unwanted. And Ty Lee _needs _to be wanted. Azula wants her, she thinks.

She stares at the princess, who is leaning over the side of the metal and gazing at the stirring ocean. Ty Lee walks to her hesitantly, swallowing fear of rejection.

"Would you like to be my girlfriend?" Ty Lee asks and Azula examines her for a moment.

"Why yes," Azula purrs. "I think I would."

Ty Lee leans forward to kiss her and then changes her mind, simply holding her hand and looking out at the water.

Maybe this will be okay.

Ty Lee tries to remind herself that she will wind up where she is supposed to be in the end. And she guesses she is supposed to be in the Fire Nation with Azula.

Unless Azula is right, and fate is a lie.

[X]

Ozai is woken in the dead of the night by someone walking into the room housing his cell. He looks up, squinting in the darkness, and his question is answered by him being bathed in blue.

"I want to talk to you, father," Azula says, kicking the door shut behind her.

Azula has been a mess, in Ozai's eyes. She has been weak and soft and delicate, unsure which side she leans to. But now she seems certain. And each day she grows stronger and more like her former self. He can tell she is becoming disillusioned with Zuko and his friends, and their efforts to _help _her.

"You're the only one I trust. And I need your judgment," Azula says, walking towards him. He examines her closely. "I'm tired of this game that everyone is playing with me. I am so _sick _of being used and not knowing. Tell me how to get a step ahead. Tell me how to use them. I know what I want. I want my amnesia to give me the power, not them. Not Zuko or... Ty Lee or anyone."

Ozai tries to hide his happiness and relief. This could not have worked out better for him if he orchestrated it himself.

"You are an icon to the Fire Nation. A hero, who conquered Ba Sing Se and was always the favorite of the royals," Ozai says honestly and Azula steps slightly closer to him. "I want to raise you from the dead and put you back on your pedestal. And Zuko will never expect it. Not when you're such a... mess."

"He thinks he's winning." Azula pauses as her father nods. She watches his golden eyes glitter in the distorted shadows, his features washed in the blue from the palm of her hand.

"He isn't, as long as you don't bend to him," Ozai says with a surprising ferocity. Azula analyzes him for a moment.

"Why do you favor me?" Azula asks and Ozai looks stunned. "I need to know. Why wouldn't you want Zuko to be Fire Lord? He was born first."

"You have potential. I've poured resources into you that most leaders don't put into their entire army. I don't want to see you wasted." Silence. Azula looks about to change her mind and Ozai's heart leaps into his throat. But then she nods.

"I don't want to be your tile. Or in your pocket. But I want your help, because I don't... my memories..." Azula does not know what to say or how to justify herself.

"You aren't. Zuko has allies. You don't think he's using your little girlfriend to bend you?"

"What?" Azula seems genuinely shocked by that accusation and Ozai is forced to remember that she has lost her memories, which is even more unnerving than when she lost her mind. She has lost a good deal of her wisdom along with them, because much of what Azula knows is learned and not bred.

"Think about it. Just watch her for a little while and you'll see that she's on his side and not yours, because he can give her you. I think you need someone on your side, looking out for your best interests," he says slowly, amazed at how easy this is. Azula used to be much more of a challenge.

"Good," Azula says, regaining her composure.

And so the seeds of mistrust are sown, and Ozai is several steps closer to his goal.

She leaves as quickly as she came.

Ozai feels... pleased. This scenario could not work more in his favor; Zuko is playing directly into his hands. His daughter's feelings for the circus freak are all but erased. He waits for his informant to arrive, and young, dear Kiri leans against the bars and waits.

She is a beautiful young woman, absolutely intoxicating. And she has, in fact, slipped behind the bars and proven just how intoxicating she is. More than once she has not let him forget what sex feels like, which he supposes he appreciates. He likes her; he certainly prefers her over Kazou or Kiri's brother, Keiji.

"I saw her come here. Did you make progress, sir?" Kiri inquires, looking excited. Ozai is entertained by the youth and naivety of these idealistic rebels, and Kiri seems to embody it with a fervor Ozai has not seen in anyone in a long time.

"Yes," he says. "I want you to do as we planned, you understand? Her amnesia is a chance you all want to seize. She's all we could ask for. I never thought I'd see her again, to be honest."

"She's just one woman. One woman with amnesia and psychosis and..."

"Just do as I say, you understand?"

Kiri nods and disappears into the prison.

[X]

"Azula, you don't look good," Mai says, studying her friend closely. She looks grey and distant, and her eyes have a paranoid gleam. It is like the aftermath of the party Zuko threw for her, but significantly worse.

"It's nothing," Azula replies and it is evidently a lie. She sips her tea and stares at the food in front of her without the energy to eat it. "Stop staring at me!"

Mai recoils and averts her eyes, not wanting to dig any deeper into this. She _wants _to help Azula, but Azula does not make such things very easy. And she feels more loyalty to Zuko than Azula of late, even though she feels immensely guilty for choosing him over her again. But Zuko is easier. Much easier.

"I have to go," Azula says sharply and Mai looks around for the cause. Ty Lee has just walked in and Azula walks directly away from her, into the unused, nearly inhabitable side of the palace.

"Is she mad at you?" Mai asks, looking Ty Lee up and down.

"She's been... weird. Last night she was... I don't know. On Kyoshi Island she seemed so _into _me and I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes, and now she's looking at me like she did when she thought I was playing her," Ty Lee says with a small, concerned frown.

"I don't know." Mai shrugs.

Mai feels like it is a little more severe than cold feet about a relationship with Ty Lee.

[X]

"Mai," Zuko asks as he walks into the left wing parlor.

"Mhm?" she asks, examining him closely. She was just falling asleep, and then Zuko bolts in and demands her attention. He can be as bad as Azula in that respect.

"I found this while I was in town," Zuko says, pushing a piece of paper into her hands. She squints at it and sees it to be an ad for The Boy in the Iceberg. "Vacation?"

"... are you fucking kidding me?" was not the response Zuko was expecting.

"I was thinking we could take Azula and Ty Lee and maybe it would trigger Azula's memories. I mean, worth a try," Zuko says and Mai continues staring at him in silence as if he has completely lost his mind. "We could all use a vacation."

"I hate beaches. And tacky little towns. I hate it all," Mai says slowly and Zuko sighs. "_But_, if you're so dead set on it, I would love to get out of this horrible city."

"You're kind of unhappy wherever you go, aren't you?" Zuko asks and Mai nods with a small smirk. "So, you think it's a good idea?"

"I think it's a _terrible _idea. But I'm pretty sure Azula's reactions to the play will be hilarious. Let's do it. Spontaneous decisions or something," Mai says with a shrug.

Zuko does not understand her, nor does he think he ever will in a thousand years.

"Yeah. Vacation. We'll tell them tomorrow," Zuko says, nodding.

Mai slowly shakes her head as he walks away again.

He means so well. It is strangely more attractive than his twisted side, which was incredibly hot at the time.

It worries Mai deeply.

[X]

Azula messes with her blankets, twisting her fingers around in them. She kicks at the mattress and tries to seal her thoughts away, but she cannot. Visualizing barricades in her mind, keeping out the fears and doubts and panic over her imprisonment. Trying to invite in memories that can help her.

She does not trust any of them as far as she can throw them. And she thought she could trust Ty Lee, but evidently she is allied with Zuko. That troubles Azula above all else. She does not know what to make of it. But... what if it is Ozai she cannot trust? No, no... he is the only one who seems to care about her best interest. And why would they keep her away from him save for trying to prevent her from realizing the truth?

Azula cannot forget that she is a prisoner, and that no one trusts her. She cannot ignore the fact that she is being used left and right for the desires of others.

Finally, she closes her eyes and drifts to sleep.

_Azula walks through the distorted shadows in the half remembered place again. The voices are louder now, begging her for things she cannot comprehend. She does not know what she is looking for, but she knows that she needs it frantically and desperately._

_She comes to a crossroads and then starts falling. Falling, falling, falling. She reaches one hand up as fire swallows her and her fingertips brush against Zuko's._

_He catches her and she stares directly into his eyes. And then he lets go._

Azula wakes up with a start, looking around. All she can feel is overwhelming relief as her heart palpitates. It was not real. It was not real. She walks to the bathroom, stripping off her sweat soaked clothes that cling to her ice cold skin. It feels as if she has a fever, chills included. She walks to the water and tries to wash her face.

When she looks up at the mirror, her lips are bloodied. Not real. Not real. She imagines bruises on her neck all the time. But when she touches her lips, the blood rubs off on her fingers. Not real. Not real. But she can taste the salt and metal, a damp heat in her mouth.

She chewed through her lip in her sleep. Yes real. Yes real. She tears a red towel from the gilded rack and presses it to her mouth. It chafes against her teeth and she tries to control her heart rate. But it races and rises in a crescendo of fear.

_He touches her lower lip. "You're dehydrated." Father's voice._

_Azula pulls away, touching her lips with her hands. He pulls her back by the shoulder, yanking her. She hears a pop of her arm and she bites back the pain._

_"Don't do that. Don't pull away from me," he says. She sets her fingers on his hand and tries to pry it free, but he does not let go. "If I want to touch your lips I will. If I want to be concerned about your well being, you should be grateful that I don't toss you out like your brother when you behave so disrespectfully."_

_"I'm not being disrespectful," Azula replies remorselessly. He cannot toss her out like Zuko because she is his only living heir. And he has put too much into her to swap her out for her brother. The cost of her training and development into a weapon of war is astronomical. Probably worth more than the entire Earth Kingdom._

_He examines her for a moment, as if unsure what to do. She stares back. But she averts her eyes after her heart speeds up and her stomach twists with fire._

_"I don't think you realize that while you being all I have left works in your favor, that it's just you and me, and there's no one here to help you."_

Her head hurts. She looks into the mirror, still applying pressure to her lips. The memories make everything even cloudier, make trust even more difficult. That memory was vivid. That memory huts her physically and she realizes that she can't trust her father either.

She was wrong to assume he had nothing to gain just because he is behind bars and he is her father. He has as much to gain as any of them, because now that she has forgotten, she has forgotten him.

Azula looks into her own eyes and sees those that dropped her in her nightmare and those that stared her down in her memory and she realizes that she is always going to be an object to these people. Her amnesia refuses to go away. She clings to the sink and tries to remember, tries to conjure the memories, desperately, tugging at fragments and trying to piece them together.

But it will not. They will not come and Azula knows that amnesia does not just _go away_. Temporary was a joke.

And so help her, Azula will die before any of these warring parties own her.

What happens next is a blinding flash of red as she ignores her motions and forces herself to act impulsively. But it ends when her vision comes back and she can feel searing pain in her wrist.

Azula is seized by the arm and pulled away, the razor clattering to the floor. She lights one hand and moves for a punch but freezes as she sees a tear stained and mascara streaked face in front of her.

"What are you doing?" screams Ty Lee and Azula clenches her jaw. "Don't you dare die on me, you bitch."

Azula is unsure what to think or what to do. She can only spit, "I don't belong to any of you! There's no escaping, okay? There's no stopping being somebody's object to get them ahead in this fucked up game!"

"Don't you dare accuse me of that! I have given everything for you and I would give it all again; do you understand me? So help me Azula, don't you _ever _accuse me of _using _you to get ahead!" Ty Lee looks enraged and Azula wants to hurt her but also kiss her and she has never been so sore and confused in her life.

Ty Lee feels the hot blood on her hand and she reaches to the cabinets, pulling out a few towels and wrapping and tying them around Azula without her consent. Then again, Azula does not think she could form the words in response if Ty Lee asked first.

"Why are you helping me? You're Zuko's pet," Azula snarls and Ty Lee slowly shakes her head.

"I hid you from Zuko for three years. And, Azula, I don't play on anybody's side but my own. I make my own decisions. I ran away from home, I agreed to fake my own death with you and leave my friends and even when my decisions are terrible and reckless I own them. And being with you is my decision and I will stand by it. So don't even..." and Ty Lee is out of breath.

Azula stares at her and then sits down on the floor, dragging Ty Lee down with her. She holds onto Ty Lee's neck for support for a moment, feeling dizzy and weak. Her head is splitting with pain and she knows she cannot trust her father or Zuko or Mai or anybody.

But father _was _right. Azula needs allies and people on her side if she is going to beat Zuko and keep from becoming a possession.

Ty Lee... well, she has passion.

"You should quit," Azula says honestly, although she is testing the waters of how far Ty Lee will truly go for Azula, releasing Ty Lee's neck and sitting up on her own. She feels queasy and confused, and even more unsure who to trust. But everything in her wants to trust this girl, regardless of father or Zuko or the Boiling Rock.

"Azula, I've put way too many years of my life into you to give you up now. I'm with you wholeheartedly. And I would die without you so don't you dare ever do anything like that again," Ty Lee says and Azula stares at her.

She's not lying. He was wrong. Maybe not about Zuko, maybe not about Azula needing to get a few steps ahead of her brother instead of falling further behind as she has been of late. But he was wrong about Ty Lee.

"I don't know how I ever forgot loving you," Azula whispers and Ty Lee can only kiss her.


	15. The Girl in a Nasty Alliance

Chapter Fifteen: The Girl In a Nasty Alliance

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

"You're not faking your death, Ty Lee," Azula snaps to the anger of the acrobat.

Ty Lee supposes that this progress; she wants to show Azula how much it would hurt her if Azula faked her own death. And by claiming she will do the same, she hopes to accomplish that. At first she was not sure if it would work on the princess, but it most certainly is. Perhaps Azula has changed as much as Ty Lee was beginning to think she was. It feels likely that there is a chance Azula can rebuild her life from the ashes.

And throwing it away to avoid being recaptured by Zuko sickens Ty Lee. Particularly if they are to be married. Azula has always gone above and beyond limits to get what she wants, but this is over the top. This is too much.

"I want to do it with you. If you jump, I jump. Stop resisting," Ty Lee says firmly and Azula swallows. She does not know what she is meant to do about this most uncomfortable situation.

Or why she cares. Why does it matter if Ty Lee throws her life away? Azula is quickly becoming disturbed by how much she cares about her fiancée.

"I can't be clearer about how much I don't want you to do this. It disturbs me," Azula says sharply and Ty Lee pauses, blinking. Her eyes glitter in the light pouring through their kitchen window.

"You don't want to think about losing me for real, do you?" Ty Lee realizes and Azula purses her lips and tries to look distinguished and powerful. But Ty Lee sees through it and discovers how serious their relationship has truly gotten.

They value each other as much as they value themselves. And that is no easy feat for Azula _or _Ty Lee.

"We can do it together," Azula says, although it pains her. "But you promise you won't leave me. And you promise your life doesn't matter that much to you."

"Only you matter in my life," Ty Lee replies earnestly and Azula's gut twists. That is an unsettling statement that Azula is afraid to reciprocate. Ty Lee's devotion to Azula can border on obsessive and disturbing, and Azula does not know what to make of it.

"We attract bounty hunters, we fake my death, and that's that," Azula says.

Four hours later, Azula and Ty Lee run from bounty hunters. Azula is trying to pull off the faked suicide, putting her best effort into it. They sunk endless time into planning, and Azula feels liberated by the freedom that is so close she can taste it. Zuko will no longer look for her if her death is attested to. There will be many witnesses; Azula is making sure of that.

But before Azula can reach Sondai to be seen by the entire village, something collides with her head. How a skilled firebender who evaded being caught for so long could be bludgeoned to unconsciousness, Azula does not know.

As it collides with her head again, she crumbles, blacking out.

That is the last she remembers. Not that she recalls it now.

**_- End Flashback -_**

* * *

><p>Zuko hears Azula screaming from his room. He gets up as quickly as he can, slipping on the slick floor before catching himself, and runs into the hallway. There is no way he is losing her now or ever again, and so he pushes off of the wall with one hand and barges into her bedroom.<p>

The first thing Zuko feels when he goes to investigate the screaming is a small fist colliding with his face. He doubles back, cursing, having never been _punched _as the Fire Lord. It was Ty Lee, he sees, as he watches her breathe raggedly. Her hands are stained with blood and Azula is sitting on her bed, looking queasy.

"It's your fault she won't trust anyone! It's your fault she just hacked her wrist open!" Ty Lee screams at the Fire Lord before he can even start to comprehend what is happening.

"What's ─ Ty ─ _you're bleeding_!" Zuko stammers, unsure what sentence he needs to say first. But Azula is clearly wounded, and she is turning an ashen color as blood drips onto her clothes. "We have to get you medical attention! Ouch, my nose..."

"I don't want medical attention," Azula snaps, although she knows she is being combative for the sake of combative. "I don't need any more of your help, Fire Lord Zuko."

"I don't know why you're both so mad at me," Zuko says sharply before knowing he must take command regardless of Ty Lee and Azula glaring at him. "Azula, get dressed. We're going to the hospital to get you stitches. Ty Lee, we can discuss this once she's not standing in a puddle of her own blood."

Ty Lee clenches her jaw. She knows very well that he is right, and so she throws open Azula's drawer and pulls out clothes as the princess looks confused and disoriented.

"Azula, what happened?" Zuko asks, examining her, bewildered.

She averts her eyes and he does not question her further. Ty Lee will probably be more honest, if she has any idea what the situation is.

Later, as Azula is settled in a hospital room surrounded by the royal guard, the entire floor shut down over her presence, Zuko confronts Ty Lee.

"Okay, I need to ask why you punched me in the face," Zuko says and Ty Lee squirms.

"I'm really sorry about that. I was just kinda hyped up from Azula and it just, pop, happened," Ty Lee says, accenting her words with delicate hand gestures. If she were anyone else, Zuko would be angry or demand an apology, but with Ty Lee... he is much more malleable. He does not think she has ever thought about her actions.

"What happened to her?" Zuko asks, his tone shifting from annoyed at being assaulted to concerned for his sister.

"She tried to kill herself is what. Because everybody is using her and don't think she hasn't figured it out." Pause. "Can you think about how scary that is? I mean, even with amnesia Azula doesn't show when she's scared. But imagine being trapped in a body with a malfunctioning mind and you can't trust anybody around you."

Zuko feels his gut twist. It _is _a scary place to be in, and Zuko has not put much thought into that fact. He feels immediate regret for not trying to step into Azula's shoes and see things from her side. It must be terrifying.

"Do you two want to come to Ember Island with me and Mai?" Zuko asks before realizing it is probably incredibly inappropriate. Ty Lee just caught Azula in the midst of a suicide attempt, and Zuko's first statement before consoling her is asking her on a vacation. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"That sounds nice, if Azula's up to it," Ty Lee says, her eyes sparkling with brief excitement. But they quickly fade to reflect her exhaustion and her finally slowing heartbeat.

"You should take nap. I'll watch Azula," Zuko offers and Ty Lee looks skeptical. "You should take a nap; Mai will watch Azula."

"Better," Ty Lee says before nodding and slipping to a couch in a small waiting room with stale pots of tea and ugly paintings.

Three days later, Azula wakes up and looks around. Same hospital, same abhorrent scent of burn ointments and antiseptics, same bandages tied around her wrist. Same girl sitting next to her, anxiously waiting for her to wake up. She still feels hazy from pain medication and thoroughly confused as to what possessed her to do such a thing. And also agonizingly grateful that her ex-fiancée saved her life, as brusquely and frantically as Ty Lee did so.

"How are you feeling?" Ty Lee asks for the thousandth time and Azula does not know what to say.

"The same as before?" the princess offers, turning up one palm. What she wants is out of this hospital. And more so, to regain her memories and prevent herself from falling deeper into this mess.

Everyone wants to use her. The reason she tried to take her life on a whim was because she knows she is a valuable asset without her memories, and there is no one she can trust. Save for the person sitting beside her, tapping her feet, unable to sit still as Azula drifts in and out of slumber.

"Zuko says once you're out of the hospital and your wound is better, we're going to go to Ember Island," Ty Lee says and Azula narrows her eyes. "That's... an island."

"I figured it out from context. Do I have a choice in this vacation?" Azula says sharply, suddenly feeling incredibly bitter. She has barely recovered from Zuko pushing her to the edge, and now he is signing her up for forced vacations.

"Probably not," Ty Lee says with a small, enigmatic smile.

"Why are you grinning like that?" Azula snaps and Ty Lee's smile fades. She has to force it, but it works.

"Because last time we were all on Ember Island together we were on a forced vacation. Your father made us go," Ty Lee says and Azula's toes curl. She can see them displace the blankets and it makes Ty Lee nervous. "What about that statement is... bad?"

"Nothing," Azula lies and Ty Lee can see through it. But she does not press further with the princess in an uncomfortably delicate position.

"Your breakdown was about your father, wasn't it?" Ty Lee whispers and Azula looks stunned. It is an expression Ty Lee never saw before Azula developed amnesia, but now she witnesses it frequently.

"How did you know?" Azula wants to deny it or change the subject, but she is far too curious.

"Because most of your problems are. You said your nightmares and hallucinations were getting worse," Ty Lee says softly and Azula swallows. She wishes she had not been so honest with Ty Lee. Ty Lee hesitates, wanting to change the subject from painful memories, even if they are memories. "Does it hurt?"

She gestures at the bandage Azula is pressing to her arm. The princess pauses for a moment, analyzing her body for signs of pain, and finally shakes her head.

Azula does not know why she did it, and she is still trying to figure it out for the life of her. Everything blurred and then there was only the searing pain of hacking open her wrist. A split second decision as her heart raced and her mind panicked as she realized she was a slave to the whims of people who knew her while she does not know herself.

She wonders if she is crazy, or just trapped in the body of a crazy person. Either way is terrible, in Azula's golden eyes.

"No, not really," Azula says honestly and Ty Lee nods. "I'm startled you saved me."

"I couldn't live with myself if I didn't," Ty Lee says with a careless shrug, as if it is not a big deal to have saved Azula from death. "Did you mean what you said, that you can't believe you forgot loving me?"

Azula hesitates again. She does not feel comfortable with honesty or openness, even to Ty Lee, but she swallows her pride and admits, "Yes. I'm glad we decided to start again."

"I'm glad we decided to start over too," Ty Lee says with a small, creeping smile.

She walks across the room from the uncomfortable chair to Azula's hospital bed and situates herself atop the mattress. Azula allows her body to become close, to feel the warmth between them intermingling. Ty Lee rests her entire body on Azula's, as if she trusts her. And Azula wonders why any of these people would trust her as much as she wonders if she can possibly trust them.

They lie there together until Azula gently drifts off to sleep again.

[X]

The journey to Ember Island begins with Mai and Zuko alone together.

"Mai, do you think it's my fault that Azula tried to kill herself?" Zuko asks as the sea wind whips through his loosened hair. He is out of his Fire Lord clothes and could blend with the peasants if it were not for the scar.

They are on the ship to Ember Island, Azula, Ty Lee and a royal guard in tow. Mai stands by the edge of the ship, looking at the ocean with her usual expression of disdain. Zuko stands beside her, as they were discussing the weather or something else mundane and easy. But he needed to bring up Azula; Mai knows her better than everyone else, even in her current state of amnesia.

"No. But I think all of the politics around her amnesia is fucking with her head more than her head can handle," Mai says openly and Zuko chews on his lip. He knows that Mai has a point, that he has been treating Azula as a commodity or asset when he should be treating her as a person.

Zuko hesitates, shivering slightly in the cold. Mai looks him up and down and then returns to staring at the ocean with a passive contempt. He reaches for her hand and takes it in his, half expecting her to resist. But she does not, and they lean against the metal ship with their fingers intertwined.

Mai leans forward, hoping to forget the complicated situation with Azula, and presses her lips fiercely against Zuko's. They feel right against hers, she is loath to admit. All of these years she thought she could find somebody better than her first crush, but it seems that Zuko was right for her all along.

Not that she is about to marry him or something. If he proposed she would give him a resounding _no_. But for now, this is blissful among the uncertainty.

They are warmed in the ocean chill by each other's bodies.

"I've made so many mistakes with her," Zuko says and Mai breathes in sharply. It is unsurprising that they are going to talk about Azula more than should be healthy. "I really thought I could fix them."

"By removing all of her memories and replacing them with ones you want her to have?" Mai asks and Zuko grimaces.

"Well, when you phrase it that way it sounds a lot worse," he grumbles and Mai slowly shakes her head. "I have no idea what I'm supposed to do about this. That's what they're going to write about me in the records of Fire Lords... Fire Lord Zuko: he had no idea what he was doing."

Mai chuckles and Zuko shoots her a glare. "Oh, are you... serious? Oh. Well, yeah, you do have no clue what you're doing. But things usually somehow miraculously work out for you."

"Thank you... I don't know how I have any self esteem with you as a girlfriend and Azula as a sister," Zuko says and Mai just shrugs with a charming little smirk.

"It's a compliment if you really think about it." Mai just kisses him again. Mostly because she is done listening to his incessant whining.

Meanwhile, Ty Lee bounces on the bed she has decided to share with Azula. The princess leans against the steel wall and watches her jumping and jumping and jumping and...

"This is bouncy," Ty Lee says incredibly belatedly. Azula cocks an eyebrow.

"I can see that by you bouncing on it," Azula says and Ty Lee stops and falls onto her back. She slowly sits up and analyzes Azula carefully.

"You are not in a good mood, are you?" Ty Lee murmurs, a glint of concern in her protuberant eyes.

"_Of course _I'm not in a good mood. I'm on a forced vacation with my horrible brother and I'm sure there's some deep, intimate plan about taking me to this fucking island I've never heard of and I don't like it. I'm so sick of being _used_," Azula snarls, her eyes flashing. Ty Lee clears her throat nervously. "See, this is why I agreed to help my father. He promised I could use you people instead of you people using me."

"... you agreed to _what_?" Ty Lee's eyes bulge and her lips part, and for the first time Azula does not think she is being histrionic. She is genuinely shocked and horrified.

"I agreed to help my father," Azula says casually and Ty Lee cannot comprehend how she is speaking like she is commenting on the weather.

"Azula, he's... he's a war criminal and..." Ty Lee trails off, her lips opening and closing but no sound coming out.

"Well, perhaps you all should have thought twice before screwing with the wrong princess," Azula says smoothly and Ty Lee tries to swallow and fails.

Ty Lee does not know what to do or what to think. Azula is not _harmless_. She may lack her memories, but she has not lost her wit or vindictive nature. Ozai is not _harmless _either. He may lack his bending, but he has not lost his influence or will to dominate. And now Ty Lee thinks she has gone from wading in the shallows to in too deep in one statement from her girlfriend.

"You have to get out of the deal," Ty Lee stammers frantically. "What did you agree to do?"

"Nothing yet. He said he would be my ally and he wasn't lying, quite unlike most people I've interacted with," Azula says before hesitating. "But I don't trust him either. Not after the memory I had. I do, however, think I gain a lot more by siding with him than siding with Zuko."

Ty Lee stares at the floor. Azula, Azula, what has she done. Maybe Ty Lee cannot blame her. Perhaps Ozai is a better deal than Zuko, but it kills Ty Lee.

All she has worked for has vanished.

And nobody is making this any easier.

[X]

They arrive at the Summer Palace and Azula has to admit she is mildly impressed. It is very beautiful, and Ty Lee murmurs something about it having been remodeled laboriously by Zuko after he took the throne. It stands out amongst the sand, rocks and sea, and is perfectly isolated.

Isolated. _That _Azula can get behind. She is tired of being the amnesiac spectacle. Or _the crazy princess _as the peasants whisper.

"This is surprisingly nice," Azula remarks, looking around. She runs her fingers across a fern and finds it sharp and coated with sand and rot. Perhaps less nice than she thought.

She walks inside and the smell is slightly familiar. Azula cannot place a name or a memory to it, but she knows that this smell is familiar. And she knows that it brings her a small amount of pleasure and happiness. That, she supposes, is a good sign.

All she can hope is that nothing here will trigger another memory like the one that made her hack her wrist open. Another memory of her father. Or perhaps one of Zuko that will reveal what he is playing at. They all feel treacherous to her, as much as she wants to regain all of her memories.

"You and Ty Lee want to share a room?" Mai asks, expecting it. Of course they are already all over each other after knowing each other for a few weeks. It does not surprise her in the slightest that Ty Lee knows how to get what she wants romantically, and that Azula will inevitably want Ty Lee.

"I suppose," Azula says, glancing between her brother and his girlfriend. It is only now that she realizes that this vacation is some kind of fucked up double date. "It's late. I want to go to bed."

"Yeah, me too," Zuko assents, but he gets no response from Azula.

"When's the play?" Azula demands as she waits for Zuko to show her to her bedroom.

"Tomorrow night at sunset. You... well, I'd be lying if I said you'd like it. I don't think anyone could like it," Zuko says with a small cringe.

"Oh joy," Azula purrs sarcastically as Zuko leads she and Ty Lee down the shadowy, crimson hued hall.

Azula lies down beside Ty Lee and realizes she is not leaving after tucking the princess in. That, Azula considers a relief, since she let her alliance with Ozai slip. If Azula keeps Ty Lee glued to her side and in her sight, Zuko simply cannot find out.

"So, you're going to spend the night with me when we're _not _cramped in a twin bed?" Azula asks, curling her toes so that they brush against the silk blankets.

"Yes," Ty Lee says with a look in her eyes that suggest an intelligent move, like a premeditated play in Pai Sho. "I want to prove to you that I'm not going to go tell Zuko or Mai or anybody about what you told me about your father. Now, I'm not gonna assassinate anybody for you. But I'd rather have you than them."

"Of course you would," is Azula's purring response, and Ty Lee supposes she cannot expect any differently from the princess, amnesia or not. "So, curl up. You know you want to get all close and personal with me."

"The hit on your head sure didn't hurt your charm," Ty Lee murmurs and Azula's smirks with a dark glint in her gilded eyes.

Azula lies back on the bed as Ty Lee slowly takes off her clothes. The acrobat is slightly distressed by Azula averting her eyes. She never even did that before they were romantically involved. It was clear that Azula was watching her undress and Ty Lee grew to like it very much, as unsettling as that may be.

Ty Lee glances once more to see if she is watching, but she isn't, and so Ty Lee pulls on her pajamas and creeps into Azula's bed. The princess's mixed signals are getting awfully confusing.

"It's nice here at night, at least. Colder," Ty Lee remarks, realizing she has nothing to talk about with Azula but the weather. They used to have long, seemingly endless conversations. But now Azula has no memory of those, and Ty Lee is a stranger to her, more or less.

"It does feel good," Azula admits, trying to ease the tension between them.

She thinks that it is not only the reveal of Azula working with Ozai; Ty Lee saving Azula from suicide has caused a discomfort between them. And Azula can understand why.

They lie there for a while in silence. Finally, Azula clenches her fist and the lamp fizzles out. Ty Lee moves closer to her, although she knows that she should not. Azula does not react until Ty Lee touches her neck. It makes her shoulder shoot up in surprise, and when she turns to face Ty Lee to snap at her, their lips meet.

A kiss. Yes, they've kissed. But Ty Lee can't just...

"I'm sorry, princess!" Ty Lee exclaims as Azula pushes her halfway across the bed. "I thought... you invited me to sleep here and... I thought that's what you wanted..."

"I don't want to fuck you," Azula snaps. "Or at least not yet. I've known you for a few weeks. We've been dating for a _couple of days_!"

Ty Lee shrinks.

The night does not get any better from there.

[X]

Azula steps into the main hall of the Summer Palace, dressed up for the performance. She supposes she has nothing to lose by attending this play that no one will explain to her. It is much better than enduring another night being lost in conversations and feeling like a walking inside joke she does not get.

Ty Lee is waiting for her, looking happy. Less twitchy, and less trying to have sex with Azula. Both of those things are positive improvements.

"Did you dress like that just for me?" Ty Lee asks and even an amnesiac can tell she is repeating Azula's words. Mostly from the mocking tone that is actually rather accurate.

"Maybe," Azula replies smoothly, relived Ty Lee is being playful instead of looking about to vomit, as she has since Azula revealed her alliance with Ozai. "But I think you'd rather see me undressed."

Ty Lee pauses and blinks. "Can I see you undressed?" she blurts out without thinking, before her face turns light pink.

"If you play your tiles right," Azula says, not looking nearly as uncomfortable as Ty Lee thought she would. Maybe she thinks Ty Lee was kidding. _Hopefully _she thinks Ty Lee was kidding.

It does not surprise Ty Lee that they have not slept together, and she feels ridiculous for trying to make a move last night. It is incredibly easy to forget that Azula has only known Ty Lee for a few weeks, and has only been dating her for a few _days_. She looks like Azula, sounds like her and acts like her... but she might as well be a stranger.

Not that most strangers would turn Ty Lee down. But she understands, as much as she wants Azula to just regain her memories and for them both to live happily ever after and reinstate their engagement.

"Okay, play," Zuko interrupts and Ty Lee averts her eyes quickly. Azula takes a deep breath and silently wills Ty Lee to stop acting so awkward around Zuko before he starts to suspect something. It is almost disturbing how Azula can trust no one as far as she can throw them. "It's the most horrible play probably ever."

"Then why are we going to it?" Azula sighs, cocking an eyebrow.

"Because you're in it. Well, not, you, there's a character─"

"_Zuko_, I know I'm not in the play. I'm not _three_, I have _amnesia_," Azula snaps and Zuko's eyebrows shoot up. "If you talk to me like a toddler one more time you are going to mysteriously disappear."

"Okay, well, just, uh, I'm hoping that the play will help you remember some things. Not that it's incredibly accurate..." Zuko sighs, scratching his head. "Don't take any of it as hard, cold truth is all."

"It's probably more honest and accurate than you, brother," Azula says sharply before returning to her date and refusing to make eye contact.

Zuko hates the fact that her statement is correct.

When the play The Boy in the Iceberg gives more factual information about the past than you... well, Zuko thinks he needs to make a change.

As difficult as that may be.


	16. The Girl Who's Trapped

Chapter Sixteen: The Girl Who's Trapped

* * *

><p><strong><em>- Flashback -<em>**

Ty Lee screams shrilly as she fights off the bounty hunters, picking them off one by one and dragging Azula into a thicket of trees. The princess's head is bleeding profusely on her lap as Ty Lee feels her body shake with inconsolable sobs.

Meanwhile, Azula wakes up gasping. She jumps up and tries to light her way with fire, but she finds herself without bending. Panic grips her. No, not like her father, no. She looks around, unsure where she could possibly be. Her heart is beating in her throat, making her feel like she is going to vomit.

"No one can bend here," says a saccharine voice behind her. Azula turns with a start, looking around for the voice. She thinks she is going to have a panic attack, and that thought terrifies her. She only remembers being bludgeoned in the head. "You're dying, Princess Azula."

"No. No, I'm not," Azula snaps sharply, clenching her fists. "I'm not dying. I don't die that easily."

The speaker reveals herself and Azula is shocked to see a mirror image of herself. But it is not her. This girl has a slight different gait, a slightly different look in her eyes, and she... she does not breathe.

"Who the fuck are you?" Azula demands sharply, still reeling from the thought that she is _dying_. No... it was a simple head wound. She is not _dying_. This is... this _is _the Spirit World. "You can't keep me here!"

The mirror image of Azula raises a single hand and the princess is silent. She is not stupid enough to ruin her chance of evading death. When she set out to fake her death, she did not intend to _truly _die.

"My name is Zhurong," the spirit says, walking closer to Azula. She moves in a way that makes the princess nervous and tense for a fight. "I want to help you. I don't want you to die before you get a chance to live, Princess Azula. You were born to be more than what misfortune made you."

Azula scoffs. "Well, where was your divine spirit intervention when a Water Peasant stole my throne and my father stole my childhood?"

Zhurong is silent and Azula does not speak.

"I want to help you. I want to give you a second chance," Zhurong says earnestly and Azula does not know what to make of it. She has never heard of spirits getting involved in human issues. "You are going to live, although your injury should have been fatal."

"But I'm guessing there's a price?" Azula tries not to get her hopes up.

"You're very fortunate to have that girl who loves you." Zhurong does not answer Azula's question, and simply comments on Ty Lee. Azula grits her teeth. "This won't be our last, Princess Azula."

Azula slowly feels the Spirit World fading and colliding with the Mortal World. Things are burning, searing, contorting and she no longer remembers what it is to feel or to be.

She dreams of ash and a girl with wide, glittering, dark eyes.

In it, she can taste the acrid smoke on her tongue and feel the heat of invisible flames around her. And the girl, elusive, slipping away and melting into the shadows. After her dream, the girl wakes up gasping for breath, sticky with cold sweat.

Cold... why is it so cold? She has loose, threadbare blankets over her and she quickly realizes that there are people talking in the hallway about her just out of her earshot. She can only pick up murmurs of their words like the buzzing of spider-flies.

She tries to figure out how she got here, but only gets a headache in response. She tries to remember basics: where she is from, her name... but she draws a blank. Just a girl. The girl. She touches her raven hair that sticks to her shoulders, blinks several times with golden eyes. Her head has bandages on it that are damp with peppermint scented ointment.

"She's awake," the girl hears and two people garbed in green walk in.

**_- End Flashback - _**

* * *

><p>Once they reach the playhouse of the Ember Island Players, Azula looks at the wide theatre and finds it surprisingly full. She is guided by her brother to a balcony, in which she, Ty Lee, Zuko and Mai are fairly isolated from the rest of the place. Good. Azula has no desire to be recognized when she can barely recognize her own reflection.<p>

"Don't get your hopes up," Zuko says for the thousandth time, and Azula just rolls her eyes. "So, uh, does the theatre look familiar?"

"No," Azula replies coldly and Zuko frowns. "Let's just get this over with."

The play begins with a curtain rolling open and a small sound effect and Azula narrows her eyes at the performers, studying them like a textbook. She is gaining very little from her observations, and she is hoping this play is not just a cruel joke or a pathetic attempt to help her.

"I'm even more confused than before," Azula murmurs to Ty Lee, rubbing her temples. Her headache is starting again already. "Who are they? Okay, that's Katara... What's... I don't..."

"It'll make sense... probably. I've never seen it," Ty Lee whispers back, squeezing Azula's hand. She looks over at Mai and Zuko, who both look repulsed by the play, and they have seen it. Mai chuckles every so often, though, as Zuko grits his teeth. "Your brother is suffering for you," Ty Lee breathes to Azula, nodding at his pained expression.

"Don't try this," Azula snaps under her breath and Ty Lee frowns faintly. "I have no desire to make amends with Zuko. He obviously has something to gain from doing this and it is definitely a selfish move."

Ty Lee rubs her lips together. Yes, Azula, Zuko, Ozai, Iroh and Ursa have always been a selfish family, and a family who would do anything for their individual desires, but Ty Lee thinks that Zuko genuinely wants to help Azula. She does.

_"How could you say that?"_

"That's you," Azula says sharply, suddenly addressing Zuko with a hushed vigor. "That's exactly you."

"Please tell me you're just saying you recognize that that's me," Zuko groans, already wishing he had opted not to attend the play.

"No." Azula snickers. "I suddenly have my hopes up..."

After a while, Azula stops paying attention, breaking out in a sweat from the cramped quarters and feeling uncomfortable cramped in the theatre. Mai is immensely entertained by the play, and Ty Lee keeps looking at Azula and hoping she will remember something.

"Wait..." Azula says softly and three necks snap to face her. "He looks familiar... No... Hmm... lost it."

"King Bumi looks familiar?" Mai asks cautiously, her eyebrows flickering.

"Yes. Not that I have any idea why." Azula sighs, slumps in her chair, and does not respond until her three companions stop staring at her expectantly.

Once it is time for intermission, Azula has never been so relieved. She leans against the wall outside, trying to cool herself and trying to avoid the wandering eyes of the peasants flooding out of the theatre.

She at last makes it to a solitary spot overlooking the courtyards around the theatre. Someone sidles up beside her and she looks up to see Ty Lee, leaning on the railing. Azula tries to will her eyes not to follow her cleavage, but they disobey.

"I think it's a pretty good play," Ty Lee says warmly and Azula cocks an eyebrow. "Well, uh, I guess, I mean, they're _trying_."

Azula does not know what to say to that. She just looks out at the gleaming night sky and rubs her heated hands on her chilled arms in the night air. Ty Lee looks strangely peaceful beside her, and not trying to push anything too far.

This forced vacation is not as unpleasant as Azula thought it would be.

"You don't have to force yourself to remember," Ty Lee says softly, taking Azula's hand in hers and twisting their fingers together. Azula hates how much _relief _it gives her to be held, and she tries to look inconvenienced by the touch.

"No. No, I do," Azula replies tenaciously and Ty Lee stares at the sandy boards beneath their feet. "I would trade _anything _for my memories back. Absolutely anything."

"Even me?" Ty Lee asks softly and Azula studies her.

"Yes, even you."

It wounds. Ty Lee makes some feeble excuse about finding fire gummies, and Azula stays alone, the night wind whipping through her bangs. She is well aware it was a cruel comment to Ty Lee, but she does not care, because it is the truth.

Azula _would_ do _anything _for her memories back. Even if her time with Ty Lee so far has been pleasant. It is not as if they are in love yet. It can't be.

Intermission ends and Azula drifts back into the theatre like a ghost. Ty Lee makes eye contact and smiles warmly, as if Azula has not just said such a terrible thing to her. The princess does not know what to make of it, or how to understand her relationship with Ty Lee.

"It's... that's me..." Azula murmurs, leaning forward before Ty Lee grabs her around the waist to keep her from falling off of the balcony. "Did this happen? When did this happen? I'm way more attractive than _her_."

"Where are we? This is a rip off. Am I not in this, Zuko? Did you lure me out here for nothing?" Mai shoves Zuko's shoulder and he whimpers and rubs his arm before glaring at her. She smirks and tilts her chin back towards the stage.

"I think they skipped Omashu because it was so disgraceful to the Fire Nation," Zuko says, rubbing his neck. "The playbill says, _preserved as a reminder of One Hundred Year War propaganda_."

Azula has a certain glow in her cheeks that makes Ty Lee smile as Mai laughs at Zuko, and the actors make it to a set piece Mai and Ty Lee are as unfamiliar as Azula with. The princess eludes them, pointing, and disappearing.

_"I think it's your honor."_

"Did you actually fall for that?" Azula whispers to her brother with a cocked eyebrow.

"No. You blew up an entire street and disappeared in the smoke."

"That is way cooler. I am writing them a strongly worded letter to include more explosions," Azula says with a twitch of her lips and Zuko sighs.

Azula rests her head on Ty Lee's shoulder after the actress playing her exits the stage, and yawns her way through some bullshit about sandbenders. This play is not triggering any of her memories, save for the slightly familiar looking Earth King Bumi. She almost finds it unsettling, watching herself doing things she does not recall doing.

Finally, she sees herself on stage again, and her chin is on the gilded bars of the railing now.

"They..." Azula murmurs as she watches the very poorly choreographed fight scene on the drill, the feat she has been told about countless times. "They... my father called me back when I was out looking for the Avatar..."

Zuko shakes Mai awake as Ty Lee starts chewing on her fingernails. This is much, much more interesting than the play. Ty Lee did not think it would work, but maybe Zuko had a hunch.

"We went back to the Fire Nation and it was a really wet spring. Unusually wet. I remember it raining nonstop until the pier was flooded. My father sent me to go see the drill, which War Minister Chin showed me and he bragged about it nonstop. I went home and... hmph... ugh."

Azula burns the arm off of her chair the moment her chain of small memories and glimpses fade and slip out of her grasp. Ty Lee recoils, avoiding being burned.

"I need a break," Azula snaps, getting out of her seat and shoving Zuko to the side in order to leave the balcony and walk outside to where she can breathe.

"Someone should follow her," Zuko says and Ty Lee and Mai both touch their noses simultaneously. "What? You didn't say we were...? We're adults."

"Zuko, you didn't touch your nose. Those are the rules. Go talk to your sister," Mai says dryly and Zuko grits his teeth.

He did not know that he was _twelve_ again, but he gets up and follows Azula out. The part where he betrays his uncle is coming up anyway, and he has no desire to see it, even so many years later.

When he steps outside into the slightly cooler air, he immediately sees her. She is leaning off the edge of the porch, staring at the rocks and dying garden. He can feel heat radiating from her and it makes him hesitant to approach, but he supposes he _does _want to help her.

"This play is awful, I know," Zuko admits, rubbing his neck.

Azula chews on her lip and chooses not to respond.

"I'm also awful," Zuko sighs, hating that he has to be doing this. Azula perks up slightly, now making it clear that she is listening. "I dragged you out here and I keep controlling you and that is horrible of me, pretty much. There's so much I wish I had done in our past and I just... overcompensate for things sometimes. I'm really sorry for... just being a dick. Your amnesia isn't a gift to me or to anybody. And it's not something we need to fix if you don't want to, and we can fix it together if you do want to. Maybe Katara can do healing sessions again or..."

"Sh," is Azula's only response and Zuko swallows. "I didn't expect you would apologize. You seem needlessly proud and stubborn."

"It runs in the family," Zuko says and Azula smirks faintly. "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"

"I want to ditch this play before it's over," Azula replies and Zuko is massively relieved. He nods and walks inside to go get Mai and Ty Lee.

The four of them escape quietly, tiptoeing out of the theatre until they finally break into the sweet freedom and cold sea air.

"That was gloriously terrible," Mai remarks with a tiny smirk. Ty Lee takes Azula's hand and the princess allows it, although she swallows slightly uncomfortably. "Zuko, I'm glad you allow them to perform a play so unflattering towards you."

"Yeah, yeah..." Zuko rubs his neck as she jabs his ribs. He kisses her and Azula averts her eyes from Ty Lee's gaze meeting hers.

The budding relationship is becoming progressively more awkward, and Azula cannot quite understand why. Maybe she fears her feelings. Or something. Fears that the trust she is starting to place in Ty Lee is misguided.

All she knows is that she is immensely relived once she collapses in the silky bed in the Summer Palace, and disappears into dreamless sleep.

[X]

The next evening, as the sun is setting, Azula is exploring the summer home, finding it to her liking. In fact, she is looking for a memory, any memory. She examines every feature, every piece of furniture, hoping _something _will cause her to have a memory, good or bad.

She had a memory a few hours ago and it sparked this desperate search. Running through a deserted town, cleaving buildings in two with her bending and fighting Zuko and the Avatar. It was so clear, as if it had never been stolen from her. But then it was gone, and she could not recover any more of her memories.

It is unlikely that she is permitted to be doing this, as a prisoner, but she decides it is her choice and she will stick by it. She pushes open a door at the end of a dusty, abandoned hallway. A bedroom, a guest room. It looks relatively untouched, like a few of the seating areas and boarded up bathrooms.

Zuko may have refurbished, but he seems incapable of erasing _all _of the past. Azula steps inside and has a brief, painful vision of pictures burning, wood against sand. A bonfire? Strange. She shakes her head and continues inside, looking around.

She opens the drawers and finds them empty, save for dust, dust and dust. The table beneath the window has a few seashells on top of it, and a picture frame that is broken, with the painting removed and missing. Azula glances around for it and decides it is long gone.

On top of the vanity table is old lip paint and make-up, clearly belonging to a woman. Mother? A grandmother? An aunt? She is not certain. Azula picks up a bottle of women's perfume and smells it. Nothing, no memories. She supposes that was a ridiculous notion.

And then she notices the men's cologne beside it, in a much fiercer red bottle. She uncaps it with a bit of a struggle, nearly snapping off one of her long nails trying to do it. Azula touches it to her nose and it hits her like a tree falling onto her body and snapping her in half.

Azula sinks to the floor, her back against the vanity table. Suffocation, utter suffocation. She feels her head spinning but there are no memories, just her heart beating out of control, her fingers trembling. She coughs, and tries to breathe, and knows that she is breathing but feels as if she cannot.

She rises to her feet, forcing herself, and shoves her way into the hall before the coughing turns into retching.

"Are you choking to death?" Mai's voice. Azula has vomited all over her bare, scarred feet before Mai even reaches her. Mai wraps an arm around Azula, supporting her as she seems like she is about to faint.

"Mai, I'm dying," Azula says between forced, exaggerated breaths. Mai blinks several times, studying Azula with her amber eyes.

"You're not dying," Mai replies, but she does not think it helps. "I'll stay with you. Uh..."

Azula tries to swallow, half aware of how vile her mouth tastes. The tip of her nose is still damp with the cologne that sparked this reaction. That sparked whatever is killing her and sending surges of terror through her body that she cannot fathom or understand.

Mai clings to her, looking almost as afraid as Azula, until the princess slowly sinks to the floor again, her knees touching her chin.

She feels sore. But she closes her eyes and the strange episode fades.

Why is she cursed? Why is she trapped in this broken body?

Azula does not understand what she did to deserve this, no matter how many of her crimes are listed.

_I am not a victim_, she tries to remind herself, but it does not stick.

[X]

Azula is asleep before the sun is even down, exhausted from her consuming episode, and Ty Lee is beyond concerned. Mai explained to she and Zuko what happened, but she was fuzzy on the details. Ty Lee lay beside Azula all night, almost afraid to go to sleep. But remained there, and hoped her presence would do something positive for the princess.

Morning comes and Ty Lee's protuberant eyes are sore from barely sleeping. Her jaw and back hurt from the way she was positioned. And, thankfully, Azula is alive beside her.

"How are you?" Ty Lee asks in the morning, rubbing her eyes.

She slept terribly, constantly waking up and making sure Azula was still next to her. The level of worrying she does about this princess is slightly disconcerting. Her panic attack yesterday terrified Ty Lee, and she is beginning to get increasingly worried about what Azula is going to do for her memories, to get out of her bad situation with her brother, and to somehow cope with how trapped she feels.

And Ty Lee is afraid that there is nothing she can do. She would trade anything for Azula to have her memories back, and she is beyond certain that Azula feels the same way.

"As awful as usual," Azula breathes and Ty Lee gently rubs her thumb along her wrist before suddenly pulling away when she worries Azula will think she is trying to have sex with her again. "Tell me about myself."

Ty Lee pauses. She likes when Azula asks that because it means that her past still matters to her, and that she trusts Ty Lee, even slightly. And so the acrobat lies beside Azula and prepares to tell her a story or two.

"Well, there was this one time..." and Ty Lee launches into a funny story.

Azula listens and tries to remember. But it is futile.

[X]

Former Fire Lord Ozai does not wake in his prison cell. It is jarring at first and he feels his heart start to race. White. All around him is white and he briefly wonders if he is dead or drugged. The air feels stiff and old, and he has no idea where he is.

He squints into the distance, hard golden eyes searching for answers. And an answer comes in the form of... his daughter. But not. Whatever _that _is, it is definitely not Azula, even if it looks like her and walks like her.

"Fire Lord Ozai," and her voice is... similar, but not Azula's. Not his amnesiac daughter.

"It's not Fire Lord anymore," he growls, trying to look unafraid. But this entire situation is terrifying him to the core. "Who are you?"

"So it's so clear I'm not who I look like right now," the Azula-ghost says with a smirk. She does not breathe, Ozai notices, which gives him chills. "My name is Zhurong, and I'm a spirit you'll truly like to make the acquaintance of."

Ozai wishes it were a more familiar name. Spirits, all of that, it never mattered much to him. The Spirit World rarely interfered with his life, and so he paid it little mind. But now he has a spirit standing in front of him, wearing the body of his daughter, clearly with a purpose in mind.

He must admit he has nothing to lose.

"To what do I owe the honor, spirit?" Ozai asks hesitantly, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Zhurong seems amused by it.

"I want to make a deal with you. Your daughter owes me a great price. And I need your help. I understand that you're planning to involve her with the New Ozai Society," Zhurong purrs and Ozai swallows. His mouth feels very dry.

"And you want me...?" He does not know what she could possibly need. Spirits do not get involved in mortal conflict and war, therefore, whatever she has against Azula is personal to her.

"It's your choice if you want to help me. Simply hear me out," Zhurong says, tilting her head to the side. He notices that she does not breathe, and it makes him nervous.

"I will," Ozai agrees, knowing he has nothing to lose

Zhurong smiles, eerily, ghostly, disturbing.

[X]

Azula knows the exact moment she falls in love with Ty Lee. Maybe the loves comes to fast, after only knowing the girl for a matter of weeks. But she is watching her on the beach, carefree, without any purpose, picking up _seashells _of all things.

The princess sits in the shade, hiding from prying eyes. Her girlfriend looks to her and flashes a smile, and the look in her protuberant eyes is absolute contentment.

She is still trying to figure out why the touch of cologne to her nose gave her a panic attack. It perplexes her and she is unsure what to make of it. She considers bringing it to Zuko's attention, but she almost does not want to know the answer.

This is the problem... part of her thinks her memories might not be something she wants. But the other part of her would do anything to have them back.

And so she watches Ty Lee collect seashells, and wonders what it would be like to be so carefree. To be just a little butterfly, fluttering along without worrying or over-thinking or being riddled with a collapsed body and mind she cannot comprehend.

It makes her smile, and she does not understand the motion of her lips.

That night, they lie together on the beach, although Azula is starting to think she hates beaches.

Ty Lee looks at Azula and whispers, "You know, I was thinking."

"I didn't know you could," is Azula's reply and Ty Lee shoves her shoulder, nearly knocking her into the damp sand. "Alright, alright, what were you thinking."

"I know you want your memories. And I want them too. But, you know, I guess..." Ty Lee trails off for a moment, as if afraid to speak.

"You can tell me," Azula says softly, before feeling the abject horror of knowing she loves this person enough to grant them the privilege of honesty.

"In order to fly, a phoenix has to burn."

Azula pauses, thinking about the meaning.

"And so, if I want to redeem my life, maybe losing my past isn't such a bad thing," Azula whispers and Ty Lee hesitates, looking slightly sad that she said it.

"You lived in the past for so long. Trapped there. And I want you to remember all of the great things you did and everything about me and Mai and Zuko and all the people and places and things. But you can't live in the past if you can't remember it," Ty Lee whispers and Azula chooses not to respond.

Because she knows that she is right.

In order to fly, a phoenix must first burn.


	17. The Girl Who Is Not a Victim

Chapter Seventeen: The Girl Who Is Not a Victim

* * *

><p>"I'm still trying to figure out that panic attack," Azula murmurs as she lies down beside Ty Lee. It is the final night on Ember Island, and Azula finds herself perpetually haunted by what happened when she innocently inhaled that cologne. She has yet to tell anyone that it was the trigger, for reasons she is unsure of.<p>

"What happened before it?" Ty Lee whispers, resting her head on Azula's shoulder. It is so difficult to lie beside her at night and not be able to touch her, to taste her. But she knows that the amnesia blockades any chance of sex. "You can tell me."

Azula pauses with her lips pursed and Ty Lee can tell she is weighing the odds. It always has impressed Ty Lee how Azula can think everything through so thoroughly and obsessively. But sometimes, she thinks it is very bad for the princess. To see her carefree would be beautiful.

"I was exploring the house and I smelled this cologne," Azula says quietly and Ty Lee squints at her.

"Do you think it was your father's?" Ty Lee asks, hoping Azula does not interpret that as her trying to get Azula to break off her alliance with Ozai again. Azula closes her eyes and seems deep in thought.

"He got me dried white roses for my thirteenth birthday," Azula murmurs and Ty Lee squints at her for a moment. She should be glad Azula is remembering, but it is a strange fact. "With all of the thorns ─ thistles? They're called thistles, aren't they? Maybe thorns. ─ well, with all of the thorns removed. They smelled like that."

Ty Lee scratches at her lip and wonders what to make of it. She supposes the mind is a strange thing, that jumps around with connections that make very little sense.

"Whatever it was, maybe some things should just be forgotten," Ty Lee whispers, wrapping some of Azula's hair in her fingers. Azula sets her head back down on the pillow as Ty Lee begins to comb through her girlfriend's raven locks, the smooth motion slightly calming to the princess.

"I need my memories back. I can't keep living like a sailor with no map just sailing in the wrong direction. I can't," Azula whispers as Ty Lee moves her fingertips to Azula's neck and strokes her there.

Azula dreams of blood under her fingernails, of dried white roses, thistles and thorns, bloody backs and fragile petals. The images make no sense to her, but she wakes drenched in cold sweat yet again, and she does not know what she is supposed to do.

She wakes up feeling cold and gets up to walk to the beach. It is likely her brother and friends will panic when they find she is absent, but she does not care at all. She is only in a nightgown in the cold oceanic morning as she feels the icy sand between her toes.

Her feet reach the water and she feels it lap against her skin. And then she is on her knees, digging her fingers into wet sand beneath the ripples, her head splitting.

_Azula dries herself in a plush crimson towel, the anger pulsing through her veins. This memory is raw, unadulterated rage. She rummages through drawers with one hand, trying to find clothes as she wrings out her dark hair._

_Someone knocks on the door and Azula grits her teeth before opening it._

_"Are you alright, princess?" asks an old woman Azula cannot place the name of._

_"No, no I'm not _alright_. I thought this would be _easy_ and that Zuko and Uncle would be reasonable. But if this is how they want to play, this is how we will play," Azula snarls before slamming the door in the woman's face._

_She clothes herself, applies make-up, tries to make herself look fierce, and calls soldiers to attention, lined up on her ship. It is hers, and she is powerful, and she is angry. They will fear the wrath of a god._

_"I see you think it's funny?" Azula asks, singling out the man on his knees, looking on the verge of tears. Shameful, shameful. "That I took a little dip."_

_She touches two fingers together, slowly walking behind him. His hands tremble and the memory turns from rage to pleasure._

_The lightning courses through her, and with a single breath and the sensation of release, he falls dead. And the tension from the other men is palpable._

_Azula glances around. "Dismissed."_

The memory fizzles and fades and Azula finds herself drenched in salt water, on Ember Island and not on a distant ship at sea. An execution... Azula's head is sore as she removes herself from the water and hates the dampness on her silky sleeves.

"Are you running away?" Ty Lee asks and Azula blinks in surprise. She did not think she was followed.

Azula rubs her face, contemplating sharing her memory and how it unnerves her. How the Princess Azula she recalls is so strong, bold and brave, and the Princess Azula she is now is haunted and halfway hollow. She cannot piece together what happened to make her collapse.

"No," Azula says, deciding not to share. The less Ty Lee knows ─ the less _anyone _knows ─ the better.

"You should get dressed; the boat is going to leave in two hours." Ty Lee takes Azula's cold and wet hand in her warm, smooth one, and guides her to the house.

Princess Azula, who executed a grown man and felt immense pleasure, is tugged along by a girl in a pink sundress, guided and spoken to softly, like a kitten.

What happened? Where did this go wrong?

_How can she avenge this fall?_

[X]

Zuko returns to the palace and the grin about Ty Lee's joke is wiped off of his face by solemn guards. Something bad clearly happened.

"What's wrong?" the Fire Lord asks, his tone instantly shifting from a joking guy in his twenties to the leader of a Nation.

"Someone is here to see you. We've had trouble... restraining her," the guard says uncomfortably, looking afraid. Azula narrows her eyes as Ty Lee clutches her sweaty hand tightly.

Mai cocks an eyebrow and Zuko pushes his way into the palace, the guard feebly pointing in the direction of the main parlor for hosting guests. Zuko opens the door, Mai, Ty Lee and Azula skittering behind him, still dazed by the bright sun and their hair still stiff with sand.

"So, you opted to let me think my daughter was dead for five months instead of telling me she's perfectly fine and living here?"

Zuko's eyes bulge to the point they almost pop out of his head. Azula cocks an eyebrow and examines the woman sitting and glaring at the Fire Lord, Mai suppresses chuckles and Ty Lee squeaks like a mouse that was just poked with something sharp.

"She's not perfectly fine," Zuko stammers in response. "She has amnesia."

Ursa only narrows her eyes, making Zuko's face flush as red as his scar.

"No one told me that. Why did no one tell me that? Zuko, I'm still your mother," Ursa says and Azula stares at her blankly. "How did she get amnesia?"

Azula clears her throat and says clearly, "I got my head bashed in by bounty hunters. Also, I am in the room and if you have questions, you can address them to me, as I am a person, and not a lamp or potted plant."

Ursa examines Azula for a moment, as if she has only just realized the three other people in the room. That could be possible, given her anger at Zuko, and how long she has been milling about in Caldera waiting for her son to get back from his vacation to confront him.

"Azula," she says softly, the name strange on her tongue. Her daughter stares at her, and there is no rage in her face, no look of disdain at her mother's existence. Ursa hates how much she likes it, because she does not want her daughter's memories gone. She does not want her to be hurting and used by the people around her.

But it does, in this creeping, selfish part of her, feel like a blessing in disguise. Perhaps she can make things right with her daughter if Azula does not remember why she hates Ursa. Little does she know that everyone in this room has had that thought multiple times before.

"Hi, Azula," she finishes and the princess narrows her eyes, unsure what to make of the situation.

The room is somewhat breathless, due to how poorly this interaction can go.

"Hello, mother," Azula replies softly, and Ursa slowly stands up and walks to her. Azula does not falter in her stance as she waits. Ursa seems to examine her, like a half blind grandmother who sees her grandchildren for the first time in ten years. One hand rests on Azula's shoulder and Ty Lee clings to the princess tightly.

Zuko tenses, swallowing a lump in his throat. Mai cannot remove her amber eyes from the scene.

Ursa pulls Azula into an embrace and everyone half expects the room to go up in cerulean fireworks. But Azula's hand slowly slips behind Ursa's back, although she looks confused and unnerved by the hug. Zuko does not know what to make of it as Ursa clings to her and does not let go.

Azula slowly pulls away. "Let's sit," Azula says and Zuko can breathe again. "Tell me about my childhood. Well, what you were there for."

"Zuko and I will get you some tea," Mai says, tugging on his collar to get him out of the room. Mai loves Zuko and knows he means well, but if anything is to go wrong with Azula and Ursa talking, it will be caused by Zuko making a mistake.

Ursa sits and Azula sits beside her, Ty Lee touching Azula's waist.

[X]

"Zuko, I'm scared," Mai murmurs as they spy on Azula and Ursa from the other room.

She is on his lap and he is trying to ignore that fact. They peer through one of the doorways leading into the room, watching Azula sitting with Ursa, both of them _laughing_. Ty Lee is looking astounded as she tries to keep up with their conversation.

"Join the club," Zuko whispers back and Mai smirks.

Azula can understand why she hated her mother. She already comes off as slightly repulsed by her daughter, but when Azula guides the conversation in the right direction, Ursa becomes warm and her eyes sparkle slightly when she reminisces.

"You would cry and cry," Ursa continues as Azula listens intently. "Until I held you over the fireplace. And then you would go to sleep."

Azula's lips part in surprise for a moment. "You... held me over open flames as an infant?"

Ursa chuckles and slowly shakes her head. Ty Lee cocks an eyebrow.

Azula breathes, "How did I survive my childhood?" Pause. "Why did you leave?"

The conversation has been on the lines of stories about Azula's toddler years. Discussing her infancy immediately made Ursa uncomfortable, and Azula made mental note to ask her father about that later. But Azula supposes she can push on Ursa a tad and see her answer.

"That's... not..." Ursa's glow fades instantly. "I'm sorry."

Azula shrugs. "It's not like I can remember it. I don't care. I'm just curious."

"It was not a good situation," Ursa answers, and, to everyone's surprise, Azula just lets it be. "So, are you two together?"

She gestures at Azula and Ty Lee, having noticed the way their hands are interlinked. The tension between them is palpable, and the look in Azula's gilded eyes when she is gazing at Ty Lee is something Ursa never thought she would see on her daughter's face.

"Yes," Azula answers assuredly and Ty Lee smiles faintly. She was almost certain that Azula would deny the relationship. "We were engaged before I got amnesia, but now we're dating."

Ursa smiles faintly and says, "You have a little crush on her when you were a little girl."

Ty Lee's eyes flicker wide in surprise. Azula never told her _that_.

"I did?" Azula asks, her eyes flashing in surprise. Ty Lee tries to suppress her smirk but cannot.

"Oh, yes, you sighed and moaned for days about how you were... so in love," Ursa says, snickering faintly. "I thought it was cute. Your father was less entertained by the idea of his eight year old daughter in love."

"What did she say?" Ty Lee asks eagerly as Azula's mind is lingering on the mention of Ozai.

"It was hard to get out of her. But she admitted her crush. I kind of did notice there was something going on with you two. Little meerpuppy love," Ursa says, a fondness in her eyes about her past as a princess that Zuko has not seen since he found her again.

Ursa never regards her past with such wistful happiness. She seems to want to pretend that her marriage with Ozai never happened, and pours her attention into another family to try to erase the one she left behind. Seeing her with Azula, though, is strange and oddly refreshing.

Maybe the amnesia makes Ursa comfortable. Or maybe she really is that desperate to reconnect with her estranged daughter.

Ty Lee punches Azula's shoulder. "You should've told me you liked me back, stupid. Would've saved us a lot of trouble later."

Azula just shrugs. "You can't hold me accountable for things I don't even remember."

"Have you thought about get engaged to each other again?" Ursa asks, and Zuko is sure that the moment she is sharing with Azula will be gone in an instant.

Ty Lee and Azula avoid each other's eyes.

"It's complicated," Ty Lee finally says as Azula looks distant for a moment.

"I won't rush it," Ursa says with a smile Zuko has not seen since he was a child.

They talk and laugh as Ursa tells stories about Azula as a youth that Zuko and Mai did not think she had. The coldness she used to have towards her daughter has faded, and as Azula goes with Ty Lee off to bed as the night grows old, Zuko watches as Ursa stares at the floor.

Zuko walks away, spends two hours catching up on his work, wondering when his mother is leaving. He is sure she has other things to attend to, in the life she built for herself. It is not that he blames her for having another life, it is that he blames her for coming here and acting like she did nothing wrong.

The look in her eyes about Azula's amnesia mirrored so perfectly the look in Ozai's eyes when he learned that Zuko is unnerved. Ursa is a good woman and Zuko knows that, and knows that comparing her to Ozai is fucked up, but he still feels slightly chilled.

She comes to find him before he summons the courage to find her.

"I think I'm going to stay a few nights," Ursa says softly, sitting down on the sofa between stacks of discarded papers that make a very narrow space.

Zuko takes a deep breath. "I've never seen you with Azula like that."

"She never gave me a chance to actually talk to her. It was... nice. I wish you had told me she was alive."

"You let me think you were dead for _years_," Zuko snaps and Ursa is stunned. She could not imagine her son speaking to her that way. "The irony is almost painful. I'm glad you're getting along with Azula, I... I am. It's good for you to be at her side like that."

"... but?" Ursa replies, feeling defeated already.

"But what you're thinking is not a good idea, and I've already learned it the hard way," Zuko says, finally setting down his pen and making eye contact with his mother. The way her eyes skirt over his scar makes him angry for a moment, before he feels guilty. She had no power to help him, and he cannot blame her or he will become as bitter and resentful as Azula was before she lost her memories.

"I'm thinking that we can use her amnesia to redeem her. To repair her," Ursa says fiercely and Zuko sighs.

Ty Lee barges in before Ursa and Zuko can explain why amnesia is not the way to redeem Azula. "I lost Azula!"

"What do you mean, _you lost Azula_?" Zuko asks, stepping towards her. Ursa glances between them.

"I mean, I woke up and she's gone and she's not in the courtyard or the hall or the bathroom..." Ty Lee's face is pinker than her clothes and her heart is beating through her chest. "Help me find her!"

Zuko and Ursa exchange a glance that means they will continue their conversation later, and they split up searching for her. Ursa goes into a section of the palace everyone seems to have forgot about. Large portions were just shut down as the family dwindled, and this corridor is unattended and overlooked by Fire Lord Zuko.

It feels eerie as she walks, remembering when it was aglow with life. Remembering when there was a real family here. And then her terror as a youth at being a part of it, and how she felt no comfort between these walls.

Her spinning thoughts screech to a stop when she hears soft sobbing.

"My name is Princess Azula, I was born to replace a child who was still alive, I conquered Ba Sing Se and thwarted an invasion of the Fire Nation before my fifteenth birthday, I can bend lightning and break people, I hate citrus and I am not... I am not a victim..."

Ursa swallows her fear and turns the corner, finding her daughter with her knees touching her chin, murmuring the things she knows to herself, trying to convince herself that she is not fumbling around blind through her life with no memories, as she truly is.

"My name is Princess Azula, I was born to replace a child who was still alive, I conquered Ba Sing Se and thwarted an invasion of the Fire Nation before my fifteenth birthday, I can bend lightning and break people, I hate citrus and I am not... I am not a victim..."

Her voice is constricted with emotion, and Ursa does not think she even notices her mother at first. And when Ursa opens her mouth to say something, she has no words, just a small squeaking sound like a fool.

Finally, she kneels beside Azula. "What's wrong?" Silence. "What's wrong, Azula?"

"I..." Azula inhales deeply as she is snapped to reality by her mother's fingers wrapped around her arm. "I had a nightmare. I'm fine."

Ursa touches her hand.

"Will you be okay?"

"Mh... yes." Azula is gone before Ursa can press further.

But the image of her daughter in shambles is burned into her mind permanently.

[X]

Ozai is interrupted by the glow of blue. His heart speeds up at the memory of his short foray into the Spirit World, and of Zhurong. Perhaps Azula is here for some divine purpose, and that worries him. But she stands, studying him closely, and he can see that she has more questions than answers.

"Father," Azula purrs, leaning against the bars, "why does mother not want to talk about my infancy?"

Ozai is stunned by that statement. "When did you see your mother?"

"She was there waiting for me and Zuko when we got back from Ember Island. She was fairly angry that he kept her in the dark about me," Azula says smoothly and Ozai is slightly overwhelmed. "I had a few interesting nightmares about you."

He wonders for a moment if she also had the jarring experience of the Spirit World and Zhurong. But she taps her fingers on the crook of her elbow and sits down across from him, their gilded eyes nearly level.

"I trust you more than her and Zuko. But this alliance is risky for me, you know?" Azula says and he can hear her old ways in her words. It should make him happy that she is coming back from her blurry daze of amnesia, but it makes him nervous. She will be far harder to manipulate. "And you haven't been entirely honest with me."

Ozai scratches at his neck for a moment, unsure what to do. "I have answered all of your questions with far more integrity than your brother, and I'm sure of your mother. You want to know why your mother never talks about your infancy?"

Azula looks him up and down, eyes flickering over the man. "Yes."

"Because she hated you from the moment you were born," Ozai growls and Azula clenches her jaw. It is hard to believe about a woman who laughed and told stories with a sparkle in her dark eyes. "It wasn't..." Hesitation. "It wasn't necessarily her fault. She struggled after your birth and never recovered from it. And our relationship never recovered either. The last time I slept with her was the night you were conceived."

Azula did not need to know that last fact. "She seems apologetic."

"So does everyone. It's pity, Azula. It's why people who feared and hated me are now so... gentle. I'm a man without his title or his bending or his power. And you are the Crazy Princess," Ozai breathes and Azula feels her stomach twisting.

"I don't want pity," Azula whispers and he hides his relief. "I want your help."

"There's an upcoming gala. Convince your brother to take you to it. Things will... fall into place once you arrive," Ozai says and Azula's eyes bore into him for a moment before she deems him trustworthy and nods.

"I'm going to trust you," Azula says softly and Ozai's light up. "But if you give me a reason not to, you will regret it."

Azula stands up and starts to leave. And then she stops, nearly giving Ozai a heart attack.

"White roses, thistles, blood under my fingernails. I want answers when I return from the gala, given you get what you want."

And she leaves without further explanation.

[X]

Azula's nightmares get increasingly worse, and the night before the gala, she wakes up screaming, and screaming, and she does not stop screaming. Ty Lee presses their bodies together, clinging to her, knitting her fingers in raven hair.

"It's okay, it's okay," Ty Lee whispers, stroking Azula's back and trying not to cry herself.

"I'm so..." Azula pushes herself out of the bed and kicks the wall violently, making Ty Lee jump and flinch. "I'm so _frustrated_. I don't know... I don't know... I don't even know what I don't know! I just want to remember. Please."

_"You already got to live, and you want your memories too?" _says a voice that makes Azula's eyes flicker. It sounds like her own.

"Did you hear... that?" Azula asks Ty Lee, although she already knows the answer. Ty Lee looks concerned and slowly shakes her head. "I'm losing it. I'm going to take a walk."

Ty Lee breathes in to protest, but she just breathes out and lets Azula go. The princess winds up wandering the courtyards, finding them never-ending. When she sees a little pond, she has a painful, fragmented image of Zuko feeding turtleducks.

Her memory is like the weather, it comes and goes, and that is more infuriating than it just remaining blank.

Azula comes across someone behind a tree and shoots first without asking. A small swing with twine barely clinging to the tree goes up in blue flames, and from behind it, steps Azula's mother, the woman she is having the most trouble understanding of all of the people she has met since coming to the Fire Nation.

"I didn't mean to..." Azula does not finish. She does not bother finishing.

Ursa is silent. "I just... have been looking around. Probably more than I should be."

Azula shrugs. "Looking around hasn't done me much good. I've given up." She looks at the ashes and chunks of wood and twine from the swing she destroyed, coupled with scorched leaves that were knocked from the tree.

"When you were so upset after that nightmare, when I found you," Ursa says softly, not sure if she should bring it up, "why did you say you were born to replace a child that was still alive?"

"Because I was told that was a fact," Azula says quietly and Ursa swallows. "Is that why you hated me when I was born?"

Ursa's eyes flash wide. "Who would tell you that?"

Azula just shrugs.

"I don't know what I think of you yet," Azula says softly and Ursa is silent. "I don't hate you, because you're a stranger at this point. But what I've heard from others isn't very pleasant."

"I want to help you," Ursa says softly and Azula inhales. Wrong words.

"No, because you gain an awful lot for me forgetting everything. Or would you rather forget? Let's switch." Silence. "That sounds nice, doesn't it?"

"I want your memories back because I care about you," Ursa says and Azula analyzes her closely.

"Maybe." Azula does not know if she is lying or not. She cannot quite tell.

_"Where's all this caring been for eighteen years?" _another voice that Ursa does not seem to hear.

Azula feels like she is going to vomit, and so she leaves the scene.

But she is not going crazy, Zhurong is tireless. Zhurong is going to make her move. And Ursa is not making it easy for her in the slightest.

Ursa gazes after Azula for a long time.

There are not enough apologies in the world to mend her relationship with her daughter, even if both of them lost their memories and their minds.

[X]

Azula tugs at her uncomfortable formal clothes in the stuffy, hot gala. Zuko acknowledging supporters of peace committees or some bullshit. Azula convinced him to let her come, although he seemed against it. It is the first time Azula has genuinely been in the public eye since she showed up again.

Whatever Ozai intends to happen, Azula is going to have to find out. The vase in the middle of the table is filled with lush, red roses, full of life. They are not the dried white roses that are in Azula's mind, one of the many images she is trying to place to a memory but only getting frustrated.

Mai cannot believe she has been roped into being Zuko's date to a political event again. She swore after the war that she would never get involved in politics again, never be some guy's keychain at the party.

"Let's escape," Mai says abruptly as she sees a familiar face. She seizes Azula and Ty Lee's wrists and pulls them out of the room, going out into the cooler night air.

Azula looks around. This is her life. This is the life that she does not understand. With people whispering about her, _insane, crazy, criminal, princess, hot_...

Ty Lee kisses her gently and Azula looks over her shoulder as they pull away. It is then that she reacts quickly, recklessly.

And it is then that Azula blacks out, Ty Lee screams so loudly that the live music stops, and Mai lunges forward to catch Azula and slipping on a pool of the princess's blood as she does it.

Darkness, Azula is immersed in darkness.

[X]

"She's going to die. She's going to die, isn't she?" Ty Lee wails, clinging to Mai, who is wide-eyed and trying to stay balanced as Ty Lee pulls on her.

"The doctors say she's going to be fine," Zuko says, attempting to reassure her. But Azula does not look good, lying so quietly, her chest barely rising and falling, the blood and bruises.

His father did this. His father did this to his own daughter. It makes Zuko sick.

"They weren't after you," Mai whispers to Zuko, furrowing her brow.

"I know. Not Azula either," Zuko murmurs, their eyes both flickering to Ty Lee. It is not the normal MO of the New Ozai Society, and the men who executed the attack were glad to divulge who they were working for.

Both of them committed suicide in their imprisonment before Zuko could get more from them. Azula is unconscious, bruised, bloody. Back to how Zuko first found her when she was waving a lamp at Earth Kingdom doctors.

"What do they want with Ty Lee?" Mai whispers as the acrobat sits on Azula's bed and touches her wrists awkwardly. "I mean, an assassination attempt on you is just another slow, sunny afternoon. An assassination attempt on... _her_..."

"I'm going to talk to my father. You two keep an eye on her," Zuko says, squeezing Mai's arm and making her clench his jaw.

He throws a hood over his face and dresses in plain clothes. The unpredictable move of the New Ozai Society has made him nervous, and he takes more precautions than usual.

Ozai better have some fucking answers.


	18. The Girl in the Spirit World

Chapter Eighteen: The Girl in the Spirit World

* * *

><p>Zuko goes to confront Ozai with passion in his every strong stride. He throws back his hood as soon as he reaches the desk and wordlessly is guided to his father's prison cell. Ozai is pacing when Zuko walks in, and that leads the Fire Lord to believe his father is well aware of what happened.<p>

Fire Lord Zuko begins, "Did you intend to put Azula in what could be a coma?"

Ozai grits his teeth. He has _no _patience for this after how _awry _things have gone.

"Of course not," Ozai replies sharply, turning and walking to face his son. He is still larger than Zuko physically, still twice as confident despite Zuko's strength as Fire Lord and how the younger man has grown. "I wasn't expecting her to try to kill the assassins."

"I wasn't expecting them to be targeting she and Ty Lee instead of me or one of my close political allies," Zuko says, meeting his father's gaze directly. Their shared features mean nothing when the resentment in the gaze is accounted for.

"Zuko, I have no obligation to give you information. I am not running the New Ozai Society; if I were, it would be far simpler to be rid of them," Ozai snarls and Zuko hates that he is right. And Ozai takes it further with a lie, "I don't know why they attacked the circus slut. Maybe someone has a particular desire to see her dead. Or, _perhaps _they were just trying to knock down the defenses around Azula before capturing her."

That thought had never occurred to Zuko. He studies his father for a moment longer.

"You've spoken to her lately, haven't you?" Zuko asks and Ozai sighs.

"Just a few questions I answered for her. Her amnesia is awfully unfortunate," Ozai says slowly and Zuko thinks there may be a threat in his tone, but he is not sure. It is difficult to tell.

"This isn't over," Zuko says, preparing his next onslaught of questions that he knows his father will dodge and dodge.

But Zuko _has _to try. For the sake of Azula and all of his work to help cure her.

[X]

"Azula," Ty Lee murmurs to what amounts to a corpse and Mai shifts her weight uncomfortably. She is well aware of the fact that the princess cannot hear Ty Lee. "Azula, please wake up."

Her protuberant eyes are brimming with glistening tears as Mai watches. Helplessness, Ty Lee feels. All Ty Lee _can _feel is helplessness coursing through her veins, surging. Her heart beats too fast as she looks at Azula lying there, her breath so uneven and shallow.

"It's not your fault," Mai forces herself to say, hoping it does not make it worse.

"She... _Mai_, she was trying to stop them from killing _me _when they hit her," Ty Lee snarls, thinking of how quickly it went. Azula summoned whips of blue fire to take out the assailants who were moving to kill Ty Lee, but they took her out before she could take in just how _many _there were in the crowd.

"Azula would've..." Mai does not think Ty Lee wants to hear that Azula would start a fight with assassins regardless of who they were trying to kill. Ty Lee wants to think she is special, even if it leaves her filled with self loathing. "Azula wouldn't've wanted you to be so upset, okay? Why don't you go get some tea?"

Ty Lee hesitantly nods and peels herself away from Azula, leaving the room to go locate tea. She feels slightly weak as she pours it, finding it to be a particularly disgusting brew, half new, half old, as if no one cared to truly change it.

She leans against the counter and stares at the crying family in the corner. Clearly they just lost someone important, and then Ty Lee can only see herself holding Azula's bleeding body after the attack on the bounty hunters.

Ty Lee hunted them down. _Every last one of them. _

She killed everyone involved with Azula's near-death experience, each bounty hunter. And everyone even somewhat related to them. No one has to know that, no one _needs _to know that. But Ty Lee did it and she hopes that this is not some punishment on her for her wrath and vengeance.

Ty Lee sometimes sees their faces when she wakes up. How terrified they were when she murdered them in a variety of ways. They were just men and women who took an easy job after a war. So many skills are useless in a time of peace, that bounty hunter is a logical step from soldier.

And Ty Lee killed them without pity of remorse.

_This is her fault, somehow, in some way._

It must be. It must be.

Meanwhile, Mai hovers over Azula, unsure what to do. She wipes sweat from the princess with the old blankets tossed in the corner. Checks the bandages a thousand times. Wonders what Ozai has to do with any of this, and if Zuko is making any progress. Thinks about the suicide that the captured assailants committed _after _their interrogation.

Why _after _the interrogation? They usually would have died to keep from giving information. It was as if they told the message they were supposed to speak, and then killed themselves before they could say any more. And that _worries _Mai to a great extent.

But she just stays by Azula's side, making sure she stays alive.

Her thoughts, however, still race.

Ursa arrives long after everyone else, which Mai supposes she could have predicted. Mai _does _think that Ursa loves Azula, no matter how much Azula has ranted and raved to Mai over the years. But she thinks Ursa is about as good at loving as Ozai was, just in a different, less violent way.

"Is she okay?" Ursa asks, her eyes coasting over Mai and landing on her daughter.

She just found out Azula was alive and well, and her relief was incredible. Ursa had feared that _she _did that to Azula, that Azula had died running away and it was Ursa's fault. But her daughter was alive, albeit without her memories. And now, fate has decided Ursa will lose her again.

Is this punishment? She cannot help but wonder. She does not know what it would be for, but it feels like it sometimes with Azula. Azula has always had a way of making people shoulder blame that belongs to her, but maybe there is plenty of blame to share.

But _right now_, all that matters is Azula pulling through these injuries and coming out on the other side alive.

Ursa sits down beside Mai as Ty Lee slowly walks into the room, sipping her too-hot tea and burning her tongue until it becomes numb.

[X]

Azula wakes up to someone whispering in her ear. It is a voice that she is familiar with... the same one that has been in her head for days, the one that no one else could hear. Her gilded eyes flutter open as she looks around and finds herself in the hospital room.

Mai and Ty Lee are asleep on top of each other in the corner, and Azula sits up to grab their attention.

"I'm fine," she says and they do not stir. "I'm fine!"

No one moves. She swallows, unsure what has happened. It is terrifying as she stands up and turns slowly to see _her body_. Her body, and then she thinks she is going to vomit, but she does not. If she is dead... _no_, Azula cannot be _dead_. She _cannot _be.

"Princess," whispers the voice again, and now it has a clear form. A mirror image of herself, nodding for Azula to follow.

And Azula does.

Azula tries not to be panicked by her surroundings as she leaves the hospital and finds herself somewhere distinctly _not _downtown Caldera. And then the voice that was bothering her is in front of her again, and Azula remembers her purpose. She looks forward and sees herself... studying Azula with curious and mocking eyes. Golden eyes with an eerily blue glow connected to them.

"Where am I?" Azula demands, walking towards the apparition. If she is dead... she cannot be _dead_. The injuries were not that bad, were they? But she _saw _her bleeding corpse on the hospital bed...

"You're in the Spirit World. And you're here so I can offer you a deal," says Azula's mirror image as she watches the confused and disheveled princess.

Azula looks around. Spirit World... huh? Azula supposes there is no better explanation.

"What's your deal?" Azula asks slowly, trying not to be afraid.

"I want to offer you all of your memories, for a small price," the spirit purrs, still gazing at Azula and making her feel like her skin is being peeled off by those eerie eyes.

"And what's the price?" Azula inquires, trying to hide her excitement.

"Well, where's the fun in knowing that? Would you trade anything for your memories or not?" her mirror image asks and Azula opens and closes her mouth.

"I'll do it," Azula says slowly, hoping sincerely that she will not live to regret it. "But tell me... tell me who you are."

"My name is Zhurong," the spirit says, her tone slightly warmer. "And I saved your life, as you will remember once your memories return. You and I go a long, long ways back, Princess Azula. It was my prerogative to save you that day those bounty hunters killed you. Your memories being lost... was not my intent. But a bargain is a bargain."

Azula hesitates and clears her throat. "But, surely, a deal between a spirit and a human isn't... fair."

"A deal between a _princess_ and a spirit is the _fairest _of games," Zhurong replies, smirking. Azula knows that twitch of the lips as her own. "You don't think you're just some _ordinary _human, do you? Hm?"

Azula breathes out slowly. "_No_. Now let me free."

Zhurong pauses, looking Azula up and down. "We will meet again, and for much longer."

There is searing pain and blinding blue light that permeates Azula's existence.

Azula wakes up slowly, her eyes fluttering. She looks around her, her heart racing. Her head hurts and she leans to the side, on her knees, bile rising in her throat. Ty Lee clings to her as she is struck by dry heaves and the sensation of her head splitting in two.

She finally catches her breath and realizes what the pain was. The memories of her life with amnesia come first: waking up, Suki, Ember Island... but then more, and more, and more. Childhood, the war, sitting on the Earth King's throne, Zuko... Zuko.

"You asshole!" Azula screams at her brother, who is stepping slowly towards she and Ty Lee. Her eyes meet _mother _and _Mai _and she remembers their acts of betrayal as well. She rises, her hands lighting and Zuko barely blocks the barrage of blue coming at him. Two guards run to Azula, restraining her, and her body falls slightly limp. She does not like these odds, as powerful as she may be.

"What did I do?" Zuko asks hesitantly and Azula grits her teeth.

"Using me. Using my amnesia to exploit me," she snarls as he walks closer to her. "Well, guess what, Fire Lord Zuko?"

"What?" he barely whispers, frightened that the New Ozai Society did something to her.

"I remember everything, and _all_ of you are going to pay."

And then the room combusts in a burst of vibrant cerulean, and a fight begins out of nowhere.

[X]

Two hours later, Azula is restrained and Zuko hates himself for it briefly. But she does not fight her bonds, the metal shackles keeping her pressed against her bed, the metal gag keeping her from burning them to death. She tried to kill each of them before finally, Mai and two guards wrestled her to the ground and they managed to get her back to the palace.

Ty Lee has been cleaning her wounds, the ones that were torn back open in Azula's massive struggle. Zuko is still sore from redirecting the lightning Azula sent directly at Ursa's face. This is the most unfortunate of circumstances.

"_Azula_, stop squirming," Ty Lee murmurs as she touches the alcohol doused cloth to an exposed laceration. "_Azula_."

"Okay, so, she has her memories back?" Zuko says and Mai, Ty Lee, Ursa and Azula are not quite sure who he is talking to. They _all _know that Azula has her memories back, and they are all unnerved by it. "Why? How did she...? I don't..."

"You should be happy," Mai says bitterly and Zuko's eyes flash.

"_Yes_, I should be happy that she just tried to flay me alive with fire and electrocute my mother," Zuko snarls, but his cheeks flush with the embarrassment. "Take off her gag."

Mai's hands twitch towards the metal, but Azula's steely golden glare makes her change her mind. Ty Lee drops the cloth she is using, finishes applying a final bandage, and removes the metal gag. Azula chokes, coughs and Ty Lee gently wipes away a small dot of saliva.

"I have every right to try to murder you! You _tried _to keep my memories gone! You tried to use me! All of you!" Azula shrieks and Mai halfheartedly covers her ears from the shrill sound. "Not to mention everything you did _before _I lost my memories!"

Ty Lee tugs at her braid and watches the situation nervously. Zuko walks to Azula as Mai steps slightly away.

"Azula..." Ty Lee murmurs and Azula turns to her. "This might be fortunate..."

"I can't believe I'm back here. I can't believe I lost. Why do I always..." and she devolves into sobs before anyone can do anything. Zuko furrows his brow in pain, listening to her hysterical crying.

He supposes he could not have expected her amnesiac bliss to last forever.

Ty Lee feebly attempts to console her as she cries and cries and cries.

[X]

"Your men made a mistake," chastises Zhurong to Former Fire Lord Ozai, whom has just woken in the Spirit World again. "They almost killed her."

Ozai clears his throat, trying to retain _some _dignity in front of this eerie spirit who wears his daughter's form as a mask.

"I didn't anticipate for her to try to _strike_," Ozai says earnestly and Zhurong rolls her golden eyes. Another way this spirit is clearly not Azula; she would never show disrespect to Ozai, not after what he did to Zuko. "It was supposed to be quick and clean, alright? I can't be held responsible for the _goons _that the New Ozai Society uses for these expendable jobs."

"They should not have sent _expendable _men on such an important mission!" Zhurong shrieks and Ozai narrows his eyes at her.

"What do you have to gain from helping my daughter?" Ozai demands, getting tired of this game. It bores and frustrates him, to be honest. "I don't like being led around blindly and expected to know where I'm going."

Zhurong sighs, or makes a sound _somewhat _like sighing. Ozai is not entirely sure how she made such a sound without being able to breathe, but he considers it a noise of frustration and exasperation and leaves it at that.

"She was born on a sunny day in winter; the snow on the mountains melted," Zhurong recites and Ozai does not quite understand. "That is why everyone, including you, say she was born lucky."

"Mm, yes..." Ozai already looks frustrated and Zhurong does not know why she is wasting her time on this entitled man. "Her luck ran dry, though, eventually."

Zhurong squints at him for a moment and decides this genuinely is not worth her time. Explaining the reality to him, explaining that day on the anniversary of Azula's birth, explaining _why _Zhurong is even attempting to deal with the most _impossible _three people in the history of all mortal kind, feels like the ultimate waste.

"When you see her next, apologize for nearly harming the circus girl. It will serve you much better than what I know you'll want to say."

And Zhurong is gone, Ozai still waiting for his answer about why he is suddenly involved in a _spirit plot _and the strange circumstances surrounding his amnesiac daughter.

He wakes in his prison cell.

His head hurts.

[X]

Three days later, Ty Lee is at a bookshop. She is not a _bookshop _type of person. Reading has never been her specialty, and neither has writing. But she is in a bookshop, because she is buying notebooks and ink for her fiancée.

_Yes_, fiancée. Azula remembers their relationship... and remembers even more pain than she used to harbor. But Ty Lee _is _permitted to look on the bright side if she does not say it aloud.

When Ty Lee returns, she is trying to keep her head on straight. She reaches Azula's bedroom, where the princess has confined herself, and opens the door gently, her hands filled with her purchases and her other impulse buys draped over her strong fingers.

Azula was liberated from her bonds, but she is surrounded by guards, and kept under close watch. Ty Lee would argue she was _more _dangerous with amnesia, but she supposes she will have to deal with what Fire Lord Zuko chooses.

"Visiting hours already?" snarls Azula and Ty Lee suppresses a sigh. She hates that she misses amnesiac Azula; without her memories, the princess was far less bitter.

"You're not a prisoner," Ty Lee says, knowing that some things don't change even with Azula remembering. "The door opens from both sides. I'm sure people would be happy to see you."

Azula scoffs. "Hmm, like who?"

"Mai..." Ty Lee suggests, although her relationship with Azula has been deteriorating progressively. Zuko and Azula, who once were bonding closely, are now sharply driven apart by Zuko's exploitation of Azula's previous state. "Ugh, never mind. I brought you the stuff you asked for."

The princess examines the notebooks thoroughly before remarking casually, "Thank you," and melting the seal on the ink with a small blue tongue of flame.

"Can I ask what it's for?" Ty Lee inquires, shutting the door with her heel and sitting down on the bed she has been sharing with Azula.

"I'm writing it all down," Azula says, not disclosing her deal with the spirit Zhurong. She has not heard anything from the spirit, and she is starting to wonder if it was all a dream. She is well aware that her mind has collapsed on itself before, and she could be imagining this. But that does not stop her from worrying about the deal she remembers making.

"... what?"

"I'm writing down my entire life, from the beginning... in case something happens again," Azula admits and Ty Lee shrugs. The acrobat finds it to be a little bit crazy, but she will take it, if it makes Azula less paranoid about her memories being wiped again.

Azula wakes up most nights screaming because she is afraid of what she has regained being taken away. The princess feels as if her memories will not stay for long, even though Ty Lee is sure that they are back.

"That's good," Ty Lee murmurs, unsure what else to say.

She picks at her lips and sighs.

Things were going well before. But she thinks that, while the phoenix may have burned, its wings are broken and Azula will never fly.

But that is not positive enough for Ty Lee. She needs to... she needs to have hope. Hope is all she really has in the end.

Even if it means mending Azula's broken wings by herself with no help from others.

[X]

That afternoon, Ty Lee is out, carefully leaving Azula behind as she scrawls in the notebooks endlessly. She passes rooms of people she does not care to talk to, and heads towards the Earth Kingdom Embassy. Suki is back in the Fire Nation, along with Ty Lee's lost friends.

She feels the compulsion to try again to make things right. What happened with Azula was unfortunate, and Ty Lee got a letter from Suki asking her to meet for lunch and try to move past Ty Lee and Azula nearly destroying her marriage to Sokka.

She walks to the embassy, letter in hand. And the letter is the last thing she focuses on when the building is blown to bits by an explosion, and Ty Lee slams against the wall, gasping for breath and only filling her lungs with smoke.

Someone grabs her by the neck and starts to pull her through the burning wreckage. The streets in the city are filled with a panic as Ty Lee wonders if the person pulling her is helping her escape or if she should be chi-blocking them.

But she feels the needle go into her neck, feels herself filled with shirshu venom, and she quickly realizes she is in the hands of enemies.

Her last thought is whether they are of the New Ozai Society, or they are here about the bounty hunters Ty Lee slew in rage after Azula's attack.

It is inconclusive, and she is enveloped in a calming, black warmth.


	19. The Girl on a Rescue Mission

Chapter Nineteen: The Girl On a Rescue Mission

* * *

><p>Azula is brushing her teeth when she receives a note. Mai delivers it, entering the bathroom when the guards who were given it expressed being too afraid. They have good reason to be scared, Mai supposes; Azula with her memories back is pretty terrifying.<p>

She spits out the concoction on the bristles of the brush and tosses water into her mouth as she cocks an eyebrow, prompting Mai to explain her presence.

"Some guy wants to meet us at lunch with Ty Lee. Apparently she bumped into him at the embassy before the attack and he wanted to talk to you," Mai says and Azula narrows her eyes as she spits out the water into the basin, rinsing it down the drain from the small fountain in the shape of a gilded fish.

Azula narrows her eyes, realizing she has been so engrossed in filling out her notebooks that she did not notice Ty Lee not returning home. And then she realizes _the attack_, that there was an attack on the embassy yesterday and Azula did not have any idea that Ty Lee was going _there_. Her heart surges with panic that she tries to hide, attempting to keep her face stony and cold. But Mai can see she is afraid.

"That's odd," Azula murmurs and Mai looks Azula up and down.

"I'll bet a million gold pieces he's trying to rope you into some scheme. But if Ty Lee is with him... we might as well. Maybe she knows something we don't," Mai says, following Azula as she walks into her bedroom and slips out of her robe, fumbling around to find clothes.

"Alright then, I suppose it's off to lunch." She finishes readying herself and she and Mai depart to Li's Noodle House.

Mai is kicked back in her chair, chopsticks occasionally making their way into her mouth, as Azula slowly sips her tea and glances around the room with paranoia in her eyes. Someone walks inside and Azula's eyes instantly light up; he is looking for her, and he finds her.

"Princess Azula," he says, bowing. "It is my honor."

"Mhm. Where's Ty Lee?" Azula demands, not wanting to bother with small talk.

The man then sighs, a pained expression on his face. Azula's heart skips a beat and her gilded eyes flash. This is _not good._

"The explosion at the Earth Kingdom Embassies... she was taken during it. Bounty hunters with a grudge against her had her lured there, and tried to cover up her kidnapping with an act of supposed terrorism," he says and Azula looks like she is going to vomit. Mai grabs her hand and tries t to keep her steady.

"Take me to her," Azula breathes, finishing her tea in a single gulp.

And then the restaurant erupts in a fight faster than Azula can react. The man draws the sword that was pinned to his back, but Mai stops him with a deliberate throw of her chopsticks, knocking him backwards before Azula takes him out with lightning.

Two women who clearly are his accomplices come at Mai and Azula, one with firebending and the other with dual blades.

Mai takes down the one with blades, launching a razor directly into her throat. She coughs up blood and attempts to gasp for breath before falling to the floor of the restaurant. It is likely the patrons have lost their appetite at this point.

Azula blocks the two firebending attacks, and brings down her assailant with a bolt of lightning.

Mai and Azula look around as the smoke clears, wondering if anyone else is going to challenge them. They jump into a fighting position as a man shows up, and he holds up his hands in surrender.

"I'm here to help you find Ty Lee," he says, his eyes wide as he examines the weapons in Mai's hand and the blue flame on Azula's fingertips. "We have to get out of here fast, though. It's not safe here."

Mai and Azula exchange a glance, and decide to take a gamble on this stranger.

[X]

The mysterious stranger leads them to the embassy that was halfway destroyed yesterday, and Azula for a moment is unsure if Ty Lee survived. Her heart pounds in her chest as she hopes that would not happen. She thinks it would kill her if she lost Ty Lee.

They reach a building near the higher levels, the one Ty Lee would have gone to if she thought she was being invited by Suki, as Azula learned. The man takes cautious breaths as he looks around, as if scouring for evidence.

"How do you know about Ty Lee?" Azula ask sharply, her eyes boring into him.

"It's... not important," he says, his eyes flickering up to Mai and Azula.

He looks a bit like a caged animal, and that makes Azula nervous. And when she is nervous, she gets scared. And when she is scared, well, people are going to get fucked up.

Azula examines him, looking for any clue that can tell her if he is a friend or foe.

"I hope you find her. I'll do everything in my power," the man finally stammers, looking at Azula hopefully.

_"Azula, he's the one who took her," _hisses a voice and Azula looks around for the source. It sounds like... it sounds like the spirit who has been oh so silent since giving Azula back her memories and all of her problems. "_He's the one who took her."_

Azula turns to Mai and looks at her, nodding towards her hand. A tiny gesture as Jiando is going into a monologue about how unfortunate it was that they missed the assailant. Mai sees it and whips out two blades with quick speed, pinning Jiando to the wall as his fingers start to crackle orange.

"Where is she?" Azula demands, advancing on him. His light brown eyes flicker in panic as Mai sincerely hopes Azula is not losing her mind. "Where. Is. Ty. Lee.?"

The man looks panicked for a moment, and Azula has the brief flicker of worry that she is actually insane. "Kiri."

_"Kiri_?" Azula asks sharply, having no clue what he is going on about.

"Kiri and Keiji," is the man's strangled response and Azula has heard neither of those names. But... Mai has, and she steps forward, drawing yet another blade and pressing it to the man's throat.

"Kiri and Keiji _Chuanshuo_?" Mai demands sharply, now well aware Azula was not hallucinating. Azula knows the last name... it is... familiar, but she cannot quite place it. Her memories are still jumbled at times, and she struggles to sort through names and places of even familiar things. "What the _fuck _do they want with Ty Lee?"

The man just shrugs. "She killed some bounty hunters and, they, or..."

Azula lunges forward and Mai's grip nearly slides, which would have split the man's throat.

"She _killed some bounty hunters_?" Azula asks breathlessly, and she can only wonder why Ty Lee told her nothing of seeking revenge for Azula's injuries. It would have been nice for the princess to know, particularly if it could have gotten Ty Lee into so much trouble.

"Okay, Kiri and Keiji Chuanshuo are big in the New Ozai Society. I find it pretty hard to believe that they are in deep with Earth Kingdom bounty hunters," Mai sighs, frustrated.

"The bounty hunters weren't Earth Kingdom." The man blinks, as if stunned that Mai and Azula do not know. "They were hired by Fire Lord Zuko to track down Princess Azula. Anyway, the New Ozai Society and the bounty hunters had ali-aligned interests about the Kyoshi girl. That's all I know, I sweat, please let me live."

Azula hesitates. "I appreciate you sharing with us," she purrs, smiling faintly at the man.

And he has no clue what fate he will meet until he sees Mai step back, and the last thing he feels is the pain of lightning surging through his body.

As Azula and Mai leave the scorched building, both panicked and anxious about Ty Lee's fate, Azula decides to inquire. "So, you know this Kiri and Keiji Chuanshuo?"

"So do you. We went to school with Kiri, and Keiji and Ty Lee had a weird sorta thing when we were kids," Mai says smoothly, wondering why Azula does not remember. Probably some side-effect of the amnesia.

"A _romantic _sort of thing?" Azula snarls, now having yet another reason to hate a man she knows nothing about.

"_Yes_," Mai replies with a small gulp. "Alright, this gives me a few ideas on where we can find them. _Starting _with a little discussion with my dad..."

[X]

Ty Lee has drifted in and out of consciousness for some time now, and she does not know what to make of it. She squints, looking around and trying to get a grasp for her surroundings.

"Keiji?" she asks, blinking several times. This is by far the most significant thing she has seen while awake. "Keiji Chuanshuo?"

He grins at her and she does not know what to make of it.

"Hey," he says with a forced affectation of machismo and calmness. Ty Lee tries not to roll her eyes at the pathetic display.

Ty Lee purses her lips and tries to look her absolute cutest. "Why am I here?"

He swallows and sits down on a chair across from where she is tied up, his posture casual and bent as he stares at her. The way he looks at her makes her heart rate quicken, but she knows she can handle herself.

"You're a prisoner of the New Ozai Society," he says, looking her up and down. "We intend to use you as bait for Princess Azula, and then turn you over to the bounty hunters who were so kind as to help us."

Ty Lee tries not to throw up in her mouth. _Now _escape is absolutely imperative, not just a small desire. She slaughtered the bounty hunters mercilessly, and now their friends want vengeance. Not to mention that Ty Lee wants the New Ozai Society to have absolutely nothing to do with Azula ever.

"Where's Azula right now?" Ty Lee whispers, batting her eyelashes. It seems to _work _and Ty Lee is yet again impressed by how much people underestimate her.

"Probably at Capitol Prison getting false information from your friend's father. It's going to lead them to Kiri, not me and you," he says, drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair as if a kidnapping bores him.

Ty Lee thinks quickly. If she can reach Azula before Kiri does... _this will go much better for everyone_.

"Can you loosen these bonds a little bit? I think I'm going to bleed out from adjusting them," Ty Lee says sweetly and Keiji examines her for a moment. She does not strike him as smart enough to be trying for an escape.

Keiji leans down and starts to loosen the bonds, and before he knows it, her warm lips are pressed against his. He had no idea she still _desired _him, particularly with her relationship with the princess, but he does not see why not these perks could be included with her fear for her life.

But she is not trying to sexually play him, she is distracting him for the split second she needs to tear her right arm out of its bonds and dig it into his shoulder as he sinks into the heated kiss.

There is a scream as Keiji falls back, his amber eyes wide with terror. Ty Lee smirks as she tears out the bond on her left wrist and picks up the sword Keiji left behind.

"Thank you!" Ty Lee says blithely as Keiji coughs and sputters, and then she runs out of the room to make it back to Azula before things get out of hand.

[X]

Mai and Azula arrive at Capitol Prison. Azula often wondered if she would come back here when she regained her memories of both the pain Ozai had inflicted, and his eagerness to form an alliance with her after she got amnesia. But they do not go to Ozai's cell; they go to Mai's father's.

Azula is unclear on the details of his imprisonment, but apparently he was instrumental in the New Ozai Society, and Zuko had him locked up for good. Mai seemed happy about it, and Azula does not blame her. She had every right to hate her parents.

The structure is slightly different than Azula's visits with Ozai. They wind up in a small, cold room, and Mai's father is brought to them, in chains, but mostly free. Azula supposes that Ozai was more dangerous, more of a threat. People feared letting him see the light of day for a moment.

"Hey," Mai says, sitting down and staring at her dad. A small sigh escapes her lips as Azula sits beside her and examines a man who once was so kind to the princess. Kind for his own benefit, but kind all the same. "I need to ask you─"

"About the whereabouts of Ty Lee," he finishes and Mai's eyes flicker. He is more involved than she thought he was and that disgusts her. "I'll tell you."

"What do you get out of that?" Mai demands and her father breathes a defeated sigh.

"I'm starting to care a little less about politics while rotting in a cell," he says sharply and Mai grits her teeth. She supposes his information is better to go on than no information. "She's being held in a warehouse in the Industrial District. Number 242. But hurry; I don't think she'll be there for long."

Azula and Mai stand up and leave without exchanging a single pleasant word. Mai's father supposes he could not have expected any differently from his daughter, even if he had hoped she would make an effort.

They hurry to the Industrial District, Azula focused and moving like lightning, and Mai struggling to keep up. The air is thick with smog and the steel is unappealing to look at compared to the beautiful red buildings of Caldera.

Azula steps slowly through the factories, most abandoned after the end of the war, looking for the address: _Number 242_. She sees it and at first she wonders if it is real, before affirming that it is and bursting in. Mai follows, blades drawn, and Azula lights their way with her fire, bathing the dingy halls in cerulean.

They reach a room with lamps lit and Azula bursts inside, Mai beside her. No Ty Lee, but in front of her is an attractive woman in skin tight clothes, looking Azula up and down as if her panic is amusing.

"Princess," she says sweetly before bowing. Azula grits her teeth; she did not think a sign of respect could be so disrespectful.

"Where is Ty Lee?" Azula snarls, advancing on the woman. Kiri. She is Kiri and Azula knows she should ask about the New Ozai Society and what they want, but she honestly just wants to clamp her hands around the girl's slender throat and choke her for trying to steal the only person left in Azula's life who matters to her.

"You don't want to find out _why _we're so interested in you?" Kiri asks with a small smirk. She wears lip liner, thick lip liner that for some reason makes Azula angry to look at. "Or the reasoning behind that assassination attempt gone horribly wrong?"

Azula lunges forward and is surprised that Kiri lets Azula grab her. The girl whom Azula barely recognizes, although they went to school together as youths, just looks at Azula with a small smile on her face as she is pinned to the wall.

"I _want _to know where my girlfriend is," Azula breathes into Kiri's ear, her hot breath against her neck.

"She's dead by now," Kiri yawns and Azula punches a flaming hole in the wall beside Kiri's head. Mai looks at her blades and wonders if she should use them. "Keiji passed her off to some bounty hunters or something or wanted revenge. Dead, or worse, I'd say."

"You _bitch_," Azula snarls, slamming Kiri against the wall.

"I see the hit on your head didn't affect your famous charm," Kiri says with a small laugh.

Azula throws Kiri over the dilapidated desk in the center of the room and she does not react. It is then that everything occurs to Mai, and she thinks she may be too late to react.

There is a crash downstairs as Azula is burning a streak down the front of Kiri's dress, moving to sear her skin, wanting to feel her tremble. Mai turns and tries to stay calm.

"Who is that?" Azula demands, resting her fingertips close to Kiri's neck.

"_That _would be Keiji and his reinforcements." Kiri leaps up and Azula is taken off guard, startled. She is launched into a fight with Kiri, who keeps up with Azula surprisingly well, particularly given how out of practice the princess is.

Kiri and Azula are locked in a fight and Mai thinks that Kiri has a chance of subduing Azula at this point. And she is right, because as Azula bends Kiri over and burns her arm, the smell of charred flesh permeating the room as the crashes downstairs continue and leaving Mai's heart thumping, Kiri spins around and jabs a needle into Azula's neck.

Mai lunges forward and grabs Azula, and she slashes Kiri's hand before she can prick Mai as well.

As Mai picks Azula, who is drifting into unconsciousness, up, Kiri lifts her burning ankle and kicks down, ready to collide with Mai's face.

And then she stops, gasping. Kiri hits the floor, as paralyzed as Azula, and behind her is a quite banged up Ty Lee.

"Is she okay?" the acrobat demands, sliding to her knees beside Azula.

"It just looks like shirshu venom," Mai says as Azula looks at them both in utter horror. "I thought you were given to bounty hunters or something?"

"I have my ways," Ty Lee whispers as she helps Mai carry Azula away from the warehouse and get to soldiers loyal to the crown as quickly as possible.

[X]

Zuko examines Ty Lee, Azula and Mai after Azula regains her limbs and they all are cleaned up from the fight. He paces back and forth, gritting his teeth as he thinks carefully.

"Kiri and Keiji Chuanshuo? I've never heard of them ─ _scratch _that, Keiji went to school with me and he was a complete dick ─ but I didn't know they were important to the New Ozai Society," Zuko sighs, slumping down into a chair. "This is worrying, I guess."

"They recruit kids all the time," Mai says with a roll of her eyes. "Ty Lee is safe. It's no big deal."

Zuko picks at his lips contemplatively. "It _is _a big deal. I want to know everything about them, their past, and I want to know what they're doing, because it seems pretty devious to me."

Azula crosses her arms. "Find your own servants to do it," and she gets up and then hesitates. "So, those bounty hunters were apparently sent by _you_, brother."

Ty Lee's eyes widen as Mai keeps her expression blank. The acrobat whirls around, still high on adrenaline from her escape and subsequent rescue of Azula. "You _did that_! You did that to her!"

Zuko's face is red not with anger or embarrassment, but pure shame. "I had no idea they would hurt her. They looked tough and said they knew the area around Sondai and I... _Azula_, I've been looking for you for years. Every dead end, every day it just got less and less likely. I got mother and lost you and..."

"And that sounds just like something you would _love_," Azula snarls, wrapping her arm around the waist of her girlfriend. "No more me, father is imprisoned and worse than dead, and you have mother, hm? Well, even though she'd rather be with her new family and not you..."

The Fire Lord just grits his teeth. "I love you, Azula, and - "

"And you do not even know the meaning of love," Azula says sharply as Ty Lee twitches to punch him. The princess stops her and calmly says, "Well, I don't either. I don't think I could love somebody if I tried. But I do get a bit tired of you acting oh so superior."

Before Zuko can protest that he never intended for the bounty hunters to hurt her, she and Ty Lee walk away. Zuko sighs and turns to his girlfriend.

"Want to go out to lunch?" Zuko asks, examining Mai closely.

"I would snap at you for asking me out to lunch directly after I was in the middle of a rescue mission... but I _am _pretty hungry," Mai admits with a shrug. "Let's go."

[X]

An hour later, Mai and Zuko sit in a restaurant that Mai hopes does not break out into a fight like the one she and Azula were in earlier. Mai eats, occasionally making a sarcastic remark, and Zuko keeps _gazing _at her. It makes her slightly nervous, the loving never-ending gaze.

She thinks he may be more serious about this relationship than Mai is. And that is worrying, because Mai does not want to hurt Zuko at all. He is one of the best people she has ever met, and she cares about him.

_But_, she is not ready to go as far in this relationship as he is, and that is a fact.

"It's, uh, nice out," Zuko remarks and Mai just eats her rice. "Azula is lucky to have you. She would've probably been taken by the New Ozai Society if it weren't for you."

"And Ty Lee." Mai just shrugs. "She's my friend. I do what it takes."

"Still your friend, even after all she's done?" Zuko inquires and Mai thinks he is leading into something, but not doing it in a very good way.

"Yeah," Mai admits with a shrug. "Sometimes you keep loving people even when they do awful things. You don't have to overlook them or whatever, but no matter what some people do, the people who love them will love them still."

Zuko swallows, startled out how profound that statement was from passive Mai. But it gives him the fire inside to progress with what he is planning to do.

"So, maybe you could love me despite me being awful and pretty much ruining our relationship?" Zuko suggests and Mai just shrugs.

"I like you..." she murmurs, suddenly realizing what is happening with a flash of her amber eyes.

Zuko sets a ring in front of her and she nearly throws up her rice.

"Will you marry me?" he asks and Mai just stares at him, her eyes wide open and her lips opening and closing.

"_No_," Mai finally manages to respond.

And she flees the restaurant, leaving Zuko confused and flushed bright red.

[X]

_At thirteen years old and just coming down from a virulent fever, Azula runs to the fountain, beneath arches and swaying trees in the courtyard. Tears stream from her eyes and she tries to hide them, her small, bleeding body shaking with sobs. She kneels in front of the water, touching her knees to her chin._

_ "Please..." she murmurs, remembering Zuko's words, remembering her words as her father tried to force _respect _on her. "Please..."_

_ There is no one. It is like father said; there is no one here to help her. There is just pain, just agony._

_ Azula tries to remember prayers of the spirits, things she remembered, words of her grandmother or grandfather or _mother _even. Something, something to protect her._

You should be able to help yourself, _echoes in her head, _You're a weapon of mass destruction, after all. And you're letting a little thing like this make you cry like a sniveling peasant?

_There is only echoing silence, not even the birds in the trees singing. She sobs and cries and hopes that all of her tears will eventually dry up and she will not have to deal with the shame that showing weakness brings. She is to lead the Fire Nation one day, and few things are looked down upon as much as crying._

_ She lies down in the grass by the fountain, curled into herself, her entire body sore._

_ The princess murmurs piece of a half-remembered prayer she learned in her adolescence, despite the Fire Nation being at the point where the Fire Lord's word matters much more than the doings of spirits and will of Agni. A half-remembered prayer to the protector of lost children, Azula thinks. Or hopes, not that it will do her any good._

Azula opens her eyes, wondering why it is that memory she has focused on. Not of the pain that led to it or the abuse that drove her to nearly snap that day. Not of how she fell asleep in the grass and the servants found her, and once she woke, she only had more conviction to earn her father's love and to make her Nation proud.

She always did wonder if there was even such a thing as a spirit to protect lost children. Likely not, given Azula's state. Her dealings with Zhurong... perhaps triggered the memory. Azula is unsure.

If this spirit is real, and not just a hallucination, then she both made a harsh deal with Azula, and helped her know how to save Ty Lee. But, perhaps, Azula notes, she just attributed her powers of observation to the spirit who drifts in and out of her dreams as she contemplates how she somehow managed to regain her memories.

Now she lies in her memories often, focused on them. And she will write them down and try to sort them out, piece by piece. The poison of her past does not heal from this rumination, however... it just sinks deeper and deeper into her skin, through her bones and into her blood.

Azula just clears her throat and begins writing, now filling the second notebook with even more memories. Her past before Zuko's banishment is well remembered, but scattered and filled with unimportant details that bored Azula greatly to write down. But she kept it as detailed as she could possibly manage.

But now she moves into territory with memories that inflict genuine pain on her. Ones that she sees behind her eyes regardless of her will, and would do nearly anything to rid herself of. But she remembers well how her amnesia gave her father opportunity to exploit her, so she knows it all must be recorded in detail.

Those years were the worst.

[X]

Mai enters Azula's room while she is trying and trying to write down one of her worst nights in the second notebook. She cannot bring herself to put the words on the page, her stomach twisting with utter revulsion. Doctors in the asylum told her to write down those things that hurt her, so she could be rid of them. But Azula could not, she _would not_.

Azula slams shut the book, her heart skipping a beat with the chance that Mai could see one of the words, see the names, or _worse_, that many of the characters are sexually explicit and shakily written from Azula half closing her eyes.

"Zuko proposed to me," Mai says, shutting the door behind her and sitting down on Azula's bed. "I said no."

Azula's eyes flash in surprise. "I..." she murmurs, unsure what else to say.

"What do I do?" Mai demands and Azula is even more surprised.

"Well," Azula says softly, looking Mai up and down, "you could start dating again."

Mai sighs and runs her fingers through her hair in frustration. "Hmph. Yeah?"

"Yes, and I already have the perfect first date for you. You go on a nice walk through the park and stop for a moment near the war memorials so you can casually point out you took down the entire Earth Kingdom once, then have sex underneath the statue of your ex boyfriend, _then _casually carve your initials into a tree to subtly let them know you always carry knives," Azula purrs and Mai cackles. "_Or_, alternatively, you could just tell my brother you're not ready for marriage."

"It's like, it doesn't even have anything to do with Zuko," Mai says and Azula rubs her temples.

"Alright, you do realize my fiancee is currently in the middle of some obscene plot to kill her, I just really want to go to sleep now, and..." Azula rattles off and Mai purses her lips.

"Azula! We're talking about my feelings, you understand?" Mai snarls and Azula falls silent. "I thought so. It's not even about Zuko. I _hated _my parents for forcing me to marry some kid I never even met. You know how you used to have that problem where whenever someone showed a romantic interest in you, you would like them back, but then once you had them, you would realize the only thing you liked about them was their lust for you?"

"Yes..."

"_Right_. So I liked Zuko because I _had _to, but then once I actually didn't _have _to like Zuko... I don't even know. Do I like Zuko? Do I not? Do I just hate my parents or do I hate our relationship?"

"I am... perhaps you should invest in a therapist..." Azula scratches her neck and looks Mai up and down. Her relationship with Zuko has always proved frustrating to Azula, and she is not going to hide that now.

"Azula!" Mai snaps, aggravated that her friend has no desire to help her.

"Alright, alright..." Azula pauses and rubs her lips together. "You could pretend to not want him because you're irrevocably in love with me."

"Oh,_ dear Agni_." Mai rolls her eyes and flops down onto her back, her body bouncing slightly on the plush red bed.

"Or we could arrange a wonderful contest for your hand in marriage, and watching Zuko compete so hard for a chance at you just might somehow manage to arouse your cold, husk of a body." Azula smirks, starting to enjoy this more than she should.

"Are you even being serious?" Mai groans, clutching a pillow to her chest.

"Honestly, just listen, say no or yes. My brother has been through so much in his life, and he deserves happiness. If you won't be happy with him, or it's just out of pity or because your parents signed a contract with my father to stuff their greedy faces with political power, say no, and tell him why. I don't want to see him or you suffer."

Silence. And then Mai croons mockingly, "Azula, you _do _have a heart."

The princess just grits her teeth and averts her eyes.


	20. The Girl Doing Research

Chapter Twenty: The Girl Doing Research

* * *

><p>Azula wakes with a start, but it is not from a nightmare. It is from a memory, a poisonous one yes (of course), but a useful memory regardless of the pain it inflicts upon her, and it happens to be one the princess thinks can help her. Ty Lee stirs beside her and moves to console the princess, but she brushes her fiancée away.<p>

"I know who Zhurong is," Azula announces sharply, her heart pounding with the beginning sensation of victory as her golden eyes light up.

"Who is...?" Ty Lee squints at her, trying to make out Azula in the distorted shadows fo the night. "Is that one of the people in the New Ozai Society who want to kill me?"

"No, no. She's the spirit who gave me a second chance and who restored my memories all for a bargain," Azula says with a fervor Ty Lee has not heard in a long time, jumping from the sheets and starting to get dressed. "Go on! Get dressed."

Ty Lee fumbles around in the darkness for a moment, thoroughly confused as to what Azula is on about. She finally dresses herself clumsily and squints yet again at the perfectly readied princess, eye make-up on and her hair in a tight topknot, this time examining her more closely.

"I met Zhurong in the Forgetful Valley," Azula says and Ty Lee blinks twice. Azula did not mention it that night in Republic City, and she did not say anything again. It made the most sense that it was just a swift blunder. "She helped me get out, for some reason I don't know or honestly care about at all." Azula steps into her shoes and starts walking down the hall, Ty Lee struggling to catch up. "But I knew her before then. When I was a little girl, she came to me and said she'd protect me. I _thought _when I was a kid that I just invented some visage of a fake mother to console me."

Ty Lee swallows and blinks, still half asleep.

"Yeah?" she says, realizing Azula wants a response.

"But she was a spirit. I'm kind of fuzzy on everything that happened in that forest, but Zhurong was there and she guided me out," Azula says, walking to a part of the palace Ty Lee does not think she has ever seen. "She was like a guardian spirit... those things I thought were made up when I was a kid. She looked so familiar and I was just too stunned by the Spirit World to remember."

Ty Lee rubs her face. "Spirits aren't always so nice. Especially spirits you meet in a forest where people go to die..."

But Azula has already slipped forward and walked to heave open a round metal plate on the stone in one of the courtyards. Ty Lee yawns and wishes she had worn better walking shoes when she sees the sheer level of stairs they are going to have to climb down.

"These are the Dragonbone Catacombs," Azula purrs, walking down and lighting a torch. Ty Lee follows her, setting her hand on Azula's waist gently. "If there are any answers about a Fire Nation spirit named Zhurong, they'll be here."

"What are we doing here?" Ty Lee whispers, having the strong feeling that they are not allowed down in these dark halls.

Azula ignores the question and says, "I have these thoughts rushing around in my head like little bugs. I need to... I need to _know _now."

Ty Lee follows her frantically, fairly certain Azula has snapped at this point. The princess plunges further inside and starts looking for the records she needs. If they even exist. If Zhurong even exists; Azula wonders if perhaps she is just a part of her subconscious, one that clings on to what made her great once, one that remembers what it felt like to be Princess Azula, and not the Crazy Princess.

She slides to a stop in the section about Fire Nation spirits, which is gathering dust.

"What if she's not a Fire Nation spirit?" Ty Lee asks as Azula starts flipping through the directory for the scrolls.

"If she's what I think she is, she's a Fire Nation spirit," Azula replies sharply and Ty Lee shrugs, sitting down in a creaky chair and watching Azula make the candles flare brighter so that she can see the characters in greater detail.

Azula tears out a scroll and opens it. Not right. Two more. Three more. Ten or eleven, she and Ty Lee both lose track, and then Azula finds one and sets it down. Her expression lights up and Ty Lee jolts awake, hoping Azula has at last found what she was looking for.

"This is her. I knew it..." Azula murmurs, although she does not know why a spirit would ever take any interest in her. "Guardian of Lost Things. How fucking helpful."

"What kind of lost things? Like socks, or like dead loved ones?" Ty Lee asks, her words warbled by a yawn.

"I'm looking," Azula snaps and Ty Lee recoils slightly. Azula brushes her long fingernails along the words, looking for anything helpful. "Her interference was warned against by those who had encountered her, because, although she restored what was lost or who was lost, she always demanded something in return to replace it."

Azula bites her lip. Zhurong led her out of the forest, and... Azula is not sure. She gave Azula a the life she lost, but Azula didn't have the memories of said life. So when Azula got her memories back...

She tries to think of her seeing the spirit as a child. Azula is well aware that she did, or at least it feels that way inside of her. But nothing was restored. There was a promise to protect Azula that she was completely certain was herself imagining up a mother when she was in so much pain under her father's abuse with Zuko banished.

"What is it?" Ty Lee asks, chewing on her nail. She feels flushed as the concern for Azula's wellbeing creeps up into her throat.

"Nothing," Azula says, tucking the scroll away. "It's nothing worrying."

_Her worst fears are completely confirmed._

_There is nothing Azula has that is not in danger of being taken away._

_ That's the price of her memories, isn't it?_

[X]

Azula sits in her room that afternoon, as she often does, going over the thoughts about Zhurong in her head. They are complicated, confusing, and Azula is not quite sure what to make of them. After enough tearing out of her hair and struggling through the few scrolls she stole, she picks up the notebook she is currently working on.

If she is going to detail her entire past, she needs to do it meticulously. Today, she thinks, she should write about a happy memory. Yesterday was so painful that it made her vomit, but she managed to finish those pages. Azula recalls much of her childhood with nostalgia, but now, she is struggling to come up with a single happy memory.

Has she always been in such utter misery but she simply did not notice?

When she had amnesia, she does not blame the people who said it was a gift in disguise. Of course, she would not throw away who she is to be rid of the painful memories she cannot remove from her mind.

But it would be nice for a few of them to fade away forever.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Notebook Four  Childhood Memories / Page Seventy-Three**_

_I remember distinctly, when I was twelve or so, in the midst of summer ─ a very humid summer ─, my father taught me about Fire Lord Yaoya. She was the first female Fire Lord, and lived over five hundred years ago. Much of her history was transformed into lore over time, as, preceding Sozin, she was the most famous Fire Lord in our history._

_ My favorite story of her was, at the time, the one about how she gained the throne. She was the rightful heir, but her father, when he was dying, intended to give it to her cousin, who was male. He feared the reaction to a female Fire Lord, or that Yaoya would be underestimated._

_ She knew, however, enough to defend herself legally in this case. She insisted on an Agni Kai with her cousin. The game was fixed, and all of the odds were set against her. I don't quite remember what all of the sabotages were... it has been too long now._

_ But she did not just win the Agni Kai. In the process, she burned down Caldera._

_ Her first act as Fire Lord was the measures to rebuild the city, which made her incredibly popular despite the fact that it was she who destroyed it. _

_ My father then took me to the old Caldera, the one before the fire that Yaoya made that razed it to the ground. It was nice, live bands were playing music and quirky restaurants were in place of what once was a sacred memorial decorated with lion turtles._

_ However, my favorite story of Yaoya eventually changed. There was one, in which she was confronted with a prisoner who was part of a rebellion against her after she tried to remedy feuds between warring families in the rural mountains._

_ She was advised to publicly execute him in order to gain favor; she was told that these families were beyond repair and there was nothing she could do._

_ Fire Lord Yaoya, however, while notorious for being ruthless and intelligent, showed not mercy, nor pity, but gave the prisoner dignity. She treated him as respectfully as she would her own followers and companions, and, in turn, he fixed the situation between the families himself._

_ That's all I wanted. Or want. I don't know which._

_ If you have amnesia, which is the only reason you'd be reading this, or if you're my grandchild or something stumbling on this book in the palace attic after my death, you're probably wondering why I've taken a break from the important records of my childhood to tell two legends about a woman that may have just been made up._

_ My answer is: I have no idea why. I passed her portrait today on my way back from the Dragonbone Catacombs and I began to think about things._

_ Not specific things. Just things._

* * *

><p>Azula stares at her notebook after writing that, the ink still shimmering and wet. She is not sure what possessed her to think so deeply about Fire Lord Yaoya. The door bursts open and in comes Ty Lee, and Azula closes her notebook and stacks it carefully with the other ones.<p>

"Hi, you," Ty Lee says, pressing her lips against Azula's. They linger for a moment and Azula slowly pulls away. "Are you still writing those things?"

The princess turns away pointedly and Ty Lee rolls her eyes. Spoilt, spoilt and terrible, not that Ty Lee is much better. Azula does not like the look of concern on Ty Lee's face when she sees Azula running inkwells dry and breaking brushes filling out every single page of the notebooks with as many memories as she can possibly fit.

Ty Lee thinks it is because of the fact that Azula most days cannot enjoy anything because she is so concerned that it will be taken away. Everything was stolen from her and that burned a fear into her soul that Ty Lee does not think anything can erase; even amnesia or recovery.

"Yes," Azula says and Ty Lee looks her up and down.

"You look horrible," Ty Lee remarks and Azula clenches her jaw. "I mean, you're incredibly pretty as usual, but... when was the last time you had your hair washed? And you look kind of, uh, corpse-like."

"Corpse-like?" Azula asks, cocking an eyebrow. She does not think she has ever been addressed so bluntly and rudely, even after her descent from grace. "I have been occupied with more important things than that."

A slight twist of shame, however, as Azula always was impeccable about being beautiful, about being powerful and perfect and not letting anyone tell from the surface that she was cracking. And now someone could likely tell from a single glance how fucked up she is.

"How long have you been in this room without leaving?" Ty Lee asks and Azula fights the urge to burn her. She has _never _wanted to damage the woman in front of her as much as she does now, but she controls her anger.

"When we went to the catacombs," Azula admits and Ty Lee cringes unintentionally.

"No. No, you are getting out of here. I am not letting you become a shut-in."

"I'm quite comfortable in my bedroom," Azula replies and Ty Lee just squints at her. "No one disturbs me here. Zuko doesn't try to talk to me about _feelings _or something..."

"Zuko wants to help you," Ty Lee says quietly and Azula laughs mirthlessly. Coldly. The real Azula shining cerulean from beneath this hollow husk of a person locking herself in her bedroom.

"_Zuko_ hired bounty hunters who nearly killed me. _Zuko _tried to keep me in the dark about my memories for his own ends. _Zuko _is no better than me or the rest of them. _Zuko _wants to control me, and he used me just like my father used me and just like I use other people," Azula says coldly, each word pointed and slick. "I will trust my brother when Caldera freezes over."

Ty Lee swallows. She wants to tell Azula how much Zuko does care about her, and try to remind her that once she cared about him as well, and if she only gave him a chance she would probably be much happier. But right now the wounds are very fresh and Ty Lee has no desire to make them even worse.

"Maybe tomorrow we can go do some stuff for our wedding. Whenever that happens," Ty Lee says, sitting beside Azula. "We are still getting married, right?"

"Presumably," Azula sighs.

Ty Lee kisses her lips, finding them chapped and dry. That frightens her to a substantial extent. There are so many words she is longing to say; she wants to scream at Azula that her utter refusal to _try _is by far the most selfish thing she has ever done, or that there are people who love her and despite what she has done, they love her still. She wants to tell her that maybe Azula needs to figure out a way to be happy with what she has, because, in truth, the world is not enough to satisfy that need of hers.

But she conceals them, because she is frightened that if she says them, Azula will slip away.

[X]

Ty Lee wakes up before Azula for the first time in a long time. The princess is fast asleep, and when Ty Lee looks at her, it looks as if she is happy, that she is not plagued with nightmares. Staring at the morning sun, blazing over Caldera, making patterns on alabaster skin, Ty Lee slowly walks her fingers up Azula's arm.

She is back... her memories are back and Ty Lee is glad of it. But Azula lives in constant paranoia that they will go away again, which Ty Lee is not afraid of. With her memories or not, Ty Lee stands by her statement that in order to fly, the phoenix must first burn, in whatever way that happens.

Ty Lee first read that statement in an incredibly boring book she was forced to read for school. Every piece of literature they read was propaganda at that time ─ but all literature _written _was propaganda at that time as well. The statement made no sense to her; she had learned for her whole life that what you start as, you remain, and if you fall, you fall forever.

That was how it worked in the Fire Nation, after all. Cutthroat progression and such emphasis on disgrace and loss of honor that it could destroy a person's life permanently. Old laws, machismo, obsession with strength and political prowess.

But her time with Azula has taught her that none of that is true. People can get up when they fall, brush off their scraped knees and continue fighting. If only Azula could understand that as well.

Azula wakes up to the sensation of fingers on her skin. It feels nice, almost blissful.

"You slept like you were happy," Ty Lee remarks and Azula turns over to face her.

"Were you watching me sleep?" the princess demands haughtily and Ty Lee just nods with a smug smirk. "That's creepy."

"We're engaged. I can watch you sleep," Ty Lee insists and Azula does not say a word. "_Speaking_ of being engaged. I... uhm... might have lost my engagement ring."

Azula cocks an eyebrow. "_Lost _it?"

"Or... thrownitintothepierafteryouhadsexwithSuki," Ty Lee stammers and Azula just blinks.

"Well, I still have mine. Are you asking me to get you a new one? After you simply threw it away with no regard for me at all?" Azula says and Ty Lee furrows her brow, unsure if she is being honest or not. "I'm fucking with you. Zuko keeps saying I should leave the palace every day... _not _that I listen to Zuko regularly but I might forget what the sky looks like soon."

Ty Lee grins eagerly at her fiancée. Thrilled to get a ring, or perhaps five. Azula can afford five rings; she's the princess. Or perhaps four would be more appropriate, and symbolic of the elements and seasons. She supposes she will have to decide at the jewelry store.

Excitement brews inside of her, while Azula feels as hollow as ever.

[X]

Azula has decided that she does not like the outside world. She wants to go back to the palace within five minutes, but Ty Lee has dragged her to four jewelry shops. On the way, Azula is whispered about, she regrets not doing more grooming than brushing her teeth and putting on eyeliner, and she has never been so frustrated without the ability to intimidate the annoying person into submission.

Everyone has a weakness, Azula supposes. And her weakness is currently interrogating the man at the counter about the method in which the gold on the rings was melted. He sweats profusely and continues to glance at Azula, making her realize he would likely kick Ty Lee out of the store at this point if Azula were not sitting, watching him.

"Maybe we don't need rings," Azula suggests as she leans against the counter of the fifth jewelry store they have been to. It all looks the same to her. The only jewelry she has ever worn has been ceremonial artifacts, since rings, necklaces and bracelets just get in the way of her bending.

"_Azula_," Ty Lee gasps, as if Azula just suggested they pull all of the limbs off of a puppy. The princess rolls her eyes, grits her teeth and decides she has to put up with this. "I want to try on that one too."

She watches the most materialistic girl she has ever met try on rings that are almost identical with great scrutiny. Azula looks at her own, the gold bent and digging into her finger from smashing it against something she cannot recall. Her nails don't make the sight any better, having grown into gnarled points that she almost cringes to look at. It is probably unbefitting of a princess, but she also has not brushed her hair in over a week, so...

Azula sighs, remembering when she used to put so much care into her appearance and her reputation. And the fact that if she is going to restore herself to her former glory, she needs to put effort into it.

She walks to the counter and starts examining the rings, deciding she will get herself a nicer one. And she makes mental note to summon servants to brush her hair tonight.

The notebooks have absorbed her for a long time. To the point where she barely noticed the world around her. Her nightmares consume her, her solace is lightning.

_She sometimes misses the amnesia._

"Why do you need five?" Azula demands as she quickly settles on the one she wants.

"Because I _want _five," Ty Lee replies and the shopkeeper looks incredibly nervous, his muscles tensing.

"Are you going to wear them all at once?" Azula inquires, trying not to shudder at the thought. She may be wearing the same clothes she wore last time she left the palace, but she _knows _that is disturbingly tacky.

"No. Of course not. I have incredible fashion sense. They need to change to match my outfits."

"You only wear two colors."

"There are multiple shades."

"No... just pink and red."

"Coral, carnation, carmine, cerise, amaranth, rose, crimson, burgundy, lava, maroon, rust─"

"Stop, stop. I'll get you the rings if you stop listing imaginary colors," Azula says sharply, her eyes flashing like molten gold.

Ty Lee makes a smug expression and examines her new engagement rings. She leans in to Azula's shoulder, holding up the ring she intends to wear on her wedding day. "This one is cerise."

"You are lucky that I like you," Azula hisses as the man at the counter boxes the rings and gratefully sends them on their way.

[X]

The Avatar comes into town unexpectedly, Katara with him. They are weary from traveling and dressed in dirty clothes, smelling of Appa's fur, to Katara's great distaste. Azula looks at the waterbender, the girl she has grown to loathe and despise.

When Aang looks at Azula, the scar on his back hurts. It is a phantom memory of pain that he cannot get rid of, no matter how hard he tries. When Azula looks at Katara, the scars on her wrist from yanking against handcuffs hurt. But the Avatar smiles at Azula; the princess, however, averts her gilded eyes from the water peasant.

"We came to help with this New Ozai Society threat," Aang says, slightly unnerved by Azula's eyes not leaving him. "Obviously Keiji and Kiri are posing a pretty scary problem, since they, well, blew up an embassy and all, and, I mean, what else does the Avatar do but help people?"

He looks at Azula and Ty Lee hopefully, but neither of them respond, even with a facial expression. His neck bones tense in discomfort.

Finally, Zuko enters, saving Aang and Katara for how awkward things are quickly becoming.

"Sorry I'm late. I got caught up with this ─ never mind, it's boring. Azula, will you tell Aang what you know about Keiji and Kiri, seeing as you fought Kiri and, you know, they kind of targeted you and Ty Lee? I'll just wait here," Zuko says and Aang just shrugs before following Azula and Ty Le into the other room.

When Zuko is alone with Katara, she looks up at him. Her cobalt eyes study him closely, looking at how disheveled he seems.

"Azula getting her memories back wind up biting you?" Katara asks smugly, knowing that this was bound to happen. Zuko imagined Azula would understand that he was trying to help her, but Katara knew that it would only make Azula completely livid and even more distrustful.

Zuko sighs. "Well, yes, that. But that's not why I'm... ugh. I need your help really badly."

"So what's wrong?" the waterbender asks, cocking an eyebrow. She now feels concerned and remorseful about her I-told-you-so attitude.

Zuko slumps on the sofa. "I asked Mai to marry me and she said no and she won't answer any of my letters or anything. I don't even know where she is right now and I tried to find her but then I felt creepy so I stopped. Just ugh!"

"Why did she say no?" Katara inquires, her eyes flashing in surprise. Mai and Zuko have always had their problems, but she could not imagine her saying _no _to him. They always seemed so in love, and Katara thinks it is adorable.

"I don't know. She just said _no _and then walked away and I haven't seen her since," Zuko groans, rubbing his face. "What did I do? I was dating her and it seemed great so, I mean, I figured she would say yes..."

"Did she look scared, surprised or angry?" Katara asks and Zuko just stares at her for a moment. "_Riiight_. That makes this more difficult to figure out."

Katara sits down beside him.

"Why am I so unlucky at this?" he groans and Katara rubs his arm.

"Maybe you should date a new girl who you don't have a complex history with. You have a lot of fangirls who are pretty attractive." Pause. "What's your ideal woman?"

"Female and interested in men. Oh, and doesn't want to assassinate me," Zuko says after a moment of thought.

"Aim high," Katara mutters to herself, fighting the urge to laugh because Zuko seems serious. "Do you not notice how attractive you are?"

Silence. He does not. Katara just rubs her lips as she tries to think this through.

"Please help me win Mai back," Zuko groans and Katara sighs.

"I was the one who told you to ask her out again. I'll help," Katara says reluctantly and Zuko hugs her.

Meanwhile, Aang sits down in front of Azula and Ty Lee. It feels like a stuffy business meeting, and Aang wishes Zuko were here to make this more casual and comfortable.

"So, what happened, exactly?" Aang inquires, looking between them.

Ty Lee begins, "I got a letter that lured me to the embassies. Then I was knocked out and woke up tied up. Keiji said something about bounty hunters that wanted revenge on me, and they were just focused on Azula."

"And Kiri... she offered to tell me why they wanted me, but I kind of attacked her," Azula admits and Aang frowns faintly. "Mai's father was involved; he gave us the address that led us into a trap. I'm sure my father is involved, because when I had amnesia, he tried to make an alliance with me and said that he was planning something big. It probably has something to do with this."

Aang rubs his chin. "I'm going to do some investigating, I guess."

Azula grabs him after their conversation, when he is about to go find out as much as he can about Kiri and Keiji's whereabouts, and Mai's father's involvement.

"Can I ask you something?" Azula breathes and Aang nods. "I want you to take me to the Spirit World."'

"Why?" Aang asks, his eyes flashing wide in surprise.

"There's a spirit I need to talk to," Azula says quietly and Aang furrows his brow. He does not think bringing Azula into the Spirit World is a good idea at all.

"I could ask around. I have some friends in the Spirit World," Aang offers and Azula holds her tongue and decides to take whatever she can get. "Do you know the spirit's name?"

"Zhurong. Guardian of Lost Things," Azula says, before swiftly turning away and leaving Aang standing confused in the corridor.

[X]

Azula examines herself in the mirror after she spent the entire day restoring her appearance to its former glory. Even if her reputation is no longer perfect and her insides are still tossed up, she thinks that the superficial is an easier place to start than deep within herself.

Someone grabs her waist and she screams, her heart starting to pound.

"Sorry," squeaks Ty Lee, stopping just short of kissing Azula's neck. "I didn't, I thought you heard me come in. You look really nice."

"Not corpse-like?" Azula asks with a twitch of her lips.

"Very not corpse-like," Ty Lee replies, batting her thick eyelashes. "I was starting to get worried that I had necrophilia or something."

Azula tries not to shudder. "I think I take that as a sexual advance on me."

"Mhm," Ty Lee responds, her lips now pressing against the princess's neck. Azula's shoulders roll slightly as Ty Lee turns her and presses her back against the wall.

The heat spreads as a thousand burning kisses are exchanged, and Ty Lee slips off her shirt. Azula clings to her, sliding her leg up, wrapping it around her fiancée's back.

Azula glances into the mirror and is unsure at first what she sees. Her lips are drawn back to Ty Lee's and Azula caresses her as she tries to hide her leaning to get a better look at what she sees.

It is herself. Alone. Pressed against the wall.

Alone.


	21. The Girl Who Made Too Many Mistakes

Chapter Twenty-One: The Girl Who Makes Too Many Mistakes

* * *

><p>Aang opens his eyes in the Spirit World.<p>

He feels a familiar and strong sensation in his body due to the change in reality. There is something about how the Spirit World smells; metallic and sharp, at first sweet, but then sickening. Like blood, Aang realized eventually. The Spirit World smells like blood.

The name Azula told him is unfamiliar, and he has no clue where to start. Evidently, he could go to the Realm of Koh, but that is not exactly how he wants to spend his afternoon. There has to be another way to figure out who Zhurong is.

"This would be an extremely good time for one of my past lives to jump out and explain everything," Aang mutters to himself but the Avatar supposes he cannot count on that luck. He decides to make his way towards the Realm of Koh and hopes that he can find an answer or an ally before he reaches it.

If Azula had given him a bit more information than 'Zhurong, Guardian of Lost Things' he would be in a better situation.

_Lost things... lost things..._

He does not know where lost things would show up in the Spirit World. Or if they even do, or why Azula asked for this favor. Or why she wanted him to take her here in the first place.

_Probably to kill the spirit..._

Aang can see the gnarled tree up ahead as he passes the last living things ─ a gathering of dragonfly-bunny spirits. But before he can reach Koh, and as he is starting to have second thoughts about going blindly into the search for Zhurong, Aang turns around and his eyes flash in surprise.

"I was joking about the past life thing," Aang remarks laughingly as he looks at Fang. "Are you with Roku?"

He looks at Fang's eyes and takes that as a no. And then takes the dragon's turning and slow movements as a beckoning for Aang to follow. Thankfully, in the opposite direction of the stretch of blackened land in front of him. They go through a forest of gently billowing trees.

The trip feels long to Aang, but perhaps it was short, time makes very little sense here. Fang stops at a clearing in the woods they have been traversing.

And when Aang turns to ask Fang why they are here, the dragon is gone again.

Slowly, Aang walks towards the pool of crystalline water in the middle of a meadow of flowers. He stops to look at the blossoms, opening and closing, glittering in the twilight shade of this part of the Spirit World.

"I'm the Avatar, so, please don't... attack," Aang calls out, knowing that there must be a spirit here somewhere, and that is why Fang led him. "I'm friends with the spirits, the bridge between our worlds and everyth─"

"Sh."

"Katara?" Aang gasps in utter horror.

"Not quite," replies Katara's voice. She is walking towards him, perhaps even more beautiful than he knows her to be. But she does not breathe, and her motions are slightly off, in an uncanny way. "I heard you were looking for me, Avatar."

"Are you... Zhurong?" Aang asks, swallowing. He thinks seeing Katara standing there, lifeless yet alive, is even more frightening than if he went to Koh.

"Yes."

"The Guardian of Lost Things?" Aang clarifies, looking around for what exactly is _lost_ here. It just looks like a pretty, peaceful meadow.

"Yes. And you're wondering where the lost things are. Go look in the water," Zhurong says slowly, a gentleness in her tone that she rarely uses. The Avatar is not her enemy, he is not as insistent and deserving of scorn as most mortals.

Aang swallows again, his mouth dry, and he slowly walks to the water. At first, he sees nothing but his own reflection. And then it slowly morphs into a form he only knows as Gyatso. Aang's breath catches as he looks and watches him disappearing into ash.

"What is it you'd give anything to get back?" Zhurong says softly and Aang forces himself to look away. "Everyone has something."

"I want to know why Princess Azula sent me here," Aang says, trying to slow his racing heartbeat. The image of Gyatso was so vivid, so painful.

Zhurong makes a small hmming sound, that does not sound like Katara, and the flower blossoms bend and sway, opening and closing. Unnerving and uncanny; that is the only way Aang can describe everything about Zhurong and her lair.

"She owes me a debt," Zhurong says softly. "And the Avatar can't set it straight... _unless_, you would like to trade something else in her place?"

"... no," Aang replies, not feeling guilty for that at all. Azula is still not his ally, even though he is willing to help her.

"So be it," and the flowers open again.

"I just want to know," Aang says, hoping that does not get him into a contract.

"Alright. Zuko wanted his mother back, and so I took his sister. Azula wanted her lost love, and so I took her life. She wanted her life and so I took her memories... and so forth. We have a quite colorful relationship, I think," Zhurong muses and Aang does not like that chain of events. "She called on me when she was a child without knowing. I think that might be her curse."

Aang only wants to know one thing. "What are you taking from her now?"

Zhurong just shrugs. "Something to test her resolve, I think. I think I'm going to steal what's most important to her and see how she reacts."

"Who were you before?" Aang asks, looking at Katara still and struggling to see her as _not _Katara.

"A dead young girl," Zhurong replies quietly and Aang's eyes flash as her form changes for a brief moment. Aang does not recognize her, but she looks slightly familiar. Raven hair, rosy lips, twelve years old maybe, golden eyes. But she does not linger in that form for long, and in front of Aang, Katara is standing again. "Now, I don't mean to be rude, Avatar, but if you're not interested in making a bargain with me, I have other business to attend to."

Aang swallows, and he decides he is going to obey the freaky spirit.

He returns to his physical form and finds Katara watching over him. His heart pounds in his throat for a moment as he sees her as Zhurong, but she breathes, her eyes glitter with kindness and bravery instead of like those of a serpent.

"I'm so happy to see you," Aang says, throwing his arms around her and kissing her on the lips.

Katara does not understand it, but she embraces him anyway.

[X]

Meanwhile, Azula and Ty Lee are in a dress shop that someone Ty Lee knew recommended. Azula is watching Ty Lee first, seeing as her fiancée did not seem as if she would be able to wait very long.

Ty Lee spins around in her light dress and feels like a princess. _Wait _─ she is going to _be _a princess! That suddenly excites her and she nearly trips over the not yet hemmed red gown.

"So what shade is that one?" Azula asks and Ty Lee grabs a fistful of the fabric.

"_Burgundy_," Ty Lee declares assuredly and Azula slowly shakes her head. "I don't know if I like this one. Seven, twelve and twenty-three, I think are my favorites."

Azula blinks and wonders how they got through over twenty dresses by now. It barely feels like the end of morning. She still feels slightly ill about last night. Despite the terror she felt when she looked into the mirror, she kept going with Ty Lee and eventually the feeling faded.

A hallucination, Azula thinks. But she cannot help but assign meaning to it. There _has _to be a meaning to it, somewhere beneath the surface. Or maybe not. It is not as if her mind has made much sense to her before.

"They all look the same to me," Azula admits and Ty Lee scowls at her.

"I'm starting to think you're colorblind," Ty Lee says sharply with a twitch of her lips. "And apparently fashion-blind as well. For someone so well dressed, I mean, it's astounding."

"I never dressed myself. My father picked out my clothes until I was fourteen," Azula says and Ty Lee bursts into a fit of laughter. "What? That's a depressing testament to how controlling he was."

Ty Lee wipes under her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just, the formidable Fire Lord Ozai picking out his daughter's clothes. I just..."

"I can't believe you," Azula says, rolling her eyes. "Well, you're going to be the best dressed princess there ever was, I guess."

Ty Lee does a pointed twirl. "Of course! It's not like there's any competition." Azula just scoffs. And then Ty Lee adds. "I'm teasing you. When you brush your hair and change your clothes on a regular basis, you are _definitely _the best dressed princess. Unless Zuko marries a fashion model. He should! Azula, find a fashion model to marry Zuko!"

"I don't understand why he's so hung up on Mai. I mean, she's great, but he could have any girl ever. If I was Fire Lord I would be having threesomes with models every night and he's─"

"_What_?" Ty Lee screeches and Azula just looks at her.

"It's not like we're _together _in this scenario," Azula says and Ty Lee still looks angry.

"You _promised _to make me your Fire Lady."

"In this scenario you're in prison. Perhaps I will visit you in prison and we can sleep together."

If looks could kill.

"You are disgusting," Ty Lee says and Azula just snickers.

"I know," Azula says sweetly and Ty Lee just shakes her head and demands the next dress.

[X]

Katara looks at Zuko as they begin the first phase of their plan to try to win Mai back. While Katara disapproves of viewing a woman as a trophy, and of Zuko's strong desire to get with her when perhaps she does not want him, Katara thinks it is worth a try.

She has seen Mai and Zuko together, and she thinks that Zuko might as well ask for a second chance. Or, well, a third chance. Would she rather be spending her time helping Aang bring down Kiri and Keiji Chuanshuo? Yes. But she supposes helping Zuko with his love life will have to do for now.

"The first thing you have to do is just talk to her," Katara says and Zuko makes a scoffing noise. "What? I thought you were asking for my help."

Zuko then decides to study his shoes intently. Katara sighs and seizes his arm, dragging him down the street and leaving him grateful that he is not dressed as the Fire Lord. He most likely could not live that down.

At last, they find themselves in the tea shop that Mai usually frequents. Zuko suggested turning up at her house uninvited, but Katara (thankfully) convinced him against it. Is it still creepy to be waiting in a tea shop all day for her to show up? Yes. But Katara thinks it might be the best option (if she does all of the talking).

"Okay, Aang and me you and Azula and Ty Lee are going to have a friends outing to play darts. You ask Mai if she wants to accompany you, just as friends, because darts isn't darts without somebody crying from losing so terribly to her," Katara says, if her memory serves her well. That was their last group date with Zuko, Mai, Sokka and Suki.

"That's good," Zuko replies eagerly, beyond glad he brought Katara along. "And if she gets drunk enough maybe she─"

"You finish that sentence and I walk out right now," Katara states fiercely and Zuko quickly sits down at one of the tables. "And to think you're the most progressive man I know."

"What makes you think that?"

"The Fire Nation is the least sexist place I've ever been. I find it really hard to believe Azula ever washed your socks."

"I had slaves who did that."

"And _that's _why no one gives a fuck that the Fire Nation is so good at gender equality and technological progression. The Water Tribe never has had slaves once, and the Earth Kingdom outlawed it before the Air Nomad genocide, and I find it pretty hard to believe they had slaves," Katara says viciously and Zuko just swallows.

"I'm sorry," Zuko says, rubbing his neck.

Thankfully, the waiter comes by in the nick of time and they order their drinks.

"Well, all of the Four Nations had their failings and triumphs," Katara admits with a small sigh. "But I doubt you want to talk about politics during your free time."

"Not at all," Zuko admits. "So are we actually doing this group date?"

"Yeah. Aang asked me if I wanted to go out. He went the Spirit World today and he seemed kind of worried. I figured bringing his best friend along couldn't hurt. And we kind of have to invite Azula and Ty Lee," Katara explains and Zuko examines her for a moment.

"Why did he go to the Spirit World?" he inquires and Katara just squints. She does not seem to know either.

"Can I ask you something a bit weird?" Katara asks and Zuko nods in assent. "Did you ever, mmm, like me?"

"I like you," Zuko says, rubbing his neck. Pretending he does not know what she means gives him time to think.

"You know what I meant. I mean, was there tension there or was I imagining it?" Katara says and Zuko feels queasy. And then she feels embarrassed and tries to alleviate the tension with a joke. "I _am _your ideal woman, you know? Female, interested in men, doesn't want to kill you."

Zuko laughs a forced laugh.

He is rescued by some strange providence of the Universe when Mai walks in.

And then he thinks he is going to vomit from sheer terror. Katara looks at him in pity and says, "I'll go talk to her. You owe me, though."

Katara walks over and Zuko watches with the bile still in his throat. She greets Mai and it seems to be going well from where Zuko can see.

"I'd be fine with that," Mai says and Katara can tell she's uncomfortable. "I also can see Zuko over there even though he seems to be trying to hide."

"Uh, oh," Katara stammers and Mai strides across the room and sits down across from Zuko.

"I'm sorry for how I freaked out when you asked to marry me," Mai says and Zuko feels twice as sick, somehow. "I'm just not... there. You know? I do... I most of the time don't hate you still."

Zuko can only stare for a moment. But then he knows he must speak honestly and from the heart.

"I don't think I can be your tentative boyfriend," Zuko says and her eyes flicker slightly, showing more emotion than usual. "It's not... obviously it's not balanced. But if you want to come play darts..."

"I do," Mai says and that is the end of it.

[X]

The bar is classy, much classier than anything Katara has seen, even on her post-war travels with Aang. He seems slightly relieved to be here, even though he does not drink. Zuko and Mai are being very awkward and Ty Lee is simply making it _more _awkward by trying to make them _less _awkward.

Azula is staring at the bottom of her glass, kicking one foot back and forth as she sits on their table in the corner of the room, well away from the riff-raff of other people.

Katara and Aang wave and sit down, Aang starting to talk to Zuko and suddenly relieving everything tense between he and Mai.

Casual conversation, mostly fueled by Aang, who, for a guy who spent a lot of time frozen in an iceberg, has impressive social skills. Something about his presence just makes things easier on everyone. Ty Lee doubles the effect and Katara just leans back and takes slow sips of a complex blend of unidentifiable alcohol blended with lychee wine.

"So, you guys promised darts?" Mai interjects when there is a natural lull in conversation and there is eager agreement.

[X]

Probably too many drinks to be safe and one dartboard later, Azula steps away with grace as she officially defeats Katara and she and Ty Lee are now in the lead. It _almost _makes up for the fight during the comet; particularly the look on Katara's face, and particularly since Aang has most definitely been subtly cheating with airbending, else Mai and Zuko probably would not be in last place.

"Alright," Mai says in utter relief, glad it is her turn. Zuko had to go twice because of some dumb drinking game Mai thinks Ty Lee might have made up on the spot. They have been doing everything in their power to make her lose, and so she supposes Zuko has not bribed them all to make her want to go out with him. "I'd put down the chalk, Azula. You're not going to be first anymore."

"Mhm?" is all Azula can ask.

Mai hits the bull's-eye with each throw, _evidently_. Azula looks at the scoreboard and sighs as the single turn moved Mai and Zuko up two places.

"I wanted to be on her team," Azula mutters under her breath and Ty Lee glares at her. "Was I talking?"

Ty Lee shoves her shoulder and then grabs her by the wrist and kisses her. And now Azula is confused.

Aang hits the markings for water each time, silently congratulating himself, although not making it to the bull's-eye this time, now that everyone was making sure he was not bending.

Ty Lee stands up and pouts at the dartboard. It is colored different shades of red, which she remarked upon uncovering it, _"Bet that all just looks _red _to you, Azula." _And the alternating double rings and triple rings are all labeled with Earth, Fire, Water and Air symbols. It is a game meant for two teams or four players, so they just ignored the Earth symbols and made them not count.

She hits the triple ring once, the double ring again, and then misses and hits Air. Azula moans in agony, as Mai and Zuko get the points from that move.

"Okay, but we're still ahead!" Ty Lee says with as much optimism as she can drunkenly summon.

"By one point," Mai scoffs.

"We're going to lose," Zuko whispers. He is going to lose and lose his chance with the girl, of course.

"Yeah, if you lose I'm pretty much going to hate you forever," Mai says dryly and Zuko sincerely hopes she is being sarcastic.

He walks up with the three darts off of the table and aims the first one. The only problem is his severe lack of depth perception given having only one properly working eye. Katara and Aang are awkwardly sensitive, while Azula cackles every time he completely misses the board.

Azula and Ty Lee hold hands, squeezing tightly as if this were a life or death matter and not a game of darts. They wait with bated breath as Zuko misses the board the first time. And the second time. The third time it bounces off the wall so severely that Katara has to block it with her bending, ripping the liquor from her glass at a rapid speed.

"I think we win," Azula declares and no one bothers arguing.

Zuko pulls Katara aside after the game, as Ty Lee is latched on to Mai and whispering to her. Azula and Aang have walked to the corner of the room, and seem to be talking about something serious. Well, they _are _the only sober ones here.

"I lost my chance with her forever," Zuko sighs to Katara.

"I again reiterate that women are not trophies," Katara says and Zuko rolls his eyes. "You're going to be alright."

"About your question earlier," Zuko says and Katara tries not to cringe. "I have my inhibitions pretty lowered now, and so I'm going to say that, yes, when I was young you definitely were integral in my awkward teenage boy fantasies."

"_Not _what I was asking at all..." Katara grimaces.

"And I did like you, but I don't... I mean..."

"I wouldn't go out with you probably ever, even though yeah, I mean, that sexual tension you could just jab it with a knife," she says, making sloppy jabbing motions with her fingers. "But it's there. I feel it. You are such a desirable man, and I bet she desires you so much. She just wants you all over her. So go, go talk to her about something."

Zuko feebly nods as Katara shoves him in the direction of Mai.

Meanwhile, Aang and Azula are locked in quiet conversation.

"I went to the Spirit World," Aang says and Azula nods once. "And I met Zhurong."

Azula's gilded eyes flash. "She looked like...?"

"Katara. She was wearing Katara like a costume." Aang physically shivers as he remembers it. "She showed me Gyatso ─ that's my... my mentor who died in the genocide ─ and I asked her about you. She said that Zuko wanted to find his mother, so she took you away from him. And you wanted to find Ty Lee and so she took your life, but when you were dying, you made another bargain, and so she took your memories."

"And now I got them back," Azula whispers and Aang just frowns. He wishes he had better news. "That's basically what the scrolls said."

"I have a question," Aang says, licking his lips. "It's about Zhurong. She showed me for a minute her real form. A dead girl. She looked kind of... does your family have anyone who... anyone young who died?"

"Probably," Azula says with a shrug. "I mean, there is the infanticide when your child can't bend... but... I doubt she has anything to do with my family."

"She seemed pretty close to you and Zuko," Aang says softly, but he supposes he isn't good at telling Fire Nation people apart, especially from such a quick glimpse. They all look the same to him.

Azula picks at her lips until they bleed. "I appreciate your help, Avatar," she replies coldly, and he thinks that means 'thank you'.

[X]

Zuko wakes feeling _terrible_. Completely, utterly terrible.

And when he turns over, he finds himself face to face with... "Mai?"

Naked, and face to face with Mai.

[X]

Azula wakes drenched in cold sweat from her dream about a dead little girl haunted her. It makes her feel chilled to the core.

She crawls across her bed, trying not to nudge Ty Lee and wake her up. She pulls out the most recent notebook she is working on and opens it, illuminating her work with her own fire. It casts an eerie blue light on the room that only makes her skin more prickly.

As she writes, memories that do not apply to that day surge into her mind.

_Particularly_, her alliance with her father.

She wonders... she wonders if it is broken or not.

[X]

Kiri walks into Former Fire Lord Ozai's cell slowly. Her fingers brush against the bars, making a slight clinking sound before he notices her.

"The Avatar is looking for me," she says and he does not react at all. That angers her, a slight bile rising in her gut. In her mind, he should be _livid _that she is in danger.

Ozai supposes this is not a cordial visit, as Kiri's hands wrap around the bars and the rage glitters in her eyes, as if Ozai had anything to do with it. He does not move, just staring at her, daring her to make a bold move.

"Well, I would expect he would be after you botched the incredibly simple task. It isn't as if the circus girl is so clever... although outwitting your brother isn't difficult." Ozai just shrugs and Kiri fights the urge to reach through the bars and throttle him. "You did really underestimate my daughter, though."

"She's just one woman," Kiri snarls and Ozai shakes his head.

"She might as well be an army of elite forces compared to you," Ozai says as he walks towards her and her hands light up bright orange. He just stares at her as she puts out the fists of fire and exhales smoke.

Kiri leans in against the bars and Ozai stands close to her. Palpable tension.

"She's not what she used to be. I _did _bring her down before her girlfriend showed up," Kiri snarls and Ozai tries not to laugh.

"Are you jealous of her?" he asks, although the answer is evident. "I don't blame you."

Kiri snaps. "I think you're forgetting that she isn't on your side. She is as much of a traitor as Zuko." And the flash in Ozai's golden eyes only makes her more angry. "It seems like you'd rather be in her pants."

She did not anticipate what happens next. His hands lash out, through the bars without hesitation, and he pulls her against it, her back colliding with metal and making her stifle a scream.

"You are," he whispers into her ear, "no different than any other of your little friends in your quaint society, and definitely no different than any other woman I've been with."

Kiri swallows, not sure why it offends her so much. He releases her and walks into the shadows of his cell, and she knows that the conversation is over.

Less than an hour after she leaves, someone else walks in. Azula... somewhat surprisingly.

"I thought once you got your memories back you were going to stay away," Ozai says, walking into the light. Azula shrugs.

"Does your offer still stand?" Azula says softly and Ozai cocks an eyebrow. "Are you my ally? I haven't broken our alliance because I haven't made my mind up about who I'll side with in the end."

Ozai examines her. "What do you want, anyway?"

"I want to know where Keiji Chuanshuo is, and then we can discuss our terms," Azula says quietly and Ozai is unsure if he can trust her at all.

_Then again, Keiji is expendable. They all are expendable..._

"And why do you want to find him?" Ozai inquires and Azula smirks.

"He tried to steal what was most important to me. And I am going to torture him to death."

Ozai pauses for a moment before saying, "I'll tell you. I haven't broken our alliance either."

* * *

><p>AN: The part where Zhurong reveals who she was once isn't my ignorance (I know spirits aren't usually dead people, save for in certain circumstances like Iroh and the Painted Lady), but I'm trying to slowly reveal more about her and I think that her just telling Aang everything would kill that gradual build.


	22. The Girl Who Is Selfish

Chapter Twenty-Two: The Girl Who Is Selfish

* * *

><p>There is this horrific reality that Ty Lee finds herself facing.<p>

She wakes and Azula is no longer beside her, but part of Ty Lee does not care. Things are getting to be too much, and last night she dreamt of drifting aimlessly over empty, rolling, cold waves of the sea. Endless, nameless, drifting, aimless.

Ty Lee sees herself arriving in the Fire Nation, feeling sick. She vomited for the entire trip there. She sees Azula. Azula who Ty Lee wanted to see again but never thought that she would. Who she wrote letters to that she never wound up sending.

But the thing was, when she found Azula again, Azula was gone.

In Republic City, over a year later, however, Azula was not gone. She was not quite herself, but Ty Lee could see such infinite potential in her every movement and breath. Maybe Ty Lee should not have tried to change her, but the emptiness was gone and that was when Ty Lee decided to marry her.

Then, in the Fire Nation again, Ty Lee could not believe Azula was alive. She had bandages still on her head, and all Ty Lee had to do was to kiss her to realize that she was gone again.

Her mind, or her memories, things she loses in exchanges for empty victories.

This is her prize, in the end, the one she coveted.

The perpetual cycle of losing things and trying to find them again. And Ty Lee has stood by her as she tried to rebuild Azula, even though it is such a futile, painful task.

Now, Azula is gone again, but this time it is not because something inside of her snapped, or she was hurt, or a bounty hunter smashed in her head. Now she is gone because Azula has chosen not to try, she has chosen to revert into herself and brush aside the people who care about her.

And it makes Ty Lee feel very sick as she examines the notebooks that Azula might as well be _literally _pouring her life into.

Ty Lee has been watching her fade away, and hoping, hoping only that Azula will not do something reckless or insane. Nothing violent. Nothing that could put their life into jeopardy even further.

It hurts, you know. It hurts horribly to constantly lose Azula.

But it hurts more when it is actually Azula's fault.

[X]

Mai sits, awkwardly sipping black tea outside of Zuko's bedroom, in his living quarters. She woke up after sleeping with him, with absolutely no memories of the event, and is stunned by how it somehow happened. The reason it is astounding, is that Mai had presumed that the amount of alcohol it would take for her to drunkenly hook up with someone would be enough to _kill _her, and that this would never happen in a million years.

The door opens and Zuko walks in, his dark hair damp from probably screaming quietly in the shower in panic. Mai sips her tea again and stares at him, both of their eyes wide and the awkwardness in the room enough to kill an oversized polar bear dog.

At last, Zuko rubs his face and sits down in front of her. "We can pretend this never happened if you want to."

That takes Mai a few minutes to think about. She does not quite know _what _she wants to choose, even with Zuko placing the ability to just jump out right in front of her. Forgetting about this would probably be helpful, and moving on is exactly what she wants.

Particularly after the entire proposal incident.

"Why are you so in love with me?" Mai blurts out like a fool and Zuko cocks an eyebrow. "I mean, _me _specifically. You could literally have any girl ever, but you keep chasing me."

Zuko grimaces in response to that. He has asked himself that question plenty of times and he never has figured out the answer. Maybe you don't need a thousand reasons to love someone; loving them is just enough.

He does, however, reply, "I have no idea. I just know that... I really love you."

"But you don't think we can be together if I don't want to get married yet?" Mai replies, not at all satisfied with his answer. He was the one who perpetuated their break-up yesterday, for the love of Agni. If he loves her so much, he could have accepted her offer for them to date again.

"It's not about being married," Zuko admits, squirming and clenching and unclenching his toes. He would punch his face through a rock wall to get out of this situation, but he does know that he has to be brave and face it.

"Yes?" Mai prompts and he realizes he has been silent longer than he thought he was.

"I just... don't know what you're going to do next."

"Join the club."

"_Don't_... please don't be sarcastic right now," Zuko pleads, swallowing and Mai sighs.

"Okay, okay. So, you are thinking about your future and I am not," Mai says slowly and Zuko nods. This could not be more painful if they were both gradually being stabbed by long, metal needles dipped in pain inducing venom. "Then date someone else who is. Because I'm not changing for you."

Zuko looks stunned by that and Mai does not know why. It is a perfectly reasonable sentiment of hers, and the fact that he is so _shocked _by it prompts her to stand up, abandon her tea and leave wordlessly. _Again_. Although, this time, her movements are more deliberate and she seems less like she is running away.

She is walking away. She is walking away and Zuko just sits there and does nothing.

Mai had thought she could escape the palace without making a spectacle of her one night stand, but she, of course, comes across Ty Lee before she makes it to the door. The acrobat studies her for a few seconds and immediately realizes what happened.

Ty Lee's lips spread slightly with a smug smirk and Mai sighs softly. "You had sex with Zuko, didn't you?"

"No... yes." Mai does not even care who knows anymore. "But it's comfortably over, and I am going to move on with my life and we are no longer going to talk to each other again. I think he's over me..."

_That's a lie._

"You want to know why he's never going to let you go?" Ty Lee asks, clearly not believing Mai either, and Mai cocks an eyebrow in response. "Because once someone becomes powerful or whatever, all they really want is someone who isn't afraid to stand up to them, someone who sees them as more than that. Someone who is not afraid to dominate them, but also supports them."

Silence. "Ugh, Agni, that is me, isn't it? I don't want to be that. I don't know."

"No one is forcing you to date him. I mean, I don't know why you wouldn't," Ty Lee says and Mai narrows her amber eyes at her friend. "_But_, that's why he won't just date any of other girls in the endless line to get into his pants."

"Go... somewhere else," Mai responds before brushing past Mai and leaving.

Ty Lee sighs and shouts, "I'll help you figure out your problem!"

Mai takes another step before stopping, her shoulders falling.

She might as well give it a chance, as insane as taking Ty Lee's romantic advice seems to her. And, so, she turns on her heel and walks back to Azula.

[X]

As Mai and Ty Lee are discussing their love lives, Azula has Keiji in her delighted clutches and she has never felt so alive. He looks _terrified_; he does not seem to be as bold and brash as his sister. His sister who _left him _right in the clutches of Azula.

"I _could _turn you over to my brother and the Avatar," Azula purrs, trying to hold back her wicked little smile. Keiji looks hopeful, his eyes sparkling like a little koala-otter. "_But _I don't think I want to. I do recall you trying to sell my fiancée to bounty hunters."

Keiji inhales sharply, clearly frightened.

They are in a dark room, the only light the sun managing to penetrate thick blinds and curtains. She can see his terror, almost witness his heart pounding wildly out of control. And it thrills her far more than it should.

She hunted him down with relative ease, although it took her the entirety of the night. And now they are in his manor, and there is no one, not even a servant, no one to hear him scream or prevent her from doing what she must.

"So, Keiji, what happens now?" Azula inquires as she studies him. He is completely silent, his eyes somehow even wider. "I mean, you must have had some adorable delusions of grandeur when you decided to join the New Ozai Society. Or were you just following your sister?"

He is silent.

"Tell me about the bounty hunters."

Silence.

"Tell me about what you want with Ty Lee."

Silence.

"Tell me if my father knows what's going on."

Silence.

The questions continue and he remains silent, as Azula starts wondering if she should just get on with the violent part.

"Alright, why don't we just have a nice talk. I've been very rude by just jumping to questions," Azula says sweetly as she sits down across from him.

Silence.

"Shall we discuss current events or the weather?" she inquires with a small smirk.

Silence.

And Azula says, "The weather, I suppose. I think it's going to be a very humid summer."

Silence.

"I like your conversation," Azula purrs mockingly, running her fingertip along the table. "You certainly have a way with words."

And he still remains utterly silent, his yellow eyes wide and focused on her. Azula sighs and shrugs before frowning at him.

"I am kind of sort of not at all going to regret this," Azula says before tossing her bag on the coffee table and opening it.

She does savor his fear.

[X]

Ty Lee and Mai are discussing Zuko and Azula over tea, and Mai has gotten tired of the endless talking about Zuko.

"I've noticed how pained you look around Azula for the past few months," Mai says and Ty Lee purses her lips. "You don't have to hide it from me. I know she's just getting worse."

"I don't know. It's just hard to be forced into this situation. I feel... when I leave like this and go out of the palace, I feel kind of like an escaped prisoner. Like I've finally found freedom but I know that I'm going back. And I'm a horrible person for that," Ty Lee says shrilly before diving into a melodramatic expression.

But her overflowing and exaggerated emotions aside, Mai has seen Ty Lee's suffering, and how Azula completely ignores it in favor of focusing on her own.

"She does love you," Mai offers, even though she feels like her words sound empty.

"I used to think that nobody had loved _anybody _as much as we loved each other. But I'm starting to get really scared that I'm wrong," Ty Lee whispers with her eyes fixated on her feet.

Mai does not know what to say.

[X]

Azula is arrested when she turns in the brutalized and gruesome living body of Keiji to the Caldera Police. She does not resist or even snap at the officers as they have her taken to Zuko, and he is pacing in the throne room as she is unhooked from her handcuffs and presented to him.

Zuko waves his hand for the police to leave, and they bow before silently exiting.

"That wasn't what I'd call due process," Zuko murmurs, although he is not yet protesting. He does know that news will spread, and he does know that what Azula did to Keiji will have many negative repercussions. But part of him thinks he might have done the same thing if it were Mai. "But it worked, I guess. His sister, though..."

"The law will come to her," Azula says quietly and coldly as she tries to fathom if Zuko is going to penalize her for her actions or not.

"You know I can't really just let this... slide," he admits slowly, with a small groan in the back of his throat, looking so _pained_, as if it is not entirely up to his whim. It enrages Azula to no end.

"Why do you even care?" Azula demands sharply, crossing her arms. Zuko swallows and averts his golden eyes. "You don't think he was deserving? You don't?"

Zuko is silent and she scoffs.

"_Alright_," she says sharply. "It isn't as if you would have done anything. _You _were the one who sent bounty hunters after us. _You _were the one who hid my memories. I don't care what _you _think."

And Zuko struggles to be silent after that. "Azula, I don't... you know why I liked you better with amnesia?"

"Because I was helpless and you could be in control?" Azula snarls, her eyes flashing.

"No. Because it seemed like you actually had the potential to grow and change as a human being. But that was clearly futile, because despite all of these things happening to you, and despite the fact that you're marrying the girl you love and you have a thousand second chances, you still are the same bitter, resentful, cruel and selfish bitch you have always been."

Azula just stares at him, she does not have a response to that, and to be honest she would be lying if she said that his words do not leave a bitter taste in her mouth. But she does not care what Zuko thinks or if he thinks she is undeserving of her life or Ty Lee or _anything_.

"You're right," Azula says. "But enough about me. What do you want to do about Keiji?"

Zuko rubs his chin and remarks, "No one will know, do you understand? I can't condone what happened to Keiji... but I do know why you did it."

Azula is stunned by that statement. "What?" is all she can ask.

"He tried to steal the person you love most. Losing her would be like losing a part of yourself that you can never get back."

Azula gazes at him for a moment before realizing that she agrees.

"It would," Azula admits with no fears of seeming weak.

[X]

After her conversation with Zuko, Azula lies down beside Ty Lee. She has been scrawling in her notebooks to try to keep her mind off of things, and jotting down in the corners the bits and pieces of information she could discern through Keiji's screaming.

Azula looks at Ty Lee and smirks. "So, where's my parade for my romantic revenge?"

And she leans over the acrobat and moves to kiss her.

"I want to talk to you," Ty Lee says as she presses a finger to Azula's lips and prevents her kiss. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Azula inquires earnestly and Ty Lee looks briefly _angry_.

"To Keiji. You can't... _I _can't..." Silence. "I'm worried."

And Ty Lee sits up, examining her hands.

"No one will touch you again. I won't let them," Azula says sharply and Ty Lee's eyes reveal that it is not what she meant.

"Will you?" Ty Lee asks and Azula squints at her. "I don't... I'm... worried, I guess. I'm worried about you and your actions, which are sporadic and dangerous and in..."

"_Insane_," Azula finishes coldly and Ty Lee blushes the light pink of her negligee. Azula wonders briefly what shade that is exactly, and then she decides it is the shade of betrayal. Betrayal Pink. Perhaps it should be their wedding color scheme.

Ty Lee bites her lip before saying, "Yes. When you... when we were together again after Republic City, I thought you... you were humbled─"

"_Humbled_? Right, I forgot, I'm so much more likable disgraced and fallen from power. Because that way you can pet me like a little princess kitten and feel so good about yourself for being kind to such a cruel person."

"That's not what I mean. I mean that I don't know if I can... take it... if..."

"Stop stammering and spit it out." Azula sits up now, the blankets making a _wooshing_ sound over her skin.

Ty Lee breathes in and out slowly, her breath rattling as she tries not to cry. Learning about Keiji was what made Ty Lee realize that this is going to be her life for the rest of time if she does not say something, if she does not spontaneously produce a backbone.

The acrobat would die for her, would fake her death for her, but she cannot live this life for her.

It has been building slowly over the course of Azula's descent since regaining her memories. The resentment, yet the love that binds them both. But Ty Lee feels so hollow and empty, and the fact that Azula went out and did that and now expects some kind of parade for being such a good fiancée is terrifying.

"I don't think I can take it if things keep going downhill like this. I'm not expecting a miracle. I'm pretty sure the only time you've actually told me you loved me was when you were so drugged on pain medication that you didn't know where you were. And I accept and overlook most everything you do because there is a human inside of you and I think I'm the only person who sees that most of the time."

"What does _that _have to do with Keiji? My actions speak far, far louder than anything I could say to you," Azula says, realizing she is trembling and hating herself for it.

Ty Lee takes a deep breath. She does not think she is frightened of losing Azula anymore. And so she will speak the truth.

"There are things I have wanted to say for months as I struggle through this existence. The main thing is, is that I think there is nothing more selfish than your lack of desire to even _try_. There are people who love you no matter what you do, and love you still, but you would burn them in an instant. You need to find a way to be happy with what you have because the world isn't enough to satisfy your desire for more."

Azula hesitates, and then she stands and says, "Maybe you're not enough to make me want to try."

Ty Lee does not argue, does not try to fight, and that results in the princess punching a flaming dent in her wall before staring at it and storming away.

[X]

Azula walks to the prison as soon as she is able to get out of bed. She did not sleep as she lay in the guest room, staring at the ceiling, and wondering what she was supposed to do. Wondering how to solve an impossible situation.

She cannot help her suffering. She cannot help that _she _is destroyed and there was only one person who cared enough. She cannot help that Ty Lee does not love her the way she loves Ty Lee and Azula struggles to even fathom that.

At last, she walks through the door and feels none of the relief that she thought she would.

"Hello, father," Azula purrs and Ozai is glad to see her. He already heard about Keiji, which means the power in the negotiation has now shifted to him.

And he intends to make good use of it.

"So, was she overwhelmingly thrilled about what you did for her?" Ozai inquires and Azula narrows her eyes at him, wondering if he has informants close enough to know about Ty Lee's reaction, or if he genuinely believed he would score Azula points with her fiancée.

"Of course," Azula lies sweetly and she doubts Ozai believes her. But he does not comment, regardless. "Now, let's discuss our alliance, shall we?"

Ozai's lips twitch with a smirk, but Azula does not care if she is playing into his hands at this point. He is the most trustworthy person around her, as terrifying as that thought is.

"Of course," Ozai replies, mimicking her tone ever so slightly.

"Why do I need your alliance, anyway?" Azula decides to ask and he does not show his surprise. "I'm out here, and I have the power to make anyone on my side. A koala-sheep would be a fool to befriend a wolf."

Ozai examines her for a moment. "Zuko is much more of a wolf than me, except he is _out there _with you."

Azula picks at her lips. She cannot argue with that.

And he continues, "And I don't think you're going to have much luck trusting anyone else out there, including that sweet girl you're marrying. None of them respect you. And alliances are built on respect, respecting promises and respecting the knowledge that together we are stronger than apart."

"Promise is a pretty big word."

"If you keep them to me, I'll keep them to you."

"I don't make promises."

"You're promising yourself and your loyalty at that wedding. Your loyalty to someone who tried to use you. You've promised not to make any trouble for Zuko while he slowly tightens your leash until it becomes a noose. It's really no different."

Azula clenches her jaw. "Let's discuss our promises then."

[X]

Azula stares intently at the beginning buds of fire lilies, still preoccupied with Ozai's words about Zuko and Ty Lee. The flowers are a light pink before they are brilliant red, and so fragile before they streak the verdant meadows with crimson in the Fire Nation summer. Right now they look so delicate, and not nearly the color of blood. The color of Keiji's blood dripping from burn wounds.

Someone grabs Azula's arm and tears her from her reverie.

"Are you even paying attention?" hisses Ty Lee into her ear and she honestly shakes her head. "Our wedding is in _two weeks_."

"Of course," Azula whispers into her ear and Ty Lee stares at her a moment before nodding and returning her gaze to the overly prim woman giving them a tour of the venue.

Azula looks at Sozin Memorial Meadow with relative disinterest, and reminds herself why she is doing this. Because of Keiji, because of Zhurong, because of all of the horror, because of those notebooks and everything that has tried to steal this girl from her. It would ─ and Azula will never admit it ─ be almost as severe as losing her memories.

Maybe even worse than losing her memories, although Azula does not want to think of the concept of someone being more important to her than herself, her identity. That would be absurd and utterly unlike the princess, who can manage without.

When Azula returned from the prison, Ty Lee was waiting for her. And she pretended their conversation did not happen, acting as if nothing had changed at all. Azula decided to play along, because she did not want to discuss the agony twisting inside of her.

They sit beneath a pagoda as the sunlight shines on their skin after the tour. Ty Lee is sipping her drink and studying Azula, whose thoughts are on a memory she recalled and knows she needs to add to her notebooks as soon as she gets back to the palace. The palace, which she would give anything to be back in, instead of out here, exposed in public.

She is comfortable and happy with her life as a shut-in, even though it sometimes does make her concerned that there are things she will lose. Or a person she will lose again. That sparks thoughts of Zhurong, and the fact that Azula's wedding is essentially an invitation for either the mysterious spirit or the less mysterious New Ozai Society to lash out at the princess.

"Do you like it?" Ty Lee at last asks, trying to end her discomfort during the long silence.

"I don't care either way," Azula purrs haughtily and Ty Lee stares at her drink. Azula pauses and licks her lips as she examines Ty Lee's somewhat dejected expression. "What did I say? What's that face?"

Ty Lee shakes her head. "It's nothing, Azula."

"Tell me," Azula demands sharply and Ty Lee scowls briefly before silently returning to her notes about the seating arrangements. "Or just pout. Whatever makes you happy."

The princess sighs pointedly and stares out over the expanse of the light blue lake. She does not understand why she even bothers to do this, and Zuko's words about her are still like poison in her mouth. She expected Ty Lee to be doting, as usual, but she has been in a bitter mood all day.

Ty Lee happens to be in a bitter mood because of Azula's behavior. She locks herself in her room, she pays only attention to her notebooks and her resentment for everyone around her, she does not care about the wedding, she _only _talks about her loathing and has altogether stopped listening.

When Ty Lee found Azula again before her amnesia, she thought she was changing. She thought that time as a fugitive and the events of her life had started to shape her into a new person. But Ty Lee was completely and utterly wrong.

Yet, she still loves her. Ty Lee still unconditionally loves her and it only serves to make her angry.

"You're acting like you were when I first got amnesia," Azula says sharply and Ty Lee lightly bites her tongue to keep from snapping about how Azula is still acting like a spoilt and cruel adolescent. "So angry for no reason. You're having your dream royal wedding and everything worked out so nicely for you in the end. Stop pouting."

"_Stop pouting_?" Ty Lee snarls, snapping to Azula's surprise. The third wedding planner they have had suddenly looks horrified even from a distance. The look in Ty Lee's eyes could scare off a tiger-monkey.

"Yes. I'm getting a little tired of it," Azula says airily and Ty Lee fights the urge to throw herself over the stone table and throttle her fiancée.

"What happened to you?" Ty Lee hisses and Azula cocks an eyebrow.

"Nothing. I just can't help but be gradually more and more dissatisfied with my miserable excuse for a life," Azula says with a false and pointed smile. "I don't understand how we can be here after last night and you can pretend that everything is so sweet and well and fine."

"I shouldn't have lost it like that. And I figured today we could try to make it right. I believe in you. I believe that you are so much more than─"

"Shut up." Cold. Bitter. "Now that I see this place, I keep thinking about how I don't want to promise myself to someone who is so unhappy with who I am. You are in love with the idea of me. And I am not in love with you at all."

"I know that you're lying," Ty Lee says, digging her fingers into her knees to try to control the blossoming rage inside of her.

There is so much of it. So much bile from everything she has been through.

And she is ready to confront it.

[X]

Their fight is still raging when they arrive home from Sozin Memorial Meadow.

"Don't act like you're so much better!" Azula shrieks and Ty Lee clenches her fists. "You act like you're so sensitive and compassionate but you have less emotional range than Mai and not enough empathy in you to fill a teaspoon. Whoever buys your act is an idiot who doesn't know better."

Ty Lee once would have begun crying or desperately tried to defend herself, but her lip just twitches in brief anger before she stares at Azula.

"You tortured a man half to death for─"

"You hunted down and killed those bounty hunters," Azula snarls and Ty Lee looks stunned. The princess laughs mirthlessly. "Yes, Keiji did say _some _intelligible things through the sobbing and crying and screaming. You could've told me. Or anyone, for that matter. So, what's your problem with me of late?"

"Would you like me to tell you in a list format, or more casually?" Ty Lee snaps and Azula opens her mouth for another insult before Zuko walks in.

Azula clamps her mouth shut and Ty Lee can see that she does not want to look bad in front of her brother. And the princess turns on her heel and leaves Ty Lee behind, wishing it were not so painful to walk away.

Ty Lee closes her eyes.

[X]

Ty Lee sits in the guest room, staring into the smudged mirror with her chin resting on her hand. She slumps in her seat and feels weak as she thinks about how she let this all spiral out of control. Perhaps she should not have kept those feelings so pent up within her.

But either way she and Azula have been doomed from the start. It never does last for long.

Ty Lee is bound to lose her again and again and again.

Not that she has ever done anything selfless, even for Ty Lee, whom would sacrifice her life for Azula. Maybe that's not healthy, Ty Lee wonders as she studies her reflection. She looks so tired, much more than she did before she moved back to the Fire Nation.

She needs to sleep for a million years. To forget, to dream about another life that is not so fucked up. Azula would not do anything for Ty Lee, while Ty Lee would have twisted the night sky for one more chance.

Groaning, Ty Lee walks to her bed, punches her pillow into submission and goes to sleep.

But when she wakes up, she is not sweaty between silk palace sheets and with the perpetual headache of wedding planning and dealing with Azula. She is somewhere very cold, feeling naked and exposed, and surrounded by the strong, strong stench of blood. The sound of silence nearly deafens as she frantically looks around and tries to get her bearings.

Wherever she is, she does not like it. For some reason, she is surrounded by flowers that open and close in an eerie and alien way. And there is a pool of crystalline water near her that is completely placid.

This is not Caldera, that is certain.

Ty Lee tries to sit up, fighting against the invisible bonds pulling her back. She digs her toes into the dry dirt beneath her and tries to push herself up with a force that would usually be more than adequate.

"Please stop struggling," says a voice gently. "It'll be so much easier if you don't."

* * *

><p>AN: I am so sorry for the eternal wait on this chapter. IRL issues struck in March, and then it turns out I had no internet or phone service on my family vacation in Maine this week. But I'm back now, and I've returned bearing gifts of eight new oneshots and three new multichap fics I've posted, andI still have two more oneshots coming tonight/tomorrow. And two of the new multichap fics are Korrasami, which I've been asked to write quite frequently. I hope that helps make up for me sucking super bad for a month and not updating anything.


	23. The Girl on a Never-Ending Quest

A/N: Credit for this title goes to **Powder Gangers Go**, who suggested it.

* * *

><p>Chapter Twenty-Three: The Girl On a Never-Ending Quest to Save Her Girlfriend<p>

* * *

><p>Groaning, Ty Lee walks to her bed, punches her pillow into submission and goes to sleep.<p>

But when she wakes up, she does not find herself sweaty between silk palace sheets and with the perpetual headache of wedding planning and dealing with Azula. She is somewhere very cold, feeling naked and exposed, and surrounded by the strong, strong stench of blood. The sound of silence nearly deafens as she frantically looks around and tries to get her bearings.

Wherever she is, she does not like it. For some reason she is surrounded by flowers that open and close in an eerie and alien way. As if they are alive. Beside her, there is a pool of crystalline water that is completely placid and bluish.

This is not Caldera, that is certain.

Ty Lee forcefully tries to sit up, fighting against the invisible bonds pulling her back. She digs her toes into the dry dirt beneath her and tries to push herself up with a force that would usually be more than adequate. But it is futile.

"Please stop struggling," says a voice gently. "It'll be so much easier if you don't."

As Ty Lee continues fighting, Zhurong studies the young woman very closely, and thinks for a moment that she will almost regret needing to confiscate her and maintain balance. She seems extremely disoriented, which is only natural. Zhurong has done this many times before. Usually, her powers only have the extent of shifting fate to make certain things lost, and certain things found.

_However_, from time to time, she takes a person or item directly into her possession. Ty Lee, is one of those, much to her own misfortune.

"Azula?" Ty Lee murmurs in disbelief, squinting at the form over her.

Not Azula. But... Azula. She looks like the princess, except she is not breathing, and there is something slightly _off _about her lips and her eyes. Ty Lee is instantly aware that she is _not _Azula, even if she is wearing her face.

"This is a very unfortunate situation," says Azula's voice. But... not Azula's voice. "I'm afraid it just has to be done."

Ty Lee's next sensation is plunging into ice cold water. When she rises, gasping, she is incased in hard, clear glass or stone. Her heart begins to feel like a flutter bat as she runs her hands around it, looking for a weak point, anywhere that can help her shatter it and escape.

"It's futile," says the woman who wears Azula as a costume. "But you'll be alright. You're in the Spirit World, and I've collected you in exchange for your fiancée's memories."

With a pout of her lips, Ty Lee squints at her captor. That makes very little sense, until she suddenly remembers the Dragonbone Catacombs, and Azula flipping through scrolls about a spirit who she _owed_.

"Let me go. It's not... I'm done with her anyway," Ty Lee snaps, crossing her arms. She _is _over Azula. _Of course _she is.

Zhurong shakes her head slowly. "She might come rescue you. Or maybe make another trade."

Ty Lee sighs. "I don't _want _her making more trades. It isn't like she has anything anymore either, except for her stupid notebooks and her selfish attitude."

"Maybe she loves you more than you think she does," Zhurong suggests and Ty Lee looks away. "Regardless, make yourself at home."

"You can't keep me locked in here forever," Ty Lee snaps, her eyebrows nearly touching her bangs. Zhurong smirks faintly.

"Of course not. I'm giving her two weeks to come rescue you, and then your soul is mine forever, or something along those lines."

"You're kidding! Azula isn't ─ Azula is the kind of person who holds people captive, not the kind of person who comes to _rescue them_!" Ty Lee screams, the glass around her shaking with her shrill shout. "Well-well, I will _save myself_! I am a grown, powerful warrior and I'll save myself!"

Zhurong laughs. "Of course."

And Ty Lee clenches her fist until her knuckles turn mottled white and red.

[X]

Azula wakes in the early morning with her eyes sore and her body coated with dried sweat. She feels _disgusting_ and does not remember falling asleep, but does recall the nightmares that haunted her. Slowly, she gets out of bed and knows that the first thing she must do is talk to Ty Lee about yesterday.

Of course they will fight; it is bound to happen now that Ty Lee somehow has a backbone. Azula... Azula _likes _that about her, now. As a teenager she preferred people she could so easily manipulate and use, people should could risk the life of and then bring flowers and she would still be worshipped.

As an adult, that is no longer her desire, even if she does deeply struggle with accepting that. It is in Azula's nature to have control, even if it destroys everything around her. She will not apologize for that and she will not apologize for the way she lives her life.

_But _she would try to change that for this one person. This one infuriating person who happens to be the _only _person Azula can ever imagine herself with.

Many people have tried to _help _Azula, since even before she lost it. But they wanted to _help _her be the Azula they wanted, while Ty Lee wanted to help Azula be herself.

That's... important. Azula isn't quite sure _how_. But it's important.

Therefore, she walks to the guest room and knocks twice on the door. Pursing her lips, she realizes that there is no answer, and invites herself in.

And then she screams. Hysterically screams without any regard for how weak or degraded it makes her feel.

The hallway booms with the echoing of Zuko's footsteps as he runs in, panting, stopping in front of her.

"Are you okay?" he demands breathlessly and Azula just stares at him.

"She's gone," Azula murmurs, knowing deep down what happened to her.

"Was it the New Ozai Society?" Zuko asks quietly, and Azula thinks even her brother seems slightly stunned. Ty Lee had seemed so untouchable.

"No. It was..." _It was a spirit._

Azula knows right at this moment that her worst fear has happened, that her worst fear has been confirmed. Ty Lee has been taken in exchange for the memories that Azula regained. And it makes her stomach twist with insatiable illness.

"We'll find her," Zuko says reassuringly. Azula swallows and clenches her jaw. Noticing her ill concealed pain, he reaches to touch her shoulder and she turns away, walking to her window and staring out as if the courtyard will have any answers.

_The last thing she said was that she hated her. And now she's gone._

And none of the people around her will ever be able to understand, because Azula will never be able to explain it.

[X]

There are some things that are impossible to talk about, or even say aloud. Some things in which you can feel your face burning like fire, feel tears in your eyes that you have to hide, even though they try to reveal themselves through your cracking, constricted voice. Some things where you press your hands to your face and try to look away and wonder why you even opened your mouth and suggested the concept of trying to say it.

Things in which even thinking about explaining to someone makes you want to vomit all over yourself. Things in which sometimes you _do _vomit all over yourself even when you just come close to revealing it. Things in which the shame is so inexplicable but you cannot deny it and wonder if it is there for a reason.

Those things that you _know _people will have such a strong, visceral reaction to that it will only make you feel queasier and angrier and weaker and _so small_.

This is not nearly as painful and nauseating as those things. But it still strikes Azula as strangely similar.

And so Azula sits, flipping through pages of her notebooks without taking in any of the words. She had gotten extremely close to the end when she and Ty Lee broke out into the fight. The writing had gone far past her childhood, and halted just short of the day Ty Lee asked Azula to marry her.

That is, Azula decides, where it should end anyway.

_Well, yes, that's melodramatic, but Azula has _every _right to be._

That sick feeling of an untellable secret is consuming her as she decides to neatly stack the notebooks and make a decision on what to do next. This secret has little to do with the same reasons as the other, more forceful one, but it revolves around the fact that, if she told, people would think she had lost her mind again.

Ty Lee evidently has left because she was done with Azula and her behavior. To say she was _stolen _by a _spirit _would probably only get Azula locked up in an asylum again. And so Azula just chews on her lower lip and realizes that, yes, she is in this alone.

In a similar manner to said past consumptive secrets, informing anyone of the problems would only make everything worse, and, therefore, Azula will have to somehow take care of it herself. _Somehow _she has to rescue her fiancée, because she will not allow the last thing she said to the only person who bothered to care to be _I hate you_.

And so she constantly schemes, tries to figure something out. _Perhaps _if she can figure out who Zhurong is, who she was before she was a spirit, or where she came from, or even how old she is, it could help. Understanding your enemy is important, particularly when your enemy seems to be an immortal entity.

_Defeating a spirit _is impossible and foolish. Azula _knows _that. But also knows that she could not live with herself if she let Ty Lee die in the clutches of that _creepy lifeless freak_. The one who promises beautiful grandeur and to never lose again, but actually is only dealing in tricks and lies.

_Sounds like someone you know_, murmurs a voice in the back of Azula's head, but she quickly shoves it away. She cannot let her anger and doubts cloud her thoughts now. Saving Ty Lee is the absolute _only _thing that should be on her mind.

She risks a trip back to the Dragonbone Catacombs, this time snagging a key from her brother's desk. He really should put a lock on more of his storage units. And as she delves deeper and deeper, she has the Avatar's comments about his encounter with Zhurong on her mind.

_"She looked kind of... does your family have anyone who... anyone young who died?"_

Azula wonders... she cannot help but wonder if perhaps Zhurong has more of a connection than Azula had assumed. Maybe it can help.

Therefore, she walks past the section about spirits where she found her scrolls last time, and goes to the family records detailing lineage and important dates. It is there that she hopes she can find some kind of hint or clue towards why Zhurong seems to have such personal interest in Azula and Zuko.

She winds up looking for deaths, deaths in the family whether significant or not. Deaths not of old age. The first, in the freshest ink, is that of her cousin. Azula sets her finger there and gently traces it up and from side to side whenever she comes across someone of youth.

None of them are female names yet, which makes her grit her teeth.

And then she reaches the time period directly after Fire Lord Yaoya. Azula hesitates for a moment as she sees the blacked out names, of which there are more than ever. Princess Azula can genuinely _loathe _the need for propaganda in her family.

Then it hits her; the Civil War. The Royal Family was intertwined in it during Fire Lord Yaoya's reign. It was sparked by the warring families in the countryside, and the royals became involved after Yaoya's father's bastard children attempted to claim the throne from her.

Azula fumbles through more scrolls, looking for more comprehensive records of the Civil War.

It was then that laws were made surrounding the size of the Royal Family, and clearer lines of succession were outlined. Many of which were later revoked by Sozin and Azulon.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Scroll Eighty-Five  The Death of Fire Lord Yaoya and the Slaying of Taiyo / Section Sixty-Seven**_

_Near the end of the Fire Nation Civil War, Fire Lord Yaoya was nearing the end of her life. She had raised her daughter, Tyko, to take the throne after her, but this was brought into question by the many insurgents, including members of the royal family who had been exiled by the Fire Lord in her later years as she succumbed to madness._

_ As soon as Fire Lord Yaoya died, peacefully, in her sleep, despite the war raging around her, her cousin's son, Ryu, slaughtered her descendants in the palace. Tyko's youngest daughter was spared because she showed no signs of bending, and therefore was ineligible for the throne, and Ryu used her as a sign of his mercy._

_ His reign was protested by the many people who supported Yaoya, and he was best known for his ruthless method of execution, in which he would have dissidents burned by the fire of his dragon, Taiyo._

_ When Tyko's youngest daughter was twelve years of age, Ryu had her arranged to be married to him. She protested, and attempted to find guidance the only way she could. The youngest daughter could not bend, but she had made up for her grave disability by becoming attached to the Spirit World, and being able to transfer her presence there at will._

_ After being threatened by Ryu, and made to promise marriage to him, she killed his dragon Taiyo, by slitting his throat, and then disappeared into the Spirit World to evade his wrath._

_ She became a ghost story, and known as the Lost Girl, and the Protector of Orphaned Children._

* * *

><p>Azula closes the scroll, her eyes sore. The chances that the girl is Zhurong is strange enough, but Azula... Azula cannot help but think of the visions she had as a little girl. The invented mothers, the encounters that <em>made <em>her believe in Zhurong.

She finds it strange that this scroll was never edited by Fire Lord Ryu, but, then again, he does not sound like he was very well-liked, and before the days of war, the Fire Nation was far more liberated and less censored, much like now with Zuko.

It would fit quite well, that the spirit would latch on to a young Azula, a girl who had lost her mother, a girl who was imprisoned by a man not unlike Fire Lord Ryu.

Maybe this is true, or maybe not.

But Azula does not know how it is supposed to help her.

[X]

Mai squints out of the window as she realizes that she has yet again slept over with Zuko. This is stupid of her, incredibly stupid of her, because she knows that they still have numerous unsolved issues. However, Ty Lee's explanation of how Zuko wants Mai because she is strong, _because _she broke up with him, _because _she knew him when he was a geeky little kid whose sister made him eat spider-fly webs, has made her warm up more to the idea of being with him.

_"When you said the marriage thing, it seemed like you wanted to get _married_, but like you wanted to get married to _me_," Mai explains awkwardly, feeling extremely uncomfortable discussing her feelings with her ex-boyfriend._

_ Ty Lee disappeared yesterday, and it is presumed that she left Azula with her very well-deserved cold feet. That made Mai think a good deal about herself running out of a restaurant, and the complex situation between she and Zuko._

"Do you want breakfast?" Zuko inquires and Mai nods once before following him out of the room.

Azula is already in the dining room when they arrive, her face on her empty plate, looking ravaged by being abandoned. Neither Mai nor Zuko can blame her for being a mess. Being almost left at the altar probably stings like salt in a wound.

"How are you doing?" Zuko asks as he sits down, examining her carefully.

That, for some reason, sets her off like a firework. "AS MUCH as I would love to spend my morning killing _all of you_, I have a ─ !"

"Azula, the sun rose five minutes ago. How are you already this angry?" Zuko asks abruptly, squinting at her and rubbing his left eye. Azula's eyebrow twitches, but he does not stand down.

"I don't know when the sun rises or sets! I have been awake for four days now without sleeping!" she screams and Zuko is unsure if she knows that she is yelling.

"How are you not dead?" Mai asks casually, admittedly frightened by Azula's frazzled and corpse-like appearance. She certainly could be taking Ty Lee's actions better.

"I wish I was," Azula moans, scratching at her hair. It feels like _insects_, or worse, all over her neck. Perhaps she is going insane...

Mai licks her lips. "Well, it's amazing that the hallucinations haven't started yet."

"I don't even care," Azula sighs, slumping in her chair. Zuko cringes and sincerely wishes his sister were taking this better. "My fiancee has been kidnapped and it's probably my fault. _Slightly _my fault. I mean, she could have defended herself better, I'm sure..."

"So it _was _the New Ozai Society?" Zuko asks sharply, leaning forward and making the table jolt.

Azula rubs her nose and shakes her head. All in one, slurred, exhausted word, she replies, "Idon'tknow..."

Her eyes droop and Mai and Zuko wait patiently for her to pass out, but she quickly gasps as if she were just drowning and sits straight up.

"I _have to stay awake_," Azula insists fiercely, but she finds herself incapable of saying much more. She is too weak to process conversation or to explain herself to Mai and Zuko.

"... right," Zuko agrees after a moment of analysis. It is certainly best to agree with her while she is in this disheveled state.

[X]

"We should drug her," Mai suggests honestly as Azula huffily exits the dining room, swaying on her feet yet trying to look as if she is unaffected by her sleep deprivation. "Drug her, Zuko."

The Fire Lord clears his throat and grimaces. "I'm not drugging a young woman. I don't at all feel comfortable with that."

Mai just shrugs. She supposes she _should _be glad that her boyfriend does not assume drugging a girl is a socially appropriate behavior. And therefore, she takes a deep breath, and decide that she will do it herself.

Before Azula completely loses it or dies.

_Or kills someone else, for that matter._

[X]

Meanwhile, in the Spirit World, Ty Lee asks slowly, "So what happens when her time runs out? To me, I mean."

Zhurong looks up, her tongue flickering over her lips, but leaving no moisture. _Agni_, she is creepy. Ty Lee cannot believe she is in this situation, _captured by a freaky beast because of her selfish and entitled girlfriend_. Ugh. Ty Lee should have _never _become involved with Azula in the first place.

"Come look," Zhurong says, gesturing towards the crystalline pond of water in the middle of her meadow lair. Ty Lee pounds two fists on the glass, and at first it does not budge, but then it fades and she strides out and across the grass and alien flowers.

Ty Lee gazes into the pool and then feels her head split in pain. It subsides after a moment of gritting her teeth, and then she glares into the shimmering water.

At first, she sees nothing. And then, right before her eyes, the water begins to shift. The sequence of images is more painful than Ty Lee ever thought it could be; everything she has lost in her life. She feels her breath catch and she realizes that, yes, Zhurong is mostly certainly the spirit of lost things.

Closing her dark eyes, Ty Lee swallows and turns away.

"Everyone sees something," Zhurong explains softly, her eyes flickering up and down over her prisoner's body. "Everyone has something that they would lose in order to regain something lost."

Ty Lee hesitates. "No, no that's not true. I wouldn't. Whatever I have in my life right now is what _should _be, and the things I lost are a part of me just as much as if I had them."

"Oh really?" Zhurong cocks an eyebrow, looking entertained by Ty Lee's vivid sentiment. "Shall I show you a memory of yours?"

Ty Lee rubs her lip with her finger and nods. She supposes that there is no reason for her to resist at this point. She _is _stuck in the Spirit World waiting for unreliable people to choose her fate.

The acrobat has to force herself to look back at the water, but when she does, she sees herself, herself shouting at Zuko, her make-up flaking and damp. The Fire Lord has his brow furrowed, his face turned away, shadows of shame cast over him, colored by his scar.

And she looks away, feeling her gut twisting. "Anyone would feel that way."

"You would've traded many things then."

"_No_. No, I wouldn't have."

"It was me who did that to you... or Zuko's wish, at least," Zhurong says calmly and Ty Lee simply shrugs. The spirit expected a more livid and emotional reaction to that news, and it startles her.

"I don't _own _Azula. And I don't want to," Ty Lee says firmly before swallowing. "I _love _her, but if I had to lose her, I would. I did once. I did more than once."

Zhurong blinks. "That's fairly noble of you. But I doubt she feels the same way."

Ty Lee shakes her head. "Probably not. I thought she'd learned, I guess. That she was humbled, somehow, by what happened to her. But I was wrong."

"You lost her then?" Zhurong asks sweetly, her tone almost exactly Azula's mocking purr.

"No." Ty Lee shakes her head, blinking back tears. "I _lost _an Azula I made up in my head. She never really changed, and I was stupid enough to let myself think she had."

"The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves," Zhurong remarks with a smile that infuriates Ty Lee.

"No, the worst lies are the ones we tell the people we love."

Silence.

[X]

Azula is desperately and clumsily going through firebending forms when Mai walks into the room and shuts the door behind her. The princess jumps, hands like wielded weapons. As if approaching a lion-vulture, Mai cautiously stands down and holds the steaming mint tea in front of her.

"It's caffeinated," Mai lies. "To help you with your sleep deprivation thing."

Immediately, Azula narrows her eyes in suspicion. "I thought you would want me to sleep."

"Zuko does. I want to know how long you can go without keeling over," Mai replies flatly and Azula examines her for a moment before deeming her honest.

And so Azula accepts the tea and drinks it. The scent of mint leads her to believe that, yes, it will keep her awake. However, it does not take long before she begins to feel incredibly dizzy. Her eyes start to droop and her chest feels heavy.

She barely has time to panic before passing out.

Azula steps out of her body and is certain she has died in her sleep. When she assumed she was being drugged, there is a high chance that she was _right _and _now _she is dead. How magnificent. She feels strange, numb and weightless as she stares at herself and wonders if her body still breathes.

Upon leaning closer, she sees that she does. But her consciousness certainly is not in there.

She glances around and watches the eerie dance of shadows in the night. It makes her throat constrict with panic as she wonders if she _has _truly lost it at this point. Then she looks at the window, and how it is slightly ajar, and the strangely pure white moonlight is inviting her to leave her room.

And so, with a deep breath, Azula climbs out of the window and realizes she is not in the same Caldera. The buildings are ruins, the sky is vaguely white, and she thinks she may be alone in the Spirit World. She has never been there, nor seen it, but she cannot imagine any other possibility.

Perhaps this is her chance to save Ty Lee. No, it _is _her only chance to save Ty Lee.

[X]

Mai touches Azula's wrist and is relieved to feel that she has a pulse. She and Zuko came to check on Azula, and to make sure she was feeling alright, and found her deeply unconscious, and impossible to wake.

"Mai, how much did you give her?" Zuko asks quietly, his heart starting to pound out of control.

"Not enough to kill her," Mai replies and Zuko can feel himself sweating in beads.

He cannot believe his sister is nearly comatose because of _him_. "Someone find Ty Lee. Maybe she can wake her."

"With, uh, true love's kiss?" Mai asks sarcastically, cocking an eyebrow.

Zuko flushes as he realizes how ridiculous that sounds. "I just meant that maybe Azula is nonresponsive on purpose."

"I could stab her foot." Pause. "She didn't even move. Look, I clearly just gave her too much sleeping elixir and she'll wake up soon."

Zuko knits his brow and sighs.

She probably is right.

They try to keep occupied for the rest of the night as they wait to see if Azula needs medical attention or not. Zuko feels overwhelming guilt, while Mai is incapable of the same sensation. Nonetheless, they both become more and more worried as hours pass, regardless of their differing emotions.

And then Zuko is hit by a realization like a flying boulder.

"_The Spirit World_," Zuko says suddenly, sitting up with a jolt that makes Mai flinch.

"What?" Mai asks, confused.

"That's where she is. When you go into the Spirit World, your body stays here. Like that. _Exactly like that_. I once, at the North Pole, and other times, and just... _She's in the Spirit World, Mai_," Zuko stammers, his stomach suddenly filled to the brim with flutter bats and spider wasps alike.

"Why?" Mai inquires softly, stepping towards Azula and examining the steady but faint rise and fall of her chest.

"I'm not... sure. I thought it was an... Avatar thing," Zuko says as he slowly inhales and exhales. He needs to keep his head clear if he is going to help her.

"Aang is still at the Water Tribe Embassy, isn't he?" Mai states and they both spring into action.

Time to rescue Azula.

[X]

Meanwhile, in the Spirit World, Azula wishes she had some idea where Zhurong's lair is. She has made it out of the ruins of Caldera, and is now in a forest where Sozin Memorial Meadow stands in her world. It is thick and humid, despite the fact that the air does not feel real.

It smells like a bleeding dead animal here, and Azula is trying not to think too much about that. She thought, for some time, that the Spirit World was a paradise of some sort. But she was definitely wrong.

She swallows and looks around, hearing a rustling in the trees and lamenting the fact that she has already tried to bend to no avail. At first, she panicked, before having a vague memory of being here once before. It is strange; Azula does have some memories that she has not yet regained, or foggy ones, but she still struggles with the weeks leading up to meeting Ty Lee in Republic City.

_As if regaining her memories was orchestrated and not accidental._

Well, now she is being paranoid. Despite her fears and suspicions about Zhurong, it is unlikely that there is anything _deeply _personal between them. Azula has not done _anything _wrong enough to deserve that misfortune.

Looking around, she grimaces before deciding to wander aimlessly until she finds either trouble or help.


	24. The Girl Making a Sacrifice

Chapter Twenty-Four: The Girl Full of Anger and Hope

* * *

><p>Azula has been aimlessly wandering for an eternity before she at last comes across a weird creature. The Spirit World had seemed awfully <em>deserted <em>up until now, and this oddly humanoid lion-vulture is the first thing she sees.

It has crooked limbs, withered skin, and very dark eyes. The sight of the beast is repulsive, but Azula needs _someone _to point her in the right direction. She cannot afford to be lost for a second longer when Ty Lee's life is on the line.

"Hello?" Azula asks, hoping the weird thing speaks her language.

"Hello," it repeats, spinning to face her. "What might you be looking for?"

"I need to find Zhurong," Azula says quickly, staring the lion-vulture directly into its eyes. They are strangely _black_. "She's stolen something of mine."

"Hasn't she stolen something of everyone's?" the lion-vulture inquires with a small laugh.

"Yes," Azula says calmly, trying not to act out in a fit of rage. "I have no idea where I am. Please point me in the right direction."

The lion-vulture seems to contemplate it. "There is only one route to Zhurong's lair from here. It is through that labyrinth up ahead."

Azula looks up, having not seen a labyrinth before. But, there it is, right in front of her. The hedges seem to stretch upwards eternally, grazing against the sky. Azula examines it and takes a deep breath. She _is _good at puzzles, and she certainly is strong enough to fend off anything nasty waiting inside.

"How big is it?" Azula asks and the lion-vulture moves its haunches in something that looks like shrugging. "Well, you're awfully helpful," Azula mutters to herself before taking off running towards the entrance.

It looks even bigger from up close, and Azula can only gaze in to the black, uninviting chasm that is the entrance. She can see all of the weeds; it seems to be made _entirely _of weeds and strange Spirit World plants.

Despite her mild apprehension, the labyrinth in front of Azula is not one she fears braving. It looks eerie, yes, with the strange branches whipping around in a wind that Azula cannot feel on her skin. But she is going to delve into it.

"I'm guessing there's no chance you're coming with me?" Azula asks the lion-vulture, cocking an eyebrow.

"It's something you have to face alone," it says honestly and Azula just shrugs. She has little patience for strange spirits who remind her of old men, or their dreamed wisdom. "Pay mind to the title."

Azula looks and sees that it is called the Labyrinth of Memories.

_Well, _Azula thinks smugly to herself, _It is a good thing I was so focused on my memory journals after all. Oh, her face when I tell her that what saved her life was what she criticized in me._

Azula enters, frustrated that she has no fire to light a path with. The Spirit World leaves her incapable of bending, which she fears, but she will not let it get the best of her. She walks for a while without a fork in the road or some kind of puzzle set in front of her.

The fact that she meets no resistance is somehow more intimidating than if she _did_.

"Princess," calls a voice and Azula tries not to scream. "There's a monster in this labyrinth.

"Where? What the ─?" Azula turns to see a small girl, young. And then there is sudden disgust as Azula sees her golden eyes, but her dark hair in a braid. She looks how, if it were humanly possible, the child of Azula and Ty Lee would look.

"There's a monster. This is one of _those _labyrinths." A small, wry smile that looks like Azula's, though perhaps a bit toothier.

"Those labyrinths?" Azula inquires, trying to fight the regret within her. She _has _to save Ty Lee, no matter the cost. She refuses to lose her ever again.

"Yes. It isn't just a maze or a puzzle. You have to fight a beast to get out." And the little girl goes on her way, disappearing from Azula's sight.

Azula continues walking, now wary of something that could pop out and try to eat her. She reaches a fork in the road and is suddenly plunged into the realization of why this is called the 'Labyrinth of Memories' and it probably should not have startled her so much. She had to have known what she was getting into, and she had to know that it would ask her to confront more than just monsters.

This first fork in the road Azula has come across sends her tumbling backwards with a powerful gale. More imagined wind, more that does not seem real to Azula.

She is standing on the sidelines, watching herself, as a young girl. This room is not unfamiliar, nor is anything in this past. Azula has closed her eyes countless times and tried to look through the eyes of that young girl as she recorded her life in her journal.

Young Azula is crying and Azula does not understand why. She had nothing real to cry about at the time, and she always imagined her young self as retaining a stiff upper lip. Perhaps her past was tinted by her own mind, by her desire to remember things as better than they were.

As Azula becomes more and more in tune with where she is, she is suddenly made aware of why the very little girl is in silent tears. Young Azula is lying on her bed, which is much, much too large for her small, bony body. She lies as if on a pyre, her body straight and her hair splayed out beneath her. And the only sign that something is wrong is the tears dripping from her left eye, making trails down her skin and leaving red, angry marks where they scratch against her and pool on the red fabric of her blankets.

She is listening to an argument that it would be impossible for her not to overhear.

"It isn't as if she has ever been angry at you!" screams mother. "You have no idea what I have gone through with this girl! You couldn't see that I was so tired, I am _so _tired and she shouts and rages at me because she thinks she is so much _better than _everyone around her! Maybe she should take care of herself if she thinks everything I do for her is so worthless!"

Father. "I'm not excusing her actions ─"

"You _always _do! I already have suffered enough with Zuko carping at me all day, and then you come here and ask me out as if ─"

"I did what you wanted. Perhaps you should take it up with her. She is clearly the person you're angry at." His footsteps walking away. "You can still come out with me if you want to."

"You made her!" is screamed after him before mother is gone as well.

And people think Azula is being melodramatic when she claims her own mother thought she was a monster. Azula needed only to prove her right, not that she had at this age. Not that she was any different from another child who would have been in her circumstances.

She tries to walk to herself, but finds that she does little more but shift the shadows.

Azula does not disappear, but this is all she remembers from her journals. There was nothing more; she fell asleep, well, cried herself to sleep like a weakling. That was before she grew the necessary scales of the beast.

When Azula moves to the window, trying to pry it open, she is suddenly struck with a much better idea. She walks across the room and pushes open the door into the palace. There she goes; that one opens without an ounce of struggle.

It occurs to her very quickly that this is the maze, the moment she sees branches quickly receding into the wall like a person who has stared too long at the Crazy Princess on the street. So Azula will walk through here, and probably face some form of emotional attempts on her.

But she is stronger than that. Azula is immune to her past now.

Azula winds up coming across her mother again, for the second time. So help her, if this maze is meant to teach her a lesson about appreciating that horrible woman, these spirit jerks are sadly mistaken. Then her head aches as she realizes she has just taken several steps backwards?

Or is that forwards? She sincerely hopes she did not just take a wrong turn in this maze.

It is her mother, yes, walking into Azula's room. Azula waits for a heartbeat, drawing a single silent breath before realizing that none of these people can probably hear her. She walks inside and sees her asleep self, after the fight, Azula thinks. Or maybe another time.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," says mother and Azula rolls her eyes.

_Nice try, Spirit Jerks. Not happening_.

"I am, Azula," mother says even though Azula did not respond. "You're not really sleeping, are you?" Silence. Azula regrets nothing. "I know we fight about you a lot, but it's... That came out wrong. Our fights aren't really about you. Sometimes we fight about your brother too... No, that was not the way to do this." Ursa is backing out of the room with every misspoken sentence. "None of this is your fault. You didn't choose it."

The door clicks shut.

_Azula wasn't pretending to be asleep._ The adult princess's lips flicker with a frown before she composes herself and remembers why she is here. To kill Zhurong and save Ty Lee.

And therefore: No, no, no, _no_. Azula is not falling for that. Okay, clearly she walked through the wrong door at this point, and that stupid memory was a punishment for messing up. She heads to the closed closet door and opens that. It takes her to another part of the palace that is definitely not on the inside of her closet.

She and her brother. How magnificent.

[X]

Meanwhile, Zuko wakes up with a raging headache, definitely within the Spirit World.

"Aang! Mai!" Zuko shouts as soon as he sits up. He springs into action as quickly as possible, figuring that Azula does not have much time. And so help him, he is not letting her get swallowed up here again on his watch. "Aang! Aang! Mai!"

To Zuko's massive relief, he hears a feminine groan. "Stop yelling," sighs Mai quietly. "And help me up."

She extends her arm from within bushes that cover up her body. Zuko grabs her hand and helps her to her feet.

"Have you seen Aang?" Zuko asks, studying Mai closely. She shakes her head.

Aang had guided them into the Spirit World as soon as they sought him out at the embassy. He understood, still haunted by his experiences with Zhurong. He also understood that Zuko was the one who should go after Azula, and he hoped that the Fire Lord would be able to enter the Spirit World.

"Let's find her," Mai says and Zuko nods as they quickly take off towards the most evident landmark.

There is a gigantic maze that there is no getting past, and as they turn, the world behind them has become overgrown.

"She went in there," says a small girl who Mai and Zuko are frightened to look at. She looks like their child, like their child would and Mai feels her cheeks flush. Zuko is just horrified by it. "Aunt Azula, she went in there. You can follow her."

Mai shakes her head, trying to ignore the hallucination, and grabs Zuko by the arm, dragging them both into the hedges. They enter the maze and start to navigate it.

[X]

Young Azula and Young Zuko are in one of their firebending lessons. Azula watches from the sidelines as she sees Zuko trying to make her laugh, trying to move her face every time the boring old instructor was not looking. Older Azula suppresses a smile as she watches she and her brother when they used to just squabble like normal siblings.

Before a feud between two brothers decided to use them as pawns. Before Azula was robbed of her childhood and made into a weapon of war.

Just as Young Zuko fails, Young Azula pokes his side and he bursts into laughter, making the instructor turn and glare at him.

"Do you think my lecture is funny, Prince Zuko?" asks the man and Young Azula cocks a smug eyebrow.

"N-_yes_, sir," Young Zuko says firmly and the instructor's eyes widen briefly. "You're just telling us what to do. It all seems useless. If we're ever going to fight in a war..."

"You think my lessons are useless, Prince Zuko?" asks the trainer as Older Azula tries to remember his name. She just knows that poor Zuko had no idea that the trainer's question actually translates to, _'Have you had your ass beaten recently, Prince Zuko?'_

"Yes," Zuko continues, standing his ground as both Azula's cringe slightly.

Azula misses what happens next when she sees the door beside her rattle and decides to walk through it before watching Zuko, yet again, get beaten up by their instructor.

This memory has a distinctly different mood to it. It is melancholy, and sad, instead of funny. The last was a good memory; this one must be a bad one.

She is dressed in white ─ mourning clothes, and so is her brother. They are both young, and Azula already can tell what today is. The funeral of their grandfather.

"Are you okay?" Young Zuko asks Young Azula and the sister seems shocked by electricity at her brother's suggestion that she would _not _be okay.

"I'm fine," Young Azula says and Older Azula quickly looks for a door.

Thankfully, she finds one.

The last thing Azula said to her mother was that she hated her. And now here she is, looking for Ty Lee, because the last thing she said was that she hated _her_.

Azula sees the hedges rustle as she walks deeper into the maze. She thinks she has certainly made progress, or at least she hopes that she did.

"Ty Lee," Azula notices suddenly as she sees the figure through the branches. She is so attractive, so desirable.

Princess Azula tries to tear her way through the hedges to reach Ty Lee, the thought not even crossing her mind that it could be an illusion.

All she sees are seductive ruby lips that whisper, "You have to go right," before their body scurries away out of Azula's grasp.

Azula reaches the next crossroads and, as the voice said, Azula does turn right.

The shifting of setting is much less jarring now. She walks, again, into her childhood bedroom. Young Azula is sitting with her knees pressed against her small, rosy lips. People used to ask why her mother allowed her to wear make-up, but she truly just had such dark eyelashes and red lips. Maybe that was why she became a sexual being so early. Maybe it was fault of her own, or the fault of fate, or, as mother said in that first fork in the road, _she did not choose_.

"I'm really worried," Azula says quietly to her father, whom seems to just want to escape. "I don't want to be alone."

"You are grown, and you are the last of your line. You can't be afraid of the dark anymore," father says sharply and Azula swallows before reaching out and grabbing his wrist. She is at the age where it is still cute, but teetering on the age where it would concern a man to see his weapon of war acting like the child she was.

"Please, please, don't make me turn the lights out again," Young Azula begs and Older Azula is suddenly hit by a memory she had managed to forget. Her father forcing her to turn out her lamps every night, and if she lit them again, as she did before her mother died, she would be brutalized for the transgression.

"It's for your own good," he says and Azula's lip trembles. He grabs her chin and her eyes flash. "Don't cry about this. You're not afraid of the dark. You're afraid of the _unknown_. Being afraid of the dark means you're afraid of the future. Don't be. Your future is infinitely more important than this cozy little life you know."

"But the future," Azula says before clamping her hand over her mouth. But Ozai nods for her to continue, "but what if my future is like Zuko's? Or what if I die? Or what if I'm disgraced or lose everything?"

Ozai hesitates, seeming to look like an actual father instead of the beast he became later. "That's a risk you need to take. Move forward, little princess. Always do, and don't ever look back. I don't care if your past was gilded and sweet and your future is a thicket of pain. It will always be better to keep moving."

Young Azula contemplates his words for a moment, hesitates, and then hugs him.

It is, Older Azula remembers, the last time she ever did.

[X]

Mai and Zuko also push their way through the maze, but they do not see what Azula does. She is taken through time, while Mai and Zuko just struggle to navigate the thorny hedges.

Then they come across the woman Azula passed, the one with the bright red lips. Zuko and Mai exchange a glance.

"Was that Azula?" Mai asks softly, squinting after the visage of a female form that had past them.

Zuko scratched his face. "Maybe. But we might as well follow her. We're too lost."

Mai nods, Zuko nods, and they begin to follow the woman. The more they do, the more quickly they realize that it _is_, in fact, _Azula_.

"Az─!" Zuko begins to shout before Mai covers his mouth, shaking her head in frustation.

"Don't _scream _for her, stupid," Mai snaps, rolling her amber eyes. "Just follow her quietly."

They do, keeping a fair distance behind. She keeps disappearing, to their frustration. Every time she reaches a fork in the road, she is gone, and Mai and Zuko just run through and find themselves closer to the center, and closer to their escape.

At last, they reach the core, and Zuko pushes Mai back as she tries to walk forward.

"It might be a trap," Zuko whispers and Mai does hesitate.

She sees an exit, yes, and she can see a beautiful pond on the other side. But there must be _some _kind of test, this maze cannot be _that _easy to escape.

Mai and Zuko stare at each other, and then, suddenly, they realize why Azula kept disappearing, when they are yanked away from where they are, and wake in a small, dark room.

[X]

Azula has been following a woman with bright red lips, utterly convinced she is either Zhurong or Ty Lee. She suddenly catches up with the woman at a beautiful fountain. At first Azula thinks it is the end of the maze, but she quickly realizes that it is not.

And she more quickly realizes that the woman she has been following is not Ty Lee.

It is... "Zhurong?" Azula asks and the mirror image shakes her head.

"Mhm, nope, but close. I'm a bit more familiar than her," says the mirror image in a tone of voice the broken Azula has almost forgotten. _Powerful, seductive_. Azula then realizes that it is not a perfect mirror image. The girl in front of her is younger, and slender in the muscular way, not the gradually-disappearing way. Her cheekbones are not hollow, her skin smooth and ivory instead of sallow. She wears the dark green clothes Azula remembers even the _scent _of, because it was in those clothes that she sat on the Earth King's throne.

"Show me how to get out," Azula demands and her fourteen year old self just looks amused by that notion. "What? I'm you. Show me how to get out. You love yourself, don't you?"

The girl in green just laughs. Azula looks at her, looks at what she considered to be the _pinnacle _of who she is as a person. But she thinks she might just be embarrassed of herself at fourteen. Is that usual?

"What's in it for me?" she asks with a smirk that makes Azula want to push her into the fountain and hold her under for a few minutes.

"What would you like?" Azula decides to play along. She is certain she can outsmart a younger version of herself.

"A kiss," asks young her and Azula shakes her head.

"I can't kiss a child," Azula says clearly and young her just shrugs.

"Then I guess you won't keep going. You can die in this maze and let the lion-vultures feast on your corpse as weeds grow over your bones," young her purrs confidently and Azula yet again entertains a quite violent fantasy.

"I outrank you."

"Oh do you?" asks the adolescent. "I don't think so. You've said it yourself so many times. I am the ideal _you_. I have conquered Ba Sing Se, and I am certain to be Fire Lord, and everybody loves me and nobody could even fathom that one day I'd be writhing in an asylum. I outrank _you_."

"No," but Azula's voice shakes.

"Kiss me. Go on. You know you want to. You must be awfully in love with me seeing how often you write about me in your diary," the adolescent Azula purrs, her golden eyes sparkling with sadistic pleasure. "There's a monster in this maze, that little girl said."

"So?" Azula honestly does not care.

"It's you," says adolescent Azula. "It's you. Isn't that sad? I mean, and _I _thought _I _was a monster, but I mean, you just have outdone yourself. Sure, you stepped down from being a conqueror to being a disgrace, _but_... you certainly are an impressive bitch. I have so much to look forward to..."

Azula stares at her, unsure what to say. Because her words are too real. Much, much too real.

"You want your kiss?" Azula suggests weakly.

[X]

"Zuko!" calls out a voice in the darkness.

"Mai, I'm coming!" Zuko shouts, although he can see nothing at all.

He tries to bend before remembering that he is in the Spirit World and is incapable of it. He grits his teeth in frustration as he fumbles around blindly for her. No, he can't have lost Mai. No, he can't have.

No...

[X]

"Of course I do. It will solve your problem after all," adolescent Azula says and the elder stares at her, now hesitant about the decision. "Do you love me more than you love her?"

"This isn't about her."

"I can't imagine you would come into this deplorable place for any other reason than playing hero. But don't. Why should you be the hero? Why should you be the villain? Just embrace what you want so much... embrace me... go on," purrs adolescent Azula, and to her smug delight, the older version of herself approaches, her feet dragging like a zombie.

"You peaked at fourteen," whispers the young Azula as their faces become too close. "Just admit it."

Azula leans to kiss her, but as soon as their lips briefly touch, Azula changes her mind. She grabs her younger self, herself before the acts of betrayal or the consumption of madness, and pushes her into the fountain. She screams, she grasps at the surface once, desperate for Azula to help her, but Azula just watches her drown before moving on.

That was what she was supposed to do, she thinks.

Azula is now greeted by a room of mirrors. As if she needs to look at herself ever again after that head trip. She decides to walk past them, and not to get lost. Azula does not have the best history with mirrors.

She finds another fork in the road, completely resisting the urge to look into one, to her surprise, and then finds herself jolted into another memory.

White roses, thistles, blood under her fingernails. She suddenly recalls the memory of her father in prison, when she made an alliance with him. She asked him for those answers and never received them.

Azula is in her bedroom, and she can see such pretty white roses in a vase. There is not nearly enough water in it to keep them alive, but Azula does not care. The thistles are all neatly trimmed from it. On the bed is a very hollow rendition of the girl Azula just drowned. This one, however, garners much more of her sympathy.

She is trying to clean out her nails. She is half naked and does not seem to notice it, but she has her damp blankets wrapped around herself as if they can protect her. Like a child who is afraid of the dark.

Azula looks away and refuses to turn back. She can see the marks on her young self's exposed body, and she will not look for long. All Azula does is quickly find a door. She does, and within is the abandoned dining room table, with the roses in the middle.

A gift, from her father. One plate is smashed. That was one of the only fights they ever had, and Azula can remember how much she regretted it later. Even if she _was _right.

Beside the flowers is something that does not belong. A note.

_Take the roses to the exit and bring them to me to get your girlfriend back. ─ Zhurong_

Azula takes the flowers, hoping, probably in vain, that it is not another trap, and she tries two doors before finding the right one.

White roses, thistles, blood under her fingernails. This must be the end, or so Azula hopes. She has played this absurd game that has taught her nothing and only made her journey to get Ty Lee more and more frustrating. White roses, thistles, blood under her fingernails.

She sees the center of the labyrinth, and sees the exit, much to her relief.

Azula walks towards the center of the labyrinth, watching the roses grow out of the hedges, surrounding her in white. The weeds plaguing the ground of the labyrinth start to grow up, into Azula, into her skin. She feels a shiver as she knows she needs to keep walking, despite the horrors happening to her body.

She reaches towards the center, looking at the exit. Only the exit. Azula must focus on the exit after her absurd journey through memories and a faux palace.

The thorns from the roses start to prick her skin, and she can feel the pain everywhere. But blood only comes from her fingers, trickling down, sickeningly, over her wrists and pouring to her elbows. It isn't real, Azula has to remind herself again and again. Thankfully, Azula is quite used to hallucinations, and she imagines someone without her experience would not have made it this far, especially through this part.

Despite how slippery her hands are from the blood, Azula pries the thistles from herself and tears as many white roses from the hedges as she can. She looks over her shoulder to see lion-vultures, or something similar to them, descending upon her.

She tugs as forcefully as she can at her legs, finally freeing them of their bonds. She starts running forward, realizing now that the weeds beneath her are crunching. _Crunching_. Deep breath. _Don't look down, don't look down_... Azula stares at the exit the moment she notices that the weeds have become corpses.

At last, Azula runs with the roses in her arms and slides away from the labyrinth. She comes out on what must be the other side, to a placid, sweet meadow somewhere in the Spirit World still.

"I brought your stupid flowers!" Azula proclaims as she looks for the creature that sent her inside. It seems to be gone, but now Azula thinks perhaps it is at last her time to face the Spirit of Lost Things. "Zhurong! Zhurong!"

She walks forward, towards the water in front of her. Her instant desire is to wash the blood, dirt, weeds and thistles from her filthy skin, and so she runs across the meadow, past the eerie flowers that open and close to a rhythm that Azula cannot feel.

Azula walks into the water without thinking about it, which she realizes, as soon as she touches it, she will probably regret. Nothing in the Spirit World is what it seems, but Azula quickly scrubs the blood and dirt from her body with the cold, clear water.

She rinses the flowers of the stains, leaving them pristine white. And then she looks into the water and screams, screams hysterically at what she sees.

"Azula!"shouts a familiar, overly loud voice. _Zuko_. This must be a hallucination again; it must be a hallucination like the drowned girl Azula is looking at.

"Azula!" Mai. Mai?

Then they are stopped by a wall that has risen, blocking them off.

"You two," declares Azula's voice, but not from Azula's parted lips, "can come through if you offer me something in exchange. You've brought me flowers, princess, how kind of you."

"She's dead," Azula whispers as she tries to reach further into the water, trying to grasp at Ty Lee's hands or floating hair, ignoring the fact that she is clearly a corpse.

"You know what the flowers represent?"

"Pathetically heavy handed symbolism about child abuse!" Azula shrieks before wading further into the ice cold water. She is shaking now, which she imagined could not happen in the Spirit World.

"Do you like your memories, Princess Azula?" Zhurong asks, ignoring the fact that the target of her words as flailing and splashing in the water like a madwoman trying to rescue a drowned girl who is not there.

A loud thud echoes through the meadow as Zuko tries to break through the invisible glass wall. Zhurong rolls her eyes at that, and Mai and Zuko are stunned when she stops looking like Azula, and starts looking like a mere child.

"Give me the flowers, and you can have your Ty Lee," says the girl in a voice that reverberates with the flora in her meadow. They echo her words as if there are a thousand voices in unison with her.

Azula turns, shivering, holding the roses still.

"That's too simple," Azula snaps, not falling for _that_.

"Give me the flowers, and you lose your memories. Take the flowers with you away from here, and you can have your memories and I keep your Ty Lee. Do you like your memories, Princess Azula? If you had to choose right now, between retaining the past you just saw, and taking the future you don't know, what would you choose?" Zhurong asks and for the first time, everyone present is suddenly aware that she is not a very nice spirit.

"I don't understand," Azula snaps, only stalling. _Of course she understands_; it's a very simple transaction.

"You've lived those memories so many times that you didn't even stop to stare," Zhurong says earnestly. "You've spent all that time writing about them in the notebooks. The future... well, you have no idea what's going to happen. All you have is the past you. You peaked at fourteen and you're never going to get any better. You will never accomplish anything again, and would you trade your knowledge that you were great once for the possibility of happiness and love?"

Silence.

Zhurong answers herself, "Of course not. I've known you since you were small, and _you will always choose yourself_. That's why you lost her before. So, what'll it be?"

Azula does not even have to think about it, surprisingly. She throws the flowers into the water as hard as she can and stares directly into the cold, black eyes of the Spirit of Lost Things.

"Good choice," Zhurong says and the water shifts and ripples as Azula quickly, stumbling and drenching herself, escapes it.

She takes Ty Lee into her arms, her skin so cold, her body so pale. Azula thinks for a moment she has been tricked and she traded her memories for a corpse. But then her eyes open, fluttering, stunned to see Azula. Even more shocked than Zuko and Mai.

"I want to tell you something before my time is up," Azula stammers, her lips dripping cold water onto Ty Lee. "I am so sorry for who I was."

Ty Lee quickly shakes her head. "I don't care who you were. I care who you're going to be."

Azula averts her eyes and hopes that the tears will just look like more of the water she is soaked in.

She looks back and sees petals coming to the surface and then sinking again.

So long, memories.

_Welcome, amnesia, my old friend..._

* * *

><p>AN: I will later go into Mai and Zuko and how they make it out of the maze, but it actually really, really detracted from Azula's story to be spending so much time on them, so I decided to take out those parts and focus on Azula, while still showing that Mai and Zuko are there.


	25. The Girl Who Lost Her Mind

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Girl Who Lost Her Mind

* * *

><p>Azula dreams of an ice cold lake, cuts on her hands and a drowned girl she is trying to rescue.<p>

In it, she can taste the water, and can smell the blood and can feel the panic of trying to save a woman who is definitely dead. But the drowning girl is elusive, slipping away and melting into shadows as she tries to catch her, swimming and flailing through infinite cold water.

The dream ends abruptly when the girl wakes up, gasping for breath and sticky with cold sweat. She is not drowning, but she is surrounded by three strangers, all looking at her expectantly for some reason. One of them is a tattooed boy and a dark skinned girl with her arm wrapped around him, and on the bed, perched, staring directly into the girl's eyes with a tear stained face, is a pained young woman with a meticulous braid, and her fringe stuck to her forehead with sweat.

_She is the girl that was drowned and dead. _

Cold... why is it so cold? She has warm, crimson silk blankets over her, but she still feels freezing cold.

"Azula," says her fiancée, gently reaching for her. They all look as if Ty Lee's hand is on fire, because Azula was so violent when she regained her memories, but the girl allows her to touch her wrist and help her sit up. "What do you know?"

"Who are you people?" she whispers feebly. And then she pauses. "Azula feels right. It does. Something about it feels right."

"It's your name," very gently says this girl with the braid, Ty Lee, Ty Lee who Azula saved but does not know the name of, is clearly fighting back hysteria and sobs.

Azula tries to figure out how she got here, but only gets a headache in response. She tries to remember basics: where she is from, her name... but she draws a blank. Just a girl. The girl. She touches her raven hair that sticks to her shoulders, blinks several times with golden eyes. It is then that she notices two unconscious people holding hands, who are just starting to stir with life in them.

Zuko wakes first after they are all forced out of the Spirit World. Katara is the first face he sees, and Aang beside her. He wakes after Azula and Ty Lee, but does not see them at first.

He is tired, so tired. And very thirsty. But, most importantly, he is just trying to cope what has come to pass. The Spirit World felt like a horrible hallucination, and he is almost sure that it was not real at all. But then he sees Azula move, at last, and his stomach ties into knots.

"Where did you go?" Zuko rasps at Aang before he hears the small moan of Mai waking up next to him. And then suddenly he remembers what he just witnessed, and frantically turns to Azula's bed, wondering what could have happened.

She traded her memories. Zuko forced himself to stand and could see Ty Lee sitting beside Azula, looking very dizzy and confused. Her hair was down and her body was streaked with sweat that almost looked as if she really had been plunged into Zhurong's pool.

And next to Ty Lee... "Azula?" Zuko asks, stumbling towards Azula's perfectly alert body. He imagined she would be more… damaged.

Please don't let him still be in the strange, surreal Spirit World maze. But she looks up, and Zuko knows that it is her, however, how she got here, is a bit more confusing.

"When? ─ Why? ─ How? You're awake? You drowned!" Zuko stammers in disbelief, his words slurred and quieter than he would like them to be. Aang said that there _probably _wouldn't be any side effects of people other than the Avatar going into the Spirit World. _Probably_.

"Is he okay?" Ty Lee is talking to Aang, as Mai is slowly sitting up. She slips to the side and Zuko catches her, causing both of their cheeks to flush.

"Probably," Aang replies with a shrug and Zuko squints around the room.

"Come on, Zuko," Katara says, taking his arm and also glancing at Mai. "I think this is a conversation that they should have in private."

Mai, Aang and Zuko all certainly agree, and they slip out of the room, leaving Azula and Ty Lee alone.

"Why are you crying?" Azula asks, her voice inexplicably hoarse. She sits up slowly, looking around, less panicked the second time around simply because there are not whispering doctors and the debate of whether they should shackle her to her hospital bed.

"No reason," Ty Lee says slowly, swallowing her sobs. She will save her tears for another day, because if Azula has ever needed her, she needs her right now. "Do you remember anything?"

"No. I… water. You. You were drowning. Were we… did something happen to us?" Azula whispers and Ty Lee tries to hide her joy. Perhaps Zhurong is not purely evil and twisted; she did certainly make things easier on Ty Lee than last time. "Tell me anything. I don't think I… I don't think I trust the people who were just in here. They were looking at me like I was… some kind of creature."

"It's complicated," Ty Lee says softly as she edges closer to Azula. This time, she does not kiss a woman with amnesia; she learned well from that mistake. "Your name is Princess Azula. You were born to replace a child who was still alive, you conquered Ba Sing Se and thwarted an invasion of the Fire Nation before your fifteenth birthday, you can bend lightning and break people and…" Pause. "And those aren't the reasons why I love you."

Ty Lee knows those words are not the same as before. But telling Azula that she loved Ty Lee is wrong right now, because it is only in this moment that she realizes that Azula has been given the opportunity to stop languishing in her memories of Ba Sing Se and the war. She was a hero for a little while, and Ty Lee can understand why she missed it.

"So, why do you love me, exactly?" Azula asks and Ty Lee swallows the lump in her throat. Her mouth is dry and her hands are trembling; this is the most difficult thing she has ever done emotionally.

"I love you because you say cruel but hilarious things, I love you because you seem impenetrable, but there's more than a shred of humanity in you if you know where to look, I love you because you missed on our first kiss and kissed my nose, I love you because you chopped the heads off of your dolls and burned insects alive, but you had a real soft spot for plants and extinct dragons."

She is grinning through tears, and Azula is listening intently for what feels like the first time. Yes, Azula is only listening because she has amnesia, but Ty Lee revels in it regardless.

Ty Lee continues, "I love you because nothing ever impresses you, I love you because I am the only person with the honor of getting a genuine apology from you, and I love you because you can convince the enemy to hand you the country and serve you but you can't flirt for the life of you, I love you because I promised never to leave you and I broke that promise."

Silence. Ty Lee's face contorts for a moment. "But I always come back. And you always come back too."

Azula swallows. "I want to believe you but─"

"Look at me. Look at my eyes. You know that every word I just said is true," Ty Lee says fiercely and Azula sits in silence for a moment, studying her hands. Her hands that have moon white scars that she does not know the stories behind.

"I'm presuming we're together," Azula says quietly, it being the only thing she is certain of save for the sun outside and the bright blue sky.

"We are ─ _were_ going to get married in a month," Ty Lee says and Azula looks disconcerted by that. "We can postpone. Or… cancel."

"Alright."

"Azula, you haven't always done very kind things. Most people want you dead, honestly, and you might have tried to murder most people you're going to meet. But I love you, and I hope you will remember loving me." Ty Lee stands up hurriedly. "You probably want some water and a tour of the palace and to talk to Zuko. He's your brother."

"What?" Azula just lies down, her head throbbing and her heart palpitating.

Princess Azula surrenders with honor, because she does not think she has any other choice.

[X]

Azula takes most news quietly, her face immovable. Zuko supposes that means it went better than expected, because she could have tried to kill him. As soon as she is comfortably in her bedroom, examining her drawers and searching for answers when there are no answers.

Fire Lord Zuko slinks away, avoiding Mai, Ty Lee, Aang and Katara, and goes to his office. He sneakily shuts the door and goes rifling through old papers and scrolls as quietly as he can manage. Thankfully, he finds what he is looking for quickly, even if he has not opened the scrolls and torn envelopes for a long while.

Transcripts. Reports. Diagnoses. Prognoses. Questions. Evaluations.

Things Zuko likely has never had the right to read, but every piece of parchment is stained from the oil of his fingers from reading them so many times.

His memory falls on one conversation in particular, even though there were so many. He does not even remember the name of the healer he was talking with, but the words he said were painfully true.

_The healer says, "She rubs her hands, as if washing them. It's a habit that lasts for fifteen minutes at most. But leaves her knuckles raw all the same."_

_ "You think she regrets someone? Someone's death?" Zuko realizes that it was a war, and realizes that he has never bothered to learn anything about his sister until it was too late._

_ He regrets so much in his life, and she is one of his deepest._

_ "I think it's her own blood that she sees. That's just speculation. She is the strongest person I have ever encountered, and while I would give anything to understand her, I think she is one of those people who is impossible to understand. Looking for answers when there are no answers leads to false conclusions, Fire Lord Zuko." _

_ "Is she even… there?"_

_ "Oh yes. She should have been an actress, if not a politician. She's simply embraced the luxury of being branded insane… not to say she isn't. Just to say that she is very aware."_

_ "I guess that's a good thing," Zuko says weakly. _

_ He guesses that if she is lucid and still twisted, then it can't hurt to use her on father, can it? So long as she is aware?_

"Why are you reading those again?" asks a voice in his ear and he yelps in shock, his elbow shooting up and nearly knocking Mai's teeth out if she didn't duck in time. "It's kind of creepy when you lock yourself in here and read the transcripts from the asylum you locked your sister in."

"I want to know things about her."

"There is an alternative path, of, asking her. Not that you can now that she doesn't remember who she is. Mai then stops and sighs. "I assume you want to talk about the maze. And what happened there."

"We don't have to talk about it," Zuko says slowly as his mind fixates on the darkness, and trying to find Mai.

"The Spirit World is weird and I never want to go back," Mai remarks firmly and they both just stare. She ended the conversation before it began, and Zuko is relieved.

The events they faced in that dark hallucination are nothing they need to discuss with each other. And, honestly, they saw nothing that they had not thought of before.

"So, you want to get lunch while Ty Lee babysits Amnesia Azula?" Mai offers and Zuko scratches his arm. He knows that the Spirit World could have either pried them apart permanently, or given them the realization that maybe they should try again.

Zuko prefers the latter and so he says, "That sounds like the best way I could spend a day of my life. With you, and… food."

"Well, slow down, Ladies Man Zuko. I can't resist your charm."

That is why he loves her.

[X]

"Uh, Azula," Ty Lee says quietly, knocking gently on the door of a room that once was hers.

At first there is a silence that makes Ty Lee's heart pound, but, at last, there is movement and Azula opens the door. Ty Lee holds a box of the notebooks that Azula had filled with her memories, in case... in case _this _happened.

"What are those?" Azula asks softly, her tone weary and defeated.

"You wrote them to yourself," Ty Lee says honestly as she presses the box into Azula's barely responsive hands. "They're your memories, or what you want to remember, or... well, I'm not really sure. I'm not the type to pry after what you did when I found your diary." Ty Lee laughs before she realizes that Azula has no idea what she is talking about, and it feels like a sharp stab in the gut.

"Did I think that this would happen?" Azula asks as she steps back into her room and Ty Lee very hesitantly follows.

"I don't know," Ty Lee admits honestly as she opts not to close the door. "But I hope that they can help you."

Azula says nothing, and Ty Lee cannot comprehend how _dejected _the princess is. When she first lost her memories, she was just _angry_ and _violent _and... _Azula_. Now, she just seems as if she no longer is a person, like she is a ghost. That, somehow, hurts more than losing Azula to Suki did.

Maybe because Azula did something _selfless_. Azula made an actual _sacrifice_, after Ty Lee had been so livid about her _selfishness _and how she had not changed in her entire life. Ty Lee should not feel guilt, because Azula's trade with Zhurong is what got Ty Lee taken in the first place, but it still feels as if it should not have ended this way.

Azula reads the numbers and finds the first one, opening it on her lap. "I have good handwriting," is her remark and Ty Lee bites down on her lip to keep from making an anguished sound.

But this is it how it goes with Azula. Back to the beginning again and again and again...

"Do you want to be alone with that, or...?" Ty Lee asks, trying not to read over Azula's shoulder. It starts with her _birth_; when Azula is thorough, she is _thorough_. An announcement, remembered phrases from what was told to her later in life.

"I would like to be alone with it. Yes," Azula says, nodding curtly. She has had enough of strangers who know her intimately to last a lifetime.

As soon as Ty Lee leaves, Azula sits down and begins to read.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Notebook One  Preface / Page Twelve**_

_First and foremost I am not just an amnesiac. I am not that lucky. I am insane, and everyone will pity me so greatly because of it. Regardless:_

_ Here are the things insane people are allowed to do._

_Cry all day, if you're in the mood. Maybe just lie there and let the tears roll down your face._

_Scream for hours, if you need to. Eventually people stop caring, but it is very refreshing and not at all reprimanded._

_Throw things across the room or burn them in a fit of rage, if it makes you feel at all better. This is particularly relieving in the palace, because everything is so fragile._

_Stare into space and ignore everyone, if they frustrate you. Catatonia is a very pleasant state once you get used to not being in control of every room and every person._

_Claw at your skin hysterically in your sleep, or when you wake up, or honestly at any time. It is completely normal for you, and no one will be shocked. _

* * *

><p>Azula reads those five instructions over and over, and wonders if there was humor in her tone as she wrote, or if she was giving genuine, earnest advice. All Azula knows now is that she is insane, and that is probably responsible for the nightmares.<p>

And also probably responsible for the fact that she was paranoid enough to fill nearly fifty notebooks with detailed accounts of every event in her life, in case she lost her memory or had a mental break. Azula supposes she was right, but it does seem a bit perturbing, looking at all of the notebooks with crossed out words and little scrawled characters in the margins.

[X]

"Azula, I thought you might want to see this." Ty Lee is holding the box of unsent letters.

The princess takes them wirelessly and Ty Lee escapes.

Azula picks up the first one.

_Dear Azula,_

_I have not gone a day without thinking about you. Or the fact that you probably don't want to see me. It's my fault. It's all my fault._

The princess goes through several more that are nearly the same, and so she skips forward.

_Dear Azula,_

_I don't want that to be my last memory of you. I'm trying to remember the reasons I love you, but I don't think there are any reasons. I don't need a reason to love you, I just do._

The next makes Azula question everything.

_Dear Azula,_

_It's been a while since I've written to you. Not that you're going to read this. You are gone and I'm trying to let that sink in. I went for a trip with my family in the Fire Nation. I knew I needed to face my fear and go back. I found that place we used to go swimming. I thought I heard you. I am going crazy too._

Revulsion.

_Dear Azula,_

_It rained last night and our place is gone. I tried for hours to find it. I am going crazy too._

Azula skips a few.

_Dear Azula,_

_One time you joked that if Zuko became Fire Lord, we would run away together even if it started another war. Those were dreams of dumb hormonal kids, but you kept talking about a mountain by a stream, away from people. My Aunt left me her house in her will. I went to go see it today. My sister said it looked like a place to raise a family. I could really only see small children with golden eyes, and I looked out and felt like I saw you here. I should have been over you a long time ago. But I'm not. I am going crazy too._

Azula skips to the last letter. It is the one that when Ty Lee first showed her the box, she crumpled and hid so Azula could not see it.

_Dear Azula_

_You are gone forever and I know it. At my aunt's house, I told myself that we would never build a family there. But you should see the sunrise here. It comes up over the mountains and floods the world with blinding light. It reminds me of you. This is my last letter. I saw the sunrise and knew I had to stop. I just hope, if you're alive, you forgive me. Because I forgive you, and I'm going to watch the sunrise more often._

_Goodbye, Azula._

Azula is speechless.

[X]

Meanwhile, Mai and Zuko sit in a restaurant, making shallow small talk. It is not either of their best traits, but after the trip through the Spirit World and being forced to give Azula a tour of the home she grew up in, they need a bit of relief.

Mai sips her tea and wishes it had liquor in it. Zuko folds his napkin and can only push his noodles around on his plate.

"Why is nothing ever easy for me?" Zuko sighs exasperatedly. He bursts, because he could not hold back anymore. "Why does the Universe never just say, 'You look like you've been having a hard time, Zuko. This one's on us.'?"

Mai shrugs and sighs. "You're not a very lucky person. Your life is kind of like a game of Water Tribe Roulette, except instead of a one in four chance of dying, it's a three out of four on a good day."

With a deep breath, Zuko says, "Well, I'm going to put it all on fire and let it ride."

"You do that," Mai remarks before setting down her tea. "Alright, maybe I will help you."

"Thank you. Maybe you're a bit luckier than I am," Zuko says as he scrounges around for money so that they can leave.

"But, unfortunately, the house always wins," Mai says and Zuko drops his coins, a gold piece rolling from his hand, off of the table and onto the freshly cleaned stone floor without him noticing.

"The house always wins…" Zuko breathes and Mai squints at him.

"It is just a saying from the many seedy casinos of the sketchy part of Caldera," Mai says and Zuko slowly shakes his head.

"Nah, it's just..." Zuko pauses to think about it for a moment. "It's stupid; you'll think I'm crazy."

"What?" Mai asks, studying him closely.

"I don't know. The thing with Zhurong was just weird, I guess." Zuko gazes at the table. The house always wins, which maybe means, that this is not exactly the best of all possible worlds, but everything nasty has a purpose. Maybe. "But even though I'm so unlucky... I was lucky to have you. For as long as I did."

"Oh really?" Mai asks and he could swear she was about to smile.

"Yeah. You are pretty far above my level," Zuko says and Mai is close to impressed.

"I'm out of the Fire Lord's league. Wow," Mai says calmly, and Zuko shrugs. "Seeing Azula and Ty Lee go through all of that and still make it out. And being kind of forced together again and again... I am not sure if I want to marry you. But I am pretty sure that my life is insanely boring without weird spirits, and crazy vengeful siblings working for your father, or your sister losing her memories twice."

"You wanna see where it goes from here?" Zuko asks and Mai nods.

"I think I do."

[X]

Ty Lee cries because she cannot do anything other than that.

Azula stares at the pages of the notebook and can tell that she was far from perfect, even though she wanted to be. And her notes about Ty Lee were probably the most intriguing of all. Talking endlessly about how she knew Ty Lee deserved the blame for her downfall, but that the day she ran into her again at that hotel was worth the danger it was to meet up with each other.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Final Journal  Notes to My Amnesiac Self / Page 201_**

_Even though I knew I should hate her for what she did to me, those visits were the only times I ever felt alive. I never told her, I never even bothered because I didn't want to look weak. Nor did I want to let her in because I knew that she would always be taken away, like everything else._

_I don't know how I ever forgot loving her. And I don't know how I denied it even to this day, when we're getting married._

_All I want is this to make sense to you. Or make sense to myself. I think she might be the right conclusion, because I am either keeping my memories and needing to take a plunge with her and hope I don't drown, or I've lost my memories again and she might have kissed you on the lips or something even though you're strangers. _

_Everything before now is where I came from, and it should explain the nightmares and episodes, and occasional hallucinations. And, it won't let anyone use you again._

_That's all._

* * *

><p>But it's not all, there are ripped out pages and an address of where to find them. And so Azula rises and goes to find the person Azula said that she could trust. The only one that she could trust, and invites her to have tea.<p> 


	26. Her Name is Azula

Chapter Twenty-Six: Her Name is Azula

* * *

><p>Azula invites Ty Lee to have tea on the veranda and watch the sunset. Azula would have declined before she lost her memories, and Ty Lee knows what she is doing is shady and underhanded. It does magically solve the relationship problems they were happening, but Ty Lee prided herself on being the only one <em>not <em>to take advantage of Azula.

But it is too late for her to change her mind, Sand so she grins and warmly accepts her fiancée who looks at her with no recognition in her eyes.

They, like Mai and Zuko, attempt to delay the inevitable with talk about little things. Ty Lee occasionally pointing out a funny memory, or talking about the weather.

While Ty Lee is thinking she is exploiting Azula's amnesia, Azula is starting to exploit people using the fact that they find her completely nonthreatening. The notebooks, however, told Azula exactly how her amnesia could work in her favor.

She is gauging Ty Lee's trustworthiness. The notebooks could not make up their mind at all about Ty Lee. Sometimes loving her and going into quite unnecessary sexual detail, and other times calling her a traitor to the core.

Ty Lee sighs when she realizes Azula has lost interest in her comments about the birds migrating.

"This isn't where we intended to be," Ty Lee says quietly and Azula just shrugs. The listlessness tires Ty Lee, but she is just too fixated on trying to find some way to move forward. "Ever, honestly. But give me a chance, Azula, give me a chance and I'll show you how this isn't the end."

Azula swallows, and goes with her gut. She probably needs at least one person on her side, after reading something very troubling as she skimmed the notes from her past/future self. Sharing it with Ty Lee seems wise, at least for now.

"I wrote a note to myself in the back of one of the journals," Azula says with the most clarity she has in some time. "It was a set of instructions, if I were to have my memories taken again."

Ty Lee's eyes widen. She expected that this conversation would be wildly unpredictable, but _this _was not even a conceivable possibility.

"They are quite clear. I am to go through with faking my death, as was the original plan before I lost my memories. And then an address, or what I presume to be an address. Apparently, I decided to give myself a treasure hunt to find something she, or, I hid, because, perhaps Princess Azula is some kind of sick sadist."

"Or perhaps because Princess Azula has a lot of trust issues."

"Princess Azula definitely does have a lot of trust issues," Ty Lee openly admits with a soft shrug. She doesn't want Azula finding out about Ty Lee and Mai to go over how it did last time, but maybe she doesn't have to know for now, if the notebooks haven't explained it yet.

All the same, obviously, Azula had something to hide that she didn't feel comfortable hiding in the palace.

Ty Lee looks at Azula and Azula looks at her. The princess is uncertain what she saw in Ty Lee, but she does see love in her eyes. She _does _know that the reason she lost her memories again was because she sacrificed who she was for who Ty Lee is.

And, even though the notebooks rose and fall, they were all dedicated to Azula's paranoia that she would forget again. As well as the paranoia that she would lose the girl now sitting in front of her. The stranger, the stranger who knows everything about Azula, when Azula knows nothing about herself.

"Okay. I want you to come with me, I guess. I'm not so sure about the faking my death part," Azula says earnestly and Ty Lee shrugs.

"I would honestly prefer if we didn't," Ty Lee says, grinning. "_But_, I see no problem with disappearing for a little while. I mean, I think Azula greatly underestimates Zuko. He would probably find it alright if we just left a note that we were going on an extended vacation."

Azula touches her lips with her sharp fingernails. "I'll trust you on that for now. But if it starts to make sense to fake my death, well..."

Ty Lee shrugs again. She feels much uncertainty about the future, but she is very tired of losing Azula over and over, so she is not going to let her go alone. Azula can't even brush her own hair, much less navigate the world as a repeat amnesiac.

"How about we go on that fun treasure hunt you planned for yourself?" Ty Lee suggests with another wide smile.

Azula must admit that Ty Lee seems much happier than the people around here. Or maybe more hopeful. Maybe Azula is just kind sickeningly hopeful at this point, that maybe she has _somebody _leading her through this minefield.

"Alright," Azula says, rubbing her shoulder and then opening the notebook to the page. "I guess we go to this address. Do you know it?"

Ty Lee picks it up and squints at it carefully. "Ohh, well, that's the embassy that got blown up. It's under construction right now."

Princess Azula opens her mouth to ask just how the embassy exploded, but she decides against it. She and Ty Lee walk together out of the palace, and Azula looks at all of these halls, portraits and rooms.

Her notebooks had little pictures and doodles in the margins, along with crammed in notes of things she had forgotten to mention. They were all of caged phoenixes, or at least most. And Azula has gotten the sense that her former self was very unhappy that losing her memories wound up putting her back in what she considered to be a cage.

Maybe that is why faking her own death seemed more appealing than trying to make amends with her family and live as a person that she wasn't. And while Azula does not know the person she once was, save for what Ty Lee has told her, and what she has picked up from those who seem wary of her.

"So, it's a pretty nice day," Ty Lee says, shoving her hands in her pockets. "I bet you really don't want to get married to me, huh?"

"I don't want to marry a stranger too much, honestly," Azula admits with a small laugh.

Ty Lee looks at the jewelry store. "I made you buy me five rings."

"Oh really?" Azula cocks an eyebrow. "And I, Princess Azula the Conqueror, simply gave in."

"I can be super persuasive," Ty Lee says before her smile briefly fades. "Did you honestly write that about yourself in those journals?"

"Is it not true?" Azula asks, licking her lips as they walk towards the wind and the construction going on.

"Well, not _entirely_, but you definitely did conquer Ba Sing Se."

"I'm told by my old self that I simply asked and was given the Earth Kingdom."

"You don't give yourself enough credit," Ty Lee says earnestly. "You completely organized an coup that will go down in history, by yourself! That's impressive. _You _are impressive."

Azula hesitates, not just telling Ty Lee she is right with a haughty shrug. "I'm not the you that you think you're talking to."

Ty Lee frowns. She does remember kissing a confused Azula on the lips and destroying all that they had carefully built together. It was not Ty Lee at her wisest.

"No. But, honestly, I've known a lot of Azulas by now. And the Azula who took down Ba Sing Se was, yes, insanely hot, and totally what adolescent dreams are made of. But if I had to choose, I would choose the Azula who decided to sacrifice herself to get me back."

"She sounds romantic." The look of haughty disgust is so perfect that Ty Lee wants to kiss her.

"Mmm, no, not really," Ty Lee admits with a small life. "Just wildly unpredictable and freakishly calculated."

"I can figure the calculated part. She wrote an entire saga of her life from birth to last just in case she had amnesia again. Or maybe she anticipated something would happen. I don't know."

"Well, she was paranoid and planned. I expected it." Ty Lee grins and her eyes sparkle in the sunlight. Azula breathes in and out and thinks that, of all of the bitter records of more wrongs towards Azula from others than rights, there were some tangents about loving this airhead.

"Well, those are interesting shoes to fill," Azula remarks as she examines the notebook. Ty Lee smiles. "I don't know you, but obviously she really liked you if she was willing to give herself up. Regardless, I'm pretty sure I don't want to marry a stranger yet."

"But that's fine. Because we are totally going to get to know each other today." Ty Lee's eyes light up. "Alright? Can I... call it a first date?"

"If you want it to be."

"Well, now that sounds like Azula. I can't even count how many _first _dates we've been on."

Azula snickers a bit wickedly and Ty Lee's hand twitches to take hers, but the she changes her mind and just keeps walking by Azula's side. It is enough, perhaps, just to walk close by her.

They get past the construction without being questioned once, and Azula fumbles around in the notebook trying to figure out what they are looking for.

Princess Azula rubs her neck. "Okay, I'm so clueless right now. How did I even leave myself something if I'm a shut-in of some sort?"

Ty Lee shrugs.

"You've done more impossible things than that," Ty Lee says with a small smile, looking around with Azula at her side.

They scrounge around, trying not to be noticed as they are in the rubble. Ty Lee then finds something of note; it is a locked box that has no smoke damage at all, and is tucked carefully beneath a broken desk, atop of the rubble.

She opens it and out comes, to her delight, torn pages from one of Azula's journals, and a map towards a pier far down the coastline from Caldera.

"I found something!" Ty Lee cheers and Azula takes the box and its contents from her.

Slowly, the princess reads the journal entries.

* * *

><p><strong><em>The Final Notebook  Notes to My Amnesiac Self / Page Seven_**

_If you are reading this, it happened. I thought people would think I was hallucinating again... not that I haven't over the past years. Maybe you've already thought were dying because of some panic attack. But the notebooks have been clear from the beginning about everything that has happened to me._

_From the moment I was born, to my downfall, and the agony that continues._

_I was the kind of person people were always loyal to. I would rather have followers than friends, but that all stopped when I lost my mind, and lost myself._

_It's pretty difficult to follow someone who is lost._

_I've felt happier in these journals than I have looking at my life. I am invisible, when I used to be brilliant, more radiant than the sun. I was used when I lost my memories, because my brother wanted his lost little sister back, and people wanted vengeance or hope or change._

_There was a malleability in me that I never had before, even with my father. Even as, if you've read the notebooks properly, he had done so many awful things. But, he lost his wife, his children and his bending._

_I refuse to lose anything else ever again._

_And if that means trading what I got from Zhurong to get back what I know she will inevitably take, I am going to do it. Maybe it won't happen. Maybe this will be easy, or maybe not._

_I've wanted to give up for the first time after regaining memories. Even when I was held down, I would fight, because I am a person who deserves to reign, and deserves what I get, because I will do anything to get it._

_So, now that I have gotten that girl, that life, I'm not going to lose it._

_I don't lose. I only win._

_I am victorious._

_I don't lose. I only win._

_I will not accept defeat._

_I will not accept defeat._

_I will not accept defeat._

* * *

><p>Azula puts that one away uneasily. She has twisting sensations inside of her, fragments of emotions and thoughts that make no sense without the context. But she does know that she has been broken before, yet she somehow kept putting herself back together.<p>

Ty Lee watches, her eyes glued to the woman she loves.

* * *

><p><strong><em>The Final Notebook  Notes to My Amnesiac Self / Page Twenty_**

_If you found this, I want you to go back to the house where Ty Lee and I stayed. It's where you can start over. The sunrise is very beautiful there, actually._

_In that gross house that I liked to complain about ─ and it is in great need of a remodel ─ I liked it, to be honest. Because it had no memories attached to it that made me squirm. It had no marks from pushing dressers against my drawer, or baby pictures like on Ember Island, or even just passing familiar shops in the Earth Kingdom or decrepit Fire Nation flags. _

_It was a clean slate._

_It still can be._

_There is only one reason I was taught to keep fighting. My father told me that I needed to move past any failures of today, because there is a tomorrow, and there always will be._

_So, I'm hoping that somehow I can get out of this and start fresh. Because there always is a tomorrow, or something like that._

_Do not accept defeat._

_Do not accept the defeat which is letting people use your amnesia to help you. At least, people who, by helping you, want to help you be like everyone else. Or help you be who they want you to be. _

_Right now, you need someone to help you be yourself._

_It's not quite the person in these pages, I think. Because father never let me be my own person, and then I was so mentally shattered that I barely knew where I was at times, much less who I wanted to be. _

_So, if you lost your memories, do better than I did last time._

_When I fail, I come back more viciously than ever before. And then I am victorious._

_Do not accept defeat._

* * *

><p>Azula clears her throat and looks up at Ty Lee. "She wants us to go to some house, with a sunrise, that needs a remodel."<p>

Ty Lee smiles and her eyes sparkle in a way that Azula does not at all understand. The acrobat's lips tremble and her expression changes, and she does not even know what to do at this point.

"So, you want to follow that map together?" Ty Lee asks and Azula looks at her with scrutiny. "I have some pretty good stories about you for the road."

"Alright, I will allow your presence," Azula says, standing up and walking out of the rubble with the box pressed against her.

Together, they walk towards the marked roads.

[X]

Azula looks at the docks and Ty Lee thinks that perhaps this is not a journey they are ready to take. It is odd, looking out at the ocean with distorted people, side by side. The road was enjoyable enough; Azula actually liked Ty Lee's company despite her annoying habit of talking too much without saying anything.

"This was a pretty amazing idea of not-amnesia-Azula, but... I'm sure you want to go back to the palace and figure more of yourself back out. I know we're perfect strangers, despite the fact that you loved me when you were a different person," Ty Lee stammers out, breathing slowly. "I'll go with you, if you want. I mean, so what if Azula wanted a fresh start? You might not."

Azula is contemplating it, that brilliant twist of her lip and gleam in her eyes. Ty Lee feels her heart pounding and hates herself for it. She managed to lose Azula yet again, and Ty Lee is not letting what happened last time happen this time. It seems that the Azula that Ty Lee raged at didn't want it to turn out that way either.

"Well, I go back to the palace and my brother tries to redeem me for atrocious acts that I don't remember. I go back to the palace and have to go through the motions in a life that I hated," Azula says cavalierly and Ty Lee is unsure what she is getting at. "While Princess Azula has a lot of trust issues, I think she didn't want to go back to those halls and that room again."

Ty Lee blinks, suddenly realizing the point of Azula leaving those notes to herself. Because Azula struggled more with her memories intact than when they were gone. And because watching everybody use her was probably bitter.

Because, yes, that house really was the best thing that happened to the both of them.

"You are crazy, but sometimes the good kind of crazy," Ty Lee admits with a small smile.

"If it makes you feel better," Azula says slowly. "She really loved you. The last thing she wrote in the journal was about you."

Ty Lee cannot help from bursting into confused, happy, sad, every kind of emotion, tears. The amnesiac stares at her, unsure what to think or what to say.

"I just wanted to let you know. She-I, _I _wanted you to know that, I think," Azula says quietly and Ty Lee looks at her and makes an irrational decision.

"I think I might want to start over with you," Ty Lee whispers. "From page one of our own journal."

"Well, I won't protest. This place is filthy and smells horrid, let's please just get going," Azula says quite coldly, but there is a glint in her golden eyes that Ty Lee cannot help but love.

Azula turns and starts walking across the rickety docks. Ty Lee smiles very faintly before dashing after her.

A fresh start for them is incredibly overdue.

* * *

><p>Epilogue: Her Name is Azula<p>

* * *

><p>Princess Azula has not looked at the sunrise in a very long time. It rises over the mountains every single morning, staining the sky pink and vermillion. But Azula takes it for granted most days, like she took her memories for granted, or her fragile power, or her future.<p>

But this morning, she is looking at it for no particular reason. The window is slightly smudged, but it does not detract from the beauty.

Azula turns as she hears a loud crash and a shriek from the girl she intends to marry soon. She looks at Ty Lee cursing at the remodeled window pane that has just fallen onto the stone floor.

"Azula! Are you actually kidding me?" Ty Lee snaps.

"It isn't my fault you don't look where you're going." Azula pulls herself up onto the counter and sits there with her teacup in her hand.

"Well, maybe I wasn't expecting you to have left this here."

"I didn't remember that you told me." Azula smirks as Ty Lee looks at her with a long sigh.

With a sparkle of her eyes, Ty Lee leans down to pick up the pieces and waits for Azula to feel terrible. Silence. Ty Lee grimaces.

"Ty Lee," Azula says sweetly and Ty Lee looks up, expecting help. "Are you wearing shoes? You don't want to get broken glass in your feet."

Ty Lee stands up and leaves it with a growl of frustration. "Let's see if you remember that you left the fragile window very far away from it is supposed to be when you get up in the night for a glass of water barefoot."

"I love you," Azula says and Ty Lee rolls her eyes before sighing and stepping back.

"I love you too. But I'm not cleaning that up either." And Ty Lee disappears back to the garden she has been working on all morning.

Azula looks up and the sunrise is gone; the sky is just stained slightly pink.

Yes, Ty Lee's letter was quite right. Azula is glad she has seen the sun rising over the mountains here, and her final notebook entry is right as well, something about tomorrow, and the fact that there always is one.

She has not thought about the actual amnesia in a long time. The fact that it is not easy at all, but quite quickly slips her mind and simply becomes not who she is, but the blank slate that she is painting a person onto her. The blood red morning sky reminds her.

It is not so terrible, to not remember those years. Azula is still herself, just a self that is not desperately clawing at going back in time to be someone else. And the fact is, she picked a pretty good person to be doing this with.

Azula picked the person who wanted to help her be herself, and create herself, instead of molding her into the Azula she wanted.

Her name is Princess Azula, she was born to replace a child who was still alive, her favorite color is silver, she conquered Ba Sing Se and thwarted an invasion before her fifteenth birthday, she can bend lightning and break people, and none of that really matters anymore. Because, while Azula knows where she came from, her rise and fall, she has no idea where she is going to wind up, but she thinks getting there should be interesting.

After all, there are worse things to lose than her memories. Her life, her mind, her throne, the gorgeous girl outside that Azula does not know how she ever forgot loving. Azula has lost them all before.

And the pained descriptions in the notebooks make Azula realize that some things are best forgotten.

**The End**

* * *

><p>AN: Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed reading, and thank you so much. I really didn't intend to finish this the same weekend as _Aphelion_. This was supposed to end two weeks before _Aphelion_, but that's just how the cards fell. I hope people enjoyed it, and I enjoyed writing it. I also have changed the title from _Impossible Conversations _to the current one. Anyway, thanks again for bearing with me for all of these words.


End file.
